


Flecks in the Sun

by Thatsmyphrase



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Not Related, Betaed, Big Brother Dean, Cancer, Chemotherapy, Don't Read This, Don't Try This At Home, Eventual Happy Ending, Ewings Sarcoma, F/M, Family, Fits, Friendship, Funeral, Gen, Hospital, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, I'm just kidding, Illness, Kids, Let's all go back to Highschool, Leukemia, Limbo, Major Character Injury, Major Illness, Mathematics, Medicine, Multi Chapter, My First Work in This Fandom, Oncology, Please Don't Hate Me, Relapse, Secrets, Sick Dean, Sick Sam Winchester, Sorry Not Sorry, Teenchesters, bone marrow transplant, chemo - Freeform, long lost brother, read this, remission, single parent, treatment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-17
Updated: 2016-01-24
Packaged: 2017-12-26 21:55:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 100,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/970705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatsmyphrase/pseuds/Thatsmyphrase
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He had built a thick wall so that it wouldn't crack, so it wouldn't break and now it seemed like that wall was starting to tremble.This thing, was now a part of him and he couldn't shake the feeling that this nightmare would only get worse.</p><p>*S*P*N*</p><p>Sam is diagnosed with Cancer and meets a friend named Dean along the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm taking this story slow. I'm just going to say this now. I don't own supernatural.

**Chapter 1**

The sun was beating down on Sam's light brown hair, sand was between his toes and the air smelled faintly of salt but, he didn't care. The woman that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with was standing in front of him looking into his eyes, as stunning as ever, in the most striking white dress that fit her curves in all the right places. She was gazing in his eyes. Her blond hair, flecked with gold, was blowing in the breeze and it only added to her beauty. He loved her vibrant blue eyes; they were one of her finest features and one of the features that Sam was mesmerized by the most. Her soft lips spread into a smile and with it, her nose wrinkled a bit. It was their wedding day and nothing could ruin their moment. They loved each other. They were ready to finally tie-the-knot.

"Sam, I love you and I will always be there for you," Jessica Moore sweetly told him.

"I love you too Jessica."  _I can't believe were finally getting married_ , he thought. "I've been waiting a long time for this, for you," he said earnestly.

"By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife, may your days be long." Sam placed his hands on the sides of her jaw and pulled her closer. Their lips were almost touching, he could feel it. This was it; finally he was going to kiss- **BANG!**

All of a sudden Sam jolted awake. Falling asleep in Mr. Whitmore's math class was a bad idea.

"Wake up Sam Winchester, You're up next," Mr. Whitmore yelled. Sam was officially awake.

James Whitmore was not pleased. He was reviled when students fell asleep in his class; absolutely loathed it. He picked up the math book that he had dropped by Sam's desk and sat back at his own desk. "Sam unless you want to get detention, I recommend you go up and answer the problem on the board."

Sam slowly walked up to the board and worked on the problem. It was May and everyone was getting ready for summer break, which was in 2 weeks. Freshman year had been great but Sam was looking forward to having a break from school. He had gotten a cold about a week and a half earlier that he couldn't seem to shake. Having worked out the problem, he took his seat.

"Winchester, how did you get that correct when you've been sleeping for the last half hour?" Sam just shrugged.

"I guess it was a lucky guess," Sam said as the bell rang; Geometry wasn't very difficult for him. He stood up to leave but Mr. Whitmore stopped him.

"Hold on a sec, Sam. Please take a seat in front of my desk." Sam had to refrain from heaving a sigh; the last thing Sam wanted was to be lectured by his teacher. It was the end of the day and all Sam wanted to do was go home and take a nap. "I know that finals are over and it's almost summer but have you been feeling alright kiddo?"

"Yeah I'm fine, just a little tired is all," Sam informed him.

"This is the third time this week that you've fallen asleep in class."

"I know and I'm sorry Mr. Whitmore. I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"Well I'm afraid I'm going to have to tell your father about- uh your nose is bleeding," Mr. Whitmore said as he noticed the red liquid coming from Sam's nose. He quickly handed Sam some tissues. Sam held the tissue to his nose and pinched the bridge of his nose to try to stop the bleeding.

"It's this dumb cold, my nose is just dry." Mr. Whitmore told Sam to go to the nurse and that he would be calling his father to pick him up.

***S*P*N***

"Well Sam, it looks like it's finally cleared up," the nurse said whipping the last of the blood off of his face.

"Thanks Mrs. Harvelle. Not sure what happened, one minute I was talking to Mr. Whitmore and the next my nose was bleeding."

"I see you still have that cold," Ellen noticed.

"I just can't seem to shake it… my nose was just dry."

"It could be something else."

"Or it could be because I have a cold," Sam snapped. This was just a cold that he couldn't shake, nothing else. Just when Sam thought that the situation couldn't get any more awkward, his father came running in.

"Sam, are you alright? Your math teacher just called me to come pick you up. What happened?"

"Nothing dad, I just had a nose bleed. It's nothing. Let's just go," Sam said walking past him.

"Don't use that tone with me," John reminded Sam as he handed him the keys to the truck.

"Yes sir," Sam sulked.

"Hey Ellen, what happened?" He asked. Ellen and her husband, William, had been family friends of the Winchester's for a very long time. John had saved her husband from a poltergeist years ago.

"I'm not sure. All he said was that his nose started to bleed while he was talking to his math teacher, something about falling asleep in class? I couldn't really understand him," Ellen explained. "Does Sam play sports?" She asked abruptly.

"If you call hunting a sport, than yeah, but he hasn't been hunting with me recently. Why?" John asked suspicious.

"Well I saw some bruises on his arms, and one on his neck."

"So the kid has some bruises. He's a teen; they run into things all the time. Lord only knows how many times Sam bumps into things per day," John said shaking his head at his son's clumsiness.

"Did he tell you that it's his 4th time here in the past 2 weeks for a nose bleed?" Ellen asked him.

"As a matter a fact no, he didn't tell me that," John told her.

"Well he has. Have you noticed anything at home like appetite changes or sleeping patterns?"She asked.

"Well he hasn't been eating much but he's never really been a big eater. When he was little I always had to fight with him when it was meal time. You also have to take into consideration that he has a cold."

"Which, he's had for about a week and a half. He told me so. John, this could be a sign of something bigger. I've never told you this before but, my daughter Joanne was diagnosed with kidney failure when she was 6 years old. She was so sick. She was on dialysis for a year and had a kidney transplant but it saved her life. Now, Jo's a freshman in college and she loves it. It's all because Will and I took the safe route and took her to a doctor; like you should with Sam. Now I could be way off the train tracks but I think you should get him checked out by a doctor. It's better to be safe than sorry."

John was silent for a moment. "Thank you for the advice. I'll make an appointment today," John informed her. "I have to go; Sam's waiting for me in the car. He didn't look so good either."

"Okay John it was nice to see you. You and Sam should come over sometime. Give me an update on Sam once you figure it out."

"Okay will do."

***S*P*N***

"Is everything alright with you?" John asked walking into Sam's room. John leaned on his desk facing Sam, who was lying on his bed. John had just gotten off the phone with the doctor. He figured he would tell Sam the plan now instead of later. When John had tried to ask Sam questions about his day in the car, he had been very brief and generic saying that 'he was fine'. Needless to say the ride home was very quiet and uneventful.

"Yeah I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?" Sam said brushing him off.

"You just don't seem like yourself."

"I'm fine."

"You didn't get in a fight, did you?"

"What? No," Sam said defensively. He couldn't believe his father would think that he would be stupid enough to start a fight.

"Ellen told me you have had 4 nose bleeds in the last 2 weeks."Sam groaned. "Is this true?"

"Yeah but that's just because of the dry weather," he reasoned.

John just nodded. He decided not to pry; he knew Sam wasn't feeling well. "What's this about you falling asleep in math class?"

Sam shrugged his shoulders and was silent. "It's almost summer anyways," He replied lamely. John looked at him as if deciding whether Sam had really said that.

"Well regardless if you're okay or not, I've made an appointment for you tomorrow at noon to go get a checkup."

Sam scoffed. "You're not serious."

"Actually yeah, I am," John said with his no-bullshit expression.

"This is just a cold, nothing else," Sam protested.

"Well if it's nothing than you shouldn't be afraid. I'm picking you up from school at about 11."

"But dad its Wednesday and-"

"This is not a negotiation Sam, you're going and that's an order."

John had to practically drag Sam into the doctor's office the next day. Once they had gotten settled in a room, Sam told the doctor, Dr. Novak, about his symptoms like the nose bleeds, headaches, tiredness and having no appetite. Some of them even John hadn't noticed. Upon hearing about his symptoms, Dr. Novak ordered for Sam to have blood tests.

"See, that wasn't so bad, was it?" John said hanging his coat up. He couldn't help but worry about the doctor bill. They were fairly well off as John worked as a construction manager and a mechanic on his free time but he was very cautious about spending money.

"Yeah, that's because you weren't the one getting stuck with a needle like 20 times. When will the results be in?"

"The doctor said that the results might take as little as a few hours up or up a day. I'm going to make dinner."

"I'm going to finish my homework. I bet you ten bucks that it's going to be nothing."

"Well it's better to be safe than sorry. Dinner will be ready in a half an hour or so," John said going to make dinner, John wasn't a good cook at all but he tried and he never gave up. Inside he was feeling uneasy about the whole situation. John had a feeling that it was something bigger when the doctor told them that Sam needed a blood test.

Since Sam only had math homework to work on, he was finished with it in under an hour. To be honest, Sam was worried, if nothing was wrong then why did they have to do blood work? He couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong with him. He needed something to get his mind off his health so he decided to text his best friend Ruby Mackellar. Sam and Ruby had been friends since kindergarten.

_**Hey Rubeth** _

Hey Samuel. Where were you today? I didn't see you in third period. History was no fun without you :(

_**I had to leave early to get blood work done at the doctor's office. Ha-ha. What are you up to?** _

Just finishing up Mrs. Ryan's HW. I hate science so much. I don't get why she has to assign this much HW it's like a week before summer break. I have to go to Casey's recital soon. Why blood work?

_**Because my dad made me…** _

What was it like getting your blood drawn? Did it hurt?

_**It was fine. They had to stick me a bunch of times before they got anything.** _

Ouch…that does not sound fun… what were they looking for?

_**Not sure… I'll be fine** _

You coming back tomorrow?

_**Yeah** _

Good then you can help me with the rest of this science HW.

_**Lucky me…** _

My mom's calling me I have to go. This dance recital better be good… I would be texting you nonstop but I'm not allowed to have my phone in the auditorium. my mom would kill me if my phone went off. If I don't die of boredom…I'll text you later

_**Ha-ha have fun! Bye** _

Ruby always made him laugh.

"Sam! Dinners ready!" John yelled up. He had made Sam's favorite, grilled chicken and chicken Cesar salad. The only dishes he actually knew how to make and that tasted semi good.

"Why couldn't we just order out?" Sam said walking into the dining room. He took a seat across from his dad.

"Because I'm not on a major hunt. You know the rule, while I'm here no ordering out. I ain't made of money."

"Who made that rule?"

"Your mom and I," John said as he took a bite of chicken. The look on Sam's face made John want to mentally slap himself for bringing Imogen up. Sam's mother was still a sour subject, even after 15 years.

"You mean the egotistic woman who left us both when I was freaking 3 months old?" Sam muttered.

"Samuel Blake Winchester, don't talk about your mother like that."

Sam sighed, "She's not even my mother. Why did she leave?"

"Another time Sam."

"Why not now?" Sam argued.

"Because I said so," John said simply.

"That's so unfair! I deserve to know, I'm ready to know," Sam pleaded.

"Not yet you aren't."

"Then when?"

"Another time," John said again sternly. Lately, this had been the subject of Sam's curiosity. He had tried to get the answer out of his dad every chance he could. Sam had wanted to know for a long time now. John didn't think Sam was ready yet and truth be told, John didn't think he was ready to tell Sam the whole story. "Now eat your salad, I made it all for you." Sam knew that statement was true. John hated salad.

Sam decided to let it go. Maybe someday his dad would start treating him his age and stop holding everything back. "So-"

_**RING RING!** _

"I'll get it," John said going into the kitchen. "Hello? Yes this John."This caused Sam to look over at his dad. "Um, ok I'll tell him. We'll be there tomorrow. Thanks bye."

"Was that Dr. Novak? What did he say? What did they find! Am I dying?"

"No Sam, calm down. That was Dr. Novak he said he wanted to talk to us tomorrow."

"Does that mean more tests?"

"I think so. All he said was that he wanted you in tomorrow for something called a bone marrow aspiration and a bone biopsy."

"I don't know what those are but, they sound painful." Both Sam and John made a mental note to look them both up.

***S*P*N***

"When will Dr. Novak be here?" Sam asked. Waiting in the hospital was very nerve wrecking. Sam and his father had waited for at least a half hour.

"Son, I don't know," John responded with. Sam was going to ask another question when Dr. Novak came into the room. John quickly got up to greet the doctor.

"I'm sorry to make you wait, I was double checking something," he told them.

Sam nervously laughed, "That doesn't sound good."

"How have you been feeling Sam?" he asked.

"Today or…?"

"These last few months," he prompted.

"Well fine until the last few weeks," he shrugged.

"Then how have you been feeling the last few weeks?"

"I don't know, I guess tired a lot," he responded.

"Is it correct that you've been having nosebleeds and bruising?" Sam nodded his head. "Do you think it's normal for a boy your age to be experiencing those so often?"

"Well, no but- I just have a cold and I bump into things a lot."

"The blood test revealed that your white blood count was extremely high. Now this can mean that you have some sort of infection, anemia or this could even be leukemia. Our job today is going to answer why your body is producing this much white blood cells. Is there anything that you need me to elaborate on?" Sam shook his head.

"Now hold up I have a question." Both Sam and Dr. Novak directed their attention to John. "You're saying that my son could have cancer? How could this have happened? John asked in disbelief. "Neither I nor his mom have ever had a history of cancer in our family."

"Leukemia doesn't have to run through the family for Sam to get it. It's also not out of the realm of possibilities but the high white blood cell count could also be related to an infection or anemia. Sam might very well not have leukemia. This could all be because of Sam's cold too. How long did you say you have been sick?"

"Um well it stated on a Tuesday… so about a week and a half, almost two weeks now," Sam admitted. Dr. Novak didn't respond but wrote something down on Sam's chart.

"And has this cold felt any better?" Sam shook his head. "We are going to be doing some tests today. Did your dad tell you what kind?"

"Yeah and I looked them up. There is no way in-"

"Sam I will give you 5 bucks if you don't finish that sentence."

"Deal," Sam agreed. He needed the money anyway. How bad could they be?

***S*P*N***

Sam held his hip as he walked through his front door. "Ouch… ahh…" He was in a lot of pain. "YOU OWE ME 30 BUCKS! That hurt like HELL!" Sam yelled back at his father who was behind him. John chuckled at Sam.

"10 and we have a deal," John negotiated.

"Whatever, I'm going to bed," Sam replied too tired to argue. Dr. Novak said that they would get the results in a few days anyway.

"Sam."

"Yeah dad?"

"Whatever happened, I'm positive we can get through it," John said. It was a very true statement, if it were good news then they could get through it and if the results were bad then they could handle it too.

"Thanks dad," Sam replied going into his bedroom. After he got ready for bed his phone started ringing, he answered.

"What did the doctors say?"

"Hey to you too," Sam said.

"Oh sorry hi, now can you tell me what the doc said?" Ruby asked frantically.

"Ok well…" Sam paused to gather words to describe his day and briefly wondered if he should tell her at all. Eventually, he decided to tell Ruby everything from what the doctors thought to the procedure he had to endure. He wasn't going to lie to his best friend.

"Wow, Sam that's a lot to deal with. You gonna be alright?"

"Well that's a loaded question…"

"I just want to let you know that I'll stick with you if it something bad, K?"

"Thanks Ruby."

"Welcome man."

***S*P*N***

When the phone had rung a few days later, John was the first to answer. Dr. Novak wanted them to come in as quickly as they could.

Sam's diagnosis was Leukemia, AML to be precise. Both John and Sam were devastated; the thought of Sam having cancer was an overwhelming feeling.

During the next few days Both Sam and John had gotten a tour of the clinic where Sam would receive his chemo and a central line was placed in his chest, so that chemo could be administered. Dr. Novak explained how to take care of the central line and about the side effects of chemotherapy like the nausea, vomiting, weakness and the possibility of hair loss. Sam cringed when Dr. Novak had told him, he loved having long hair.

Dr. Novak also mentioned that exercise, if Sam felt up to it, could make him feel better. He also gave Sam several pamphlets to read and explained his schedule. Sam would be having chemo 4 times a week outpatient and radiation once every other week for about 5 months then they would decide if he needed more radiation and chemo or not.

Since it was the week before his first chemo, his dad took him out for dinner to his favorite restaurant; Sam ate light because he was nervous.

"What's on your mind Sammy?" John asked. Sam had had his head leaning on his hand the whole evening.

Sam looked up from his unappetizing pasta. "I guess my new and exciting life next week," he said dejected. "And the start of all my Saturdays being wasted." John couldn't help but feel distress for him.

"I'm positive well get through this," John said as an encouragement.

"What did you say?" Sam said snapping out of his trace.

"I said I'm positive we can get through this."John could tell that his nerves were high.

"Me too dad…" Sam responded.

Later that night as Sam was getting ready for bed, he got a glimpse of his central line. It looked like a big mass of white because of the dressing. He touched the cover. It was bumpy. He had gotten a local anesthetic so he hadn't felt a thing but his doctor told him everything they were doing. The doctor had to put a needle in his chest and then feed a thin tube down one of his major blood vessels. The thought of any needle getting close to his chest, made him shudder. After the central line was installed, the doctors had to take blood and then an x-ray to make sure the line was in place and that it was working properly. Sam could feel the port, knew it was there without even touching it. This thing, this object that was supposedly 'supposed to help him' was now a part of him and with the port, he felt self-conscious and not himself and he hated it. He looked at it with disgust and finished getting ready for bed. His nightmare started soon.

***S*P*N***

**Comment! It doesn't take long.**

**Okay this one was long mainly for the opening and mainly because I kind of had writing vomit :) I'll update when I can. Review! Please. You're opinion and you're critiques help.**

*****Next chapter Preview:**

"Hey kid, what's your deal?" Someone asked Sam. He was receiving his first chemo.

"My deal?" Sam asked. The person talking was a boy who looked to be in his teens. He was wearing a dark blue Led Zeppelin brimmed beanie, probably due to lack of hair.

"Yeah, as in why are you in this stupid place?"

"Leukemia, how about you, what's your deal?" Sam asked.

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Psst….psst Hey kid, what's your deal?" Someone asked Sam. He was receiving his first chemo.

"My deal?" Sam asked. The person talking was a boy who looked to be in his teens. He was wearing a dark blue Led Zeppelin brimmed beanie, probably due to lack of hair.

"Yeah, as in why are you in this stupid place?"

"Leukemia, how about you, what's your deal?" Sam questioned.

"Ewing's sarcoma," the boy responded. "I was actually wondering if you could pick up my hacky sack. I would pick it up but they just gave me a spinal tap, it hurt like hell. Name's Dean Campbell by the way. I would give you a hand shake but we're so far away..."

"I'm Sam Winchester, nice to meet you Dean," Sam introduced himself as he got up from his chair to go get the red hacky sack. As Sam got a closer look at Dean, he noticed the dark circles under Dean's green eyes and the way his cheeks sunk in a bit. He was also very pale and Sam noted that his eyebrows were also very thin.

"Don't worry, you won't look like this… until next week," Dean joked, snapping Sam out of his train of thought.

"Ha-ha, very funny," Sam said dryly.

"So, how long have you been coming here?" Dean asked. He hadn't seen him before.

"This is my first time actually, outpatient." Sam responded. Dean nodded understandingly; he had been in the same spot as Sam not too long ago.

"I usually get my chemo outpatient too. There's nothing like starting chemo at 8 o'clock in the morning huh? I was diagnosed last year by the way, December. It was a hell of a way to end the year. Merry Christmas oh and by the way you have cancer in your bones. Don't forget to have a Happy New Year. I found out during indoor winter lacrosse tryouts," Dean explained. "So if this is your first dose, then why isn't one of your parents with you?"

"Oh my dad is. He's just not here in this room but he's somewhere in this place. I just…"

"Didn't want him to see you if something went badly?" Sam nodded. "I understand. I didn't want my mom to be there for my first treatment either." Dean paused remembering how long it had taken him to convince his mother that he was old enough to sit through chemo by himself. He looked over at Sam. "Whoa ho-ho! Look what we have here!" Dean shouted as he caught sight of Sam's long brown hair. It was just touching his shoulders. Sam unconsciously touched his head. "Maybe you'll be lucky and keep it. If you're not lucky it'll probably start falling out the next few rounds of chemo," Dean smiled. He loved messing with the new cancer patients, especially ones with long hair.

"Shut up," To Sam, losing his hair would be the worst part of this whole ordeal and this Dean kid just had to keep making jokes about it.

Dean just continued, oblivious. "Maybe you should shave it off now. You know, to get the worst part out of the way?" Sam didn't say anything. "If not, the hair follicles are just going to dry out and-"

"Why do you have to be such a jerk?" Sam asked, cutting him off, slightly grossed out at what Dean had said.

"I'm not being a jerk, bitch," Dean joked.

"Whatever," Sam said rolling his eyes and sitting back down.

"So what meds are you on? How about your schedule?"

"Why do you have to know all this stuff?"

"Look, if we're going to be friends or outpatient 'buds', I have to know when you're going to be puking."

"Jerk."

"Bitch," Dean responded right back.

"I'm supposed to be taking something called Adriamycin-"

Dean cut him off. "Ouch, the red devil… my friend Garth was on that and he said that he pissed red for like 3 days."

"That's great…Who the hell names their kid Garth?" Sam asked trying to get away from the subject of his meds and urine.

"Apparently Garth's parents… so do you like have to take radiation? I know that some leukemia patients have to," Dean explained.

"Yeah actually, once every 2 weeks."

"Little advice, the worst part is the itching. Garth told me that he was itching in places you never-"

Sam looked at him expectantly. "You never what?"

"Nothing," Dean stifled a yawn. He had learned that Yawning was a good conversation diverter. The fact that he yawned wasn't a completely on purpose. Dean had gotten chemo the day before plus he was on 3 different types so needless to say, he was tired and feeling a little nauseated. "Hey, I'm going to take a power nap if you don't mind. I'm just kind of feeling a little sick," Dean admitted

"It was nice talking to you Dean," He heard no response and after a few minutes he concluded that Dean had already fallen asleep.

"It was nice talking to you too, bitch."

"Jerk," Sam smiled.

***S*P*N***

It had seemed like only a half an hour when Sam was woken up by the sound of retching. He followed the noise and saw Dean with his head in a blue-green basin.

"That's what you get for being a jerk," Sam said.

"Shut up, this might be you in-" Dean's sentence was cut short when he heaved again. Once he was finished he and washed his mouth out with water from the sink. Vomit was not a good taste. After that, he decided to call Lisa. Lisa Braeden was his girlfriend of 2 years. When she picked up, he felt his heart flutter. It was cheesy but it always happened. "Hey Lisa, how are you?" Dean asked.

"Hey Handsome, I'm doing alright, just getting ready to leave. How are you are doing?"

"Actually, not very well. I'm feeling a little sick," Dean admitted. He was sweaty and he felt shaky. Lisa was supposed to come over at 10 but Dean didn't want her seeing him like this. He rarely told Lisa how he really felt or when he had been sick because he cared about what she thought of him and he didn't want her to think of him as frail.

"I can come over a little later if you want…"

"Uh…How about tomorrow? You can come over to my house?" Dean suggested.

"Ok handsome, I'm look forward to seeing you tomorrow. I love you," Lisa said.

"I love you too, I'll see you tomorrow beautiful," Dean waited until Lisa hung up. He always did that in case she had something to say after they said their goodbyes.

"Wow, beautiful… what's her nickname for you, handsome?" Sam said with a laugh.

"Shut up," Dean said shaking his head to hide the blush on his face. This kid was too much.

"Wow it is, that's priceless… and it was just a guess too," Sam said seeing Dean's blush. "What time is it?" Sam asked rubbing his eyes.

"Its 9:30 and I bet you don't even have a girlfriend. What are you 10?"

"I'm not 10 I'm 15. Heck, the closest to a girl I get to is my best friend Ruby and she's more like a boy than anything else."

"Whatever, it's practically the same age. Have you told her yet?" Dean asked.

"I didn't want to tell her about the cancer at first but when I did, she told me that she would stick it out with me," Sam said looking away.

"Good job for telling the truth cause a piece of advice, girls hate it when you don't tell them something that you should have told them sooner. It's just holding out on the truth and that's worse that lying. For example, I didn't tell Lisa, She found out when we were making out…" Dean smirked at the thought of them making out. "Yeah that was some good times…as I was saying. We were making out and she ran her hand down my chest and she felt my port. It pretty much went downhill from there and we almost broke up. She was mad cause she found out a month into my treatment so she was really pissed off that I had held out on her so long. So telling ruby now was better than telling her later or in my case, having her find out."

Sam nodded at the advice. He didn't really know what to say to it all.

"If you're ever gonna get a girlfriend then you need to know how a chick works. I mean I may not know everything because it's impossible to know everything but, I know enough to get by. Hence the girlfriend," Dean told him.

"Thanks… what are you going to do today Dean-o?" Sam asked.

"Well first, you're never going to call me Dean-o again." Sam held his hands up in surrender. No one called Dean that except for parents. "I bet Garth will be leaving soon so I may hang out with him if I'm not already done. He's being treated for lung cancer. He likes to get his chemo and radiation earlier in the morning but his it always drags. His theory is that he won't be sick at night if he gets the chemo out of the way that morning. Don't ask me why. Personally I would rather have it at night. I like to sleep through that crap. Usually, he's in outpatient with me. You have to meet him sometime," Dean said as he faced the window trying to get some sleep. He hadn't gotten much sleep between the nausea and vomiting.

"You're going back to sleep? But you woke me up, what am I suppose to do?" Sam asked.

"The expert is supposed to take a nap while the newbie shuts his cakehole," Dean responded with. He reclined his chair and rested his head. Very little time had passed before Dean deduced that he was still very much awake. Dean had come to the conclusion that he wasn't going to be sleeping anytime soon. He turned back over to Sam who looked sweaty and a little pale. "You feel it yet Sammy?" Dean asked smiling.

"It's Sam and Feeling what? I'm  _fine_ ," Sam said putting an emphasis on fine. Dean handed Sam a paper towel so that he could wipe the beads of sweat off his forehead.

"You'll feel better after you puke," Dean suggested. "I know throwing up isn't the greatest thing in the world but, I'm telling you, after you do it, you'll feel a hell of a lot better…"

"Dude, I'm not going to puke. Just drop it," Sam said getting annoyed, he hated throwing up.

"Oh man after all that throwing up, I'm kinda hungry," Sam glared at him. He knew what Dean was doing but Dean went on. "You know what I would kill for?"

"Don't you dare," Sam whispered trying to keep the nausea at bay, venom was oozing out of his voice.

Dean ignored him and continued "A nice big, thick, juicy burger. Not just any burger though. I want one with bacon on it but, not just any bacon, bacon that is so greasy… that it soaks the bread and drips-" on queue Sam grabbed his basin and threw his breakfast up.

"Damn… you," Sam said in between retches. Dean just chuckled.

"See I told you that you would feel better after you puked," Dean said after Sam was done.

"Shut up," Sam said. He ran his hands through his hair.

"So how do you feel?" Dean asked, seriously.

"Better than I did 20 min ago, why do you care?" Dean understood why he was snappy and let it go. Sam turned his head so he wasn't facing Dean and closed his eyes. He was out in less than 2 min.

***S*P*N***

"You can do way better Eric! Come on man. Nicole's not good for you!" He yelled at the TV. Dean was in the middle of watching days of our lives, it was a suspenseful episode. Everyone had left. He, Sam and an old woman remained.

"Knock; knock… hey Deano." He quickly changed the channel to the sports channel.

"Hey mom," Dean said as his mom Mary gave him a hug. She had just gotten back from her shift. She worked at Polk hospital, right by Dean's chemo clinic, as a delivery nurse.

"Are you hungry? I can go pick up a cheeseburger, your favorite…"

"I just puked. No thanks. I'm feeling kind of nauseous," Dean put his arm over his eyes.

"Wow, last week you were begging me for a cheeseburger at 2:00, in the morning."

"That's because I was on steroids," being on steroids had its ups…down… and downs. While on steroids, he had gained weight in his face, his stomach was sometimes upset and he was moody (at least he was told he was). But the good thing was that he could eat whatever he wanted to without puking his guts out. His mom and doctor made him wear a medical bracelet to let people know he was on steroids. He hated that bracelet and he was happy that he didn't have to wear it now.

"I know, I just thought you might want something. When's the last time you ate?"

"This morning mom," Dean said getting annoyed. That was Mary's queue to change the subject.

"You know, out of all the hats you have I hate that one the most," she admitted.

"How can you hate the Led Zeppelin hat?" Mary had gotten that hat for him when he was first losing his hair. He would wear it 24/7 if she would let him.

"Because it's old. I have nothing against Led Zeppelin but I have gotten you so many hats, why do you choose to wear this one?" Mary asked.

"What? Led Zeppelin is a classic!" Dean pleaded.

"Oh which reminds me, hand it over," Mary said with her hand out.

"Is this about days of our lives…?" oh no, she found the stash Dean thought.

"I knew you watched that show."

"Uh…No I don't… that shows dumb," Dean said looking away.

Mary shook her head "I was talking about your hat, smart one."

"Oh…Awkward... and I hate that show. I was just holding it for Lisa," Dean said with a nervous laugh. "Why do you need my hat anyway?"

"I need to wash it."

"Why does it need to be washed?"

"Because it has dead skin in it Dean. Hand it over," Dean handed her his hat. She had won, like always.

"Thank you. I'm going to take it home, wash it and I'll have it back to you before you know it." Mary then saw how dry the skin was on his scalp. She put his hat in her purse.

"Have you been putting ointment on?" She said feeling his bald head.

"Mom…" Dean said in embarrassment swatting her hand away.

"Oh relax. There's nobody listening. That boy over there and that woman look like they're passed out." Dean looked over at Sam who was indeed out of it. "So have you?" She asked again.

"Not today, no," Dean admitted. Mary immediately took the spare bottle of ointment she kept in her purse and rubbed it on Dean's head. Dean groaned in embarrassment. If Sam were to see this he would die, literally die, of laughter. He knew it was a bad idea  _not_  to lie to his mom.

"Who keeps a spare bottle of ointment in their purse?"

"Mary Campbell, for times like this," Mary responded as she rubbing the last of the ointment into his dry scalp. She got another hat out and handed it to him.

Dean looked at the hat, "You couldn't have at least brought the AC/DC one or at least the other led zeppelin one?"

"Grandma got it for you, and besides, you love Metallica."

"Yeah but this one's not reversible," Dean whined. "I like variety…" Dean joked crossing his arms on his chest. Mary rolled her eyes and slipped on the hat for him.

"Did Lisa already leave?" Mary asked.

"No, I got sick so I called her and told her not to come."

Mary lifted his chin to get a better look at his face. Dean looked like he hadn't gotten any sleep. She also noticed that his face was looking a little more pale than usual. The bags under his eyes were looking a little bit better though. "Bummer, you look fine now." Dean pulled his face away.

"I remember when you used to tell dad that… he didn't look fine…" Dean said quietly and looked down at his hands. Mary was silent for a moment. It was true she did used to tell Dean's father, Trevor, that. His dad had died when Dean was 9 years old. "I'm sorry mom. I shouldn't have said anything… I don't know why I said that I just I-," Dean stuttered.

"No its ok baby, but you do look better though. You should call Lisa back," Mary said wrapping her arms around him. Dean was definitely not a momma's boy but his mom's long hugs made him feel better.

"I will, in a little bit."

"So who's your roommate over there? I've never seen him before," Mary stated.

"Oh his name's Sam Winchester. He's got it bad, leukemia." Dean said like he was gossiping.

"What do you mean he's got it bad? You have bone cancer! Probably the most painful one imaginable."

"Yeah but at least I don't have to get radiation," Dean said cringing.

Mary rolled her eyes, "You do have to get that…"

"Oh yeah…"

"How old is he?"

"15, I guess they start them off young," Dean commented.

Mary rolled her eyes again. She did a lot of eye rolling with Dean. "What do you mean young? You were only 16 when you found out."

Dean shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah… but he-he …" Mary raised her eyebrows at him expectantly as Dean stuttered. "Never mind, all I'm saying is that he's young and I wish I didn't have to meet him under these circumstances, he seems like a cool kid."

"Yeah I understand. Well, be nice to him," Mary said giving him the eye.

"What do you mean 'be nice'? Aren't I always?" Dean didn't tell her that he threw his hacky sack at Sam to get his attention.

"You're nice but you joke around a lot. Make sure he can handle your jokes, and they're not too harsh…"Mary warned him. Dean was sweet, once you got to know him. "Has his parents stopped by?"

"I haven't seen them but he did say that his dad was somewhere here."

"Ok well I'll have to meet Sam when he's coherent. I was going to go wash this hat and make lunch for Anna but do you want me to stay for a little while?"

"No, I think Garth might be here soon so maybe I'll talk to him or Sam, if he ever wakes up." Dean didn't like when his mom stayed with him. When she stayed, she didn't get any rest. From experience Dean knew what it was like to be sleep deprived and he didn't want his mom to suffer because of him. She had already been through enough.

"Anna really wanted to come but she's running a fever so she couldn't." Anna was Dean's sister. She had just turned 15 and was a cheerleader at his high school. Anna had red hair, something that Dean found hilarious given that all their family had brown or blond hair. She must have gotten it from her great granddad, what were the odds? Only Anna...

"Tell Anna that I hope she feels better. It sucks being sick, I would know."

"Ok, honey I'll tell her. I will be back with your homework in a little while," Mary said. Walking to the door, she bumped into someone. "Oh hello Lisa, Dean said you weren't coming."

"Oh hi Mary," Lisa said giving her a hug. "Well, he sounded bad over the phone. So I'd thought I come by to see how he was; or at least try to cheer him up."

"Well I wish I could stay but I have to go run and wash his Led Zeppelin hat," Lisa knew how much he liked that hat. "I put some ointment on his scalp so if he starts inching his head, don't let him."

"MOM!" Dean yelled out. Sometimes his mom was so embarrassing.

Lisa smiled, "I won't let him scratch it."

"And Dean? Behave," Mary said walking out.

"Hey handsome," Lisa said giving Dean a kiss on the cheek and wrapping her arms around him. Dean was getting hugs from the ladies like crazy. He, obviously, didn't mind.

"Lisa, I thought you weren't coming till tomorrow."

"I'm coming tomorrow too, don't worry. I just thought I'd stop by. You sounded like you needed a pick-me-up. I brought you something." Lisa pulled peanut M&Ms.

"Thank you so much beautiful." Peanut M&Ms were the only food Dean could eat when he felt nauseated.

"You're welcome." She grabbed a spare chair and took a seat.

"Ugh…I think I'm going to be sick," Sam said making a gagging sound.

"How long have you been awake for?"

"MOM!" Sam whined, mimicking Dean from earlier. Sam focused his attention on the brunette girl next to Dean. "Oh, so this is the legendary beautiful," Sam asked smiling at her nickname.

"Oh great, what did Lisa tell you? I'm Lisa Braeden nice to meet you and you are?"

"My names Sam, Sam Winchester but you can just call me Sam. I'm Dean's chemo buddy for today."

"More like a 'pain in the ass' buddy," Dean muttered.

"Dean, be nice." Dean muttered an apology. "Well it's very nice to meet you Sam. Do you want some peanut M&Ms? I'm sure Dean would be happy to share. Wouldn't you Dean?" Dean hugged his M&Ms like they were the last thing on earth.

"No thanks," he declined.

"Thank God," Dean said eating one. Lisa elbowed him in the side. "Ouch! Easy! I swear, this is considered abuse," Dean said rubbing his side.

"Oh stop being a baby. You know I love you." She caressed his face gently, loving the feeling of his skin.

"I'm going to be sick…" Sam gawked.

"Hey no permanently scaring my patient, Dean," Dr. Novak advise them walking in.

"It's not my fault that Lisa's an animal. Gosh Lisa." Dean smirked, he loved messing with Lisa.

"Hey Dr. Novak," Sam greeted.

"It looks like you guys are ready to be unhooked."

***S*P*N***

John should have seen the blond haired woman walking but he was preoccupied with finding Sam's room. "I'm really sorry I did not mean to that, I wasn't looking. Let me help you." John grabbed a few papers off the floor and a book and handed it to the woman.

"It's alright and thank you," the woman said trying to organize the papers in her hands. She smiled at him and started to walk away.

"Hey, do you happen to know where room 137 is?"

"Sure, I was actually going there myself. Follow me," the woman said walking ahead. "Names Mary by the way," she said after a moment of silence.

"John."

"I haven't seen you around here, are you new?" Mary asked pushing the bottom to the elevator. John looked at her for a second debating on whether or not to give her any more information than he had already given.

"Yeah, you could say that," John said with a sad smile.

"Well I've been coming here for a while and I'm just saying that I would remember a face like yours."

' _Is this woman flirting with me?_ 'He thought. ' _Should I flirt back?'_  John hadn't been in a relationship for a long time, he didn't really know what to do. So he did what he always did in awkward situations, avoided them.

"So you said that you've been here for a while? Does that mean you have cancer?" John asked as the elevator dinged, indication that they should enter. They did so and Mary pressed 2 and the door closed. They were the only 2 on the elevator.

"Oh no, no my son does. I was just saying that I've met a lot of people here and you're not one of them is all."

"I'm… sorry for the assumption…I… yeah," he said nervously. If this woman was flirting with him earlier, she definitely wasn't now.

"It's alright. Who are you going to go meet?" once they got to the 2nd floor, they both got off.

"My son too, it's his first chemo."

"Wait, are you Sam's dad?"

"Yeah…"

"I know that because he's right next to my son Dean. You know what? You seem a little scatter brained."

"Thank you?" Mary used her free right hand and got out a sticky note and then a pen from her purse and started writing numbers on it.

"It wasn't supposed to be an insult, Sorry. But if you ever need help or someone to talk to, here's my number," Mary said handing the small blue paper to him. "Consider yourself lucky, I don't give my phone number to just anyone. Only the cute faces I don't remember. It's nice to meet you, John."

"Likewise," John said returning her handshake with a blush. Her hands were very soft.

Later that night, Sam had gotten sick again and spent the majority of the time on the bathroom floor and John was there behind the whole time rubbing his back.

"I'm tired," Sam said somnolently.

"You think you're ready to go to bed?"

"I think so." John insisted that Sam lean on him and they slowly made their way to Sam's room. Once Sam was settled, John quickly got a small trashcan to put next to Sam's bed.

"I'll be in my office if you need anything," John said quietly but Sam didn't respond. He was asleep. John pushed the few strands of hair from Sam's face. "Well get through this Sam, I promise. We have to."

***S*P*N***

**Review**

*****Next chapter Preview:**

"Where are we going first?" Sam asked as he too.

"We're going to go visit Mrs. Ballet," Dean responded with, like Sam was her best friend and by asking, he was asking the dumbest question in the universe.

"And who is this Mrs. Ballet?"

"This woman makes the best cookies in the world."

"And what if she doesn't have them?"

"Oh trust me, she does. She always, always, always has them on Saturday. Like there has literally never been a time she hasn't had them."

"What makes them so good?"

"Love…


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"You did what?"

"I finally asked Jessica out on a date," Sam responded. He had finally assembled enough courage to ask her. He'd been so nervous asking her but when he did, she had happily said yes and that she was glad he asked her. Summer had just started, He survived his first chemo, and he had made a friend in the weirdest time, he kind of felt invincible. The girl of his dreams, Jessica Moore, had actually talked to him on the last day of school. Even though she had only asked him to pick up the pencil that she had dropped, it meant the world to him. He hadn't told Ruby about it because she would have only rolled her eyes. Ruby had never really liked Jessica. Ruby and Sam were just getting back from their favorite ice cream shop, Sweet Thang.

"I can't believe you asked her out…when did this happen?"

"When you were in the bathroom…" Sam mumbled. He took another lick of his chocolate chip cookie dough ice-cream hoping that she hadn't heard him.

Ruby pursed her lips, reminding herself to hold back what she really wanted to say. "Where are you guys going?"

Sam could tell that Ruby was just being civil, knew that she didn't really care. She had hated Jessica since middle school. "Uh This Friday… maybe at Beau and Belle, the new cafe or we'll hang out at the park."Sam figured Friday would be the best day because it was a couple of days after his treatment and a day before his Saturday treatment.

"Wow fancy dinner…I'm impressed that's really classy Sam. Too bad Jessica isn't." Rudy smirked, satisfied with herself and licking her strawberry ice cream.

Sam didn't fail to notice the outright dig towards Jessica. After all, that was Ruby's specialty. "Come on Ruby, she's not that bad," Sam reasoned with her. "There's nothing wrong with her."

"Oh please Sam. There's so many things wrong with her."

"Name 3," Sam challenged her.

"Okay she's bratty, spoiled and super petty. You know what, I'll give you 3 more reasons! She's stupid, she a narcissist and an all around bitch."

"First, she's not bratty, spoiled or petty. Second, she's not stupid or a narcissist and third… bratty and spoiled mean practically the same thing. I bet if you would get to know her-"

"Don't even," Ruby spat. Out of all the girls that Sam could date, he had to choose Jessica. Sam didn't know anything about this girl and he was willing to go on a date with her blindly? Whatever Ruby told him about her, it seemed like he didn't want to believe her. Sam was so love sick that he was going to throw out all possible reasons that Ruby had just given him. That made her mad. He was her best friend; she didn't want him to get hurt.

"Why do you hate her so much?" Sam asked all of a sudden curious. He had never been told why. He had asked repeatedly but had never gotten an answer. It was always 'maybe later' or 'another time' first from his dad and now with Ruby. It seemed like he never got the answers he wanted.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"Ruby teased.

"Then as far as I'm concerned, she's never done anything to you. Nothing you say about her is even true." It made him furious that the two people closest to him were holding stuff back from him, he could handle it and it was about time they noticed. At least his doctor and Dean, who he had known for only a few weeks, were straight with him.

"Okay, thanks Sam for calling me a liar. You go off and date the bitch, I don't care. Just don't come crying to me when your heart is ripped out by the devil herself." Ruby snapped. She started to walk quickly to her house. It was only a few blocks away.

"Ruby wait!" She didn't even give him the courtesy of stopping; she just kept on walking away. "We're not finished with this!"

"As far as I'm concerned, I think we are," Ruby yelled back.

"Unbelievable…" Sam mumbled giving up. She just needed her space; she would be fine in a couple of days.

***S*P*N***

"So how did the first chemo week treat you?" Dean asked.

"Not well at all. Don't even remind me."

"I'm not saying you'll ever get used to chemo but you'll get used to a schedule. Okay kid even though we haven't been friends for a long while, I'm going to show you the ropes." Today was Wednesday, otherwise known as chemo day for Dean and Sam and Dean was determined to show Sam around the hospital today. After school, Sam had gone straight to the outpatient room where he Dean was receiving his chemo too. Sam was grateful that he had met a friend like Dean. He was someone who had experienced most of what Sam was going through so he was a good person for advice.

"You have glasses on… since when?" Sam noticed all of a sudden.

"Since like 2nd grade… why do I look stupid? Dean said all of a sudden self conscience.

"You always look stupid," Sam said light heartedly with a laugh. He was lucky to find a friend that he could joke with. Dean laughed dryly.

"Ha-ha so funny. Don't change the subject." Dean usually wore contacts but on those occasions when he was either too lazy or his eyes were irritated, he wore glasses. They were black rimmed and they were a little bit on the nerdy side, but they worked.

"I can't believe you called me friend." Sam placed his hand over his heart. "Dean, I feel so honored." Dean only rolled his eyes. "What do you mean by show me the ropes?" Sam asked apprehensively. Whatever Dean's plan was, it was surely to get them into a mess. Sam was determined to stay out of trouble because he was supposed to go out on a date with Jessica.

"You know the dos and don'ts, people and places of this clinic. I would show you around right now but were probably about to get hooked up soon. Once were hooked up, our tour will start." Just as Dean said that, a couple of nurses came in to hook them up and start them on, roughly, a 2 hour chemo drip. "Okay, so I figure that we have about a half hour before either one of us will start to feel weird so now's a good time to show you around." Dean stood up and took his chemo pole with him and indicated with a quick wave of his hand that Sam should follow his lead.

"Where are we going first?" Sam asked.

"We're going to go visit Mrs. Barnes," Dean responded as if Sam was asking the dumbest question in the universe.

"And who is this Mrs. Barnes?"

"This woman makes the best cookies in the world. She has brain cancer."

"Ouch… And what if she doesn't have them?"

"Oh trust me, she does. She always, always, always has them. Like there has literally never been a time she hasn't had them."

"What makes them so good?"

"Love… I'm just kidding. Well mostly… just forget I even said that, yes?" Sam nodded. "Okay so you know that bakery named Sticks and Stones pastries?"

"Yeah, yeah isn't their motto like sticks and stones may break your bones but cakes will never hurt you?"

"Yeah that's the one, pretty cool huh?"

"She owns it?!" Cancer definitely did not discriminate. What were the odds of a woman who owned a pastry shop being in the same clinic as Sam?

"Yup, her and her daughter Kelsey," Dean said as he turned to walk into a room. It occurred to Sam that they were in the radiology part of the clinic. "You have to meet her." As they walked in, Sam could see a woman who was most likely in her mid 30s. Her head was covered with a violet beanie that had a maroon flower on it and there was short brown hair peaking from under it. She was wearing a floral dress and was reading a book, probably to pass the time. "Hi Pamela."

She looked up at Dean and excitement flashed through her features. "Dean, it's good to see you. Well not good to see you here but you know." She stood up to hug him, careful of the wires leading to his chest.

"I understand. It's nice to see you too." Dean pointed over to Sam. "I would like you to meet Sam, Sam this is Mrs. Barnes."

"It's nice to meet you Mrs. Barnes," Sam said holding out his hand for a shake. Mrs. Barnes took Sam's hand.

"Call me Pamela. It's nice to meet you too Sam, wish we were meeting on better terms though."

"Me too," he responded sadly.

"So Dean what brings you here?" she asked but already knew the reason.

"Oh I just wanted to say hi…"

"And?"

"And? What do you mean and? Can't I just say hi to a friend?"

"Well I've never met a Dean Campbell who didn't like cookies…" She responded.

"I would never! I'm appalled that you would ever think that," Dean said putting his hand over his chest like he had been offended. She wasn't buying his act.

"I have the cookies. Made them for just you and make sure you give some to Sam and Garth too," she said getting out a white rounded container. It had her pastry's number and logo written on the top. She opened the container and Sam could automatically smell the sweet aroma of chocolate. "Are these the ones you like?"

Dean looked mesmerized by the round chocolate flecked cookies and his mouth looked like it would water at any second. He answered with a nod.

"Have the whole container." She said simply.

"Really?" Pamela had never given him the whole container before, granted he had never asked.

"Yeah sure, you can bring it back the next time you see me."

"Thanks Pamela. This means a lot to me."

"You guys need your strength, Even though cookies aren't the best for you." Pamela handed the cookies to Dean and he gratefully took them.

"You need you strength too you know," Dean reminded her.

"Oh please, you guys are the ones who are receiving chemo. I've got the easy stuff. Radiation is nothing,"Pamela humbly said.

"How about we all three get better, yes?"

"Deal," she and Sam both agreed. They talked for a few minutes until Pamela was called in to receive her radiation. They said their goodbyes and both Dean and Sam went back to their area.

"Want a cookie?" Dean asked Sam. Sam had been quiet ever since he had met Pamela. Dean knew what was up but just wanted to mess with him.

Sam leaned back in his chair and rubbed his face. The meds were starting to kick in. "no man. Maybe I'll have one later." Sam groaned inwardly.

"Well suit yourself," Taking a bite himself. "You sure Sam?"

"Don't even talk to me right now," Sam said trying to keep the nausea at bay.

"You're such a jerk Dean…" a boy said. He was very skinny and had brown hair, not longer than Sam's but a pretty good length. Finally, someone was standing up for him, Sam thought. "You didn't even offer me one!" or not…

Dean looked at Sam and laughed. "Hey Garth, I didn't think you would be here yet." Garth and he had been friends since sophomore year in high school, when Garth was diagnosed too.

"Yeah I came when you were apparently visiting Pamela, without me." Garth was only pulling Dean's leg. He honestly didn't care. He just wanted a cookie.

"Sorry 'bout that man. You weren't here, I wanted cookies and I wanted to show Sam around. Speaking of which, this is Sam by the way." Dean motioned to the left with his head to where Sam was seating. He still had his hands over his face seeming to block out the world.

"Sup I'm Garth."

"Hey Garth. What are you in for?"

"Lung cancer. You?"

"Acute myeloid leukemia."

"That sucks, cancers a bitch…" Garth said grabbing a cookie.

"I have a question," Sam said once the nausea spell was over.

"Alright, ask away," Dean said munching away on a cookie.

"I'm going on a date and I want to know how to hide my port."

Dean nodded and bit his lip as he contemplating the question. "Well if you're going the casual route, like tee-shirt then just wear an undershirt and maybe a jacket over that shirt if you still think you see it. If you're going the formal route then wear the undershirt. Hope that helped."

"Dude that is about the best advice," Garth interjected.

"I bandage mine down and I still see it though."

"If Ruby knows about your cancer then why do you need to hide the port?" Dean asked.

"Oh it's not Ruby I'm taking out on a date, gross… she's my best friend. She's like one of the guys. It's this girl named Jessica. And she doesn't know yet. "

"It's no big deal. Once Jessica knows then, she'll be fine with it I'm sure. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Nobody notices it anyway."

"How can that be true? I see it 24/7."

"Yeah but you know it's there and what it's for. It's different. I asked Lisa if she could see it through my shirt and she said she couldn't. Can you see garths through his shirt? How about mine?" Dean said, trying to make a point. Sam shook his head no and laid his head back so that he was leaning on the back of his chair. Dean, knowing it had taken him a while for him to start coping with changes to his body, decided to let it go for now. The kid looked spent. "I think you should come to our support group."

"The hell I will," Sam said suddenly feeling alert.

"Okay, I didn't want to go at first-"

"His mom had to literally drag him. I'm telling you man, I swear there was nail marks on the sides of the door," Garth joked.

"You go too?" Sam asked.

"Yeah I'm the one that invited Dean in the first place." Garth looked over at Dean. "you can thank me at anytime."

"Thanks, Garth," Dean growled. "As I was saying, the support grouped helped a lot."

"If Dean is telling you this, you should listen. He doesn't do bullshit and I've known Dean for a long time." Dean looked over at Sam.

"Basically what he said. All they do is talk about the week prior and stuff… I know it says incredibly chick- flicky but it does help."

"I think the main reason it helps is because you're in a room with all these people that have experienced the same things you have so there's more confidence." Garth said expanded on the topic.

"So maybe you'll consider it? Its once a week on Wednesdays at 5:00 sharp," Dean pleaded.

"I'll think about it…"

***S*P*N***

Friday came quicker than Sam expected. Even though he had had his chemo a couple of days prior, he still didn't feel his best. He hoped that it would pass and that he could go on through his day. The plan was for Jessica to meet him at the park at noon till about 2. This park had everything from, ice cream shops to little cafes to little shops. He decided that the park would be more spontaneous than a boring dinner. At the park, he wouldn't feel as nervous because the attention wouldn't be on just him, there was plenty to do. Ruby still hadn't talked to him and it started to affect him. He missed his best friend. He made a mental note to call her. To get his mind off of Ruby, he decided to get out of bed and take a shower. As he was shedding his clothes, he looked at his body. Even though it had been a month after starting chemo, he could see the effects already. He could tell a bit of a difference in his face, it had become slimmer. Sam had always been thin but now he could see a few of his ribs, they were more defined and the sight scared him. If this was what happened in a month, what would it be like in three months or five?

After his shower, he redressed his port and got dressed in jeans and a green plaid shirt. His dad was working from home again, so He decided to have some toast and call Ruby. The 3 rings that he heard felt like 100 and with each ring, he felt more nervous.

"What do you want?" Ruby answered harshly. She was still mad, Sam could tell.

"Uh… I wanted to see how you've been…I-I haven't talk to you in forever."

"It's been 3 days."

"Exactly 3 days! That's a lot of days not to talk to my best friend… I'm sorry that I called you a liar."

"It's ok," Ruby responded.

"No its not and I'm sorry for what I said. I don't think you're a liar at all, you're a very truthful person."

"Thank you. And I'm sorry for saying all those bad things about Jessica even though I really think that."

Sam rolled his eyes. "I'm rolling my eyes at you…"

"Good that means I'm doing my job. Hey how did chemo go yesterday? Did it kick you in the butt?"

"It went good. Dean and I got free cookies. And I kind of feel crappy right now."

"It's okay; I bet it'll pass before your date tonight."

"Thanks."

"Hey I have to go, mom thought it would be a good idea to visit my crazy grandma and it looks like we just got here… wish me luck."

"Luck!"

"Good luck on your date."

"Thank you." Sam said as he hung up

***S*P*N***

"I promise I don't see anything," John said as he tried to reassure his son. Sam had been trying to find ways to cover his port. John kept telling Sam the same thing that it was invisible, but Sam was being stubborn and paranoid.

"I bet you can see it… I'm going to try on the dark blue one." When Sam came back with the blue one, he smiled at himself in the mirror. The plaid short sleeved button up was perfect.

"Perfect," Sam said satisfied.

"Sam, your nose is bleeding."John noticed as he saw the red liquid coming out of his nose, Sam immediately but his hands on his nose. "Here, put you head forward. Here's some tissues." Sam quickly replaced his hand with the wad of tissues. There was blood seeping through his fingers.

"Seriously, right before my date?"

"Sorry Sammy. I guess your nose had a mind of its own," John said tying to cheer him up. He didn't laugh.

"What time is it?"Sam asked frantically.

"Uh… 11:21 now. It's okay Sammy. We'll get this under control. 5 minutes tops." How wrong John was. It took them a little over 15 minutes to stop the bleeding. By the time whole ordeal was over, it was 11:46 and time to go.

"Okay dad, I have to go."

"Okay, stay safe. What's my motto?"

"I know dad. When in doubt do without," Sam repeated almost robotically. He rolled his eyes, it seemed like whenever Sam left for anything other than school, he always had to say it.

"Good. Have a great time Sammy. Call me if you need ANYTHING."

"Okay I will," He said leaving. Since the park was about 5 minutes away, he just walked. When he got there he decided to sit on a bench close to his favorite ice-cream place. Fast walking had made him a little out of breath.

"Hey Sam," Jessica greeted. He quickly stood up. Jessica looked really pretty. She was dressed in a dark blue and orange flowery loose shirt with dark jean shorts and brown flip-flops. Her hair was in a relaxed bun but she still looked beautiful. She had on a light amount of makeup, which Sam didn't think she even needed, and to finish off her look, a matching brown bag.

"Hey Jessica," he looked at his watch, it was exactly 12 o'clock. "You're right on time."

"Well I didn't want to keep you waiting," She said with a smile. "So what did you have in mind that we do today?"

"Well I thought we could go walk around for a few then maybe get something to eat at the cafe then finish off with ice cream?"

"That sounds good to me," she said as she started walking. "So what have you been up to this summer?"

"Been hanging out with my dad. Uh… not really anything." Sam had felt guilty about lying to her, but he wasn't ready to tell her about his condition yet. "How about you, what have you been up to?"

"Same situation as you. I mean I've been to some amusement parks with my friends but nothing really, you know, worth wild. My family's supposed to go to California in about a week so hopefully that goes well. They can get annoying sometimes, but I love them."

"I totally get what you mean. My dad may annoy me but I definitely can't live without him."

"So do you miss school yet?" Jessica asked. "I hate to say this but haven't you always been like really good at school?"

"You think I'm a nerd don't you?" Sam said light heartedly. Jessica laughed. It made Sam happy that he could just make her laugh like that.

"Well no but you got to admit you like school," she said through giggles.

"No I hate that place. My theory why everyone thinks I'm so smart is… are you ready… I have 2 brains."

"That's just dumb," Jessica said amused.

"No just think about it, my brains so big, my forehead has to compensate for it see," Sam said pointing to his forehead.

Jessica busted out laughing. "Sam, you are too much…"

***S*P*N***

After they had eaten at the café, they decided to get ice cream. Jessica got a mint chip cone while Sam got his favorite, chocolate chip cookie dough. It was almost 2. Their date was almost over. Jessica said her dad would be there at 2, and it was 1:50. The date had gone great, both Jessica and Sam were satisfied with it. They had learned a lot about each other and the date wasn't awkward at all. Jessica was very easy to talk to. Sam didn't want to ruin anything but, before they went on, he had to tell her about the cancer. He owed her the truth since she had been so truthful with him.

"Why did you agree to go out on a date with me?"

"Because, you are the first person in a long time to ask me out on a real date. Most guys are looking for a good time or whatever and I'm not like that. You asked me respectfully," Jessica responded truthfully without skipping a beat.

Sam smiled at her response. "I have a confession to make. Do you know anything about cancer?"

"Um… I read a book once. I think it was called my sisters keeper or something like that… but other than that not really. Don't they go through like chemotherapy and lose their hair? Why are you asking?" Jessica asked

"I lied about saying I hadn't really done anything this summer. The truth is, I have cancer and have been receiving chemo therapy for about a month now. I'm sorry I didn't tell you… I just didn't want you to think of me as a freak."

"I don't think of you as a freak Sam. Can you explain chemo to me?" Jessica asked. Sam was reluctant but started talking to her anyway. He told her about diagnosis, the port and chemo in general. When he was finished, she took a deep breath. "Sam… this is just way too much to process. So are you gonna die."

"That's not the plan but it could always happen but death could happen to anyone. If you would have known beforehand, would you have gone on this date with me?"

"I honestly don't know… I would love to be friends with you but I don't think this relationship will go any further. I'm sorry Sam."

"No I understand, I hold nothing against you," Sam said trying to hide the hurt that he felt. "I had a really good time today."

"Me too. I'm glad I went today. Hey, are you still friends with Ruby?"

"Of course I am. She's my best friend."

"Can you tell her that I'm sorry?"

"What exactly did you do to her to make her hate you that bad?"

"Well in middle school, I spread a secret I shouldn't have and that wasn't true."

"And the fake secret was?"

"I told everybody that she was cutting herself."

"I had no idea… she has never told me why. Or anybody else for that matter. Why would you do that? You guys used to be friends."

"Truth was I was a real bitch and I'll be the first one to admit it. Nobody believed her either because she had scrapped her wrists as an accident prior, I set her up and I know that. She had to go to the counselor and everything. Looking back, I feel terrible."

"How about you tell her that? What's the worst case scenario?"

"She ignores me and starts spreading rumors about me."

"And what if she doesn't?"

***S*P*N***

**Long chapter. Foreigner- I want to know what love is! Classic**

*****Next chapter Preview:**

"The sensor on your robot isn't hooked up right, that's why the signal wasn't reaching." Ruby moved some wires around and the robots eyes lit up with life.

"The hell… I have been working on this for a month trying to get it to work and you take 5 minutes and you get it like that? What the hell!" Sam said.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Sam looked at the building in front of him. "I can't believe I agreed to this," Sam murmured. Well, actually, his dad made him go. He hadn't really argued, his dad had put up a good one-sided fight saying that it would benefit him and help him more than John could himself.

"Mary mentioned the support group. I think this will be good for you. Are you sure you don't want me to go in with you?"

"I'll be fine dad," Sam said glibly. Ever since Sam's diagnosis, he had been pushing John away. John didn't know if it was the recent diagnosis of his cancer or the fact that he was almost 16 that made him want to grow up faster. John understood, Sam wanted to be more independent. "Why don't you go to Bobby's and have some guy time."

"I have that 24/7…"

"Then go have grown up old man time," Sam teased.

"Very funny. Well, have a good time Sam. I'll pick you up in an hour."

"Okay dad," Sam drew out. He got out of the car and watched his dad drive away. Sam turned back to the building where the support group was supposed to be held. It was located at an elementary school.

"Glad you could make it!" Sam looked behind him and saw Garth walking up. He was wearing a plain black t-shirt and light blue jeans.

"Oh yeah… I guess…"

"Well what're you waiting for? Let's head in," Garth said as he opened the door and they began to walk down a narrow hall. "So when we get in there, everyone's gonna want to know the type of cancer you have, and when you were diagnosed. Our group has a lot of curious people, if you get what I'm saying…Mrs. Schwann is a psychologist and might ask you some more questions but don't worry, they won't be anything that will embarrass you, she's pretty good at reading peoples body language. The questions won't be anything that you can't handle and I'm fairly sure they won't make you feel embarrassed. Like I said, she's a Psychologist." Finally Garth stopped at a double door. From what Sam could see through the thin rectangular windows, there were about 15 to 18 people in the room. The majority looked to be in their teens while the rest looked like kids.

"Where's Dean?"

"Oh he should be in there already. If I knew you were coming, I would've offered you a ride or Dean might've. You ready?" Sam nodded and Garth opened the door. As soon as they walked in, Sam felt like all eyes were on him. He muttered a 'hi' and everyone kind of went back to their conversations with their friends. "Don't worry, that was just the initial reaction to the door opening… and the fact that you're a fresh face."

"Hey Sam, glad you're her," Dean greeted with a pat to Sam's shoulder. He had on the same Led Zeppelin beanie that he had worn the first time they had met. "How did that date go?"

"Eh… not so great. I told her about my condition and I guess she just got overwhelmed. But hey, at least I made a new friend," he shrugged.

"Ah… well like they always say, there's always more shells in the sea… or something like that…"

Garth shook his head slowly and rolled his eyes. "You've gotta excuse my friend… he's not right in the head."

"Shut up Garth. Well, you get the idea."

"So when are we supposed to start?"

Garth looked at his watch. "It usually starts at 5. Its 5:03 so they should be-"

"Okay everyone, were starting," A woman with blond hair said.

"Take a seat wherever," A man with red hair added. Everyone started to shuffle, walk, wheel, and limp to a seat. Sam followed Dean and Garth and sat between them. When he looked closely at the two group leaders, Sam realized that they were twins. Fraternal obviously but they had the same features.

"My name's Ezra," the redhead one said. "Welcome to our cancer support groups. For ones that do not know us, or hadn't figured it out already, were twins. Spoil alert, Katie is actually a ginger, just like me," Ezra joked. Katie slugged him in the arm.

"Hello everyone, my name is Katie," the blond one introduced. "At the age of 19, I was diagnosed with Thyroid cancer and was on chemo for about 10 months and was said to be in remission when I was 20 and have been ever since. I'm a Psychologist at the Lawrence hospital for cancer patients and I also do grief counseling and my brother's a doctor at the same place. Ezra a doctor? Yeah I know, it's crazy."

The other twin cut in. "Thanks for that… Well we obviously can't get enough of each other because we actually married siblings. Not twins. That would just be going overboard." There were a few laughs in the room. "We're here to help you because when my sister was dealing with this, I think what helped our family a lot were the support groups that were available and knowing that both she and I weren't in this all alone. I hope that we can help. Sorry the introduction was so long but we have some new faces today so we're just going to go around and say your name, age, something about you and if you want to share, the type of cancer you hope to get rid of."

"I'll start, my name's Katie, and I'm currently… years old and I have a husband and baby boy named Charlie and I got rid of my thyroid cancer," She finished.

"I'm Ezra, I'm the same age as Katie. My wife and I have a baby coming along the way. She's due in a few weeks, so I'm pretty excited." The line moved on to boys, girls, teens and even kids. There were people who had Osteosarcoma, breast cancer, liver cancer, pancreatic cancer, and different types of leukemia, brain cancer and many more. When it got to Garth, he motioned to his lungs and told everyone about his cancer, that he was 17 and that he had a dog named Toby. Sam had known what he was going to say but when it got to him, he spaced out.

"Um…uh… well my name is Sam, I'm… currently 15, and I have AML and… I love chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream," Sam finished. After that it went on to Dean.

"My name's Dean, I'm 17, I have Ewing's sarcoma and I have had a girlfriend for 2 years." Dean was the 2nd to the last one, but the little boy who was supposed to go next was too shy.

"Okay thank you everyone. Today we have nothing to really push towards so it's going to be a lazy session. Does anyone have a story to tell?" Katie asked. A small hand rose up. It belonged to a girl named was Mayson. She was 15 like Sam. "Mayson, you can go ahead, I know you have something to tell everyone," Ezra encouraged.

Mayson smoothed down her dirty blond curls before speaking. "Okay so this week, my tests results came back and the doctors said that there is no more cancer in my bones so I'm officially in remission and…" she lifted up her pant leg. "I got my new prosthetic leg last week so that's good. The other one was a pain. This one should be the last one since I don't think I'm growing anymore."

Cries of 'congratulations' and clapping went around the room. Sam didn't know what to do, since he didn't really know her that well, so he opted to just clap.

***S*P*N***

"Hope you didn't mind but, I invited some friends over," Bobby said when John arrived.

"I don't mind. Where is everyone?"

"Some of them are out on the back patio. Mary's back there too if you wanted to know," Bobby nudged.

"Why would I want to know that?" John asked. He wished he never told Bobby about Mary. He hadn't realized that Mary was his sister. The main reason being that Bobby had never told him. Plus they didn't look alike nor did they have the same last names.

"Come on John, I can see the way you look at her." To Bobby, they were the perfect match; each one had been through hard ships and was each starting to heal. Not to mentioned that both their sons were suffering from cancer.

"Mary and I are just friends you know? We're going through the same things right now. That's it," John said, trying to make himself as clear as possible. He and Mary were just friends.

"Well if you like my sister, that's okay because sooner or later you're going to have to move on. Preferably the former," Bobby said giving him a beer from the refrigerator.

"Thanks Bobby," he said taking a sip of his bear. "What the hell is this?!" John said noticing the different taste, it wasn't the usual.

"Relax it's just light," Bobby said. He had actually used half of the beer to mix it with tea and make it look full. "Now I don't want no accidents or any of my friends dead."

"But Bobby-"

"You're just gonna have to deal with it," Bobby finished, walking away. After that, John decided to go to the back patio.

"John? I didn't know you would be here," a woman said behind him. He turned around to see that it was Mary.

"Hey. This was a last minute thing. I dropped Sam off at the support group."

"I think he'll love it. Dean didn't even want to hear anything about it at first and when he went for the first time, he hated it. I made him go 3 times and by the 3rd time he started to warm up to it. Dean doesn't really like to quote 'share his feelings with anyone, besides his closest family…sometimes but he really likes his group. How are you and Sam doing by the way?"

"Uh, well… we could be better. He's been distant lately, I don't know. He's usually very talkative but now… he's not really saying much these days. Now I don't know how he's feeling the majority of the time."

Mary thought about the situation before she spoke. "Well it seems to me that he just needs his space. Dean isn't a talker; he's actually the exact opposite of Sam. He's very quiet when he's sick, hurting or scared. He bottles up all of his emotions and lets them out every so often so that's why I rely on his body language and actions. Like when he's in pain, he's very fidgety, when he's feeling sick he'll go to his room and stay there all night and when his mind in on something else his eyebrows will crease or he'll stare at his hands or even the floor. Maybe you should start learning different ways to figure Sam out."

"How do you know all of this?"

"Well, I've dealt with this for a while now, plus my husband and now my son both had to deal with the same disease and I'm a nurse so I'm better equipped to deal with surprises like this. But to tell you the truth, nothing prepares you for cancer. One day it just comes, reeks havoc and sometimes it's a permanent resident and most of the time it leaves but occasionally after that, it decides to come back for another visit because it didn't have enough fun the first time around. You're one of the strongest people I know. I know you can do this."

"Then why do I feel like I'm never doing anything right?"

"I think we all know that feeling at one time or another," Mary simply said. "It'll pass; just give Sam some time to adjust."

***S*P*N***

"So how was it?" John asked Sam. They were almost home.

"Dad, did you have a beer?"

"Yeah but I promise you, I went straight to Bobby's so it's been an hour. I would never do anything to put you in any danger," John finished with.

 _Bobby is looking out for the both of us._  "The support group was actually really fun and encouraging. We had twins for our group leaders. Their names were Katie and Ezra. They were pretty good. One's a doctor and the other one is a psychologist."

"What did you guys talk about?"

"We just talked about diagnosis, side effects of chemo, and what we were doing for the summer." Sam decided to leave one question that Ezra asked and that was 'what were you thinking and what did you want to do when you were diagnosed?' Sam didn't want to tell his father because what he wanted to do and what he was thinking were built on pure rage. He wanted to blame his father, himself and even his mother Imogen. She had left both him and his dad when Sam was 3 months old. In Sam's mind, One day she just snapped and didn't want anything to do with either one of them. If his mom had never left then his dad wouldn't have been all alone through this whole mess and who knows, maybe if the fates were changed, Sam wouldn't have been diagnosed with leukemia.

"Earth to Sam," John said snapping his free hand at Sam.

"Uh yeah?"

"We're home. You tired?" John asked concerned. Sam had just blanked out.

"Uh no. I was just thinking. What did you say?"

"I asked if you were hungry," he asked again

"I'm fine," Sam answered.

"The doctors said to keep you weight up and-"

"I know dad. I don't need you breathing down my neck every 5 seconds," Sam said getting out of the car. Before John could say his name, he was already inside. When John got inside, Sam wasn't in the living room so he assumed that Sam was in his room.

He walked into Sam's room. "Samuel Blake Winchester, how about you rephrase the last 5 seconds?"

"Sorry sir," he apologized.

"I am tired of you thinking that you can just walk all over me like that. I know I've been slacking and I know you're sick but I need respect damn it!"

"I'm sorry dad. I didn't mean what I said." Sam didn't know why he kept snapping at his dad but he knew that it had to stop and that the only reason his dad had let some of his attitude slide was because he was sick.

"It's alright Sammy. Look, I promised you that we would get through this and we will but you've gotten let me help you. I'm your dad and I have been preparing for you and protecting you ever since I learnt that there was ever going to be a Sam."

"I understand," Sam said sheepishly, head down.

"I'm going to see what I can make for dinner." John patted his son on the shoulder. It was his way of saying that he loved him.

***S*P*N***

"You know who just contacted me?" Ruby said as she closed the Winchester's door behind her.

"I don't know Ruby, who?" Sam said. He was in the process of trying to fix a robot for this competition that was held every year in May, so he wasn't really paying attention. He had almost had it finished when Ruby had barged into his house. He didn't even have to look up when she approached.

"Jessica. I don't even know how she got my number but she 'apologized'."

"Hm…"

"I don't believe her. I know she's trying to pull some trick! I just know it," Ruby accused.

"Totally."

"Are you even listening to me?"

Sam stopped what he was doing in annoyance and turned to face her. "What do you want me to say Ruby? That I hate her too and what she says isn't the truth? Maybe she honestly wants a clean the slate."

"Then how come it's taken her 4 years to do so? Huh?"

"Did it ever occur to you that you may be a little intimidated? She told me that she was afraid that you might ignore her if she called."

"Well she's not wrong," Ruby said raising her eyebrows and tilting her head to the side. "I would have ignored her at the library too if she hadn't of talked so much. I swear it was like never ending word vomit." Sam grinned and shook his head.

"Well I'm glad you listened to her at least. I honestly think that she wants to truly start over. She admitted that she was a bitch and that she played a bitch move. I know you're not heartless. And I know that you'll probably punch me for saying this but, you are one of the nicest people I've ever met. Just give it a try."

"Shut up…" Ruby said lightly tapping him on the shoulder. Sam smiled, he knew her so well. "If you honestly think I should, I guess I can give her another shot."

"Good I'm glad," Sam said going back to his robot.

"Oh and the sensor on your robot isn't hooked up right, that's why the signal wasn't reaching." Ruby moved some wires around and the robots eyes lit up with life.

"The hell… I have been working on this for a month trying to get it to work and you look at it for 2 minutes and you get it like that? What the hell!?" Sam said with both amazement and annoyance. "Why aren't you in this robotics competition? You could beat everyone."

"Because that would make me a nerd."

"I think you already are one."

***S*P*N***

**I have no clue about robotics. Yeah I tweak the sneak peeks. Sue me.**

*****Next chapter Preview:**

"Dean, you alright?"

"No…" he answered. Allen could see the pain etched on Dean's features.

"Kristan, call 911," he ordered then turned back to dean.

"What hurts?" He asked frantically.

"Uh…. my hip….my hip hurts."

"Okay take it easy, paramedics are on their way."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"Okay, see what you're doing there?" Dean asked noticing what Sam was doing.

"What exactly am I doing?" Sam said scratching at his scalp. It had been itchy like crazy for a few days now but today it was the worst it had been.

"The scratching. That's gonna make your hair fall out quicker." Sam automatically stopped scratching. "The itching is a sign that that 'luscious long hair' of yours ain't gonna last long."

"No it doesn't," Sam argued as his face turned flush.

"If it's not then, why did I go through the same thing? As much as you're in denial, it's happening."

"Just shut up." Sam turned redder but Dean kept going.

"I know it sounds scary and it's something you definitely don't want to go through but you don't need to be angry. Hair, hair will grow back."

"Look I don't want to talk about it. Let's just talk about something else."

"Ok man, I'll stop."

"Just this once, amuse me."

"Well, how about the time I was diagnosed. Just for that little comment there, I hope to literally bore you to death."

_*****************FLASHBACK***************** _

This was it, the last day of lacrosse tryouts. 16 year old Dean Campbell and his friend Andrew Gallagher had just finished their warm-up and were now getting in their gear when Dean felt a wave of excruciating pain in his right hip. He didn't really think anything about it since he had been feeling it for about a month but the last couple of days it had been getting worse. He figured he would have it checked out after he was on the team. Dean didn't want to jinx anything but he could tell that coach Krypton admired him a lot and that he was a shoe-in. He automatically gripped his hip to ease the pain, something he had been doing ever since the pain started. It rarely helped though.

"Now, what's got your chains in a bunch?" Andrew asked, his Texas accent coming out. His family had moved to Kansas when he was 8 years old but the accent was definitely still present.

"Nothing man, my hip just hurts. Maybe I did something to it at yesterday's practice," he lied. He was fine. He told himself that he would go to the doctor's after today, the end of tryouts, or tell his mom about the pain and everything would be fine.

"You gonna be alright?"

"Yeah, Of course I'll be fine." Dean crossed his arms over his chest. "Hey what do you think about that coach?"

"Coach Krypton?" Andrew scoffed. "Well I think he's crazy and that his last name sounds like something from one of those comics."

"Well think what you want but I think you and I are shoe-ins."

Andrews' shoulders slumped. "Awe dean, why'd you have to jinx us? Now we're never gunna-"

"Hey Campbell, try not to drop the ball this time. I actually want to win." Dean didn't have to turn his head. He knew who it was, Michael Wheeler. He and Dean had never been friends. The pain in his hip had reduced so he could sit up straight now.

"I'll try, if you try not to be too clumsy and bump into me Wheeler." Michael was about to say something but their coach blew the whistle.

"I wouldn't worry, he's all hat and no cattle."

"Ah... thanks for that Andrew…"

"Nah man, you don't have to thank me," Andrew said oblivious to Dean's sarcasm.

"Everyone gather around," the coach shouted. "This is it, the last scrimmage for indoor lacrosse tryouts. You guys have been working very hard in preparation for this day. I dont know if you can do it but I guess we'll find out. The scrimmage will be divided in teams of 4 with 9 players each. We'll have 3 games. I will switch you guys up on the second and last games. Now go kick some LAX!" The coach finished. The whole team shouted roaring with adrenalin and rushed to the field.

About 15 minutes into the 3rd game, Dean's hip pain started again, like he thought it would, and he was miserable. 'Come on Dean, a couple more goals and then you can go home. You can do this.' Since Andrew had been put on his team, the plan was that Andrew was going to pass it to him and he was going to make a run for it. Once the whistle blew, Dean got into position and Andrew passed the ball to him. Dean's attention was directed on the ball so he didn't see the 6 foot 200 pound player coming right for him. All a sudden Dean felt his whole body being hurdle backwards. He heard a whistle and everyone was around him in a fraction of a second.

"Get out of the way!" The couch yelled. "Campbell, you okay?"

It took Dean a moment to answer. He could feel his hip pain getting worse but he tried to ignore it. "Yeah couch, I'm fine." On the okay, his couch gave helped him up.

"Do you need a minute?"

"Nah I'm good," Dean said brushing himself off.

"Okay then, RESUME GAME!"

After another 15 minutes, the game was over. Dean's team had won the scrimmage. As he was walking off the field, the familiar pain in his hip took his breath away and he kneeled in the grass clutching his hip.

Couch Allen Krypton had been talking to his assistant coach when he saw Dean fall down holding his hip. When he didn't get up, the 2 couches both rushed over to him. "Dean, you alright?"

"No…" he answered. Allen could see the pain etched on Dean's features.

"Kristan, call 911," he ordered then turned back to Dean.

"What hurts?" He asked frantically.

"Uh…. my hip….my hip hurts."

"Okay take it easy, paramedics are on their way."

* * *

When Dean had arrived at the hospital, his mother was already there with Anna. The school had contacted them. Dean was put into a room and even though he was given pain killers, the pain still hadn't settled. Dr. Novak came in to ask him a few questions afterwards and asked that both his mom and Anna leave the room. During his career in the medical field, he had learned that patients tended to be more truthful when their family wasn't in the room.

"So what happened on the field? The coach said that you just collapsed."

"I don't know, I guess the pain in my hip just got really bad this time."

"Let's go ahead and talk about the pain in your hip… you say it like it's happened before or that it's continuous. How long have you had this pain for?" Dean was quiet. "It's okay Dean, you can tell me. You won't get into trouble, I promise. I just want to know so we can provide the best care."

"...Uh the pain?" Dr. Novak nodded. "It's been happening for about a month now… I was going to go to the doctor but I had lacrosse tryouts and the pain wasn't so bad. It's only been this bad really today and a few days before today I swear." Dr. Novak wrote something on his clip board.

"We checked your temperature when you came in, it was at a 99.7. Do you feel under the weather or feel weird at all?"

"No, not at all. I'm feeling fine, it's just my hip." Dr. Novak wrote yet another thing down on his clip board.

"Okay, does anything else hurt?"

"Well my shoulder I guess but that could just be from lacrosse. My teammates like to ram people. But my shoulder isn't as bad as my hip. Do you know what it is?"

"These symptoms can mean several things. I'm not sure what this is," Dr. Novak told Dean as he let his mom and sister back in. "I'm going to be ordering you an MRI so we can find out what could be causing the discomfort in your hip and shoulder."

"Wait, what's this MRI business?" Dean asked, not liking the sound of it.

"An MRI is a machine that stands for magnetic resonance imaging. This machine works by using magnetic pulses that are in the body to create an image of what's happening inside the body that we can't see."

"Dean, basically you would go into this cylinder shaped machine and lay there until the machine is all done. It'll be painless and I bet they'll put pillows under your knees so it won't be uncomfortable," Mary added.

"Anything else I need to know?"

"You  _can't_ take any metals in the MRI at  _all_ ," Dr. Novak said stressing can't and all.

"And what if I do?"

"Well, we'll check first but if it's inside your body then it will rip the medal out. I doubt you have metal in you but well go over any medical history." Dean grimaced slightly; the information did nothing to improve how he felt about MRIs. "Do you understand now?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Do you think you can stand up for me? I want to see where the pain is exactly."

"Yeah I think so," Dean said standing up with discomfort.

Dr. Novak slightly pressed both of his hips. Dean winced when Dr. Novak pressed on his right hip. After the doctor did that, he then told Dean that a nurse would be coming to draw blood. Dean wasn't happy about the announcement but he kept it to himself and kept telling himself that it would all be over soon.

_**************END FLASHBACK************** _

"The results came back a few days later. It was Ewing's Sarcoma. Apparently it's a rare cancer. It's just my family's luck that my dad would have had it too. They found it in my hip and in my shoulder."

"Wow…I can't imagine being in the middle of tryouts and being diagnosed…" Dean slowly nodded.

"Later I found out I made the team. Once the coach heard about the cancer, he appointed me as manager of the team. I really wanted to be on the team but I guess being manager had its perks…"

"Like what?"

"I guess not having to run..." Dean said with a laugh but Sam could see the sadness in his eyes.

"That's always good."

"Do you play any sports?" Dean asked deflecting the attention away from him.

"Nah, well I used to swim competitively but I decided to take a break this past year and I'm thinking I'm going to continue the hiatus next year too."

"Yeah I guess your port wouldn't like that, they do make waterproof covers and exercise is always good for you. Even I practice for lacrosse sometimes. I make goals and practice tossing, when my body doesn't feel like I've been in a car accident, that doesn't take a lot of effort."

"Maybe I'll consider it."

***S*P*N***

"Alright Dean what we're going to do today is take some blood, temperature, weight and you're going to have an MRI done."

"Okay," Dean nodded with nervousness. This test combination happened every month. Dean hoped that this would be the test that would tell them that he was in remission. He would be lying if he said he didn't feel down when the test showed that he still had the cancer. Dean was usually a carefree, confident, sarcastic guy but when it came to his cancer, he was a wreck from the week before the tests to the moment the doctor came in to tell him the news.

Being on an exam table, Dean felt as if he were a fly being scrutinized under a microscope on the highest power. He really hoped that it was good news because each time it wasn't; he lost a small amount of hope.

After the x-rays, Dr. Novak would ask him a few questions and do a physical exam to see if there was any tenderness anywhere. "So Dean, how have you been feeling?"

"Nervous," Dean said quickly with a laugh that match how he felt. He then mentally slapped himself. "I don't know why I said that…um pretty good. My hips not really hurting nor is my shoulder. Yeah I'm feeling pretty good." Dean said again for emphasis.

"Well I'm going to start pressing on your hip, if you feel anything at ALL I want you to tell me. Feeling pain isn't a bad thing nor does it mean it necessarily mean that anythings wrong either. Granted, you are probably going to feel pain in your bones for a long time." Dean nodded in agreement.

After the physical exam on his hip and shoulder were finished, it was time for the others. The blood test only took about 10 minutes because they got the blood from his port. As Mary and Dean waited, she noticed that he was fidgety. He was nervous.

"You okay?" She whispered.

"What?"

"I asked if you were okay."

"Yeah I… why wouldn't I be?" Mary looked at his right leg bouncing up and down.

"Dean, your leg…" she commented. Dean immediately stopped. He opened his mouth to say something but moved his hand across his mouth instead.

"Yeah mom, I'm okay," he said tiredly. He hadn't gotten much sleep the night before. He rubbed his face again and finished his statement. "It's just a stupid routine test."

"There's nothing to worry about," Mary said as she rubbed the back of his neck as comfort.  _Easy for you to say…_

By the time Dr. Novak came in with the results, it had been a half an hour. He took a seat and placed the scans and x- rays on the nearby desk. "Okay Dean, your temperature is at a perfect 97.8 and your weight is at 119 lbs. Last month it was 128 so you have lost 9 pounds. That's not bad if you look at the loss from that stance but considering you were 155 lbs when you got here, that's not good." Dean nodded his head in acknowledgment, there was nothing he could say, he had tried to keep his weight up but the chemo wasn't helping his cause.

"So what does this mean?" Mary asked.

"Nothing bad it's just that he needs to get some meat on those bones," he said as he put up another pair of x-ray scans on display. "Okay let's take a look at the x-rays and MRI scans from when you were first diagnosed. See you can see several masses in your right hip and in this picture you can see where the shoulder masses started growing." He then put up the newest scans. "What do you see here Dean?"

Dean looked at it for a moment. "Uh I guess bones… I don't really know what I'm looking at," Dean said nervously.

"The differences between the two models is one has cancer masses and the other one doesn't." Dr. Novak waited for their responses. Dean just looked at him.

Mary put her hands on her mouth in shock. "I can't believe it… is he… is he really in remission?"

"Yes, congratulations, you're officially in remission," Dr. Novak responded.

"Really?" Dean was in shock and didn't know what to think. He had been on chemo for almost a year now and honestly, he hadn't even see an end to it all. Mary on the other was joyful and tears were running down her face.

"Really." Dr. Novak assured them.

"Okay…so what do we do now?" he asked. After being on the same schedule for so long, he didn't know what happened next nor had he really thought about it.

"Well, now you'll come see me every month till the 6th month mark."

"I can't believe it. When will we know if I'm cured?"

"There's what's called a 5-year survival rate. If your cancer doesn't spread nor does it come back in 5 years than that's a pretty good indication that you're cancer isn't coming back." Dr. Novak typically didn't like to mention the word cure because cancer was unpredictable, sometimes coming back after years of it off the radar.

"That's a long time…" Dean said skeptical. It was a long span he had to be cancer free for.

"If we take this one step at a time, then it won't seem that long. Now when you get home tonight, you can't just quit taking your medications cold turkey, or else you would be in excruciating pain because your body isn't ready yet. I would like you to come in tomorrow so a nurse can tell you what you do with your port and the medicines that you can start being weaned off of. But tonight take the usual dose." Dr. Novak explained. He didn't want to explain everything to them right now because he wanted to give Dean and his mother time to celebrate for a little while, take a vacation from all the chaos, before the medical world interfered again.

"That sounds alright. Thank you Dr. Novak."

"It wasn't me who beat the cancer. Congratulations Dean," he said as he walked out.

"I am so proud of you Dean," Mary said hugging him.

"Thanks mom. Let's get out of here," Dean said. He didn't want to be there any longer.

When Mary and Dean arrived home, Anna immediately ran up and squeezed his waist tight.

"I am sooooo proud of you!" She screamed.

"Thanks but it's not like I just told the cancer to go away and poof it was gone."

Anna looked up at him smiling. "It's exactly like that." She let go of his torso then asked what was next after his treatments.

"Well basically like when I was on chemo but with no chemo. I'll have to continue taking medicine and getting checkups on a regular base. That may not seem like much of a change or anything but it is to me."

"No it seems like a lot."

"Thanks. Well I'm going to go take a nap."

"I'm really happy for you though. Have a nice nap big brother."

"I will little sis," Dean said heading upstairs. The stress of the day had made him tired and all he wanted to do was sleep. He changed into his sweat pants and took off his jacket. He was almost asleep, when his phone rang with  _living on the prairie_. It was Lisa.

"Hello?"

"Hey babe. I was calling to see how your day went. Did I wake you?"

"No you didn't. You called me at the perfect time… like you always do," Dean said playfully. Dean didn't like telling her about his appointments because he was a mess and he didn't want to worry her. "My day went good I guess. Same old same old. I had an appointment today…"

"You did? Why didn't you tell me? I would have been there."

"Like last time? When they got my hopes up? I want you to come over, I have a surprise."

"Okay just let me finish this last question on this application and I will be on my way."

***S*P*N***

"No way… Dean that is the greatest news ever!" Lisa said as she wrapped her arms around Dean's neck.

"Yeah, I'm happy too but it's like I don't really know what to do anymore. It's been a year…"

"Well I know what you can do," Lisa said arms still wrapped around him.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, I do. You can go on and you can keep living, grow your hair out, apply and go to college, get married, have kids and die when you're an old man, happy with your wife and 6 kids."

Dean looked at her. He had liked the sound of her plan up until the having 6 kids part. "Whoa there, six kids? If I have six kids you'd better believe that I'm not gonna be happy."

"Come on, six kids isn't a lot."

"Lisa, you have to understand that having a half a dozen kids isn't a dream, it's a nightmare."

"No- that's a perfect amount."

"Well I feel bad for your husband."

"And what if that's you?"

"Then I will refrain from sex…like forever," Dean said trying to maintain his straight face. Lisa laughed.

"So how many kids do you want?"

"None? Maybe one… two and that's my final offer," Dean said. It was nice thinking about a future and possibly a future with Lisa.

"Well I bet you'll be a great dad someday to your kids." Lisa said still hugging him. "So what do you want to do tonight?"

"Well, I wanted to take you out to lunch but first I've got to return something."

***S*P*N***

"What do you mean she's not here?"

"Im sorry but Amelia, she passed away," one of the nurses informed him. He had seen her before, heck she had even set up his pot a few times. He should have known her name because of her bright red hair but, at the moment, his mind was focused on one thing, returning something that didn't belong to him. Dean suddenly felt queasy and weak.

"How long?" He asked.

"Excuse me?" The nurse asked in confusion.

"How long ago did she die?" He asked raising his voice at the nurse. He was glad that Lisa wasn't by him at that moment.

"Pamela died 4 days ago. I'm sorry; we did all that we could." Dean rubbed his hand over his face roughly.

Dean looked at the round white plastic container that said Pamela's companies name on it. "Uh I just wanted to give her this container. She let me barrow it for cookies about a week ago but I just haven't gotten the chance to bring it back."

"Are you Dean?" Dean only nodded. "I'm Amelia's head nurse ever since she was diagnosed 2 years ago. A few nights before she died, she said something about a Dean and looking on the bottom of a white container."

Dean flipped the container over. "There's nothing here…"

"Here it'll help if you peel this plastic part back," the nurse said as she peeled back the plastic bottom of the container to reveal a message.

"She always put these hand written messages behind the plastic. If people could find them, then they were lucky. Go ahead and read it."

**Dear Dean, I'm sorry the news is so sudden. The docs told me I was terminal a while ago. I'm really hoping you will find this because if you don't I'm writing to myself. I just wanted to say that you are a very strong man and you will beat this disease. I know it. Thank you for being my friend through this whole journey. You made coming here worth it. Hope to see you again someday. But not too soon.**

**Pamela**

"It's a shame; the staff adored her."

"So did everybody else. It was hard not to," Dean quietly said.

*S*P*N*

*****Next chapter Preview:**

"Can I help you?" He said groggily and kind of annoyed.

"Um… hi… Is this…um is this the Winchester house?"

"It depends whose asking," Sam cautiously asked. He was told to always be suspicious.

"Are you Sam Winchester?"

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"Are you positive?" Sam nodded his head.

"I'm sure, shave it off," Sam said as he glanced at himself in the mirror. His hair, if you could call it that, was starting to fall out. It had been falling out for days. Sam hadn't wanted to acknowledge that it was happening but he had no choice now. He had to face this head on, literally, as Dean had said a few weeks prior, because it was inevitable. His hair had been falling on his pillow, in the shower; on the floor…it was time. "Do it."

"Alright," John said as he pressed the power bottom on the razor. It came to life with a buzz that Sam hadn't heard in a long time. John looked at Sam's patchy scalp once more before he put the electronic scissors to his scalp. He didn't stop until all of Sam's hair was gone and all he could see was a freshly shaven head. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen Sam's hair this short. Even when Sam had been born he was blessed with a full head of hair, definitely more hair than what John was looking at. "All done."

"Okay," Sam acknowledged quietly. He looked at himself in the mirror and felt the top of his head. He then took a deep breath. This had made the whole cancer situation more real, not that it wasn't real already, and it was like he could feel the cancer nipping at his flesh.

"I'll be right back Sammy," John said as he retrieved an item from his room. He had been holding on to it ever since hearing about the side effects of the treatment. He handed the soft item to Sam. It was a beanie that said Winchester on it.

"You really had it say Winchester on it?"

"Yup, I bought it before you started treatment... I didn't know if you would need it or not." Sam gave him a sad smile.

"Showing team pride huh?"

"You know it. We're the best team in town, just you and me against the world?"

"Yeah, but just me against the cancer."

"Nope, it's still you and me."

***S*P*N***

"Wait, your mom actually let you get a job?"

"Well it's at my Uncle Bobby's Mechanic shop… at his house but the point is, I'm working and I'm getting money. He needed some helping hands anyways so it worked out for the both of us."

"Do you think my dad will let me get a job?"

"Eh…"

"Yeah, you're probably right." His dad would never agree to that. "Are you sure they'll let me wear my hat at school?" Sam asked Dean nervously over the phone.

"Yeah I'm positive, they let me."

"I guess you're right… are you listening to music?" Sam asked.

"No I'm playing it. I'm just strumming some cords cause I'm bored, my dad taught me."

"That's cool, wish I knew how to play."

"I'll have to teach you sometime. But back to the hat thing, I used to wear hats every day the first few months after my hair fell out. You know what my mom told me one day?"

"You're going to tell me any-."

"She told me to lose the hat cause it showed insecurity and to tell all the people that couldn't stop staring to suck it."

Sam laughed at Dean's advice. "I bet she did…" he said dryly.

"True story."

"Thanks for the advice."

"Anytime."

"My dad and I are going to talk to the school about schedules and stuff like tomorrow so I'll make sure."

"Hey, you're coming to the support meeting next Wednesday right?"

"Yeah, I'll be there. Wait, I thought this group was for people with cancer. Why are you still going?"

"It is but ever though I'm in remission, the cancer still in my bones. It's going to be for a long time. It may not be affecting me right this moment but that doesn't mean that its 1000% cleaned out. Besides, if you hadn't notice, not everyone there has cancer. Some are recovering."

"Cancer sucks."

"Yeah, join the club."

***S*P*N***

"Hey dad. That was Dean; he said he's in remission."

"That's fantastic. When did he find out?" John asked.

"A few days ago I guess," Sam said casually, lying down on the vacant couch.

"I'm happy for him. Why don't you seem happy?"

Sam shrugged his shoulders. "I am too."

John watched him for a moment but decided not to push Sam.

***S*P*N***

"John, Sam everything looks good, the chemo is still working but not at the speed we would like it to. The amount of leukemia cells in Sam's body is too much for his body to handle, it's chocking out the good cells. We need to start thinking about a bone marrow transplant. It's not mandatory right now so I don't want you stressing out but it's something that might need to be considered in the near future." the doctor looked at Sam, now addressing his patient. "keep in mind that you've only been on chemo for a short while and that maybe your body just needs time to adjust to the chemo for it to start being more effective."

"What does this bone marrow transplant consists of?" John asked wary.

"Well, we would have to find a compatible donor. That means that this donor has to have 6 similarities within Sam's blood type, we like to call those markers. 6 is an exceptional match but the donor can have as little as 4. Generally we like to take bone marrow out of flat bones like in the hips. Siblings are a good start and have a 35% chance of being a perfect match and parents, a 10 % chance of matching. You don't happen to have any siblings Sam, do you?"

Sam shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe if my mom had kids," John stiffens at the statement. The thought of Imogen having kids with another man made him feel betrayed.

"Well After a bone marrow match is found, we will then start prepping them, Sam and the donor, to give marrow which means that we'll give the donor hormone injections. The hormones are to get the marrow to start multiplying so that there's enough for you. Did I lose anyone?"

"No keep going," Sam responded.

"Alright anyways, we'll start doing that about 2 weeks prior to the transplant. As that donor is getting prep so will you. Sam will be going through an intense chemo and radiation to get rid of all the leukemia cells so we can start fresh with the new cells."

"Okay we'll do it. Put him on the registry," John said immediately. He didn't have to think twice about a process that would save his son.

"No, we won't do it," Sam objected. Sam on the other hand wasn't very forthcoming to this BMT thing. He was almost 16 and wasn't about to let his dad make all his decisions without Sam's approval first, without being rational.

Sensing the tension in the room Dr. Novak said, "I'll let you guys discuses this. Let me know when you're ready." And he stepped out of the room.

"It's my decision and I'm pretty sure it's my body too. Did you not hear what I'll have to go through? The doc said ' _Intense chemo and radiation.'_ I'm not sure that that's something I want to go through or my body to go through."

"Sam, this could help save your life."

"Don't you think I know that?!"

"Sam, I'm not having you give up like-"

"I'm not giving up! I'm just… I don't know. I want a say in this decision and I want to do more research about this. Like I said before, it's my body."

"Yeah, but your my son."

***S*P*N***

"Thank God we're home…" Sam said as he walked through his front door. Sam and John had just gotten back from Sam's chemo treatment. It had been a few days since their fight and Sam still didn't want to think about the bone marrow transplant. John didn't like going behind Sam's back but it seemed evident to him that Sam didn't want to see the reality of the situation and that John had to take over. He decided to tell Dr. Novak to put Sam on the bone marrow list.

"I'm going to be making macaroni and cheese. Have any objections? Good. It's going to be from the box, in case you're wondering."

Sam smirked. "I can't even think about food… I told Ruby she could come over. We were going to watch a movie is that alright?"

"Of course that's alright. When is she going to be here?" John asked.

"I told her to come at five so in about 10 minutes," Sam said checking his watch.

"Well if you want anything don't hesitate-"

"To ask? I won't but thanks anyway," Sam said walking upstairs to his room. He laid down on his bed and thought about his day. It had been a pretty good one, minus the chemo.

"Hey Sam."

"Ruby?" Sam said with a confused look on his face.

"Duh who else would it be?" She said dropping her bag on the ground before she joined Sam.

"You're early. I thought you were coming at five."

"Sam it's 5:10. It's past five."

"Oh… I didn't even hear the doorbell."

"When was the last time I've actually rang your doorbell?"

"Like 4 years ago?"

"Exactly. Okay so my mom said I could stay till 6:30 so let's get started on the movie. Chop chop," Ruby said impatiently. Sam shook his head at her. "What?"

"You are so impatient…" Ruby stuck her tongue out at him.

"Bite me."

"Do you dare me?" She challenged.

"No cause you'd actually do it."

"Thought so," Ruby said with a smirk. "So what movie did you bring?"

"The third side."

"This isn't some lovey-dovey movie is it?"

"No that's next week… Didn't you get my text? We're going to see a chick flick."

"The hell we are," Sam said in disproval. "I'm going to make some popcorn."

"Remember I-"

"Want marshmallows on it. I know. How many years have we been friends?"

"Ten."

"Ten. Right on target... damn that's a long time," Sam said.

"Shut up," Ruby said pushing him. When Sam got downstairs, he found his dad cooking… with a blue apron on. "Since when do you wear aprons?"

"Sammy!" John said looking over at him. He quickly took the apron off. "I… I uh didn't see you there."

"Why were you wearing an apron? Whose is that anyways?"

"Uh it's nobody's. I just didn't…. I didn't want to get anything on my clothes."

"Right and the tooth fairy is real," Sam joked. He got out the pack of popcorn and put it in the microwave.

"Actually not entirely true. They-"

"Dad. Come on. Whose apron is that?" Sam asked again.

"It's mine…" John said lamely, head lowering.

"Wow… wait till Bobby hears about this. Or better yet Mary!" He teased as he got the popcorn out of the microwave.

"You wouldn't," John challenged.

"Oh… I so would," he said putting the marshmallows on the popcorn.

"Nah I don't believe you," John said calling Sam's bluff. He watched Sam put the marshmallows on the popcorn. "After 10 years of knowing her, I still don't know how marshmallows could possibly be good on popcorn…" he said shaking his head in disbelief.

"It's actually pretty good. Ruby said it had something to do with the sweet and salty blend or whatever," Sam said with a shrug. "I better get up there."

"You two have fun…but not too much fun. No funny business. Leave the door open."

"Dad, were just friends, that's just gross," Sam said walking up the steps.

"That's what they all say," John muttered.

When he got to his room, Ruby was fast forwarding through the preview. "Okay, I've got the popcorn," he announced handing the bowl over to her.

"You don't want any?"

"Nah I'm feeling a little nauseous," he said dismissively.

"If you do puke, don't puke on me," Ruby said as she started the movie.

"Are you kidding? If I have to puke, I'm coming for you. I have a free pass," he countered.

"Are you still caught up on that? It was 3 years ago! And it was your fault! You knew I was allergic to bananas," Ruby argued.

"I didn't know you were that allergic honest…"

"Yeah whatever."

"Shhh the movie's starting," Sam said as he got comfortable.

While Sam and Ruby were watching their movie, John called Mary for support and advice on what to do about the BMT. She always knew what to tell him. She told him that it was natural for Sam to want to make his own decisions because A) he was a teenager and B) he was nervous and C) he was feeling vulnerable and like his opinions didn't matter. John thanked Mary and after their phone call he also called Bobby and Ellen to also tell them the news so they weren't left in the dark because they had helped Sam and him so much and they deserved to be informed.

***S*P*N***

When the movie had ended, Ruby stuck around for a while longer then went home and Sam immediately went to sleep after they said good bye. The chemo had hit hard. He had been feeling crappy.

When Sam woke up the next morning, sleep had done nothing to make him feel better and he had felt nauseated the whole morning. Considering he hadn't eaten much except a little bit of popcorn and marshmallows the night before, he really didn't have anything in his stomach to throw up. His dad had been called into work so he was stuck home by himself. Before John had left, he had set some anti nausea pills for Sam to take and called Bobby over to keep an eye on him. After Sam took his pills, he decided to lie down.

Sam had only been sleeping for a half an hour when he was woken up by the doorbell. He groggily sat up and rose to his feet and went to answer the door. He figured it was Bobby but thought it was weird that he didn't just let himself in. He cracked the door open. There stood a woman with wavy strawberry blond hair down to her shoulders and blue eyes. He was glad he was wearing his hat right then. She was wearing a coral blue shirt with skinny blue jeans.

"Can I help you?" He said groggily and kind of annoyed.

"Um… hi… Is this…um is this the Winchester house?" she stammered.

"It depends whose asking," Sam cautiously asked. He was told to always be suspicious.

"Are you Samuel Winchester?"

"It depends whose asking," he repeated grumpy. At the moment, he felt like slamming the door in her face so he could just go back to sleep. "Can I help you or…?"

*S*P*N*

When John had gotten out of work, he realized that he had had 13 missed calls. All of them were from Sam.

"Sam you there? Everything alright? I'm sorry; I left my phone in the car."

"Come home quickly. Please," Sam said desperately.

"Is Bobby not there? I told him to come over and keep an eye out for you."

"No he's here too just come here quick," Sam said hastily, hanging up.

When John had gotten home, there were 2 other cars in the driveway. One Bobby's and one unknown. He unlocked the door and went inside. On the couch, 3 people were seated. Bobby, Sam and…

"Imogen?" John looked at the woman who had left him 15, almost 16 years ago. This was Sam's mother and the first person that John had truly loved. With Imogen standing in front of him, released all these emotions. Most of which John hadn't felt since she left. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to ask, but he couldn't, not in front of Sam. She hadn't changed a bit. She still looked like the young care free women that he fell in love with.

"Hi John," she said. It was the first words that he had heard from her since her departure and it was almost foreign, just almost. Her voice seemed troubled. John cursed himself for realizing the change in her voice after all this time.

"I'm going to head out," Bobby said awkwardly. This was a family issue.

"What are you doing here?"John asked after Bobby had left.

"I would like to talk to you, in private," she added.

"In private?" Sam interjected. "Don't you think that this has something to do with me too? I'm the son you never got the chance-"

"That's enough Sam," John said sharply. He came closer to Sam and quietly told him, "I'll explain later, I promise. Please just go to your room."

"I can't believe this-" he started but stopped, after seeing the tired look on his father's face, and decided to do what he was told.

Once Sam left to go to his room, John and Imogen were quiet.

"This house is very nice," Imogen said breaking the thick silence between them.

"How did you find me and why did you come back?" John said ignoring her compliment. She was in no position to give any.

"My parents told me where you lived. Mark wants a divorce." John wasn't mad at Imogen's parents, it was in there nature, they had always believed in a happily ever after. He didn't blame them, he had too believed in it once.

"So that's why you're here? To talk about your failed marriage? What do you want from me Imogen?" John said tiredly. Imogen was about to answer when her phone started ringing and she excused herself and answered.

"Adam, I'll be home soon, I promise. Nana will take care of you. I love you, gotta go," She said as she hung up.

"Who's Adam?" John asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

"Adam…" Imogen looked up at him with an almost ashamed expression. "Adam is our son."

**DUNDUNDUN! Review! Help me out here.**

*****Next chapter Preview:**

"Have you been crying?" John asked concerned.

"Yeah, I just don't feel good." John quickly took her in his arms.

"Here, I'll take you to your bed so you can get some rest."

"Thanks John," she said as they walked to the room. John tucked her in.

"Now that's better huh?"

"Yes. Thank you. Can you lay down with me?"

John wrapped his hands around her. He didn't have to think twice. She suddenly felt safe, like nothing could ruin the moment.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"What do you mean Adam is our son?"

"Well, last week, Mark and I had a paternity test done. It was his request. We found out that he's not a match to Adam and he's accusing me of infidelity. If Adam isn't Mark's then he's yours because you're the only other-"

"Stop," John said putting his hand up. "How do you suppose we find out?"

"Well, I think we should take a paternity test," Imogen suggested.

John looked at her, baffled. "A what?"

"A paternity test. They take DNA from both parents to see if the child is a match."

"I don't even know what this kid looks like and you want me to take a paternity test?"

"I have a picture," Imogen said as she handed him her phone. John looked at the picture and chills went down his back. The boy had dirty blond hair and green eyes, Sam's eyes, Imogen's eyes. His heart skipped a beat. There was little doubt that Adam wasn't his. "Will you please do it?"

John looked up at her hopeful expression. "I'll do it," he answered. Imogen smiled going to hug him but John swiftly moved out of her reach. "You…you don't get to do that."

Her arms retreated to her sides and she looked down. "I understand."

"Do you?" John asked. He knew what he was going to say to her now. He wanted to make sure she understood the life she had given away. "I don't think you do. You barged in here like you had never left. Sam and I have been able to build a family just fine. We've lived a good life, without you. Imogen…" he paused. The name sounded so unnatural. "If you think that you can just barge in here and fix everything, you're mistaken."

"I know and I'm sorry. That may seem like empty words but I assure you, they're not."

"How can you just expect me to be so forgiving?" John looked her straight in the eyes and Imogen suddenly felt physically cold. "How can you expect Sam to be?"

***S*P*N***

After Imogen had left, John braced himself and went to go confront Sam. There was so much to tell him and he was trying to figure out if he should bring up the whole Adam thing. He waited until Sam gave him the clear to come in before he opened the door. Sam was sitting on his bed reading  _Down and Under_ , a book that he had read 500 times already. "Hey, you have a minute?"

"It depends," Sam retorted.

John sat at the edge of Sam's bed and crossed his arms across his chest. "I think it's time that you've heard the whole story." Sam immediately put his book down, he hadn't really been reading it anyways, and sat up straighter giving his dad his undivided attention. "Well, we were every young at the time…"

_*****************FLASHBACK***************** _

"No, no, no, no, no." 18 year old Imogen's worst fear had just become a reality, she was pregnant. This could not be happening. She was supposed to be going to college soon, starting her life, not sitting home with a crying baby. She quickly put the pregnancy test at the bottom of her trash. Looking at herself in the mirror, she began to cry. She loved John and wanted to start a family with him someday but she still had to do so much more with her life.

She heard a knock on the bathroom door, it was John. "Imogen? Is… everything okay? Your mom told me that you weren't feeling good. Can I come in?"

She cleared her throat. "Yeah I'm alright. I was just going to the bathroom. I'll be out in a sec." She turned the sink on and quickly whipped away tears. She opened the door to find John.

"Have you been crying?" John asked concerned. He moved strands of her strawberry blond hair that had fallen from her messy bun and whipped her tears away. Imogen looked at him deciding what to say, whether or not to tell him the news. She knew that lying to him was pointless and that he would find out but right now, she didn't have the courage to face it all.

"Yeah, I just don't feel good." John quickly took her in his arms.

"Here, I'll take you to your bed so you can get some rest."

"Thanks John," she said as they walked to the room. John tucked her in.

"Now that's better huh?"

"Yes. Thank you. Can you lay down with me?"

John wrapped his hands around her. He didn't have to think twice. She suddenly felt safe, like nothing could ruin the moment.

"Imogen- do you want to tell me what this is?" John asked.

"Where did you get that?"

"From the bottom of the trash. I thought that since you weren't feeling good, I would take out the trash. The test fell out. How long have you known?"

"I just found out today I swear."

"Yeah, that's why it was at the bottom of the trash. When were you planning to tell me?"

"I don't- I don't know, maybe today, soon, later. I just… I just needed time to think about what I was going to do."

"And what exactly were you planning on doing?"

"I just… I would have figured it out."

"Why do you keep saying I? It should be  **we**. **We**  should figure it out;  **we**  need time to think about what  **we** we're gunna do because  **we**  made this baby. Now, that baby is mine just as much as yours and you know it! What were you planning? To terminate the baby?" John asked quietly. Abortion was considered taboo in his family. Imogen looked down at her hands. She wasn't going to lie; the thought had crossed her mind but only for a second. "I can't believe you thought of that…" John had to pace for a moment before calming down and reached for her hands. He hadn't realized that she had been crying. "Look, I promise that I will take care of you and this baby for the rest of my life because I love you both."

Imogen looked up at him and breathed in deeply. "Okay John."

* * *

_**8 months later** _

"I can't do this anymore," Imogen said looking at her stomach in the mirror. She was almost finished with her 9th month and the baby was due in less than a few days. However, she had been feeling contractions all day.

In the last few months, she and John had gotten engaged and were planning to get married after the baby was born. "John I think he's trying to crawl out himself. I can feel him." She paused for a moment to breathe through the pain. "John I really want to go get this checked out. I think I'm going into labor."

"What?!" He said rushing into the bathroom. "Okay I'll get the bag and help you out to the car just please don't have the baby here, please."

"I won't John. Just get me to the hospital- it's starting to hurt."

"Are you ready to start pushing?"

Imogen nodded weary. She was tired of being pregnant. In her mind it wasn't a beautiful experience at all. She couldn't focus or get her classes done, she felt fat, and like everyone was staring at her because of it. John seemed very happy though, had practically said it every day but this baby, wasn't what she wanted right now. Sure she wanted a family someday but not when she was 18. In her opinion, she wasn't being selfish, just stating what she wanted. Thinking back on it, she wished they had used protection. She thought it would be okay, it had been only once that they weren't protected. She wished she could take that night of passion and traded it for a night at the movies or something.

After a half an hour into pushing, Imogen was fed up. "John, I'm scared. I can't push anymore… I can't do it," Imogen said weakly. The strenuous pushing had left her tired and willing to give up.

"The baby's heart rate is dropping," one nurse announced.

"Come on, Genny, one more push. Then it will all be over," John said as reassurance. She grabbed his hand and nodded, she was going to try once more. Once the doctor started the countdown, she began pushing.

"I…2…3…4…5…"

"It's a boy!" the doctors

Everything seemed to slow down and the only sound that Imogen could hear was the baby's. He was okay.

"He's breathing on his own Looks like he has strong lungs. What are you going to name him?" the nurses asked as they cleaned the baby.

"Samuel Blake Winchester," he answered.

"Well, Samuel is 7Ibs 2 ounces. Congratulations to the both of you."

"Thank you," John said for the both of them. After they were done cleaning Sam, they checked his heart rate and lung function and handed him to John while Imogen was being cleaned up.

"Hey Sammy… I've been waiting a long time to meet you," John said as he held his son. Sam's head moved to the side a little. After Imogen was settled in bed, the nurses showed her how to breastfeed. "He's beautiful huh?"

Imogen nodded and looked down at Sam who was still sleeping soundly. They were alone now. Imogen was tired, so tired that she could barely keep her eyes open. "Yes he is," she said then began to tear up.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just need to get some sleep..." John took the baby from her.

"That's understandable, I'll take him and we'll see you tomorrow."

* * *

One night while Imogen was folding clothes and Sam was asleep in his bassinette in the living room, John spoke up. Sam was 3 months old and ever since Sam had been born, Imogen had been a wreck. Imogen had struggled with depression in the past but she hadn't had a bout for a very long time.

"What's been going on with you lately?" John asked leaning on their door frame. Imogen glared at him.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you've been acting different lately."

"Oh yeah? How so?" Imogen asked as she folded the clothes faster.

"I see the way you look at him. That first night when we brought Sam home, I saw you crying. I know that it was a mixture of sleep deprivation and lack of energy but I saw something else..." Imogen was now folding the clothes furiously now. How dare John say that? Who did he think he was accusing her like that? She had just had a baby for crying out loud. "Well? Are you going to say something?"

Imogen threw the peace of clothing she had in her hands, which happened to be one of Sam's orange pants, and exploded. "WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY JOHN? That I don't love him? Because I love Sam, I do. How could I not?"

"I never said you didn't love him, I know you do. I just want to know what you're feeling, how you're really doing," John said calmly. He knew when she got this way that it was best to stay calm and let her talk through her feelings and let her know that he was on her side.

The way John had looked at her made her emotions go haywire. "It's just hard, okay! I went from being an 18 year old, ready to go to college to being a mom who's not going to college and that's really hard," She yelled as tears started flowing down her cheeks. "I had everything planned out. I was going to go to get my microbiology degree, marry you, and THEN start a family. I had to deviate from the plan and now look at me. I'm jobless, don't go to school, have a 3 month old baby that never sleeps and on top of that, I'm not even ready to be a mom!" She said through her tears. "I had everything planned…" she repeated.

"Imogen, life isn't always going to work as planned."

"I know."

Something all of a sudden clicked in John's mind. "I don't want to ask this but… are you- have you been taking your medicine?" Imogen gave him a murderous glare. "The doctors said that after people have babies they-"

"I hate when people ask me that! Drives me crazy! Yes I'm taking them. All I'm saying is that I love Sam, and he's a miracle but for another time."

"Imogen, I know that everything happens for a reason. Maybe we needed Sam in our lives." John combed his fingers through her long strawberry blond hair and whipped a tear from her cheek. Even though she had been crying, she was still beautiful. "So what do you want to do?" John asked. "What do you need? Just know that I'm here for you."

"I don't know…I just don't… I had a plan!" She said once more. John wrapped his arms around her as a gesture of love.

"I'm sorry that you feel that way. How about you go stay with your mom for the night, get your head cleared for a few days," John suggested arms still wrapped around her.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'll even help you pack. It seems like you need the break."

"I'm tired right now but in the morning I'll go pay her a visit."

"That sounds good," John said as he started to let go.

"No… don't," Imogen said. She looked up at him. "John… it's been 3 months since I've been back from the hospital."

"Yeah and?" Imogen looked at him expectantly and smirked, he wasn't taking her hint. "It's been almost 3 months so… OH you mean you want to have sex?" John asked quietly.

"Sam's asleep in the other room. Come on, please. It's been more than 3 months." She needed to something else besides feeling overwhelmed and lost.

"Are you sure?"

"Please John, I need this."

* * *

"Hello?"

"Hi John, it's me."

"Imogen? Where are you? I've been trying to contact you for hours. Your mom alright? When are you going to be home?"

"I'm not coming home."

"What do you mean you're not coming home?"

"I mean I can't come home. I love you and Sam but I just can't do this anymore."

"Don't be ridiculous," John said in disbelief. "We can do this, I know it."

"I've pumped several bottles for Sam at my mom's house... I thought I could… I thought I could handle it- thought everything was fine- but it's not I can't do this." The line cut after that. He threw the phone on the couch in anger and disbelief. She had called from a payphone. Untraceable. What John did after that, he wasn't proud of. He dug through all of her stuff.

John held up the bottle of antidepressants and shook it. "I knew it," John said under his breath. That night he counted every single pill 3 times. The number 24 held true every time. She had only taken 6 out of the 30 pills in the bottle.

After that night he couldn't get a hold of her. Nobody in her family knew where she was. She had played them and she obviously didn't want to be found.

4 Months later, Imogen's mother Caroline handed John something. "I found this in her room." It was Imogen's engagement ring.

"Thanks…" he took the round object out of her hands and stared at it. They had planned to get married in august. Summer had always been Imogen's favorite season. "I never wanted this for Sam..."

"I know what she did was selfish. Are you going to be alright?"

"Eventually. I think Sam and I are moving to Kansas. I have family down there that I just need right now. I would love it if you guys came down to visit. Heck, my mom loves you guys."

"If you think that's best then by all means do it. Wyatt and I would love to visit. We love Sam, you and even though Imogen's going through a hard time, we love her too."

"You and me both..."

_*****************END FLASHBACK***************** _

"And after that, we moved here."

"Did you ever see her again before tonight?"

"No. I mean her parents ordered a private investigator on her about a year after she had left, they couldn't take it anymore. She ended up moving to Michigan. She was right under… well above my nose and I didn't even know it."

"Why didn't you chase after her?" John didn't have to think about his answer.

"What did you want me to do? Leave you behind? You were…you were a year old, just starting to walk, when they found her again. I couldn't have taken a baby all over the US with me. You needed me and I needed you believe it or not." John paused for a moment. "You look so much like her… not that you look girly but… you do look a lot like her. "

"What's her life like now?"

"Before we get talking about her, I have something to tell you. It may not be true but like you've said countless times, you deserve to know."

"Okay… is it bad?"

"No…I don't know really." John searched for the words to tell him. When he did, John told him about Adam and How there was a possibility that he was his brother.

"What's his name?" Sam asked simply.

"Adam. He's 14. I swear I just heard about it today. We're not even sure if he's related to me."

"But it's highly? When will you find out?"

"Whenever we do a paternity test I guess."

"Well thanks for telling me. I appreciate knowing. If he is, I've always wanted a brother I guess."John was surprised at Sam's reaction. He thought that Sam would argue with him but he didn't. In fact, Sam seemed calm. "You think she loves Adam more than me?" Sam asked. John's heart felt heavy.

"Despite everything, she loves you. You may think it ain't true but she does. She was suffering from depression and postpartum depression and on top of that, being 18. I guess I should have told a doctor about the changes in her but I didn't know for sure and I honestly trusted her. My mistake was ever letting her go."

"Thanks for telling me dad. It meant a lot to me. Did you tell her?" Sam asked suddenly. John looked at him confused.

"Tell her what?"

"You know, about my cancer?"

Sam never ceased to amaze him. He rolled his eyes at the fact that Sam seemed un-phased by the fact that John had just shared two big bits of information with him. He guessed it was the only-child-syndrome kicking in. "No, I didn't but sometime she's bound to find out." John looked over at Sam. "I'll admit, you've been ready to hear this for a long time. It was me who wasn't ready to tell you."

***S*P*N***

"So when I see you tomorrow, can I touch your head?"

"No Ruby, you cannot touch my head," Sam grimaced.

"Ever?"

"I'm going to hang up on you."

"Okay wait like ever EVER?"

"Definitely not."

"Why?"

"Because you touching my head would just be plain weird," Sam replied.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me you shaved your head. I thought we were the best of friends."

"No we aren't. In fact I don't even know who you are or why I'm talking to you. How'd you even get my number?"

"Even though you can't see me, I'm rolling my eyes at you."

"I figured. So what movie do you want to watch on Monday?" Seeing a movie at the dollar theater the Monday before school started had been a tradition of theirs for years.

"I want to go see Eleanor Rigby."

"As in the Beatles' song?"

"Yeah but they made a movie out of it. Man, you've been way out of the loop."

"Yeah well, what's it about?"

"Well the movies about a murder through two sibling's eyes."

"And…? That's all you can tell me?"

"That's all I know! I don't know much else; the trailer didn't do a very good job explaining anything."

"I don't know…" Sam said reluctantly.

"Come on, you know how much I love the Beatles! Besides, you picked the movie last time."

"Yeah but I think I should pick the movie since I have cancer," Sam tried.

"Bull! I'm not taking your sympathy card. You don't get to cash that thing in, like ever. We're going to go see this movie whether you like it or not. So you can go take that sympathy card and shove it-"

"Are you sure you don't want to see Radioactive?"Sam asked, cutting her sentence short.

"Over my dead body! That movie sounds lame."

"I'm pretty sure that could be arranged…"

"Shut up... I'll be at your house at noon!" Ruby said hanging up.

***S*P*N***

"Admit it, you loved it," Ruby said as they were leaving the movie theater, on their way to their favorite ice cream place.

"It was pretty good."

"That's it? That's all you're going to give me?  _Pretty good_?"

"Pretty much," Sam said nonchalantly with a shrug. Ruby glared at him. "See what I did there?"

"You're an idiot...and you're unbelievable; your eyes were practically glued to the screen. They were so big that you looked like a power puff girl."

Sam pursed his lips. "Which one?"

"The pink one," She answered with a smirk.

"Come on! You know I love  **B** ubbles." Ruby threw her head back and laughed.

Ruby shook her head. "You are too much…"

"I blame you. You're the one who made me watch it with you when we were younger."Once they'd reached Sweet Thang, Ruby ordered mint chip and Sam ordered his usual, chocolate chip cookie dough.

"I have to tell you something."

"What is it?"

"Uh… a few days ago… my  _mom_ came back."

"Oh my gosh… Wow. How can you be so casual about this? Do you know what she wants or why she's here?"

"No clue… but all I know is that I don't want her in my life."

"Why?" Ruby asked.

"I feel betrayed… she left and didn't come back. I obviously wasn't important enough for her to stay."

"Then tell her that," she suggested.

"I can't say that."

"And why not?"

"Because that's rude. I'm not like you. I can't be so straightforward."

"We all know that," Ruby muttered. "But it's not at all rude. You're just telling her how you feel. There's nothing wrong with that Sam. If you talk to her just tell her what you said to me. She'll never know unless you tell her."

"Okay subject change please. I don't want to talk about my mom anymore."

"Okay. That's fine." Ruby paused. "I think as long as I've known you, you've always ordered chocolate chip cookie dough…why?"

"Because…it's good?"

"Yeah but why don't you switch it up once in a while?"

"I don't know," Sam shrugged taking a bite of his ice cream.

That night, Sam thought about Ruby's question.  _Why don't you switch it up once in a while_? He guessed it was because he didn't like change or rather change scared him.

He had always been in this little bubble that never changed. All his life it had been him and his dad, his grades had always been consistent and he had always known what he wanted to be when he grew up. His mom being back was jeopardizing the life that his father and he had created, a life without her. They had built this thick wall around them so that it wouldn't crack, it wouldn't break and now, it seemed as though that wall was starting to tremble.

He had had a goal at one point: he wanted to go to Stanford, he wanted to be a lawyer, he wanted to one day marry the love of his life. Now, he was uncertain of what the future would bring or if there was even a future for him. He hated having to change his path. It seemed like everything was changing in his life and he didn't want it to- didn't know how to stop it. He didn't even know if he could stop the change around him and that scared him.

*S*P*N*

*****Next chapter Preview:**

"She wants to explain herself because she thinks it's important."

"Maybe I do hate her," Sam spat.

"Nah, I know you don't."

"How do you know?"

"Because I've known you all your life."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

To say that Sam was nervous was an understatement. Sam was so anxious, he felt like he was going to throw up. He definitely had his doubts about coming back to school. He didn't look like the same person who had left three months prior. It seemed like every ' _what If'_  question imaginable was flipping through his head.

That morning, he got ready, dressed in jeans and a grey shirt, took his medicine and was now in the process of fixing his knit Winchester hat. He just couldn't seem to get it right.

"Hey, almost ready to go? The bus'll be here in five," John informed him.

"Its 6:30, the bus doesn't come till 6:40," Sam pointed out confused.

"You know that crazy bus driver comes early."

"Yeah, you're right."

"You want me to drive you? I don't have to be at work till eight," he offered.

"Nah, I'll be okay. But thanks anyways."

"Your hat's fine," John said. Sam stopped and looked at his dad through the mirror. "Even though you've had a tough summer... it's not going to be bad today."

"What?" Sam asked confused.

John had never been great with inspirational words. The speech had taken all morning to think up and he still had managed to screw it up in five seconds. "At least I got the first part right… Let me start over. What I'm trying to saying is that you're going to have a great day and to not worry about the other classmates, they don't know shit." Okay, maybe that wasn't the speech John had planned out but it would have to do. Sam shook his head in disapproval and began to laugh.

"I can't believe you just said that," Sam said through his chuckles.

"What? It's true, they don't know anything." John's logic only made Sam laugh more. "Okay, instead of laughing at your old man, why don't you go get your backpack and get out of here," John grumbled light heartedly.

After Sam had fixed his hat once more, he gathered his backpack and was off to the bus. When he arrived to school, the confidence that his dad's speech had given him was still surprisingly intact; and the fact that Ruby was in his home room, only boosted it. In his first period, the only people there were himself, Ruby, and about 10 other people, most of them were on their phones listening to music. The teacher looked up at him. Her hair was a dark brown and her eyes matched. She looked like she had just gotten out of college. He assumed that she was new because he didn't recognize her.

"Hey, are you Sam Winchester?"

"Yeah," Sam confirmed guardedly.

"Would you mind coming over to my desk for a moment?" She asked. Sam walked slowly to her desk and the teacher started to speak very quietly, Sam could barely hear her. "Hi, I'm Mrs. Modica. The principle informed all your teachers about your situation. I wanted to let you know that if you start feeling like weird or anything out of the ordinary just tell me and you can leave to go to the bathroom or even the nurse, okay?"

"Um, yeah sure. Thanks."

"And if you wanted to inform the class about- you know what, you could definitely do that whenever. But you don't have to if you don't want to."

Sam was tempted to opt out right there and then but he held his ground because he knew the news would come out eventually. "I'll think about it."

"Okay, thank you." After that, he took a seat next to Ruby.

"Hey hot stuff," Ruby said.

"Hey. Didn't see you on the bus this morning."

"Yeah sorry, the rents drove me," Ruby answered. "So what were you guys talking about?"

"Confession. Just leave it at that."

Once the bell rang, all 18 seats were filled.

"Good morning and welcome to English 10. I know how much you guys don't want to be here and let me tell you, the feelings mutual; it's way too early. My name is Mrs. Modica. I would like to tell you a bit about myself first. My favorite color is magenta. I'm married and have a 2 year old daughter named Taylor and my family and I moved here this summer from Alaska. We're going to go around the room and I want you to tell me your name, favorite color and something you did over the summer. I used to hate when teachers did this but it's a great icebreaker," she said with a smile. One by one, his classmates introduces themselves until it was Sam's turn.

"Uh I'm Sam. My favorite color is green and this summer… I received treatment for my leukemia. It's a blood cancer. No, you can't catch it because it's not a cold. It's only in my cells, in my DNA and nobody else's. Just treat me like anybody else." Ruby took her cue and began to speak.

"Hi I'm Ruby. My favorite color is ironically red and this summer-" she pointed her thumb to Sam. "I spent a lot of time with this nerd." Sam smiled at her. She always seemed to know how to lift his spirits, Even though it was kind of a backhanded compliment. After her statement, he didn't feel so out of place. He mouthed a 'thank you' and she replied with a wink.

During class he was handed his schedule and found out that he had 3 classes with Ruby English, gym and math which was a relief. The rest of the day went by well. He found out that Dean was in one of his classes and in his lunch block every other day. He was told that he didn't have to do gym, so instead he could hang out in the library. Even though he loved gym, with all the fatigue and the chemo, he didn't think he could do it. When Sam got home, his dad was still at work so he made himself a sandwich. The first thing John asked when he opened the door at 3 was about his day.

"It was pretty good. I see Dean every other day and Ruby's in my home room. And I met a new friend. His name's Ash he's pretty weird but kind of cool."

"See, told you that you were gonna have a good day."

***S*P*N***

"Adam is a 97 % match," Doctor Pike informed both Imogen and John.

"Are you sure?"John asked.

"Positive. Mr. Winchester, Adam is your son."

"Thank you," John responded as they both left the room.

"I wanted to ask you something," Imogen asked. John stopped walking and turned around.

"Ask."

"Uh… is Sam… does Sam have some sort of a cold or something. I'm only asking because he looks sick. I don't know... I just…" John looked at the ground. He was hoping that if it came up, Sam would be the one to tell her, it wasn't his place. "What are you not telling me?"

"What's Adam like?"

"Don't change the subject. What are you not telling me?" Imogene paused. John was quiet. This is what he had always done, when a subject came up that he didn't want to talk about, he would diverge the conversation to something that he was more comfortable with. "Fine. I'll answer your question but you have to answer mine next. Deal?" John gave her a short nod. "Okay, well he's funny, sweet and smart, when he actually applies himself. Lately he's been going through this rough patch, I don't know."

"What do you mean a rough patch?" John asked. If the kid was anything like John when he was younger and going through his 'rough patch', it meant that the kid was the equivalent to the devil.

Imogene rolled her eyes. "He just…uh well I guess it's been going on for a year now. He's been making changes to himself like to his appearance. His hair used to be dirty blond but now it's black and longer. I guess he's just trying to find himself and I really have no problem with that, I think it's good when kids want to find themselves because they're their own persons," Imogen finished. She sounded so passionate towards Adam and it made John wonder what she would have been like with Sam, if she had stayed. "Now please, can you answer my question John?"

John didn't look at her at first. "Sam… uh… Sam's sick."

"I got that. With what?"

"Leukemia, AML. The chemo isn't working as fast as it should. The doctors were talking about a bone marrow transplant. Just talking."

"He's not dying is he?"Imogen asked mortified.

"I don't…He's going to be just fine."

"Is it a donor that Sam needs? If Sam needs a donor, Adam will be his donor. Anything that he needs we'd be happy to-"

"Hold on. The doctor said that we should wait to see if another combination of medicine will work, he's only been on chemo for about 3 months, he doesn't need it now." John usually didn't like to share information so easily but talking to Imogen, was simple. He hated how he was still drawn to her even though the feelings that he had had for her in the past were gone.

"John, why didn't you tell me?"

"Well it's kind of hard to tell you these things when I couldn't get a hold of you. When your parents found you, by that time, Sam was starting to walk and I couldn't travel around with a baby nor could I leave him. He needed at least one of his parents."

Imogene nodded "Sam…" she took a deep breath. "He hates me with a passion doesn't he?"

"Well he's not too fond of the situation but he could never hate you."

"How do you know?"

"Because, his hearts too big," John said with a smile.

Imogene's eyes started tearing up and she nodded, accepting his reassurance. "When can I talk to him?"

"How about now? He's actually in treatment but he just started."

"I can't-"

"You can and you will. Waiting isn't going to make things any easier," he advised.

"Will he be too sick?"

"Nah, he usually never throws up during treatment anymore. It's afterwards that you have to worry about."

"Okay then, lead the way."

"When you get in there, don't stare. His self-esteem will go even further down the drain and right now, it's not that high to begin with. Don't talk to him like he's sick either; he hates it when people treat him differently, like he's weak, 'cause he ain't. That boy in there has been through a lot and he's a fighter. I want you to treat him like one."

"Okay, you've got it."

"I just wanted to make those points clear. Let me talk to him first," John said as he walked toward Sam. Sam was talking to Garth who, by the looks of it, was about ready to leave. He was being unhooked. He walked a bit closer to Sam and he turned around. "Hey Sammy, we just came back from the doctor and they found out that Adam is a match..."

"So… what now?"

"We'll obviously have to take it one step at a time. There's someone who wants to talk to you."

Sam immediately knew who he was hinting towards. "What if I don't want to talk to her?"

"Well the way I see it is that you aren't going anywhere for a few hours so you have no choice." Sam scowled at him and rolled his eyes. "I want you to be respectful to her, even though you don't think of her as your mom, she's still an adult. Listen to what she has to say. As much as I hate 'talking things through' I think you guys need it, she thinks you hate her. She wants to explain herself because she thinks it's important."

"Maybe I do hate her," Sam spat.

"Nah, I know you don't."

"How do you know?"

"Because I've known you all your life, your heart is about the size of a pumpkin, you don't hate her." Sam opened his mouth for a comeback but realized he didn't have one. "I'm going to leave you guys to talk for a little bit. I promise I won't leave you long."

"Whatever." John patted him on the as a way of encouragement.

He walked over to Imogen. "Well, he's as ready as he'll ever be." That was her cue to go. She walked slowly towards him. This was it. What would his response be towards her? Despite what John had told her, Sam hated her and she knew it. She wished she could take everything that she had done back, but she knew she couldn't. "Hi Sam."

"Why?" Sam asked immediately in a hushed toned, like it pained him to ask. All these years, this question had been building up and now he finally had the chance to ask it. "Why did you leave me and my dad? Were we not important to you? Did you even ever love us?" Sam asked. Each question felt like daggers to Imogen.

"Let's start from the beginning." She paused to look at the son that she had never known. He looked so much like John but he had her eyes. She couldn't help wonder if John thought so too. "Uh… Before your dad and I started dating, I struggled with depression. When I found out that I was pregnant with you, I wasn't taking my antidepressant and my doctor said that it wouldn't be good for you if I started taking them again. The pregnancy was good, but toward the end I started feeling depressed again so right after you were born, I was put on some more. I stopped taking them after the first bottle 'cause I thought that I was fine. That's the worst thing I could've done but at that time, I wasn't right in the head. I was 18, I felt Overwhelmed and I felt like my whole world was slipping right through my fingers. Did your father tell you about Adam?"

"Yeah, he did."

"Well about 2 months after I… left…. my boyfriend Mark at the time made me go to the doctors because he had noticed some peculiar behavior. The doctors told me that I was pregnant and after some more testing, the diagnosis was in and it turned out that I had been suffering from bipolar disorder. My doctor told me that if they hadn't of caught it sooner, then I would've had attachment problems with Adam, which is exactly what I had with you. At that point, you must have been 5 months old, I felt like I couldn't go back. I was also seeing a different guy so that was another reason. I thought Adam was Mark's. When I had Adam, you were about a year old and it just made it that much harder. I admit that I was a coward. And I screwed up a lot of people's lives, including mine because I missed out on you guys and I honestly regret that. If I could take it all back I would do it in a heartbeat, wouldn't even have to think about it. At the time I didn't know what I had thrown away and I know that I'm the worst person for doing that to you, you can admit it because it's the true."

"I don't think you are," Sam said. For so many years, he had been harboring all this anger towards her but after hearing the reason why, he wasn't as angry anymore. All the bitterness and all the emptiness that had been built up for 15 years was starting to fade and it was truly a weird feeling. His hand seemed to have a mind of its own and it grabbed her hand. "What's Adam like?"

"Well he's sweet funny and smart when he wants to be. Probably the exact replica of you," she said with a smile. "Your dad and I found out the paternity test results," she trailed off.

"Yeah, I know. He told me when he came in here."

"Your dad told me about the bone marrow transplant. I want to get Adam tested. But mostly, I want to say how sorry I am and that I feel like a coward for even leaving you and your dad and I have blamed myself ever since I left you. You guys didn't deserve what I put you through and I feel stupid and I don't expect you to ever-"

" **I forgive you** ," Sam said slowly cutting her off. His heart was pounding. There they were, the three words that he thought he would never be able to say, could never say. Sam had always told himself that he never would but after hearing her side of the story, he felt different, more accepting. Maybe even a little sympathetic. The words that he thought she didn't deserve a month ago were easily given freely now and they were genuine. " **I forgive you**."

***S*P*N***

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Dean rolled his eyes at Anna and shuddered at the thought of oatmeal. "Help me put this away."

"You better get used to it. By the looks of it, mom likes it. That means it's going to be in our food a lot. "

"What? It can be in different foods? Were all gunna die..." Dean muttered as he started to put the dish in a container.

"Why don't you like oatmeal?"

"I don't know, I just don't."

"Is it because… dad liked it?" Anna asked.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"Tell me why we're here again?" Dean asked Lisa.

"I told you like 6,000 times. We're going Christmas shopping." Christmas was Lisa's favorite Holiday. Not because of the presents, although they were nice, but because it was a time to hang out with family. Her older brother Daniel always came home from college and everyone just seemed to be generally happier.

"Christmas isn't for another 3 weeks though," he complained.

"Dean, I know you like to procrastinate and get your Christmas shopping done like two days before but it's actually good to get things done early. What if there's a huge snow storm right before Christmas and I can't get the stuff I need, huh? Besides, I'm volunteering at that camp again and I need to get stuff done. Look at the bright side, at least the stores don't look packed. Think about how packed it will be a week before Christmas," Lisa told him. She had been begging Dean to go with her for a few days now. The last time Dean they had gone shopping together was about 3 months after Dean had started chemo. They had gone because his clothes were getting too big and he needed some hats. This time, Dean had only agreed to go with her if he didn't have to try on clothes. Lisa didn't mind, she just wanted to go shopping, Dean never took her anywhere near a mall.

"Ok, where to first? I promised my mom we'd be home for dinner. She's making Mac & cheese soup," Dean added.

"Well…" Lisa said pulling out her list. "I have to get my mom a necklace, my dad this book he wanted, my brother a microwave and Sam the complete 8th season of some show called Supernatural… that's it. I've said all of them."

"Um…Aren't you missing someone?" Dean asked with a nervous chuckle. "I was thinking of a person very close to you…right now… who has a Black Sabbath sweatshirt on…who loves burgers…" Dean listed.

"Oh, I'm sorry I totally forgot your mom. She's been so nice. Oh and how could I forget! Anna too she-"

"Lisa…" Dean whined.

"I'm just kidding Dean. You know that. I didn't forget about you handsome." Dean tried not to redden at the nickname. "I would never," Lisa said kissing his cheek.

"I know that…"

"Besides, I've already bought your present. Turn right, we have to go get my mom's necklace," Lisa said leading Dean over to a jewelry store.

"Hello welcome to Galaxy's Jewelry. Do you need any assistance?"

"Oh, no thank you. I think I know what I'm looking for," Lisa responded.

"Ok, well if you want to look at any jewelry behind the glass close up, let me know. I hope you find everything okay."

"Me too," Dean mumbled.

"Thank you, we will."

"Do you have any idea what this necklace look like?" Dean asked.

"It has two- there it is." Lisa said quickly walking over to it.

"The angel wing one?" Dean said looking at the simple necklace.

"It's so beautiful and it's just what she needs."

"How about the butterfly one? I thought she liked butterflies."

"I really wanted to get her this one… but that butterfly one over there is beautiful too… oh! What about that dove one right here? It's gorgeous too! No this heart one is perfect!" Lisa squealed.

Dean leaned on a nearby wall. _Why did I even agree to come?_

***S*P*N***

By the time they got out of the jewelry store, or  _jewelry hell_  Dean would call it, it was 30 minutes later and Dean was starting to get hungry.

"I just know my mom is going to love the butterfly necklace!" Dean rolled his eyes at her comment. The butterfly necklace was the one he had recommended from the start.

"Dare I ask… what's next?"

"Well my dad's next then my brother then Sam. Their presents are at the same store."

"Ok lead the way," Dean told her. His stomach could wait for now.

Once they got there, Lisa was able to find her brother's microwave and Sam's TV series easily. Her dad's book on sociology was very difficult to find. They had to go to a different store since they couldn't find it.

"Can you not get him like Volume 4? You said that he had never read it before."

"No he needs volume 5. He's read volume 4, its volume 3 he hasn't read," she corrected.

"Then why not get him that one?!" Dean practically yelled. He was tired of being at the mall and he was so hungry that his stomach was hurting. Frankly, he wasn't in the holiday spirit at that moment.

"Because I told you, he hated it and never finished-"Lisa paused when she noticed that Dean was leaning heavily on one of the shelves. "Babe, you ok? Are you in pain?" Lisa asked him in a muted voice.

"No I'm fine," Dean said sharply.

"Yeah I can see that."

He instantly regretted his tone. He hadn't meant for it to come out like that. "I'm sorry Lisa. I didn't mean to snap at you. And No, I'm not in pain I'm just- do you mind if we go or I just get something to eat?" Dean asked.

"Sure, not at all."

"Let's just look for the book first," Dean insisted.

"That's ok; I'm not going to be able to find it anyway. I'll just order it online. Let's go get something to eat," Lisa said grabbing his hand and leading him to the food court. "What sounds good?"

"Um… well since we're sharing, what do you want? I can eat just about any-"

"Tofu kebabs!"

"Absolutely not," he said firmly. The thought of tofu made him want to throw up.

"Oh come on Dean! Tofu is so good! It just soaks up whatever sauce they put on it and it's just-"

"Absolutely not," Dean said again. He didn't have to hesitate. He had told Lisa from the beginning that he would never eat tofu.

"Ok fine… how about…. Sal-"

"Let's not finish that sentence."

"Come on Dean you said anything! We had burgers last time I ate with you!"

"Yeah, but that wasn't a real burger and it was like 2 weeks ago!" Lisa crossed her arms. "Ok fine. How about we just get a sandwich and that way, we'll both be happy," Dean suggested.

"Ok fine. Let's get in line there's like two people. What do you want?" Lisa asked as she pulled Dean over to the line.

"How about the… meatball-"

"Sounds good."

"We finally made a decision about something, good timing too cause we're next."

When they were finished making the order, they sat down at a table and started eating their sandwich. To Dean, it was heaven. To Lisa, it hit the spot. Once they were finished, Dean looked at his watch. It was 6:38.

"Ok, what else do you have to get?" Dean asked as they threw away their trash. "We have a bit of time before dinner."

"Well… I need to get a jacket for Anna. She said she wanted a green utility jacket."

"My mom already bought her one," Dean informed her.

"Oh then I'll have to get her a laptop case. Hasn't she been asking for that since she got her computer?"

"Yeah, she wants a yellow one. I don't even know why she likes the color yellow. When I think of yellow, I think of pee." Lisa smiled at his comment.

"Well why do you like the color blue?"

"Because it doesn't remind me of pee," Dean simply said. "I'm going to get her a flash drive because she's always using mine. She's always using my stuff..."

Lisa just scoffed. "Turn here. The computer store is this way."

"There's like nobody in here," Dean commented.

"Yeah, I know. That's a good thing," Lisa said. By the time they were out of the computer store, it was time to go home and it was starting to get dark. As they were walking out, they heard yelling behind a vacant store. It looked like a couple.

"You should have never broken up with me Nella," a boy yelled. He sounded like he was in his teens. From what Dean could see, he had blond curly hair.

"Matt, get out of here! Don't you get it? I don't want to be with you. Please just leave me alone," the girl said furiously. She had red hair that was styled into a long bob. Her face was red from crying.

"No. you see I can't do that," Matt said pulling out a gun.

"Whoa…Lisa, call 911. I'm going to try to hold him off till the police come," Dean told her.

"Dean no-"

"I can't just let these too teens mess up their lives. I've hunted monsters before, holding off two teens won't be nearly as difficult," He told her. He walked towards the couple.

The boy pointed the gun at Dean. "Don't move!" He noticed the guy had tears training down his face too.

"Don't do this Matt- please don't!" The girl said crying. He pointed the gun at her.

"I have two bullets in here…one for me and one…one for you Nella, I love you… and – and we are going to be together,  **forever**. Nobody… can break what we have together. We love each other," Matt said in a shaky voice. In fact, his whole body was shaking.

"Matt is it?" The boy only glanced at Dean then went back to staring at the girl.

"Get the hell out of here," he told Dean. "It will all be over soon," Matt said.

"You have so much to live for; you don't have to do this," Dean said. He meant it.

"Shut up! I only want to be with Nella. Nobody else."

"How about you put the gun down," Dean offered calmly. "You haven't killed anyone yet, there's still a good chance that you could walk away from all of this scot-free."

"You don't know shit about what I'm going through!"

"You may be right but I know that killing yourself isn't worth it. If you really loved Nella than you would never let anyone lay a finger on her- including yourself. Whatever you're dealing with, it will get better. Trust me," Dean finished.

Matt started to breath heavily. Tears started to run down his face. It seemed like Dean was breaking through to him.

"Please matt," Nella pleaded.

"I'm sorry Nella. If I can't have you, no one can," Matt said. When Dean heard the familiar click everything seemed like it was in slow motion. Without thinking, he swiftly pushed the girl out of the way just as the gun went off. As Dean and Nella hit the ground, he heard another shot.

"Dean!" Lisa screamed. She ran up to him to see if he was alright.

"Lisa, I'm fine I just landed wrong."Dean went to sit up but he was pushed back down with crippling pain on his right shoulder. He had been shot.

When the paramedics arrived, Dean was holding his shoulder and he was sweating.

"Dean is it? We need you to move your hand so we can see the damage," a paramedic ordered.

"I can't… it hurts," Dean said. His breathing was shallow. He was so tired. Why wouldn't these people just go away? Couldn't they see that he was so tired?

"On the count of 3 I want you to move your hands." Dean agreed and on the count of 3 he did just what he was told. They quickly put an oxygen mask around his face and started to stop the bleeding. Once he was okay to transport they got him into the ambulance and to the hospital.

***S*P*N***

When Dean had woken up the next morning, he was groggy and he didn't have the slightest idea why he was at the hospital and why his arm or why his arm was in a sling. Lisa had to fill him in. She told him about the boy Matt and his ex Nella and how Dean had tried to talk him out of it. She explained that when he had tried to shoot Nella, that Dean had tried to push her out of the way and how the bullet had gotten him instead.

"You had to have surgery to get the bullet cause it was lodge into your shoulder. The docs said that if the bullet would've been an inch higher, it would've hit your collar bone."

"Why am I so dumb? I should've beaten him up when I had the chance. The one time I listen to my mom and use my words, this is what happens."

Lisa laughed. It was amazing how Dean could make light of the scariest situations.

"So is my mom here?" he asked.

"She had to step out for a second to talk to the doctors."

"So you said my shoulder?" Dean looked down at his hospital gown and felt his right arm.  
"What happened to my clothes?"

"They had to cut it off actually because they had to get to the wound."

"Damn it! That was my favorite shirt…" Dean pouted. "What happened to the two teens?"

"Well-"

"They both died didn't they?" He asked in panic. Then he remembered that Matt had only had 2 bullets.

"No no, the girl lived but the guy… he was dead when the paramedics got there."

"Damn it."

"Don't be so hard on yourself," Lisa said, trying to comfort him. "You're a hero. Remember that."

"Oh yeah? If I was such a hero then why did that guy die?"

***S*P*N***

Dean had just been dosing off when he heard a soft bang on his door. It had only been 3 days later and Dean was getting antsy. He desperately wanted to leave the hospital, he couldn't stand them, but the doctor had wanted him to stay so he could heal. He felt like he was obligated to take a long break from hospitals ever since his remission. It was now Christmas break. He had missed 4 days of school. This obviously wasn't the first time he had missed school for a long period of time but it was the first time since he had been in remission. He hated missing it more, as weird as it sounded. It made him feel isolated and like the whole world was going on without him, leaving him in the dust.

"Come on in," he encouraged. The door opened, a red haired girl walked in. Her hair was up in a pony tail and she had on a grey cardigan and a dark blue, white polka dotted skirt.

"You may not recognize me but… you saved my life."

"I remember you. How could I not? Your ex is the reason I'm here. It's Nella right?"

The girl nodded. "I just wanted to say thank you and that you're the reason that I'm standing here right now. I'm sorry for what Matt did."

"Well you don't have to say that. It's not like I'm a-"

"Hero? Don't ever say that. It wasn't your fault that Matt died, it wasn't. How could you have saved us both? He didn't want to be saved, it's as simple that," Nella finished. She then told Dean that Matt had been abusive towards her and that he had attempted suicide a few weeks prior. "You're a hero and don't let anyone tell you differently."

"Thank you…About matt… I'm sorry he's gone now. That suicide thing… I don't know if that makes feel better or worse."

Nella smiled sadly at him. "I know it's not the best news but all I'm trying to say is that it wasn't your fault. I had tried to get him some help but he refused to listen to me. Even his parents tried but they couldn't get through to him. And yeah I'm sad but I'll eventually have to get through it, I have to for myself. I don't want to keep you long. I just wanted to show my gratitude for what you did for me," she said pointing to herself for emphasize. "And what you did for him." She paused for a moment. "Whatever you may think, you're still a hero."

***S*P*N***

The next morning, Dean was allowed to come home. His doctor had advised him to take it easy for the next few weeks till his stitches and shoulder stabilizer- which kept his shoulder to his side- were able to be removed.

"Can I please go take a walk?" Dean begged his mom.

"No. you need to rest."

"I'm tired of resting. I've been doing that for a year. I want to do something! Lisa's not here to keep me company. Come on." Lisa was volunteering at a winter retreat for Children who had autism for a few days. It was something she had done, willing, every year since she was 13. Because she was worried about Dean, he had to practically beg her to go and had to reassure her that he'd be fine without her.

"Dean you just got back from the hospital and you're sore all the time. You think I'm going to let you go around the block? What if you trip on the ice out there?" Dean looked outside. It had just snowed the night before but it didn't look too bad.

"It's just one loop. Mom, it doesn't even look icy. I'll even get the mail while I'm out there," Dean said exasperated. "Come on I'll take it slow! I swear. I'm not even in pain anymore. See," Dean said trying to move his shoulder with little success. The movement still made his arm hurt a bit but he wasn't about to tell his mom that. It was kind of weird seeing his mom being so overprotective, usually she gave him space.

"Okay fine, I will let you walk around the block. I want you to call me when you're almost home, okay?" Dean agreed and kept his mouth shut. He didn't want her to change her mind. As he started putting on his shoes, he felt a throbbing pain.

"You better not let mom see you like that. Here, Let me help you," Anna said as she bent down to help him into his shoes. She then helped him with his jacket. Doing tasks with one arm were difficult.

"Thanks Anna. I owe you one."

"Don't worry about it big brother…you owe me a lot," she said with an evil smirk walking away. Dean couldn't help but smile. She had learned that evil smirk from him.

Halfway around the block, he realized that his mom was right; his shoulder had starting to hurt a little. When he got back to the house, he grabbed the mail and started to flip through it. Mary Campbell…Mary Campbell… Mary Campbell… Dean Campbell. His first thought was that it was probably sympathy mail or a congratulations letter; he had been getting a mixture of both a lot recently. When he walked in the house, he kicked off his shoes noting the fact that it was easier removing the shoes than actually putting them on then he handed his mom her mail. Lastly, he sat down to open his letter. It didn't have a return address. In the envelope there was a little note and a slip of paper.

**Here's my thanks to you.**

He took out the small slip of paper, it was a check. His eyes skimmed over it and he almost stopped breathing at the total amount which was 8,550.

"Mom? I have to tell you something."

"What is it?" She ask walking in the living room. Dean handed her the check.

"What's this for?"

"I don't know, it's anonymous," he answered completely baffled.

"Well… I say you should keep it. It's obviously yours and Dean-o, I think it's safe to say that you definitely deserve it after the hell you've been through."

That night, Dean decided to call Lisa. She had one more day at the retreat left.

"Hey babe."

"Hey, what are you doing right now?" Dean asked.

"Walking to the dining hall, the leaders have a meeting but I'm a little early what's up?"

"I just received 8,550 bucks."

"What? From who? You're joking."

"I'm not joking and I'm not sure who it's from, it was anonymous," he explained.

"Hm… wait, maybe it was that girl! What was her name again?"

"Uh Nella…"

"And her last name?"

"I think it was Cogel… I think that's what I heard. It was on the news but I only watched like a minute of it."

"Duh! How could I not have known?! Danielle Cogel. She's the daughter of the man who owns the hospital you were staying at."

"… How did you know that?"

"Because I pay attention to people, that's how. You know, I think I've actually seen her before…"

"I pay attention!" Dean pouted.

"Dean, your attention span is worse than a gold fish. I don't think so."

***S*P*N***

"Wake up Dean! It's Christmas!" Anna shook Dean. Dean pulled the blankets up over his head. Anna had been waking Dean up for Christmas ever since she could talk. Because of her, Dean dreaded Christmas mornings. Anna waking him up early for Christmas was inevitable. He had even tried locking his door at one point but she still managed to get in.

"Get out of my room! You always do this! Year after year after year!" Dean yelled.

"But it's Christmas!" She pleaded.

"… Why do you always do this to me?" Dean groaned. "I'll be out in a minute."

"Whatever you do, don't go back to sleep," she reminded him. Dean threw a pillow at her but she dodged the flying object and went down to the kitchen.

"Is he awake?"

"Yeah, you know how he doesn't like to get up on Christmas."

"It's weird since he's a morning person…"

"I'm up and I can hear you…. Are you happy? Sorry I'm late. I had to put my sling on and I had to call Lisa." Dean explained walking into the kitchen. His hair was going in all different directions. It had grown a lot since he stopped chemo. It was to his ears now.

"Oh yeah, it's her birthday today right? Is she still coming over?"

"Maybe. I'm going over to her house later. What's for breakfast?"

"Cinnamon maple Quinoa casserole," Mary responded. Dean looked at the casserole.

"Keen on what?"

"It's quinoa. It's a type of whole grain." Mary handed Dean a spoon. "I want to start eating healthier."

"But we do… I thought I was supposed to gain weight not lose it!"

"Try it."

Dean examined the spoon. "Am I gunna like throw up or something?"

"I promise you won't."

"Here goes nothing," Dean muttered with a one arm shrug. He put the spoon in his mouth.

"So how do you like it?"

"It's good," Dean mumbled.

"I'm so relieved. You're going to love the new healthy foods! I'm going to go get ready, have a bowl and I'll be right down."

"Okay mom, we will."

Once she was gone, Anna looked over at him. "You hated the quinoa didn't you?"

"Hated it so much," Dean said putting his spoon in the sink. "Did you like it?"

"I thought it was pretty good, it tasted like oatmeal. I'm surprised she didn't catch you in a lie."

Dean rolled his eyes at Anna and shuddered at the thought of oatmeal. "She probably did, mom has a sixth sence. Help me put this away."

"You better get used to it. By the looks of it, mom likes it. That means it's going to be in our food a lot. "

"What? It can be in different foods? Were all gunna die..." Dean muttered as he started to put the dish in a container.

"Why don't you like oatmeal?"

"I don't know, I just don't. It's just mushy and gross."

"Or is it because… dad liked it?" Anna asked. Dean stiffened. "Why don't you ever talk about him?"

"No it's not because dad liked it," Dean insisted. "And I talk about him."

"No Dean, you don't. I mean sure you say little comments but I have never heard you full on talk about him. It's healthy to talk about him sometimes, you know."

"I don't need you to tell me what's healthy and what's not," Dean put the leftovers in the refrigerator. Taking a deep breath, he turned back to Anna with a softer expression. "Look Anna I know you want to be a psychologist someday but, stop picking at my brain. I let dad go a long time ago."

"I was just trying to help. Sorry for picking at your brain," Anna apologized. She didn't believe Dean but wasn't willing to push him further. She was surprised that she got that much out of him.

"Eh, it's alright. I pick on you sometimes."

Anna rolled her eyes. "More like relentlessly…"

"As your big brother, that's my job!"

Anna smiled at him. "You need to get a new job…"

***S*P*N***

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*****Next chapter Preview:**

"Dean, Jimmy and I have something to tell you."

"Yes we do," Jim said making googly eyes at Mary. Dean felt like he was going to vomit. "So as you know, your mom and I are in the medical field and we just clicked. Your mom and I are getting married! Happy birthday Dean!"


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

" _Dean, Jimmy and I have something to tell you."_

" _Yes we do," Jimmy said making googly eyes at Mary. Dean felt like he was going to vomit. His mom and his doctor?! There was no way. "So as you know, your mom and I are both in the medical field and just clicked you know? So your mom and I have decided to get married!_  Happy birthday Dean _!"_

Dean jolted awake and looked around his room. His mom was sitting on the edge of his bed. He sighed in relief. "It's all a dream… it was all a dream." He whispered to himself.

"You okay?" Mary asked.

"What?" He asked dazedly; sleep still seemed to be calling him.

"I was just saying happy birthday... bad dream?"

Dean rubbed his eyes. "Yeah, something like that…"

"What about?"

"You don't want to know… I didn't even want to know."

Mary smiled at his comment. "Well alright, you have school in a little bit. Get ready. I have a surprise for you."

"What is it?"

"I'll give you a hint: Its food," Mary said leaving Dean to get ready. Dean lay back down for a few more minutes before deciding to take his shower. Since he still had his port, he had to make sure he cleaned it every day and covered it before his shower. He looked at his port. This was the only reminder that his cancer ever existed. His doctor had advised him to keep it in for a year. Mainly for precautions and easy access for another blood transfusion, like when he was shot. It had been a little over a month since his injury and his shoulder was about healed. He still had a little bit of stiffness but it wasn't anything that physical therapy couldn't fix. He felt good and he hadn't felt that in a long time.

After he was done with his shower, he got dressed in one of his plain grey undershirt with a dark blue flannel shirt and dark jeans. Halfway down the stairs, a sweet smell hit him. He knew what the surprise was going to be. Chocolate pancakes. His mom only made them three times a year: the first day of school, his birthday and the start of summer. Just those three days. Not even for Christmas.

"Why do you only make chocolate pancakes three times a year?" Dean said sitting down at the table. Anna was already sitting across from him eating a pancake.

"Dean, I'm a nurse. What do you expect? Having pancakes for every meal isn't exactly what I would call healthy. I told you: if you could eat a whole salad for me, that I would make them for you more often but as we all know, you can't. I know that you weren't allowed to eat salads when you were on treatment but you should try them now."

Dean frowned. "Yeah… I'm going to have to pass on that one. I think not being able to eat salad was the only good thing that came out of treatment."

"I don't get it… it's not like salads will hurt you. I love them. They're healthy," Anna cut in.

"Yeah," Dean snorted, "says the girl who's on her third pancake. Aren't you like a cheerleader or something?" He joked.

"Shut up," Anna said with an eye roll.

"I feel bad for all the people who have the pleasure of lifting you up," Dean said, taking a bite. His mom's pancakes were always perfect.

Anna's face brightened. "Then why don't you take my place Dean? I bet they could just fling you in the air with no effort at all," Anna smirked satisfied. Dean glared at her but was quiet.

"In all fairness, you  _did_  start it," Mary shrugged as she sipped her coffee. She let the joke pass; Dean wasn't one to get hurt easily. "Hey, Bobby called and he wants you to help him out today. I really don't want you to start working again but I know you do; so think of this as a birthday present. Now don't roll your eyes at this but I don't want you to overwork yourself. I know you tend to do that sometimes but your body just can't do that right now."

Dean slowly nodded. "I know." It was embarrassing when his mom said those kinds of things in front of Anna.

"After you drop Anna off for cheer practice, go straight over to Bobby's. I have to be in for two deliveries so I probably won't be home until late. Okay?" Dean nodded again.

"School. Anna. Cheer. Bobby. Help. Home. Got it."

***S*P*N***

"Hey boy," Bobby greeted Dean, patting his good shoulder. He noticed how boney they still were. Really, how skinny Dean still was. "Dang boy, you need some meat on those bones."

"Trust me Bobby, I'm trying. You try to gain 5 pounds a week. It's harder than losing the weight."

"Yeah well I bet I could do that… so how're ya feeling'?" He asked.

"I've been feeling good, not so sore. Which is nice," Dean said. "There's only a small scar now."

"That's what I like to hear. Now, let's get back to business. I need your help."

"Lead the way old man," Dean teased. Bobby rolled his eyes and led Dean to a blue car that was completely smashed. It looked like it had rolled down a mountain. Twice. "What the hell happened to this?"

"Oh, some dumbos gave their 16 year old daughter this for her birthday and well… she totaled it a week later. She's alright, just some cuts. Never give 16 year olds new cars."

"But, I got a car when I was 16…" Dean said 'as matter fact'.

"Yeah, but your car is from 1967, not from 2013 and definitely not an Escalade. And besides, you're responsible... enough." Dean smirked.

"I didn't even realize what it was…well it's gonna take a lot of work to fix this… four hands are better than 2 huh?" Dean asked as Bobby and he got supplies to start- or rather attempt to fix the car. Dean worked on the undercarriage of the car while Bobby worked on the body. Teamwork at its finest.

"Do you remember that time your dad and I took you on your first fishing slash camping trip?"

"How could I not? I swear those mosquitoes almost ate me alive."

_*****************FLASHBACK***************** _

Bobby Singer had just parked his truck in his sister's drive way when he heard his nephew's voice.

"UNCLE BOBBY! YOU'RE HERE!" Five-year-old Dean yelled as he ran over to his uncle giving him a giant hug then started dragging bobby to the house. "Come on! Mommy and Daddy are waiting inside for us." Dean stopped for a moment and looked at Bobby. "Oh and Anna. But she can't come cause she's too little."

"You ready to go?" He asked following Dean inside his house.

"I'm in the dining room feeding Anna," Mary yelled out.

"Hey Mary," Bobby said giving his younger sister a hug.

"Oh Bobby you don't know how glad I am to see you… Dean has been talking about this trip for days now."

"Has he?" Bobby said with a chuckle looking over at his nephew. Dean was making faces at Anna and she was giggling. "Where's Trevor?"

"Right here and ready to go," Trevor said, walking up to them. "You rented the boat right?"

"Sure did," Bobby confirmed.

"Aw look! All my little boys are going on a camping trip!" Mary teased. "Ok you two, I'm going to go down the check list one more time. You tell me if you have everything I say," Dean nodded an ok. "Toothbrush," she listed.

"Check," the two of them said

"How about clothes?"

"Yup," they both said again.

"Fishing poles and sleeping bags?"

"Check," Bobby said. "Already got them in the car and the tent."

"Matches and a lighter?"

Trevor nodded. "Just packed them."

"Ok I think you two are ready but I have just one more question for Dean…do you have underwear packed?"

"MOMMY…" Dean said embarrassed, face turning red. Both Bobby and Trevor chuckled.

"Okay, Okay… I was just making sure."

"I'm gonna go pack the car and put Dean's car seat in place. Meet me in the car in 5 minutes. Got it?" Bobby said taking the two camping bags.

"We better start heading out if we're going to make it by noon," Trevor said. After Mary said her goodbyes to Trevor she bent down to say goodbye to Dean.

"Come here Dean-o. Give Mommy a kiss before you go." Dean ran up to her and gave her a hug. Mary squeezed her first born tightly and kissed the top of his head. "Are you going to have fun?"

"Of course!"

"Are you going to forget about me?"

"Mommy, I would never! I'm only going to be gone for 3 days…" Dean dragged out, holding out three little fingers.

"Well have fun with daddy and uncle bobby. You behave," Dean only smirked at her.

Having made it to camp, they immediately set off to catch fish. Dean was set on catching the biggest one.

"Dean, I told you to hold on to your fishing rod!" Trevor said aggravated. Bobby was trying to hold back his chuckles. Dean had thrown his whole fishing pole in the lake, again. Trevor looked at the floating Scooby doo fishing device. This had been the third time.

"I'm sorry Daddy… here, I'll go get it," Dean said as he started to jump out. Trevor immediately pulled Dean to his chest

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Trevor said. "You cannot jump off the boat Dean. Daddy will go get it." Trevor used his fishing pole to bring the Scooby doo one closer. Once it was by the boat and at reach, Trevor grabbed it. "There."

"Thanks Daddy."

* * *

At the end of the day they had only caught a few fish but that was okay, at least they had fun.

On the second day, Bobby and Trevor taught Dean had how to start a fire and they went on a nature walk.

"See these berries here?" Dean looked up at his and nodded with his big innocent green eyes. "You definitely don't want to eat those," Bobby advised.

Dean looked up at his Uncle Bobby. "But why?" Dean asked. Bobby chuckled at the fact that Dean was still in the 'why' stage. Mary and Trevor were probably going crazy.

"Because it says so in this book. But you can't always base it off a book," Trevor explained.

"Are we gunna eat any good berries? I like berries," Dean said nodding his head.

"No, I don't think today Dean-O," said Trevor.

"But mommy says that if I eat berries, I'll grow up big and strong like you and Uncle Bobby," Dean explained.

"Well that's true but these are poisonous berries."

"Poisonous," Dean said slowly. He had heard it before but didn't know what it meant. "What does poisonous mean?"

"Well poison is something that will make you very, very sick," Trevor clarified.

"Is it like when I have a cold and mommy gives me tomato rice soup and sings 'Hey Jude' to me?"

"More sick than that. Like throw up sick."

"Gross! I don't want to eat those berries. No way!" Dean said making a disgusted face.

* * *

On the third day, it was time to go.

"You okay Daddy?" Dean asked, noticing his dad scratching his arms and his neck.

"Yeah, these mosquitoes got me good. Those darn things are everywhere."

Dean shook his head. "I don't think so Daddy…you have red spots on your skin and Uncle Bobby told me that there's a plant that makes you itch. Maybe you touched it."

"No Dean, don't be ridiculous, its mosquitoes," he argued.

"He could be right," Bobby cut in coming up from behind them. "Did you pick up any leaves or anything?"

"Yeah but it wasn't poison ivy, I checked in your great big book of everything." Trevor showed Bobby the leaves he had picked that morning. Bobby looked in his book and flipped through the pages.

"Idjit… well you didn't look close enough because there it is right here." Trevor looked at the page then looked at the leaf.

 _Shit_ , he thought scratching his arm again.

Dean began to laugh. "Daddy, you're silly."

_*****************END FLASHBACK***************** _

"I remember that poison ivy business. He was complaining the whole ride home."

"Your father was always a whiny one." Both Dean and Bobby chuckled. "All this laughing is making me hungry why don't you say we take a break and have a snack? We can work on this when we get back."

"Deal. You know what I really want right now?"

"What?"

"A cheese burger with everything on it," Dean said with a smile. Bobby just shook his head.

"You crazy kid," he said. "Well we can go to that burger place you like. That's if you feel like you can stomach it." Dean thought for a little bit.

"Let's do it. I can handle it."

In actuality, Dean chickened out on getting a burger with everything on it and opted for a burger with cheese instead. It was the first real burger he had had in over 6 months and it was great. Bobby had gotten a burger with caramelized onions and pickles; Dean had been envious for a little bit but knew he wasn't ready yet. Once finished, they went back to Bobby's house and began working on the car again. By the time 5 o'clock rolled around, Dean realized it was time to pick Anna up and said his goodbyes to Bobby. He and Anna got home 10 minutes later.

"Why is it so dark inside? Mom always leaves at least one light on." Dean noticed opening the front door.

"Surprise!" Anna yelled. Dean automatically went for his pocket knife and Anna had to hold him down. He hated surprises. "I know you hate surprises but this is kind of the whole point." Dean looked around at everyone. Sam, John, Garth, Andrew, Lisa, Bobby and more were gathered under a sign that said  **Happy 18th Birthday Dean!**

"Happy Birthday Dean!" Mary cried emerging from the kitchen. "Dinner is almost ready." Dean didn't answer, he was still in shock. His mom had never thrown him a surprise party before.

"You threw me a surprise party?" He asked.

"Yeah, looks like it. I thought since it was your 18th and all, I would do something embarrassing. I bet everyone wants to talk to you, go on have fun."

***S*P*N***

"What was it liked getting shot?" Sam asked as he took a sip of his water.

"It hurt really badly. It was definitely unexpected because when I pushed the girl out of the way, I thought we dodged the bullet. I didn't even know I'd been hit until I tried to sit up and felt the pain."

"Well I'm glad you saved that girl." Dean just nodded. "So what's it like being in remission?" Sam asked. He hadn't gotten the chance to ask Dean, considering everything that had been happening lately.

"Well it's good. The only thing that's different is that I don't have chemo anymore. I still have all the pain, I still have to go to check up and I still have to take a shit load of meds. I swear if someone were to cut open my stomach, they would find a rainbow," Dean joked. Sam laughed and adjusted his hat.

"I wish I was in remission… doc just told me that I might need a bone marrow transplant."

"Well if it comes to that, I'm sure they'll find you a donor. Don't worry."

"Easy for you to say," Sam sighed.

"You will. Well have a party when you're better."

Sam grinned from ear to ear. "I'm holding you to that."

"Okay guys the birthday pie is ready," Mary informed the group. "Come on up."

"Birthday pie? Really Dean," Garth asked him turning away from Andrew, who he'd been talking to.

Dean turned to Garth, "What have you got against pie?"

"Nothin', it's just that normal people don't usually have pie for their birthday."

"I don't think you could consider me normal," Dean said with a smirk.

"Are any of us?" Andrew commented.

Dean laughed. "Touché my friend, touché."

"Okay, I want everyone to start singing when I push record," Mary told them. Dean rolled his eyes. His mom always videotaped both his and Anna's birthdays every year. The birthday song was off key but Dean wouldn't trade it for anything. The apple pie tasted like heaven to Dean. Pie was also something his mom rarely made, if he wanted pie he had to go get it somewhere else.

By the time everyone was done eating, there were only a few small pieces left and it was time to open presents. Dean always told people that they didn't have to buy him anything but they always did. Lisa had gotten him jacket, he had received weights from Andrew with a note saying he needed to "buffen" up. Garth had painted an AC/DC picture for him and Anna had given him new headphones, since she had broken his last pair. Mary had given him a new guitar and Bobby had promised to change the impala's wheels and fix his speakers. Sam bought him an amulet and Dean received a Led Zeppelin cassette tape from John.

"Thanks for coming guys," Dean said as people were getting ready to leave. Lisa gave him a kiss goodnight and told him that she would text him later. It was almost 12 o'clock when the party ended. The only people left were Sam and John. Anna had gone to talk on the phone in her room and Dean and Sam were watching TV. John was helping Mary clean up.

"Hey can I talk to you privately?" John asked Mary.

"Sure, it's kind of cold out but the porch is the most private it's going to get. We could get out coats," she suggested.

"That'll be perfect," John said grabbing his coat and following Mary out to the porch.

"So what's on your mind?" Mary asked.

"Uh well the doctor said that the new medicine is working a bit faster but they're still keeping Sam on the list. He doesn't want to do it still, doesn't want to think about it even. We haven't even talked about it outside of the hospital. His doctor told him that they would have to clear all the cancer out with some pretty intense chemo and radiation so I think that might have scared him a bit. I mean I don't blame him I would be scared too. He's gonna be sick for a long time," John said. "My biggest concern is what if we get Adam tested, and he's not a match. It will be devastating for Sam, and me."

"Well then he's not and you move on. John, anything could happen," Mary told him as she put her hand on his back to comfort him. "Who knows? He could be a perfect match."

"Everything happens for a reason right?" John said quietly. They were both quiet for a moment until John broke the silence. "How do you always do that?"

"Do what?" Mary asked confused.

"Make me feel more at ease with something that's so… so foreign, so unpredictable?"

"You and me, we need to stick together so we can be strong for our families. Oh and because I'm just that good," Mary responded with a smile. John had the sudden desire to kiss her. He couldn't ignore his feelings anymore. He put his hands on the side of her jaw and brought her face closer to his lips and placed a gently kiss on her lips. All the pain that Imogen had put him through didn't matter. At that moment he realized that he would be alright. Kissing Mary made him realize that he had been hiding his feelings for her within himself so he could keep the past pure, like it had been. "I'm sorry I just… I've wanted to do that for a long time. I don't know what else to say…"

"Then don't say anything," Mary said kissing him back. John pulled away for a moment.

"I can't ignore these feelings anymore… Mary I- I alls I want is you and I see myself loving you. I know this is a lot to take in and it sounds crazy and all but the truth is that I haven't felt like this in a long time. I have blamed myself for a long time now for everything bad that has happened to Sam but you made me feel something other than worthless. I was wondering… or rather-"

Mary kissed him again. "I'll go out on a date with you."

***S*P*N***

*****Next chapter preview:**

"I don't want Sam to know, he needs to focus on himself right now. Last time I checked, he's not doing so well."

"He's going to find out."

"No he won't, not till I'm ready to tell him."

"It's your decision."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

"You sure you want to close up shop tonight?"

"Uncle Bobby," Dean drew out with an eye roll. "I'm 18 and perfectly capable of closing the shop while you're gone. I promise I won't over-do anything," Dean assured him. "You're just like my mom."

"Well, we are related…" he offered.

"Not my point."

"Look I just want to make sure, relax."

"Relax?" Dean repeated. He couldn't believe bobby was telling him this. "You know how many times a day my mom asks me about my health?"

"Dean I-"

"Well there's when I wake up, when I don't feel like eating breakfast, if I sneeze, when I go out, when I come back and when I go to bed." Dean ran his hands through his hair. "If I have to have four more years of this, then I'm going to snap."

"Looks like you already have…" Dean gave him a glare. "Just give her some time to adjust. She's never been through the 'remission part' before. I'm sorry I asked."

"It's alright. It's just that I don't need a reminder of my cancer. I have a while till I'm in the clear."

"Yeah, but you've been doing well. What is this, your sixth-"

"Seventh," Dean corrected. "It's been since July."

"Well seven months, my bad. I think you're doing fine. I guess I just need time to adjust too."

"Thanks Bobby… would you just leave now?"

"You want me gone that badly huh?"

Dean cocked his head to the side offering a smirk. "You think?"

"Okay I'll get out of your hair, this hunt'll be over soon 'kay?"

"Yeah, you told me that. Now get outta here!" Dean shooed.

***S*P*N***

"That was Dr. Novak. He wants us to come in," Mary told him. "I bet it's the test results. What if it's bad news? I can't-"

"And what if it's good news? Mom, don't worry. Everything's going to be ok," Dean reassured.

"I really hope so…"

"I know so. You were like this last month. I was fine then wasn't I?"

"Yeah I guess." Mary took a deep breath. "Why are you eating cereal for lunch when I made you turkey burgers?"

"Because I love cereal and nothing can beat beef," Dean said finishing his cereal and putting it in the sink. The turkey burgers were good but, just not the same. Ever since he had began chemo, burgers made him sick to his stomach, he could no longer enjoy a burger from Kelly's diner but the place Bobby took him to, wasn't so bad.

"Dean…"

"What?" He asked innocently.

"You know what…" Mary said sipping her coffee. "Your bowl."

"Fine," Dean said giving up. He washed his bowl out and put it in the dishwasher. "Happy?"

"Very. Hey, John called and he needed help with this project for work so… I'll meet you at the hospital at 11 o'clock. How does that sound?"

"Sounds alright. Well, I'm going to go get ready." Dean walked up to his room to get his towel.

Showers to Dean meant a quiet place for him to think, a place where no one was there but him. He didn't have much time to himself these days with all the doctor appointments and his mom always checking up on him.

Despite how calmly he had dealt with his mom, Dean was always anxious to see what the results would be. He couldn't afford to get bad news this early in the game.

After he was done taking his shower he went to get dressed. As he was getting dressed he looked at himself in the mirror and then at a picture taken a couple years back. All the months of chemo had really taken a toll on his body. Looking at the picture and looking at him now, you couldn't really tell that it was the same person and that was a scary feeling.

***S*P*N***

When he arrived at the hospital, he was early so he waited in his car for a moment before going inside. Doctor Novak was already talking to his mom.

"Mary, Dean could you both follow me, into my office please?" Once in the room Mary and Dean both took a seat

"Hey, can you give my mom something to calm her nerves? She's been practically pulling her hair out. Pretty soon she's not gonna have any left," Dean joked.

Mary knew he was nervous because he was making a joke- and he was playing with his fingers- habits he had picked up when Trevor died.

Dr. Novak rubbed his forehead. Dean's face fell, there was something wrong. "I'm sorry Dean," he apologized. "The cancer has started growing again and has metastasized to your lungs, a little bit in your ribs and it's still in your hip."

Mary put a hand over her mouth in shock. They had gone through so much that, she just wanted everything to go back to normal. Back to the way it was, when Dean wasn't sick, when Trevor was still with them. But when did anything work out for their family?

"What?" Dean thought maybe he hadn't heard right. But he knew he had. His hearing had never been the problem. It had always been the bones.

"The cancer in your bones has started to grow again and has spread to your lung," Dr. Novak repeated. Dean's face instantly fell and he felt like he couldn't breathe.

"Can't you just put me on stronger chemo?" Dean asked, even though it was the last thing he wanted to do or think about. Having chemo was the worst feeling in the world. He wouldn't wish that on anyone, not even on his worst enemies, not even Michael.

"I'm afraid not, the tumor came back and has spread. With the amount of chemo you've already had, more would only make you worse. But what we can do is put you on medicine that will help with the pain closer-"

"Oh wow, that's nice," Dean said with a dry chuckle. "What, now they're going to make me comfortable? Pump me full of meds? Make it seem like I'm not dying? You know what they say, like father like son," Dean said cynically. He couldn't help the bitterness that seemed to bleed out of his voice.

"Dean!" Mary said through tears. "That-"

"How much time do I have?" Dean asked, interrupting his mom. Right now he felt like crawling in a hole and never coming out. Then he wouldn't have to face any of this shit. He could secrete the problems in his life that way. Everything would be better, everyone would be happier. To Dean, everything seemed like it was in slow motion. This could not be happening again. He had been doing so well. How could his cancer spread without him knowing about it?

"Depending on the tumor's growth rate, I would say about 3 to 4 months." Dean was silence. He wasn't even given the luxury of a year… this was too much for him to handle. He felt overwhelmed. "It could be-"

"I've had enough, I need to be alone." He got up from his chair and headed for the door.

"Dean, wait! Let's talk about this," Mary called out but Dean didn't even pause for a moment. He couldn't face anyone right now. He retraced his steps to his car numbly. When he got there he turned the keys and the car rumbled with life.

Dean didn't know where exactly he was going but he just knew the best place for him wasn't a hospital.

***S*P*N***

Life, what a sardonic concept. When a baby is born, they're destined to "live" the greatest life- this extraordinary opportunity- but the second that baby begin living, takes its first breathe, they're already sent off on their long journey to death. Before they can stop to think, their life is swept out right from under them, and it's replaced with a gruesome death sentence. They will never know how to get out of it because there is no way out.

Dean supposed he was one of the lucky ones, he knew when he was going to die and the cause. It was like being on death row, just waiting for your time and knowing that it's about up. He never thought his hourglass would sift his sand through so quickly though. Maybe his had a hole in the bottom. Yeah, that's what it was, a big giant fucking hole.

"I- I have some bad news. Um…I… I have," Dean chuckled. It was all he could do to keep himself from crying. He hadn't cried when his dad's cancer had gotten worse, didn't cry when he was at his funeral or when Dean had been diagnosed with the same cancer that his dad had passed away from. So why was he crying now? Making jokes had always been Dean's defense mechanism but now, he couldn't even form a sentence much less something to laugh at. Dean cleared his throat and started again. "I guess all those tears I kept hidden are starting to make themselves known…Um let me start over. Dad, I'm dying. The doctor just told me that I'm terminal," he paused. "Like father like son huh? At least that's what Michael told me." Dean felt the warm tears descend down his visage. It had been a while since he had felt them.

_Don't listen to Michael, he's just one person._

"And Why shouldn't I? So what if he's one person, Isn't it true?"

_It's not true, you're different than me._

"We're exactly the same and you know it. I can't do this dad. I don't want to die. I made a promise and I have to keep it," Dean said as he remembered the promise he had made to his dad when he was 9. "I need to protect mom and Anna- our family- and I can't do that if I'm dead." Dean roughly wiped the tears from his eyes. He didn't know what much else to say so he finished up the conversation with, "I wish you were here. Dad, if you can hear me, I need your help now more than ever." Dean got up and walked to his car. Once there, he dialed Lisa's phone number. It rang a few times before she picked up.

"Hello Handsome." Lisa perkily greeted.

"Lisa, we need to break up," he said shortly, before hanging up. He felt like a jerk.

***S*P*N***

When Dean got home, he started to make a bee line to his room when a piece of yellow paper cut his concentration. He picked up the piece of paper. It was from his mom.

 **Dean, I got called into work. I won't be back until tomorrow morning.**  
Thought you might want to be alone so Anna is staying with grandma.  
Dinner is in the refrigerator. No you cannot order pizza.  
But if you do, you better hide all evidence.  
Love you, mom.

He couldn't help feel bitter for a moment. His mom was delivering babies, whose life was just beginning while his was about to end. After he finished reading her note he went straight to his room. He was glad that his mom was giving him space. He needed time to process the news and honestly, he just wanted to be alone. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he heard the door bell ring. Dean groaned as he got up and went to go answer the door. Once he opened the door, he felt a sharp pain across his cheek.

"What the HELL was that?!" Lisa yelled furiously pushing past him roughly.  _Come in_ , thought Dean. "Why the hell would you call me, break up with me OVER THE PHONE and then hang up?"

"Lisa-"

"I'm surprised you didn't use the line 'it's not you, it's me!' I just want to know why."

"I-"

"I thought you love me."

"Lisa I do. Just let me explain-"

"There is no way that-"

"I'm terminal. The cancer… its spread to my lungs-" Dean took a deep breath to assemble his thoughts "and some other places. I got the results back today. The cancer came back and I have about 4 months."

"You're lying." She accused.

"I promise you," Dean paused, looking down. "I'm not." He looked back up at her. He watched as the tears started to fall from her cheeks. "I would never joke about this."

"You're lying," she whispered this time. Dean immediately engulfed her into a hug. She was delusional.

"I'm not lying. I broke up with you because I love you. I didn't want you to get hurt."

"I can take care of myself," Lisa said letting the tears fall. "I don't want to break up," Lisa said kissing him on the lips. I'll be there"-kiss "for you" -kiss "as long as you" -kiss "need me" -kiss.

"I never wanted to break up with you either. You make me both excited and nervous at the same time. When you're with me, I'm happy," Dean said as he kissed her again.

"Who have you told?"

"Only my family and you know. I don't want people to know."

"How about your friends? Will Andrew or Garth even know? Will Sam?"

"Maybe Andrew and Garth but I don't want Sam to know, he needs to focus on himself right now. Last time I checked, he's not doing so well."

"Last time I checked, you're not doing so well either. He's going to find out."

"No he won't, not till I'm ready to tell him."

Lisa wiped her eyes. "It's your decision. How long did they say you had?" Lisa asked, not quite ready for the answer.

"About… about 3 to 4 months." Lisa suddenly felt like all the oxygen had been swept from her lungs. This was all too much to take in. So surreal. He was just fine last week. Dean took her in his arms.

"That's not long at all!" Lisa said angrily. She couldn't believe it.

"It's ok if you want to break up with me. I'll understand," Dean painfully told her.

Lisa looked up at him. "I can't believe you would think that I would ever want to break up with you over something you can't control. I would never do that to you and you know it."

"I'm not going to be looking too hot in a few months, what if you change your mind then?"

"I diffidently won't. I'm going to stay with you as long as you need me."  _Too bad it couldn't be_   _as long as she needed him._

It's going to be difficult," Dean said softly.

"I know."

***S*P*N***

Lisa quietly walked through her front door. She had been over at Dean's house last night and she didn't want her parents to find out. Nothing had happened that night, she and Dean just held each other. Both were mentally and emotionally tired; but it was what they had needed. In the 3 years that she had known him, he had never shown any huge dynamic in emotions like that. She couldn't believe that this was happening to Dean. Why him? He had been through so much already. He deserved a life without complications just as much as anyone else.

"Lisa Marie Braeden, where have you been?"Her mother Amelia asked, her father right behind.  _Spoke too soon…_

"I was at Dean's," she told them.

"Why would you stay at his house all night?!" Her father Max yelled at her. "We tried to call you! You're lucky that we didn't call the police. We were so worried about you."

"I just-"

"What were you doing?" her mom interrupted.

"We went partying all night mom, all night," Lisa dragged out, defiantly.  _Did her parents not trust her?_ "If you guys must know, I stayed over last night because Dean found out that he relapsed yesterday. The cancer has spread and there's nothing the doctors can do. Okay? I was at his house last night because he asked me to stay. I'm sorry I didn't call but he needed me and I needed him."

They were both silent at first with their mouth agape. It was Amelia who broke the ensuing silence. "Oh honey-"

"I just need some space right now," Lisa said avoiding her mom's hug and rushing to her room. She wondered if Dean felt as helpless as she did at that moment.

***S*P*N***

"What's been going on with you and John lately?" Dean asked. It had been a week since the news. His mom and he hadn't really talked about it because Dean hadn't wanted to. He would always change the subject whenever it came up because, to him, there was nothing to talk about.

Mary was in the process of cutting carrots but she didn't stop. "There's nothing going on."

"Mom, I've known you 100% my life. That means I know when you're lying- I guess your gift was passed down to me. You guys have been acting weird lately. Giving each other googley eyes and making kissy faces at each other."

Mary tuned to look at Dean. "We do not!"

"Gotcha. I knew it. 'John needed help with this project for work.' Did he? Liar... If it wasn't true then you wouldn't have even turned around! When were you going to tell me that you guys were… you know… dating?"

"We're not, he's asked me on a few dates but we're not dating and I don't think we ever will," Mary admitted. Dean looked surprised.

"Why not?" Mary stopped cutting vegetables and gave Dean her undivided attention.

"Dean, why do you think?"

"Mom, I'm not gonna get any better."

"Don't say that… I know that Dr. Novak said that they can't do anymore treatment but there's still hope. I-"

"Usually when the docs tell someone that they are terminal, it means that that person has a very slim chance of getting better."

"Don't-"

Dean took his mom's hand and put it on the right side of his chest. "Do you feel that? It's the port that I had to receive chemo in and under that, more cancer. I'm not saying that it's impossible, because it's not, but my hope is running out. I want to be treated normally. I want you to keep working. I want you to live your life and not feel guilty. And I want you to find someone like dad that'll make you feel happy. Okay?"

Mary shook her head. Her son was dying and all he worried about was that she stayed happy. She agreed to his conditions if only to humor him. "There's always hope Dean," Mary said with teary eyes. She crossed her arms.

"Yes but my mine seems to be running thin. Yours isn't. I didn't want to say this… because you're my mom and all but, you're not ugly."

Mary smiled despite her tears. "Uh… thank you? I don't know if that was sweet or weird."

"Well I'm just saying. I think you and John are…a good match that's all. He's a pretty cool guy and if you wanted to you know…ugh 'date' him then you have my blessing."

"Thank you Dean," Mary said. "It took a lot of guts to admit that didn't it?"

"Mom, you have no idea."

***S*P*N***

**I'm so sorry you guys but we all knew it. Nothing good lasts forever but now's where it gets good ironically**

*****Next chapter preview:**

Dean couldn't take it anymore, the pain was getting worse.

He hadn't slept most of the night because he had been in pain and had woken up at 6 o'clock. He stood up slowly and walked to his mom's room and knocked on the door. He needed to get some medicine.

Mary opened the door to find Dean leaning heavily on the door frame, sweating.

"Dean, are you alright?"

"Mom, I don't feel very good," Dean said.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

"What's this for?" Lisa asked, holding up a crumpled piece of paper she found by Dean's trashcan. It was a list.

"Shoot, I don't know," Dean said half listening. He was strumming the chords on his guitar, much to Lisa's dismay. They were supposed to be working on their English homework.

"Well obviously you didn't want it. It doesn't have a title…1: Sky dive 2: Ride on an airplane without being scared…" Dean suddenly knew exactly what she had found. His bucket list.

"Don't read that!" Lisa bolted from the room. Dean quickly put his guitar on his bed and went after. When he got downstairs, she was nowhere in sight. He panicked. Nobody was supposed to read that.

"3: See a chick flick without saying a word. 4: Hunt a djinn," Lisa continued.

"Lisa!" he yelled. "I will break up with you I swear to-"

She only kept reading. "5: Go skinny dipping," she snickered at the last one. Dean finally depicted where the voice came from. The dining room. If she got to numbers 8… he was doomed. He looked under the table. Sure enough, she was there. When she realized that he had found her hiding place, she ran outside.

 _Man, its freezing_. She thought. There was snow everywhere and she was in her socks.

"LISA, GIVE IT BACK!" Dean called angrily.

"6: Pet a big tiger… maybe a baby one."

"I'm not kidding please don't read that!"

"7: dance the tango." All of a sudden she felt the paper being ripped out of her hands.

"I told you not to read that! Damn it Lisa! This was a private paper!" Dean yelled. He put the piece of paper in his pocket and started to walk back inside.

"I'm sorry Dean… I know it was private… I just… I wanted to have a little fun and-"

"I was yelling at you to stop!"

"I know I just… I'm sorry," Lisa said trying to catch up to him. "I figured you didn't care about it since it looked like it missed the trash."

"Well maybe you should get your ears checked," Dean said callously. "Let's just finish the homework." Lisa didn't argue but just followed behind him.

***S*P*N***

"I want to take you on a date," Dean said.

"Random much?" Lisa exclaimed stretching. Dean just grinned at her. "You're not still mad at me?"

Dean thought for a bit. "Nah… I could never be angry at you… for long," Dean said as he leaned up to kiss her on the cheek. Lisa beamed.

"Where do you want to go?"

"That's a surprise."

"Dean why-"

"I'm picking you up on Saturday… at 5:30."

"I like how spontaneous this plan is…"

Dean leaned into her and hugged her waist. "I'm always this spontaneous."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves..."

"Oh shoot… I promised your parents that I would get you home by 7. Its 6:45 so we better get going."

***S*P*N***

"Did you read number 8?" Dean asked nervously, once they got to Lisa's house.

"No I swear."

"Are you positive?"

"You grabbed it before I could. I'm sorry again for taking your list I didn't know it was private."

"There's nothing to worry about Lisa. After all, it was in the trash. If it makes you feel any better, I probably would've done the same thing."

"Yeah… you probably would. But why was it being thrown away?"

"Because it was a stupid idea. It was just something I did when I was bored." Dean looked down at the steering wheel. "It's not like I'll have enough time to do all those things anyway."

"we could always try to do some of the things on the list."

"Like?"

"Well we could start by watching a chick flick."

Dean smirked and rolled his eyes. "Of course you would choose that one first. What movie did you have in mind?"

"It's a surprise," Lisa mimicked.

"What else we gonna do on the list?"

"Well we could always go to the zoo?"

Dean was quick to shake his head. "That tiger thing was bull shit."

"Come on Dean, live a little."

"Can we still go skinny dipping?" asked with a mischievous smirk.

"So you're going to pick me up Saturday?" Lisa asked with a smile.

"Yup Saturday, Right after tomorrow. I would take you out tomorrow but I'm having a lot of tests done so… yeah," Dean trailed.

"What are they looking for?"

"Nothing really. They're just going to see how my breathings going and give me more medicine because obviously I don't take enough already."

There were silent for a moment before Lisa asked, "Do you feel pain a lot?"

"Not when I'm with you," Dean responded.

"Good save." Lisa smiled and began to blush.

"THERE IT IS!" Dean yelled. "You look funny when you blush," he pulled back her hair a little. "You know that your ears turn red when you blush?" Dean asked. "I think it's cute."

"Shut up," Lisa said. "So what should I wear to this secret date?"

"I bet you'll look great in anything you wear," Dean answered. There was no way that he was giving up the secret.

"Well I should go. I love you," Lisa said as she kissed him.

"I love you too."

**S*P*N**

Dean couldn't take it anymore, the pain was getting worse. He hadn't slept most of the night because he had been in pain and had woken up. It was finally Saturday and needless to say, Dean felt like crap. The tests that he had had the day before did nothing to improve how he was feeling. He stood up slowly and walked to his mom's room and knocked on the door. He needed to get some medicine.

Mary opened the door to find Dean leaning heavily on the door frame, sweating.

"Dean, are you alright?"

"Mom, I don't feel very good," Dean said.

"Are you in pain or do you feel like you're going to throw up?"

"Pain… back and legs," he responded. "My chest hurts a little too."

"Do you need some medicine?" Mary said, casually touching his cheek to check by instinct to see if he had a fever. She could tell that he was slightly shaking, from the pain.

Dean hesitated. He really needed it but he really didn't want any. But the pain was intensifying and his tolerance for it was decreasing. "Yeah," he finally decided.

Mary got his bag of pills out. Just like there was an app for everything, there was a pill for everything. He had pills for pain, nausea, constipation, vomiting, heart burn and many more.

"Here you go Dean-o," Mary said handing Dean 2 Oxycodone pills and rubbing his back. Dean stared at them. He hated taking Oxycodone, hated how medicine- in general - made him feel. He didn't feel like himself. He walked downstairs to get a drink of water.

When he went to go get a glass, he bumped into something- or rather someone.

"Anna that you? What are you doing up?" When it was a weekend, Anna NEVER woke up before 10 unless she had plans or cheerleading practice.

"Just getting a drink of water is all," she responded quickly.

"Oh ok… so what's the real reason you're down here?"

"Are you going to be able to drive me to Lauren's house later?" Anna said eyeing the hand the medicine was in. "Usually that makes you drowsy…"

"Dammit! I'm sorry Anna I didn't mean to say that." For a second he forgot about having to drive Anna and that he had a date with Lisa. He looked at the 2 small round white pills in his hands and groaned. He set them on the counter and went to get a weaker pain medicine. But they weren't as effective. After taking them, he turned on the stove for hot chocolate. He knew it was Anna's favorite. He went over to the couch and sat down. "Okay Anna, I'm free to talk. I know that's why you came down so early."

"No, it's okay. I just wanted to -"

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" Dean asked. "Yeah correct. It's 6 in the morning. Come take a seat and let Dean work out your problems." After a couple of minutes, Anna saw that Dean wasn't joking and decided to sit down on the recliner. "I feel like I'm a shrink…" Anna laughed; it had been a while since he had heard it so it took him by surprise.

"That's supposed to be my job."

"Yeah well, looks like big brothers going to take over. Better luck next time," he teased. "So how's school going?"

"It's going alright. You of all people should know that since it's the end of the year, we have so many tests to take. It's not even funny."

"And you're only a freshman… wait till you get to senior year… now that's not funny."

"Now I've just got to ace all my tests. Mom would kill me if I didn't. Wish me luck."

"Luck. I wouldn't worry about it; you're pretty smart for being a cheerleader and all."

"You suck at this."

"Dude, I was born to do this." Dean leaned forward, placed his arms against his knees and set his head on his knuckles. "So… how's your little boyfriend? What's that scrawny kid's name? Matthew? Jacob?" Dean teased. Anna blushed. He didn't approve of any boys who liked Anna but that didn't mean he didn't like to joke about them.

"Shut up. And his names Erik. You weren't even close! He's not my boyfriend. And he's not scrawny… he's just really tall."

The kettle whistled. Dean got up and turned it off. He pulled out two glasses. "I bet he is," he said putting water and two spoonfuls of hot chocolate powder into the cups. He put 13 mini marshmallows in each glass. 13 was Anna's favorite number. He got two spoons, stuck them into the mugs andbrought them over to Anna. "Here's"

"Thanks and btw, what if he was my beau? Would it be so bad?"

"First, I don't even know what beau means. And second, all boys are bad. Is beau like some code word that younger people say?"

"Are you even in high school? Put it together!" Anna rolled her eyes and explained that it meant boyfriend. "Why would it be so bad if I had a boyfriend?"

Dean raised a hand up in surrender. "Well excuse me for not knowing but yes it would be bad because I don't approve. As your older brother, I'm always going to disapprove. All boys want at your age is… things like… well things like sex."

"How about you and Lisa?"

"I said YOUR AGE and if you want to get all personal, we actually haven't done anything."

"Why haven't you guys you know…?"

Dean shrugged and took a sip of his hot chocolate; it was still hot but not scorching.

"What if she really wanted to do it?"

"Ok enough about my sex life or lack thereof. How's your hot chocolate?"

"It's really good thanks. Yours?"

"I think it's my best yet." Dean smiled as he took another sip.

Anna looked down at her mug. "Are you in a lot of pain all the time?"

"Ugh, you're just like Lisa. She asked me the same question the other day."

"So?"

"Well not right now but sometimes I can feel it getting worse," he admitted.

"I'm sorry…" Sometimes she felt like if she hadn't of been mean to him or if she hadn't of picked a fight with him in the past that he wouldn't be in this mess. Maybe just maybe if she was never born, he wouldn't be going through this. She couldn't help feeling like it was her fault somehow.

"Don't you ever say that. Look at me," Dean ordered. Anna reluctantly met his eyes. "It's not mom's fault, dad's fault, your fault or anybody else's. Sometimes unexpected things just happen. Nothing could've been done differently. It is what it is." Dean paused for a moment. "And, you know, we just have to deal with them. No matter how bad the situation is, I don't need pity from anyone. What I need is a strong family to be there for me. Okay?"

"Ok," Anna said, nodding her head as she tried to wipe away a few stray tears. Dean put his cup down and stood up.

"Come here," he said, arms wide open. Anna stood up and hugged him while she wiped away more tears. "It's going to be okay. We'll all get through this," Dean said. He said it more to reassure himself but there was no doubt in his mind that his family would get through his death.

***S*P*N***

"Tonight is going to be perfect," he told himself in the mirror as he tried to comb his hair. Ever since his hair had grown back, it was untamable, always sticking out in weird places. It was definitely a challenge going from no hair to lots of hair.

"I bet it's going to be," his mom said behind him. She looked at his black dress pants and light blue button-down shirt. "I remember that tie. It was the first tie dad bought you."

"Then I would need to wear the jacket."

Mary agreed. "I have to go to work tonight but I would love to hear how it goes."

"If it goes okay, I'll tell you all about it. How's my hair?"

"Well it's um… here let me do it." Mary took the comb and started working through his hair. "It's darker than it was before chemo."

"Yeah I know and don't forget a little curlier. I kind of like it this way. It's almost black."

"Why?" Mary asked. She had always liked it lighter. She thought Lighter hair looked better with his features.

"I'm not sure, it just looks better," Dean said with a shrug.

"It looks like your dad's hair before chemo. I guess it was time for your hair to grow up just like you did. There comes a time when little boys grow into men," she said as she finished with his hair. Dean rolled his eyes. "Okay… all done."

"Thanks mom and I'll always be your little boy," Dean said giving his mom a hug. Mary cherished these little moments with Dean because soon, that would be all she would have left.

"You're welcome honey, have fun."

"I almost forgot … can I borrow the truck? I'll let you drive the impala."

***S*P*N***

"Daniel can you do me a huge favor?" Lisa asked coming into her brother's room.

He flipped a page of his book. "It depends what it is."

"Ok well you know how I'm really bad at paint-"

"Absolutely not."

"But you didn't even let me-"

"Finish? You know why? Because I already knew what you were going to say, you're so predictable and I'm not dumb nor am I painting your nails."

"How about you help me or I tell mom that you're the one who hid her snow globe  _AFTER_ you broke it," Lisa said with a smirk.

"You wouldn't," he said narrowing his eyes at her to see if she was bluffing.

"I would if I was prompted to do so."

"That was three months ago!"

Lisa cocked her head to the side. "You think that matters? I'm not bluffing."

Daniel let out a nervous laugh. "Okay, okay, okay there is no need to tell mom that," said a defeated Daniel. He put his book to the side. "What do you want me to do to your nails?"

"All you have to is copy what's on this side." Lisa pointed to the nails on her left hand. Daniel looked at her funny.

"Are those moustaches?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because Dean loves it when I put moustaches on my nails."

"The infamous blackmail… oh how I hate you."

***S*P*N***

_**Ding Dong!** _

"Daniel, he's here! Do you mind letting him in? I'm still getting ready! I promise 5 minutes tops."

"Sure," Daniel answered as he opened the door.

"Hey- You're not Lisa…"Dean said hiding the flowers behind him again.

"Yeah but I'm much prettier," Daniel said batting his eyes. Daniel had always been the jokester in his family, just like Dean. "Hey man, I wanna talk to you." Dean swallowed. "Don't be scared I'm not going to do anything, I just want to talk. Besides I've already had the  _if you do anything to my sister you die_ speech."

"Okay…"

Daniel looked him straight in the eyes and put his serious face on. "You're going to treat my sister right. Correct?" Daniel paused for a fraction of a second. "You know I'm just kidding, I know you will. So, how have you been? Long time no see."

"Uh, I've been good."

"You excited about graduation?"

"Yeah, I'm so glad to be getting out of that hell hole."

"Oh it's not so bad. What Lisa's told me, you do really well in school."

"Yeah well schools not that difficult when you, for the most part, get extra time to do assignments." Dean said. "So I mostly did everything at home."

"And that's usually hard to do for most people. What do you have a 4.0?"

"Not anymore. My grades have been slipping a bit. I have a 3.6."

"That's so bad!" Daniel said sarcastically.

"So how's medical school?" He asked. Daniel had mentioned that he wanted to be an oncologist before Dean was diagnosed.

"Pure bliss. I have to wake up every morning and go to these crazy difficult classes," Daniel complained. "I actually like being in med school. Its challenging and it's something that I've always wanted to do."

"Well that's good. Glad you like it. Someday, I hope you make a difference and hell, find a cure for cancer."

"Man, I do too. So I know I asked this before but how are you doing? Like really."

Dean looked at him a moment. He knew. "Well let's just say that I'm not always a hundred percent anymore."

"I just started being an intern about a month ago and we see terminal patience every day. Some of them survive and go on to living their lives to the fullest. You could be one of those people. I don't know how but I just have this feeling that there's something about you that's different."

"Thanks man but I honestly don't think that. There's nothing special about-"

"Special about whom?" Lisa asked walking over to them.

"You look so beautiful…" Dean was mesmerized. Lisa was dressed in a knee length black lace dress that had a V-shaped neck line, quarter length sleeves that were see-through. What made the dress was the synched waist pulled in by the belt. With the dress she had on simple black heel and her hair was in loose curls.

"Thank you. What were you guys talking about?"

"Nothing. Your brother and I were just talking. We have to get going if we're going to make it."

"Ok."

"After you," Dean said opening the door for her.

***S*P*N***

"Tell me again why I have to wear this blindfold?" Lisa asked.

"Just hold tight, we're almost there."

"Can't you just give me a hint?"

"Uh no. I've worked so hard keeping this night from you. I'm not about to ruin it when we're in the parking lot. I'm coming over to your side. Whatever you do, don't take that blindfold off."Dean unbuckled and got out. "Here, grab onto my shoulders." Once Lisa grabbed on, Dean helped her down and led the way into the building. "Ok. Take off the blindfold."

"Oh my gosh! I thought you said you would never take me to an art exhibit!"

"Well I changed my mind. You should thank Garth; he's the one that convinced me to go. He asked the Make-A-Wish foundation to organize this."

"Dean! Dude I can't believe you made it!" Garth said clapping Dean on the shoulder. "The more people the better! Hey Lisa, how're you doing?"

"I'm doing alright. So you painted all of this?"

"20 of them and a sculpture, I had a lot of free time. The other pieces of art are from my friends."

"Well everything looks amazing," Lisa complemented.

"Thank you. Well I have to go. I'm supposed to make a speech soon, I hope you like what you see," Garth said walking away. Lisa looked over at Dean.

"Well don't look at me. You know more about this place than I do. Lead the way, beautiful."

"Okay, let me show you the world of art, handsome," Lisa said with a smile.

***S*P*N***

"That art really spoke to me… yeah… I'm pretty sure- no I'm possitive it told me to never come back again," Dean joked as he drove them to their next destination.

"Oh don't pretend like you didn't enjoy it. You looked mesmerized at the crystal display."

"Yeah, I gotta admit, that was pretty cool. Garth is a great artist," Dean said truthfully. Garths art was… unique but impressive. They had both enjoyed it.

"I told you, you would like it. I had a really nice time tonight. It was a good surprise, thank you."

"I'm glad you had a good time but what I don't get is why you're saying goodbye. Lisa, it's not even 7 o'clock yet. What do you think this was a play date? The nights not even close to being done."

"What more do you have planned?"

"So much more."

"Then why am I not wearing the blindfold?"

"Eh I got lazy… and I'm pretty sure I lost it."

"Oh… you would." Lisa said with a laugh. Dean just shrugged.

"Yeah but you love me anyways," he said as he parked the truck. Lisa didn't respond. "You do love me right?"

"So where are we?"Lisa asked.

"I see what you did there…"

"Do you?" Lisa asked with a smirk. Dean smiled and leaned into her till his face was inches away from her ear.

"I think I do," he whispered. He quickly pulled away and got out of the car, but not before he caught a glimpse of Lisa's blush and a hint of a smile. "I know I said I would never take you to cooking class but this night is all about you."

"This night is like all your firsts bunched up into one," Lisa said holding onto Dean's arm. "What are we going to be making?"

"I'm not sure, but we get to take it home right after." He knew though, they were making lasagna. Lasagna was in his top ten favorite food list.

By the time they had gotten the lasagna finished, Dean had only hurt himself once, which was surprising. It was when he was taking the lasagna out that he accidentally burnt himself. Dean hated cooking at home but cooking with Lisa was a piece of cake, she did most of the work. Dean only had to pour the sauce and put the lasagna in the oven and take it out again.

Once they had the lasagna in the back of the car, Dean realized that he had forgotten something.

"I think I forgot my jacket," Dean said as he got out of the car.

"But Dean-"

"I'll be really quick," he said as he ran back into the building.

"You weren't wearing a jacket," Lisa finished.

Dean had come back empty handed saying, "Silly me, I didn't even bring a jacket."

By the time they started driving to their last event of the night, it was 9 o'clock.

"So where are you going to take me next?"

"How about to a movie?" Dean asked.

"That sounds good, what movie are we seeing?"

"Some movie called the third side?"

"I've never heard of it."

"Well apparently it's supposed to be good, at least that's what Andrew told me." Andrews' movie choices were always poor but Dean was willing to give this one a try, it sounded alright.

"You sure you want to risk that?" Dean only shrugged. "Well, it sounds good to me. I was thinking…"

"Nothing good ever came out of that…" he chimed.

Lisa narrowed her eyes at him. "You're such… you…"

"Go ahead say it," Dean said aging her on.

"You're such a little…" Dean only laughed. Lisa hardly ever cussed. She took a deep breath and started over. "I was thinking that we should set Madison and Benny up."

"Or we could just wait-"

"Come on Dean! Think about it. We could help soul mates out!"

"Or they could just be 2 people… who aren't soul mates," Dean reasoned.

"Why do you have to be so pessimistic all the time? I swear it's like dating Eeyore."

Dean scoffed. "Did you just compare me to a donkey?"

"Yes I did."

"Well at least I'm not like Gumby."

"What the hell is that?"

"It's not what… well…maybe. Anyways, He's this little green guy that looks like a…very green piece of celery. And you're always too happy."

"I can't believe you just compared me to celery!"

"Well the point is that we don't need to interfere with their relationship."

"Why not!?" said raising her voice a little. Why was Dean so indifferent to her idea?

"Because I'm selfish and want as much time with you as I can get. Setting up people takes time and I want you all to myself," he finally said.

"Oh," Lisa said. She hadn't thought about that.

"Let's just not talk about this. Please? This night is supposed to be fun."

"Yeah of course. I'm sorry I got upset," Lisa apologized.

"Mhm… hey, we're here," Dean said, as if the last 2 minutes never happened.

"Is this a drive in movie?"

"Yeah, I thought you might like to go since you said it on our first date."

"You remembered."

"I remember everything you say," Dean said seriously. "Nah I'm just kidding. I don't remember like 75% of the things that come out of your mouth."

"Wow…thanks for ruining the moment…"

"You are very welcome. How about you say we crack open that lasagna that I graciously made for us?"

"That you made? Oh please… you can't even make toast," Lisa said with a smirk. "Where are we going to eat it?"

"In the back of the truck. That's why I traded my baby in."

"You're so kind. What about utensils?"

"I got two forks."

"You thought of everything. Is that what you were getting when you went back into the building?"

"Uh…Yeah."

"I think we should go get settled, the movies starting." Dean agreed and they set up the back of the truck. When the movie started, they were both covered in a blanket and leaning on a pillow and instead of popcorn, they were eating lasagna. Lisa had to admit that this date was different but she loved how spontaneous Dean was being, it was sexy.

***S*P*N***

"This night… can't be explained with words. I had so most fun." Lisa put her hands on the sides of Dean's face and pulled him towards her and kissed him on his lips. Dean put his arms around her waist and pulled her even closer to him, deepening the kiss. When they pulled away, they rested their foreheads together. "I love you… so much."

"I love you too," Dean said as he pecked her on the lips once more and ran his hand through her silky black waves. "Happy third Anniversary."

By the time Dean got home, he was in a lot of pain but no matter how much pain he was in, nothing could ruin the perfect night he had had with Lisa.

***S*P*N***

**OH MAN! This chap took me like a month to write! Watching ELF right now. ONE OF THE BEST MOVIES EVERRRRRR**

**Had a really bad couple weeks. I didn't even want to touch this but I got 10 reviews last chapter and that made me happy. I'm tired but it's all for you guys. Dang I started writing this chapter at Christmas time!**

**T** **he dress I was looking at reminds me of Kate Middleton's wedding dress but a lot shorter :D**

*****Next chapter preview:**

"I'm taking you to the hospital." John whipped Sam's face off and handing him a washcloth.

Sam took the towel from him. "No dad, I'm fine. My stomach doesn't hurt anymore." He sounded muffled but John still understood him.

"Sam, you're not fine, that was a lot of blood."

"I'm…I'm fine," Sam said slumping against the bathtub.

"Well I'm still taking you to the hospital. I'm going to lift you up okay?" John asked.

"I'm fine," Sam repeated as John lifted him to his feet.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

John rubbed his eyes. He couldn't remember the last time he had been out of his office for more than five minutes, so he decided to take a break from the computer. He was sure coffee would wake him up.

It wasn't until he opened the office door did he hear that the TV was on. "What are you still doing up?" John asked coming up from behind the couch.

Sam didn't turn his head to look but instead flipped the channel. "I could ask you the same question," Sam countered.

"Do you even know what time it is?"

"Dark," Sam replied. John couldn't see his face but he was positive that Sam was smirking.

"Clever… but you can whip that smirk off your face 'cause I know it's there." Sam's smirk turned into a full smile. "It's two o'clock in the morning."John said. "I know that it's Friday but you need to really-"

"Yeah I know…" Sam turned the volume down so the voices were almost inaudible. "So why are you up still?

"I was just working on a project for Jim." John sat down next to Sam.

"What does Jim want you to do?" Sam asked stretching his legs.

"He wants me to create a model for this new restaurant. It's pointless but he wants me to make another."John rubbed his eyes before continuing. "I've been looking at that computer screen for too long."

"Maybe he doesn't like the first model," Sam suggested with a shrug.

"Well, he better like this one, it's taken me all week to create," John said. Sam could hear the anger bolting out from each word.

"You hate this don't you?" Sam asked. "You need to go on a hunt to relieve stress."

"Not until you're in remission."

"But you-"

"No buts. Not until you're in remission," John repeated. "Do you want me to make you anything to eat?"

"No, that's alright. And yes, I've already taken my pills. I'm just not ready to eat or drink anything yet."

"Sleep'll always do you some good," John suggested.

"Maybe in a little bit. I'm about to watch the series premiere of Supernatural."

"At two in the morning?"

"Yeah. I missed it the first time so this is a repeat."

John lifted himself from the aged, maroon, sunken couch. "Got it. Well, I'm going to make myself some coffee and go back to work. Shout if you need anything. That's an order. Got it?" John asked walking towards the kitchen, almost able to taste the coffee.

"Yes sir," Sam said. "Hey dad!" Sam called out, getting John's attention.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks," Sam said. It was a simple gesture but John knew what it meant.

"It's you and me against the world, Sammy."

*S*P*N*

It tasted like metal and Sam knew instantly that it was blood. He had been feeling fatigued all day and this was just the cherry to top it all. "Dad!" He screamed through his gagging.

John suddenly stopped typing and ran to where Sam's voice. He ran up the steps leading to the upstairs and immediately saw the droplets of the crimson blood leading to the bathroom. He opened the bathroom door with force and instantly took a hold of the scene. There was blood on the floor and when Sam turned around, there was blood around his smeared on his mouth and on his sleeve. "Sam, what happened?" John asked as he knelt to Sam's level.

Sam turned his head back to the toilet. "Nosebleed made me sick," he muttered groggily. "I don't feel very good."

"When did this happen?" John asked rubbing Sam's back to try and comfort him.

"I don't know… I was watching TV… and…" Sam took a deep breath to ease the nausea.

"Lift up your head up for me," John demanded. Sam lifted his head slowly. His bloody nose was running down his mouth and his face looked pale. "I'm taking you to the hospital." John wiped the blood from Sam's face with toilet paper and then handing him a dry washcloth.

It didn't take long for Sam to protest. "No dad, I'm fine. My stomach doesn't hurt anymore." He sounded muffled but John still understood him.

"Sam, you're not fine, that was a lot of blood."

"I'm…I'm fine," Sam said slumping against the bathtub.

"Well the way I see it is, you have no choice. I'm going to lift you up okay?" John asked.

"I'm fine," Sam repeated as John lifted him to his feet.

The drive to the hospital was quiet. Sam was zoning in and out with a trashcan in between his legs and John was too focused on getting to the hospital to talk.

He had been worried about Sam. After Sam's chemo last week, he had had three nose bleeds and two transfusions. John had a feeling that Sam would need to have another transfusion tonight. When they arrived at the hospital, Sam didn't have to wait long for a room or for his doctor.

Dr. Novak came into the room and flipped through Sam's charts. Considering it was three in the morning and he had just finished his forth cup of coffee, he felt pretty good. "Hello John and Sam. I was hoping our next meeting wouldn't be at a hospital but it's great to see you guys." He looked down at Sam's chart again. "So to my understanding, Sam, you had a nose bleed in your sleep?"

Sam only nodded.

"how long do you think it went on before you noticed?"

"I just woke up and started feeling like I was gonna throw up," Sam finished. He was so close to sleep that he didn't hear the doctor's next question.

Dr. Novak snapped his fingers but Sam had fallen asleep. "Sam?" Jimmy asked. He usually liked to directly address his patients that were older than thirteen but seeing that Sam was out cold, he turned his attention to John.

"Okay so the reason this happened is happening to Sam is because his platelets are dangerously low." So are his white blood cells. Sam's body is acting this way because it needs to recuperate. I suggest that we hold off chemo for a week. It's a bit of a setback but it's only temporary. I assure you that the leukemia will not grow or spread substantially during this time," Dr. Novak informed them. "Think of this as a little break for Sam." John put his hands in his pocket and leaned on the hospital bed.

"Will I need to stay overnight?" Sam asked suddenly. His stomach had been hurting and he was tired but his curiosity overpowered both.

"Yeah Sam," John answered. "You're hooked up for a transfusion." Sam looked at his arm to see the IV. That minor detail hadn't registered yet. "Sorry Sammy."

"How long?" Sam asked feeling like he was fading again. John sighed. "Whatever, I don't want to know."

*S*P*N*

John pulled the doctor to the side. "Is everything alright?" He was pretty sure that Sam was asleep but he could never be too careful.

"I'm not sure John. This could just be side effects of the chemo or this could be something bigger. I recall Sam having a brother. Adam right?" John gave a simply nod. "Well I'm thinking that it would be in Sam's best interest if Adam got tested. The sooner we find Sam a healthy source of cells, the faster he'll be able to get out of here and the sooner hell be to enjoying life again. I'd be happy to give Imogen a call if you'd like."

"No that's alright. I'll call Imogen. When will we know if the chemo has stopped working again?" He wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer.

The doctor sighed; these were the days that he hated his job. "The soonest I could get the results would be tomorrow," Dr. Novak responded. John just nodded. "The nurses will be here soon to take Sam's blood."

*S*P*N*

"Imogen… I… it's John. Sam… he's in the hospital."

"Wait what?" Imogene asked. "Please… just please tell me he's okay," Imogen whispered. She automatically started chewing her finger nails, an old habit that she thought she got rid of.

"He's fine right now. He's actually attempting to eat Jello," John said. He could almost hear the sigh of relief from the other end. "I'm calling because the chemo has stopped working. Sam's Doctor compared the results from two months ago and his abnormal blasts, the bad cells, are way up. That's not good. They're higher than they were when he was first diagnosed. I'm surprised he hasn't been sicker. But if we find a bone marrow donor in a reasonable amount of time, there's a good chance that Sam'll pull through."

"He's a fighter."

"Damn right he is. I think… I think it would be in Sam's best interest if Adam were to get tested."

"I've been doing some research and I hoped that it wouldn't come to that. We'll take the next flight to Kansas."John didn't say anything. "… You still there?"

"Yeah…yeah. I'm still here. I just wow… this is really about to happen… maybe Adam shouldn't-"

"John there is absolutely nothing- I mean nothing that you can say or do to make me change my mind. Once I explain this to Adam, he'll understand."

John didn't object. Hopefully, Sam wouldn't need Adam. That Sam would be fine on his own. But as always, nothing went right for the Winchesters.

*S*P*N*

Imogen was getting antsy. She and Adam had been stuck on an airplane all morning and now being stuck in traffic only made her more anxious. "How far away is this hospital? I hate traffic," she told John. He looked far more relaxed than she felt.

"Imogen, relax. If I go any faster, we'll get pulled over. And this isn't traffic; I'm going 5 over the speed limit."

"I just feel like we've been in this car forever."

John couldn't help but smirk. "We've only been driving for five minutes..."

Imogen sighed. "I'm sorry; it's been a long morning. Right Adam?"

"Hm?" he asked without taking his headphones out. "Whatever it was I didn't do it," he responded.

"Okay…." Imogen drew out.

John smirked. He loved this kid already. "We're not going to the hospital. I'm dropping you guys off at the hotel first."

Imogen shook her head. "That's not happening. I want to go straight to the hospital," Imogen told him.

"Whoa… I just picked you guys up from the airport. Could you just- look, how about you guys least check into a hotel, and then we can get Adam tested out. Sam's not going anywhere."

Adam pulled out his headphones, he was trying to tune his mom and John out but his plan hadn't worked. "John, I don't know you that well but I do know my mom… a word of advice, she will always get her way so I would just give in now if I were you."

"Adam!" Imogene yelled. Sometimes she wondered if the newly turned 15 year old was really her son.

"No it's alright Imogen." John's eyes flicked to Adam in the rearview mirror. "He's just speaking the truth," John said with a grin.

Adam laughed. His mom had told him about John but meeting him was totally different. He was pretty cool. "You're alright John."

"Well I'm glad I have your approval." When Imogen said that Adam had been going through a rough patch, she wasn't exaggerating. Adam had jet black hair. John could tell it was dyed since his eyebrows were still blond. Adam's lip and his eyebrow were also pierced. He couldn't help the rising anger he felt towards himself; he had missed all of Adam's life. Granted, it wasn't his fault but that didn't mean that he didn't feel bad about neglecting his youngest son. Adam looked so much like John, but had Imogen's eyes. It was funny how things worked out that way.

Adam turned his attention to his mom. "Will this… thing like hurt?" Adam asked from the back seat.

"Honey, to be honest, I don't know. I think it's just a little prick." Imogen turned to face Adam from the passenger seat. "It'll be like when you got your eyebrow… and your lip… and your ears…. And your nose… pierced." Each thing she listed, her voice went down an octave.

"Whatever," Adam sighed, popping his headphones in, tuning everyone out with heavy metal again.

*S*P*N*

"The results are in. Adam's a perfect match for the Bone Marrow Transplant," Doctor Novak informed the two families. Adam smiled and Imogen gave a sigh of relief from her chair beside him but nobody was more relieved than John. Now, his son was going to beat this disease, he was sure of it.

Sam frowned. While everyone seemed to be happy, Sam was feeling the total opposite. He actually felt angry. Why was everyone celebrating? Oh yeah, maybe it had something to do with the fact that they weren't going to be pumped full of chemicals soon. The thought of having chemo, radiation and the procedure scared him and the possibilities of the BMT not working was torture. Maybe Sam was being selfish, maybe he was being a coward. After all he had been through so far, why couldn't he hold out for a little more?

Even though Adam had just met Sam, he could feel Sam's tension. "When do you guys start nuking my body?" Sam asked. Silence flooded the room. "What? It's true, isn't it?"

John's eyes narrowed and he said, "Sam, drop the attitude."

"It's an honest question so please just answer it."

"That's a very good question, Sam," said Doctor Novak. "I'll answer that and more. We'll start you off with chemo in a couple of days. We're going to completely get rid of all the cancer cells in your body so the new cells from the transplant have a chance at working. This reduces the chance of you relapsing in the future by a lot."

"When is the BMT scheduled?" John asked.

"If everything goes well, I have scheduled Sam's Bone Marrow Transplant for May 16th. In the course of two weeks, you, Adam, will get a few injections a day to make your bone marrow strong and to get your body to making more bone marrow. You'll only have to have these up until the transplant."

Adam glanced at his mom. "I asked my mom this question but will the shots hurt really badly?"

"It's just a little prick each day."

"Will Adam have any side effects from the injections?" Imogen asked.

"He may experience stiffness, his bones might be a bit ache but other than that, noting else."

Adam let out a sigh of relief. "So I won't, like, die or anything?"

"No, that's very unlikely."

John looked over at Sam, who had pulled his knees up to his chest. He hated how uncomfortable Sam felt. "What'll happen to Sam while Adam's getting the injections?"

"During that time, Sam will be getting on-again-off again chemotherapy and radiation. After that, we will harvest Adam's marrow and the very next day, we will put his marrow in Sam so it has the best chance of working. After all of this, depending on the success- and I have high hopes that it will be a success- Sam will have a recovery period of about a month. This means total isolation."

"Does that mean Sam'll be in like a bubble? Like that movie Bubble Boy?" Adam asked. Imogen gave him a tap on the arm.

Dr. Novak chuckled. "Bubble boy… I like it. Well, sort of. Basically, he'll be in this room and when people want to visit, they have to wear protective clothing and wash their hands so to not get Sam sick. We do this because his immune system is still trying to recuperate so he's very susceptible to infections. Sam will be able to go home after that. We'll continue to do checkups on him periodically to see if the BMT was successful. He'll be weak for a few months afterwards but slowly he'll get his energy back. Do you guys have any questions?"

"I don't think so. Thanks Dr. Novak," John said watching his eldest son. He had been quiet and Sam was never quiet. He had always been very talkative. Even when Sam was younger, the ability to talk had happened so fast. One day he was saying a few words, the next day, full sentences. He learned how to talk before he learned how to walk. John knew that Sam didn't want have the transplant. John noticed the look on Sam's face; it was a mixture sadness and fear. And even though John could be oblivious at times, he didn't fail to notice the way Sam had receded from everyone and sunk into his seat. "How you feeling about all this Sam?"

Sam retreated further into his chair. "It's whatever. Just do it."

*S*P*N*

Sam couldn't help feel a bit annoyed. It was just him and Adam in his hospital room, and the only reason was so Adam could keep an eye on him. His dad hadn't said it directly but it was implied with his body language. Sam turned his attention from the TV to Adam. "So, what'd they tell you about all of this?" Sam asked. Adam took out his headphones. Sam rolled his eyes he swore that those headphones were glued into Adam's ears.

"Uh… other than what the doc said, not much. But what I do know is that you're sick, with leukemia, I can't catch it and that I'm going to help you 'cause… you're my brother," Adam finished.

Sam nodded his head. "Good answer." It wasn't until then had Sam gotten a real good look at Adam and his piercings. Sam had to admit, his somewhat emo appearance didn't match his personality at all. "Your mom actually let you get piercing?"

"Yeah."

Sam made a confused face. "Why?"

"Why did she let me or why did I want to get them?"

"Both."

"Cause she believes in expressing yourself. Whatever that means... and I guess I thought it was cool at the time, I wanted to be different."

"Well, do you feel any different?"

Adam shrugged his shoulders casually and said, "Some days."

"How long have you had them?"

"January of last year."

Sam had obviously never had a younger sibling before so he didn't think they would become friends so easily in the few days that they had known each other, but they had. After all, Adam was going to save his life.

"Well I'm glad you're helping me out."

"You better be. Those injections make me feel weird. What the hell is that stuff?"

"I have no clue but welcome to my life." Sam returned his attention back to the TV.

"So I was wonder… no- I… I never mind," Adam dismissed. He then started tapping his foot on the floor. He wanted to ask Sam a question but he wasn't sure if they were that close yet.

"You obviously have a question."

"No-"

Sam rolled his eyes in irritation. It was Friday and his patients had left for the weekend. "Just ask it."

"You know, the big C."

"Cancer?" Sam suggested. Adam nodded.

"What's it like?" Adam asked. "You know… having it."

Sam adjusted himself in his bed. "Maybe I shouldn't have forced you to ask that question. Let me think about that one," Sam said as he rubbed his neck. "It's frustrating," he started. " 93% of the time, it's basically like the weakest you've ever felt, the sickest you've ever been and the most pain you've ever experienced all packed into one but the other 7%," he paused and smiled. "You're glad to be alive. You know, when I was first diagnosed I blamed everyone, even Imogen. I felt like there was something that everyone could have done differently but the reality is that nobody could have prevented this. I've read stories where people say that this cancer shit makes you a stronger person and it's supposed to be a journey, but right now, I don't feel like it is. Maybe later if I beat this thing I'll think that way."

"It's weird that you got something like cancer."

"Why?" Sam asked.

"Because kids don't get cancer," Adam justified.

"Hate to burst your bubble but, they do."

"But they don't deserve it."

Sam looked at him with scrutiny. Just a year ago, he had been Adam. Naive. Cancer was never a threat to him because in his mind, it didn't exist. Before he was diagnosed, Cancer was just a word that floated around in science class, like a bubble. "Does anybody?"

*S*P*N*

Sam glanced at the bags of chemo. He followed the drips with his eyes.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

He felt like he was dying a little more with each of them. It was 8 o'clock in the morning and he was in his second treatment of chemo out of eight.

"Sam! You okay?" Sam turned his head to where the voice was. It was his dad, who he hadn't even noticed come in. His dad was holding a medium sized box with plain blue wrapping paper around the exterior.

Sam slowly nodded his head. "Yeah I'm fine. What's that box for"

"You don't remember what day it is?"

"Chemo day?"

"No… It's your birthday." John handed him the box and Sam stared at it. The box wasn't wrapped very well. The wrapping paper was punctured and Sam could see rips revealing the cardboard underneath. "Happy Birthday. Go ahead, open it."

Sam didn't move. "Oh yeah? What's so good about it?" Sam asked unenthused. He knew his dad was only trying to cheer him up but he found himself getting annoyed.

"I promise I'll make it up to you."

"Don't worry about it. It doesn't even feel like it's my birthday anyway." Sam shook the box lightly. "How can this box be so light when it's so big?"

John took a seat next to him. "Just open the damn box. I promise it will make you feel better." Sam rolled his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh, starting to rip the paper away. He couldn't believe what he saw on the box. He smiled. "Gee dad… I've always wanted an easy bake oven…"

John smiled. It was the first time he had seen Sam smile that week. "See, I told you that it would make you feel better. Now open the box."

Sam opened the flaps of the box and took out its content. "It's a pocket knife," said John. Sam smiled for the second time that day. "If you look at the back of it, it has your full name. Samuel Blake Winchester." Sam turned the knife over and slowly traced the letters and the smooth, dark cherry wood. He slid the knife open and scanned the sharp silver blade. He carefully -fearful that it would cut him if he went to fast- slid his thumb across the blade to test its sharpness. "Do you like it?"

Sam stared at the pocket knife with awe. "I love it." He looked over at his dad. "I'm sorry for being a jerk to you. It's just-"

"Say no more Sammy. I know with all the chemo and the BMT plans that it's been a tough few day, you don't need to explain anything." John patted Sam on the shoulder.

"Since we're all happy here… I was wondering… do you think I'll be able to make it to Dean's graduation?"

"When is it?"

"The 9th."

"Sammy, that's right before your transplant, definitely not."

"I know but this is his graduation! He's helped me through so much."

"I know how much you want to-"

"I knew you wouldn't say yes… I can't get you to change your mind?"

"Not a chance."

"Well can you at least video tape it?"

"If you're doing alright, I will go and video tape the ceremony."

"That would…" his sentence was interrupted with a yawn.

"Tired?"

"Yeah a little bit. I think I'm going to take a nap."

*S*P*N*

A few hours after Sam's nap, Dean surprised Sam by paying him a visit. After not being able to see Dean for a week, Sam was surprised to see how much skinner Dean was than their last visit. Every step Dean seemed to take made him look stiffer and the books in his arms didn't do anything good to his slightly-hunched back. It was as if the two textbooks in his arms were two boulders pulling him down slowly. Dean didn't look so good, but neither did he.

"Hey kid, what's your deal?" Dean asked. The memory of when they had first met flashed in Sam's mind.

"Jerk… my deal is a freaking bone marrow transplant," Sam responded with.

"Brought you your homework bitch," Dean said as he plopped the books onto Sam's bed. Dean then took a seat next to him slowly. That was when Sam was able to get a closer look at his face; Dean looked like he was in pain. The way that he winced when he sat down was a good indication of it.

"Are you okay?" Sam asked.

"Yeah I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Why do you look so sick?" Dean suddenly felt angry. He had surprised Sam with a visit and this was what they were going to talk about? His health?

"Look I came to visit you and see how you were doing. Today's not about me. How're you holding up?"

"Really? That's the question you came to ask?"

Dean shrugged. "I guess not?"

Sam sighed deeply. "Well to tell you the truth, I feel like shit."

"I get the feeling. That's me every day," Dean added.

"I won't be able to make it to your graduation it's days before my transplant."

"Dude, it's alright. I get it; you're going to be in recovery. I won't be offended," Dean said carelessly. "It's not a big deal."

Sam didn't probe Dean, but he knew something was bothering him. They talked for a while, everything from weather, the summer to even school. By the end of their conversation, Sam couldn't take it anymore and he asked. "You're sick again aren't you?"

Dean looked at him for what seemed to be hours but in actuality was only a few minutes. "Sam, no I'm not sick again, geez. You're always jumping to conclusions. All I need is some shut eye and I'll be as good as new."

"You gonna be alright?" Sam knew it was the most overrated question, but he asked it anyway.

Dean gave him a grin. Sam noticed it wasn't his usual carefree grin. Something about it was different but Sam couldn't figure it out. It almost looked fake. "I'll be just fine Sammy. You just focus on getting yourself better, you hear?"

Sam gave him a nod and a tight smile.

*S*P*N*

Question, does anyone know Dean and Lisa's anniversary date? I can't seem to find it anywhere. In my head or on my computer… I'm pretty sure it's the 10th…

Zylstra pushed me to be more detailed and I hoped it showed. I was supposed to get this on here yesterday but I had wayyyy too much HW

***Next chapter Preview:

"Dean honey, it's been an hour and a half." Mary caressed the left side of his face. She could see the dark around his eyes and she could tell that the nap did nothing to help anything. Dean stretched out wincing. "You okay? Do you need some medicine?"

"I already took some this morning…" Dean mumbled. The medicine's effects weren't as strong as they used to be.

"It's okay if you take more, you're obviously in pain."


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Today was Dean and Lisa's 3rd anniversary. Since Dean had taken her on a very pleasant date, it was her turn to give him a great present so she decided to text Dean.

**I have a present for you. When can I drop it off?**

Whenever you want. My mom's at work and Anna's leaving soon. I swear that girl is always gone…

**Be over in 10.**

***S*P*N***

When Lisa arrived at Dean's house, he was sitting on his porch in his sweatpants. She parked and met him at the door, present in hand.

"Why are you waiting outside?" she asked.

Dean sat up and Lisa wrapped her arms around his midsection, putting her head against his chest. "You said you'd be here in ten so I just waited outside. Besides, it's a nice night. Not too cold."

"You're warm," she commented, snuggling into him more.

He looked over at the box in her hands. "Is that for me?"

"No its mine, I just wanted to open it in front of you." Lisa smiled. "Of course it's for you."

"Good because I've got something for you too. Let's go inside." Dean led her through the front door and closed the door behind them.

Lisa looked at him, confused. "But you already got me a present."

"Oh… you're right." Dean put his hands in his pockets and swayed back and forth on his feet. "Well, I'll just have to send it back then."

"No, you don't have to send it back. It's okay," Lisa insisted.

Dean smirked. "That's what I thought. Let's have a seat on the couch; we can open the gifts there."

"Sure." Lisa followed Dean to the couch. Once they were comfortable, Dean handed Lisa his gift. It was a small rectangle white box, about the size of her hand, with a red bow wrapped around its exterior. Lisa gasped and gave Dean a genuine smile.

"I wanted to get you something special," Dean whispered. Lisa tugged on the red ribbon freeing it from the box. Dean watched as her smile grew wider and she lifted the necklace out of the pristine box. The necklace had two diamonds gleaming in the middle.

Still smiling, Lisa placed the pendant on the palm of her hand to look at it more closely. "I can't help but ask. Is this an upside-down teardrop?"

Dean's own smile disappeared. "No… it's half a heart," Dean said, taking something out of his shirt. It was a necklace with the same shape, connected to a black thin cord instead of a silver chain. "I have the other side of the…heart so we can make one heart…" Dean cleared his throat and quickly slipped the necklace back into his shirt.

Lisa let out a quiet laugh. Dean was never this sentimental. In the last week he had been more romantic than the three years they had been dating combined. She admired that side of him; she didn't get to experience it often.

"What?" Dean asked with a shrug. He rubbed the back of his neck and he couldn't help the blush that crept onto his face. "I thought it was pretty cool…" Dean mumbled. "You hate it, don't you?"

"I don't hate it!" Lisa playfully slapped Dean's leg. "I can't believe you would think that!" Lisa accused. "I think it's amazing. You were so thoughtful when you picked this out and I'm not laughing at _you._ It's just that you never show your feelings. It's nice. I love this side of you." She looked down at the delicate necklace. "This is so beautiful." She wrapped her arms around his neck.

Dean let out a sign of relief and started to relax. "I'm glad you like it," Dean returned.

"Can you help me put it on?" Lisa asked as she handed him the necklace. She turned so her back was towards him. Dean moved her wavy hair to the side and clasped the chain. "I want to see how your necklace looks like mine." Dean once again pulled out his necklace and they connected them together to make a full heart. Lisa felt a knot forming in her throat. The realization that Dean would be gone someday hit her. She swallowed the tight knot as best as she could. "It looks…"

"Perfect," Dean finished with a grin.

Lisa beamed and handed him a box. "I want you to open my gift."

Dean examined the small wrapped box for a moment. It was light and when he shook it, there was no sound.

"Just open the box," Lisa said impatiently. She never understood why people would shake a present first. The sound wasn't nearly as important as the contents inside.

Dean smirked then started opening his gift. He smiled once he saw what was in the box. His eyes went over the shiny charcoal object. "You got me a watch." He ran his fingers over the dark grey bumpy links and then at the twelve navy blue numbers. "This is so cool."

"Look on the back," Lisa encouraged. Dean turned the watch over and behind the face of the watch was the word  _forever._

"Thank you so much," he said as pulled her in for a kiss. "It looks like we were successful with our gifts, huh?"

"Yeah…I…I actually have one other gift."

"You got me another gift?" Dean asked. Lisa quickly nodded. "You didn't have to."

"I wanted to," she said as she handed him the box from her purse. Dean's breath caught in his throat. It was a box of condoms.

Dean slowly began shaking his head, "I… Lisa, I-"

"I love you and I'm ready to take the next step with you," she said simply.

"I'm not sure it's a good idea." Dean's heart felt like it was beating a thousand miles per minute. The thought of sex had crossed his mind but that was when he was healthy and not being pushed through death's doors. If they had sex, Lisa would get hurt emotionally and Dean didn't want to do that to her.

Lisa moved closer to him and held his hand. "Please, Dean. I want to share this experience with you. If we both love each other then I don't know why we shouldn't have sex."

Dean stood up. This was becoming overwhelming for him. Lisa didn't know what she was doing to him. He knew what she was getting at and but at the same time, he was still weary of the idea. He pushed both hands through his hair roughly again, a sure sign that he was stressed. "You may be ready but what if I'm not? And are you doing this because I'm dying?" He said in a hushed tone, hanging his head.

She stood up and kissed his neck. "But what if you are?" asked Lisa quietly, with a sad expression. "I'm not doing this because you're dying but I'm not going to say that your relapse hasn't made me think more about my love for you. I've been thinking about this long before you were even sick. I want to do this with the person I love. Look, I don't want to force you into anything but I want you to know that I'm head over heels in love with you. It's been that way for three years now and that feeling will never change."

After that came a long, numbing silence. There were so many things wrong with their situation and the negative outcomes seemed to outweigh the good ones. Lisa wanted to have sex but Dean wasn't sure if it was the best idea. But if he said no, then he would be missing out on an event they could share together. It was an opportunity for them to become closer. Dean looked into Lisa's chocolate eyes and took a deep shake breath. "Okay," Dean told her. "Let's do it."

Dean slowly leaned down and pressed his lips against her. Lisa deepened the kiss further and knotted her fingers in his hair. Their journey upstairs was filled with kisses and nicks from the wall.

Dean laid Lisa gently on his bed as he continued to kiss her. Dean slowly took off her belt and lifted her t-shirt above her head and Lisa took off his. Lisa sat up and slid pulled his sweatpants off, revealing his black and yellow batman boxers. Lisa held back the laughter.

"They're awesome! Admit it." Dean smiled and playfully wrapped his arms around her stomach and buried his head in her neck, tickling her, making Lisa laugh.

"Stop!" Lisa giggled.

"I'm not going to stop unless you admit it."

"Okay, okay," Lisa said out of breath. She then put her hands on the sides of Dean's neck and kissed him. "They're awesome. You're awesome," she whispered with a smile. She could feel his pulse; as if a wood pecker was pecking on the columns of his neck. He was nervous. She ran her hands up and down his chest. She could feel the scar from the port on the left of his chest.

Dean flinched away. The feeling came as a surprise. Even though he had touched it multiple times without feeling anything, it felt peculiar when Lisa touched it. It almost hurt. "It's my battle scar," Dean said with an uneasy smile. Lisa had never seen this part of him before and that made him nervous and that in some way, she would reject him.

"That's what makes it special," she gently said. She put both her hands on the back of Dean's neck and brought him, pressing her lips to his.

Dean broke the kiss. "Are you sure you want to do this?" Dean asked, winded. Lisa kissed him as a signal to continue. She sat up so he could have access to her bra. Dean unclasped it with shaky hands. Once her bra was off Dean took the time to look at her slim form. Dean put his hands on her waist and very slowly moved his still shaking hands up to her chest. The feeling of Lisa's bare skin was better than Dean had imagined. Her skin was very smooth and beautiful.

Lisa pulled Dean's boxers off. She put her hands on his back and down to his bottom and then snaked around to his front. Lisa then lifted her hips so Dean could do the same. Dean shuddered when Lisa's fingers ran along his spine.

"Are you ready?" Dean asked, as nervous as ever.

Lisa trembled but didn't have to think about her answer.

***S*P*N***

Lisa buttoned her jeans and slipped her belt back on. She watched the rise and fall of Dean's chest and the glistening sweat on his flushed cheeks. Instead of looking at her, he was staring at the smooth white ceiling- as if it had turned into a swirling portal- and fiddling with his tee-shirt. She couldn't quite pinpoint the look he had on his face. She climbed back into bed and leaned her head on his wooden bed frame and sighed. The silence that Dean had been emitting was driving her crazy. She had tried to talk to him but all she received was silence. When she tried to touch his arm, he flinched away. It hurt that he wouldn't even allow a single touch after they had shared something so intimate. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Yup."

"Please talk to me."

Dean only crossed his arms over his chest, continuing to stare at the ceiling. "I'm good."

She narrowed her eyes in anger. He was shutting himself down before she had the chance to get a word in. "Why do you always do this?"

Dean matched her expression. "Do  _what_  exactly?" he asked, even though he knew what she was referring to.

"You always shut me out! You bury your feelings in this tight little box and you never let them out." Lisa paused to let her breath catch up. "I just want you to tell me… tell me if we made the right choice."

"Okay. If you  _really_  want to know what I felt then here it is," Dean said, agitated. "I felt like I lost control and I shouldn't have! I'm dying and I felt like doing this made us closer but that just means that I'm hurting you more and… the last thing…" Dean lowered his voice. "The last thing I want to do is hurt you." Dean looked over at Lisa, who was chewing on her bottom lip. He turned her face gently towards him. "But I wouldn't have traded this experience for anything."

***S*P*N***

It was finally here, the day that Lisa had been waiting for, graduation. The aroma of coffee hit her as soon as she opened her bedroom door. She instantly knew her mom was awake, her dad didn't drink coffee.

"Wow you're up and dressed before 10 o'clock on a Saturday," Amelia said as Lisa tiredly walked into the kitchen. "Hey sleepy head. Are you ready for your big day?"

"Yeah," Lisa nodded. "I'm excited.

"What's the plan today?" Amelia asked.

"I'm going over to Dean's for breakfast soon. Then I'm going to hang out with him till rehearsal."

Amelia poured herself a cup of coffee. Black, just the way she liked it. "Speaking of Dean, how's he doing?"

"He's doing alright I guess. I actually haven't seen him since our anniversary a week ago. He said he was fine over the phone but you know how he doesn't like to hide when he's sick." Her mom nodded in agreement.

Amelia took a sip of her hot drink. "I also know that he's not the kind of person that likes to be pushed."

"Yeah, I know and that's why I'm not pushing him." Lisa glanced at the microwave clock. It read 9:56. "Hey, I have to go. I'll be home at noon, after the rehearsal."

"Oh yeah that reminds me! Daniel called. He said he might be a little late arriving to graduation."

Lisa smiled. Her brother was always late for everything. "As long as he's there tonight, I don't care."

***S*P*N***

Once she arrived at Dean's house, she walked in.

"If you're looking for Dean, he's upstairs in his room," Anna said.

Lisa searched for the location of the disembodied voice. "Where are you?"

"Couch," was Anna's response. All that was visible were her legs slung over the arm rest. She sat up and rested her elbows on the top of the couch with her pink phone still in her hands. Not fully looking up from her phone she asked, "You excited about graduation?"

Lisa nodded, pulling a strand of hair behind her ear. "I'm very excited. I guess I'm just happy to get out of high school."

"I wish my graduation was today… I bet I would be a lot happier."

"Only a few more years."

"Ugh… that's too long," Anna said as she flopped back down on the couch. "My mom's in the kitchen."

"Thanks Anna," Lisa said making her way to the kitchen. Lisa could hear something sizzling. Mary had her back turned and was chopping something up. "What are you making? It smells good."

"Just some pancakes, bacon and fruit. Very light, I'm not sure Dean'll be up for eating it though. He threw up last night so his appetite might be shot," she stated. "I think the pain meds are messing with his stomach a bit. He was also up some of the night coughing and on oxygen. The doctor gave him a portable oxygen tank a few days ago because he's been having trouble breathing lately. But don't tell him I told you that, he would be mortified. I'm pretty sure he's still sleeping. Why don't you go wake him up and see if he might want to come down? Today's a big day." Mary turned to look at Lisa for the first time that morning and smiled. "I am so proud of the two of you, for making it through, and with honors… congratulations." Lisa thanked her and Mary went back to cutting strawberries.

"Alright and I won't tell him," Lisa said as she climbed the steps to Dean's room. When she walked in, he was still sleeping just like Mary had said. She knelt down by his bed careful to not wake him up and watched him sleep. He had been sleeping a lot. Lisa's eyes skimmed over his relaxed face. It was very pale and the dark circles around his eyes were more prominent. It amazed her that his appearance could change so much in a week. Every time he lost weight, it showed. Lisa pushed the rush of emotions threatening to escape; this was supposed to be a blissful day filled with accomplishments. She put her arms around his torso to wake him up. "Dean, it's time for you to  _wake up_ ," she sang, trying to coax him out of his slumber.

"But I don't want to…" he whined, half asleep. He slowly opened his eyes to see Lisa grinning back at him. Lisa noticed his eyes were a little red. She ran her fingers through his brown hair and gave him a kiss on the corner of his mouth. Dean closed his eyes and let out a light laugh. "If I didn't wake up, would you continue to do what you're doing?"

"Maybe," Lisa teased, "or maybe not…" She kissed the corner of his mouth again. "Your mom wanted to know if you wanted some breakfast."

"Yeah, that sounds pretty good," Dean said, even though food was the last thing on his mind. But he needed food in his stomach so he could take his meds. He could feel the energy running out of him.

Lisa stood up from her kneeling position. "I'm going to step out so you can-"

"No, I'm already dressed and ready. Can you just lay down with me for a few? I don't want to get up yet." He scooted over and patted a place next to him, pulling his dark red covers back so she could join him. "Just for a few… please?" He begged.

"Ok, just for a few." Lisa could never say no to Dean. She climbed into the warm sheets and positioned herself so she was facing Dean. Dean wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer.

"I can't believe it's graduation… I never thought I'd make it to this day." Dean played with a strand of Lisa's hair.

Lisa snuggling into Dean more. "I knew you would," she said

***S*P*N***

As soon as Lisa had dropped Dean off, the first thing he did was take a short nap.

"Hey Dean-o," a voice said. Dean felt a hand touching his face, but it wasn't his mom's hand. Dean opened his eyes to find Andrew's brown eyes staring at him.

"Andrew, what the hell?!"

Andrew smiles at his friend's remark. "Whoa there! Who stuck the burr under you saddle 67?"

"67? What about it?"

"Your lacrosse number! Remember? I used to call you that all the time."

"Oh yeah, I remember. That was a long time ago."

"You know coach still hasn't filled that number since you stopped playing?"

"Oh he hadn't?" Dean asked. Andrew slowly nodded. "Well, he should. I am 100 percent sure that I will never be playing lacrosse again."

"Well-"

"Drop it," Dean interrupted. "Why did you have to wake me up?"

"Dean, honey, it's been an hour and a half."

Dean smiled. "Shut the hell up." Andrew hadn't been here for more than five minutes and he had already succeeded in making cheering Dean up.

"You're mom said you gotta get ready. Sorry man," he said. His Texan accent was more prominent than ever. "Oh yeah, she said I gotta give you this." Andrew pulled out a small pill bottle out of his brown jacket and tossed it to Dean. Dean quietly thanked him and sat up, trying to hide his wince as he stretched his aching bones.

It had been a few weeks since Andrew had seen Dean but there was nothing Dean could hide from Andrew. He could see the dark around his eyes and could tell that the nap had done nothing to help Dean's low energy. His friend wasn't feeling well and he knew it.

"I already took some this morning…" Dean told him. The medicine's effects weren't as strong as they used to be.

"You're mom said It's okay if you take one more." Andrew rested his hands behind his head. "I'll tell you what; let's get downstairs so you can have some nice refreshing water with your main course."

"Thanks," he said as he tried to sit up from bed. He had no energy. "I knew I should've eaten more at breakfast," Dean muttered.

"We can get some food too. Heck, I'm starved too."

"Okay." Dean attempted to stand up but instead saw spots in his vision.

Andrew heaved him up quickly and with a genuine smile said, "You move like molasses, you know that?"

"Well you know what…" Dean paused to think of a comeback but his brain felt too foggy so he settled for a simply, but meaningful middle finger.

Andrew tugged at the back of Dean's neck. It was a little bit rough but Dean didn't mind. He was actually grateful. Andrew had always been rough when he greeted Dean. It was like old times, like nothing had changed.

"I thought you were supposed to be out with your friends?" asked as they made their way downstairs

"But I am with my friends…" Andrew said with a smile. "Through thick and thin."

Dean grinned at him.

***S*P*N***

Principal Hydecker tapped the microphone. The crowd audibly winced at the feedback it emitted. "Sorry about that folks," he said as he gave a nervous chuckle. "Thank you to all the parents, friends and family for coming out tonight to help celebrate the graduation of these great people." The principal welcomed his assistant principle and they said a little graduation speech. Then the valedictorian, Cassie Robinson spoke.

"Hello everyone, I'm glad to have you out here tonight. Thanks for coming… yeah...um well." She paused. "I usually don't do these kinds of speeches- I usually write them down and someone else says them," the crowd laughed. "I want to say thank you to all the teachers for dealing with our class for the past four years, so I think it's safe to say that you never want to see most of us back here again." This time, the crowd roared with laughter. Even the principle was joined in. Cassie had everyone wrapped around her finger and she knew it. "Now that's it's the end of high school, I know that some of you guys, including me, have not yet figured everything out, career wise. But I'm confident that one day we all will. We have acquired all these skills for a reason so we can contribute to this world wherever we might be. We matter, we are the future and we're here to make a difference! Congratulations, class of 2013!" The crowd applauded wildly as she gracefully walked off the stage. The principal then began handing diplomas out.

After the ceremony, Lisa slowly began walking up on the stage and called Dean up to the stage.

Lisa wrapped her arms around Dean's middle and began to speak. "I have a surprise for someone special. This person has been through a lot and has been courageous throughout the whole experience." From her peripheral vision, she could see Dean's horrified expression and the red hue to his face. Dean hated that everyone was staring at him. "Dean, we all have a surprise for you so, turn around."

"I hate surprises," he mumbled nervously in her ear but did what he was told.

"This is our gift to you. You can turn back around." As he turned around, the song  _Thunderstruck_ by AC/DC started blasting through the speakers. Dean almost had to do a double take at what he saw. All the seniors were dressed in lacrosse jerseys that had the number 67 on it. And under the number, it said TEAM DEAN and his favorite song ' _Ramble On'_ byLed Zeppelin was listed under the number _._ He turned around to ask Lisa what was going on he saw that she too was wearing a matching shirt and holding up another jersey that said "TEAM ME". He could feel his eyes stinging. He quickly grabbed Lisa and wrapped his arms around her, putting his head on her shoulder.

"Thank you." Dean cleared his throat but it did nothing to relive his tightening throat. "I love you so much."

"You're welcome, Dean. I love you too."  _Forever._

***S*P*N***

**REVIEW!**

**And we cut the scene there. On the love scene, I actually almost didn't go past the door scene… but I felt like you guys needed to know the true feelings of Lisa and Dean.**

*****Next chapter preview:**

He wanted to ask what was going on, but he was more worried about the fact that his whole body seemed to hurt.

Suddenly his mom came into view. "Honey, you alright?"

"Ya… wha-"

"You had a seizure. The paramedics are on their way."

"What a…what's seis're?"

"We'll talk more when we get to the hospital, just rest."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Mary was half listening to Anna and half watched intently as her oldest son rearrange his food around his plate. It was the day after Dean's graduation and she had made one of his favorites: steak and potatoes. She had been making a lot of his favorite foods lately. His potatoes were untouched and, although Dean had cut up the steak into tiny pieces, he had only eaten about three bites.

Dean had trudged downstairs that morning with a cold and it had only been getting worse. Whenever Dean breathed in, he would let out a wet cough that left him winded and clutching at his chest because it was so painful. Mary could tell that he had had a restless night's sleep. He had a grayish purple color under his eyes and his hair was sticking up in different directions. Dean had been sleeping a lot lately, Mary had noticed and she would bet that Anna had too, but they didn't say anything. Although Dean didn't mean it to, his frustration had been showing a lot clearer lately and they didn't want to upset him more than he already was.

Mary turned her attention fully back to Anna again just as she was finishing her story. "So that's how I got chosen to be one of the speakers for the pep rally."

"Honey, that's great to hear. How'd it go?"

Anna looked at her mom with a confused expression and Mary suddenly felt guilty. She could tell that Anna was frustrated with her. Mary hadn't meant to zone out, she had just been so worried about Dean. "Mom, I told you, it's in a week. You know, for the last day of school."

"I'm so sorry Anna, I knew that. Would you mind rehearsing it for me tonight?" Mary asked with a grin.

Anna smiled. Mary let out a sigh of relief that Anna wasn't too mad at her. "Not at all."

"Good." Mary reached for Anna's hand and squeezed it once. "I'd like that." Mary's eyes flickered over to Dean who now had his head resting on the table. "Dean, honey, are you okay?" Mary asked frantically. Dean's face had turned sickly pale and a blue tinge was beginning to creep on the corners of his mouth. He raised his head as if it were made of rock but didn't say anything. "Are you having trouble breathing?" Mary asked, ready to get his oxygen tank.

Dean cleared his throat before answering. "No… a little… but… I'm fine I-I think I'm just going to go lay down, if you don't mind." Dean rubbed his forehead. "I'll use my oxygen tank when I get upstairs."

"No, not at all honey, you go get some rest," Mary said. "But leave the door open." Dean agreed and started to take his plate to the sink but Mary stopped him. "I'll get it, Dean, don't worry about it."

"Thanks," he quietly responded as he started to slowly make his way to the stairs.

Mary watched as he started staring at the steps as if each one would snap at his feet when he stepped on them. "Are you going to be able to make it?" Mary asked with a nervous grin. Dean didn't answer but nodded his head and he reluctantly started to make his way up the stairs. She wasn't surprised at his 'd been very quiet lately, only saying a handful of words each day.

She had just begun to clear Dean's plate away when she heard a painfully loud cough coming from Dean. She quickly ran to the base of the steps to find Dean at the top, clinging to the wall, trying to hold himself up. "Dean? What happened? You alright?" When he didn't answer, she clambered up the stairs, almost tripping once or twice. That's when she got halfway up, she finally heard the wheezing.

"I…I can't breathe." With those words, Dean lost his grip and collapsed to the floor. Her eyes widened and she tried to catch him but she missed and he hit his head on the wall. She tried to coax him awake by tapping his fever-warm face but he didn't move.

She panicked.

"Anna, call 911 now!"

*S*P*N*

John watched the steady rise and fall of Sam's chest, relieved; his son had finally stopped tossing and turning. Sam had had another rough day. John hoped all of this pain was worth it at the end. They had been at the hospital for two weeks straight and he knew Sam was getting restless and discouraged every minute he spent here. This was time that Sam could've been spending with his friends, camping, hell; he could've snuck out of the house for all John cared if that made him happy! John sighed; he didn't know how much more poking and prodding Sam could take.

Out of the blue, his phone started to buzz and his thoughts were cut. When he flipped his phone open and looked at the caller ID, it was Mary.

"Hello?"

"John?" the unfamiliar voice asked.

"Who is this?" asked John with skepticism.

"It's Anna. Dean's at the hospital."

Suddenly, John's heart started pounding. "What's wrong with him?"

"They don't know yet. He's being X-rayed right now, he should be back soon." Anna sighed. "Look, my mom's falling apart. Can you meet us in room 101?"

"I'll be right there," John said, and the line went dead. He looked over at Sam's sleeping form and wiped some drool from the corner of his mouth.

Sam didn't know the full extent of Dean's relapse. Dean had wanted to keep the terminal part a secret from Sam and John didn't think it was a bad idea: right now, Sam didn't need any more bad news. News like that would only take them three steps back, and they needed to go forward. Sam needed to keep fighting. The bone marrow transplant was scheduled in six days, John would tell him then. Soon, his son's pain would be gone. He was sure of it.

When John arrived at Dean's hospital room, Anna was trying to comfort her mom by rubbing her back. As John was coming towards the two, the nurses began wheeling, a sleeping, Dean back in.

"The end's getting closer, isn't it?" Mary said quietly, caressing Dean's face. She roughly rubbed her eyes and John noticed they were red, swollen and irritated- she'd been crying, "I just… want more time. Time's just running out too quickly. I swear, there's never enough! Being here, in the hospital, means less time we get to spend with him." Mary clasped her hands over her mouth. "God, that was selfish." Anna rubbed Mary's back again and was silent. She was probably at loss for words as much as John.

John shook his head. "No, that wasn't selfish at all. There's nothing wrong with wanting to spending time with your son away from an old, crowded hospital. "

"It's just that all my fears are going to come true. He'll just… I mean they'll just keep him in here and he'll be hooked up to all these monitors. I just don't want him to suffer at a hospital," Mary said as the tears started falling again. "I could barely do this the first time, I can't..."

John had never seen Mary breakdown before and he wasn't sure what to say to make her feel better but he had heard enough. He enveloped Mary in his arms, letting her tears fall on his shirt because he didn't care. He just wanted to make her feel better somehow.

"Mary, it's going to be alright," John told her, just like she would when he was feeling down about Sam. He kissed her temple then looked into her light green eyes. "Listen to me. Look, I'm not going to tell you that I understand what you're going through… but to see the amount of love you have for your family and what you've sacrificed makes me know that you have the strength to get through this and to hold everything together." John wiped away a stray tear and hugged her. He didn't know how long they stayed that way.

"Guys, I think he's waking up," Anna told them as she noticed Dean's eyes flutter. Mary pulled away from John's embrace the swift movement making John suddenly chilly.

"Man, my head hurts." Dean winced as he touched the back of his head. His eyes glanced around the white room then at Anna, Mary and John. "Great… the hospital," he said unenthused. "What happened?"

"Sorry, Dean-o," Mary answered, "You passed out at the top of the stairs and I couldn't wake you. You did a number on your head when you bumped it against the wall. They just did a chest X-ray. Dr. Novak should be here very soon, hopefully with a reason why you passed out."

Dean slowly grabbed his mother's hand and gave her a small smile. John watched as Mary's body language instantly went from being tense to calm and was amazed.

*S*P*N*

Dean looked at Dr. Novak, confused. His brain felt foggy and he was having trouble processing all the information. "So you're saying that I have fluid in my lungs?"

Dr. Novak nodded. "That's right. What you have is called plural effusion. It's the buildup of fluid in your-"

"And it's from the cancer in my lungs?"Dean interrupted, pressing his hand to his chest. It felt like it was on fire.

"Yes, Dean. It's from the cancer." Dr. Novak looked at Mary with a worried. He had just spent the last ten minutes explaining all of this.

Dean cleared his throat. "So how do we get this junk out of my lungs?"

"Good question," Dean watched as his doctor gave him a frown, chances were, Dean wasn't going to like what he had to say. "I know you don't want to hear this but… we'll have to insert a needle in the lungs to drain out the fluid."

Dean hated needles as it was so for one to go into his chest made him feel sick. "How long will I stay here?"

"Dean, I…" Dr. Novak sighed. "I'm not sure." Dean's shoulders dipped at his response. "It all depends on how fast we can get the fluid under control."

Dean let out a dry laugh. "This day just keeps getting better and better."

*S*P*N*

Anna held up the folded piece of paper towards Dean. He looked at her with suspicion. "Guess what I got today?"

Dean sighed. "Do I care?"

Anna scoffed and put the paper closer to his face. "Just read it."

He reluctantly took the neatly folded paper from her and he sat up as fast as the IV's would let him. As he skimped the letter, his eyes widened.

"Your eyes look like they're about to pop out of your head," Anna joked.

Dean gulped. "You didn't…" He trailed in awe.

"Read it and weep, big brother." Anna gave him a grin. "Believe it or not, I got my driver's license."

"Unbelievable… see!" he yelled pocking her cheek with the piece of paper. "Aren't you glad I made you go 35 instead of 50?"

Anna slapped his hand away. "Don't even remind me."

***************FLASHBACK***************

As soon as the sound of footsteps hit Dean's ears, he bolted for his closet and shut the door quietly to make sure the intruder couldn't hear him. He lowered himself behind his clothes. As his heartbeat became louder in his ears, so did the footsteps leading to his room. Whoever they were, they were getting closer and it only made Dean more nervous. He heard his door open and the footsteps coming towards him. Dean placed his hand over his mouth to quiet his breathing. All of a sudden, the closet door whipped open.

Dean let out a shaky breath when he saw his mom standing above him wearing her nursing scrubs. "Oh thank God you're not Anna… "

Mary folded her arms across her chest and gave him a confused look. "Dean, why in the world are you hiding?"

Dean crawled out of his closet, stood up and then brushed the dust off himself. He then made a mental note to clean out his closet. Ha! Like he would ever do that. "Shh! She's going to hear you.

Mary looked around the room. "… And who would that be?"

"Anna. Who else?" Dean's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Wait a minute… why are you in here? Anna set you up to this didn't she!?"

"What? No I just came to… say goodbye cause I'm leaving for work soon."

"I can tell when you're lying," Dean said with a confident smirk. "It's the one good thing I got from you."

Mary opened her mouth in shock and was slightly offended. "The only good thing?" she asked, brows raised. Dean only grinned. "Ok, well, then I'm not sorry for what I'm about to do, Dean-o."

"You wouldn't…" Dean warned.

Mary smirked. "You should know since you're the human lie detector and all," Dean watched in horror as his mom cupped her hands around her mouth before she yelled Anna's name. Anna came bolting up to his room.

"You found him! Thanks, mom," she said with an innocent. Dean shook his head, she was anything but innocent.

"You're welcome, honey," Mary said as she kissed the top of Anna's head and ran her hands thorough Dean's hair. "I'll be home at 9 o'clock tonight. Oh yeah and Dean, who do you think gave you that gorgeous hair?" She flipped her long blonde locks. "I'll give you a hint, it wasn't your daddy," she said, leaving the two siblings to hash it out.

Anna gave Dean a murderous glare and Dean, subconsciously leaned back. "You promised you would take me driving today. I've been looking for you all day! And don't act like you knew nothing about it- you promised!"

"Dude, I promised that right after someone put a bullet in me. How do you know that I wasn't hyped up on meds?" Dean argued. "And, y'know, if we're being technical here, I have to be 21 to take you driving."

"Oh, like you care," Anna said with an eye roll. "You're taking me driving and that's final!"

Dean looked down at her with his arms crossed in a challenging way. "Oh yeah? Who's going to make me? You and your 5 foot 4-"

"Okay, the first thing you want to do is start the car."

"Wait, how do I do that?" Anna asked, panicked.

Dean looked up at the Impala's ceiling and groaned. "Oh God…"

Anna busted out laughing. "Jeez Dean, I'm just kidding. Lighten up, would you? I got your back… big brother. I've been driving with mom a few times. We should be okay." She smirked as she turned the key in the ignition and with a rough sound, Dean's "baby" awoke from its slumber. "Okay big brother, give me the next step."

It was Dean's turn to glare at Anna. "Please, don't kill me. I've just been put in remission, my birthday was only three days ago and… it's the weekend. So again, don't kill me."

"Relax already," Anna said as she put the car in reverse.

Dean jumped at the motion. "Wait, wait, wait! What are you doing? You can't back out that fast."

Anna looked at him with her eyebrows raised. "Dean, I haven't even moved…"

"Yeah, I-I knew that… I was just… yeah. Proceed. With caution!" he added, pulling out a crumpled white piece of paper from his pocket.

"Uh…what the heck is that?"

Dean opened the glove compartment to grab a pen "Oh, it's a checklist. Printed it out when you were trying to find your purse."

"Why?" Anna dragged out.

Dean smirked. "Because, I got your back...little sister."

"Dean, the speed limit says 50!"

Dean looked out the window as if deciding whether or not to jump out. "Yeah…so?"

"I'm going 35!"

"So what's the problem? There's nobody on the road anyway."Anna wished she could glare at her brother but he would probably yell at her to keep her eyes on the road. She opted for a sigh instead.

"I just don't get why you're being so uptight." She shrugged. "I bet dad didn't treat you like this."

Anna's last statement echoed in Dean's head and he suddenly felt a pang of regret. "Here, why don't you park over at that parking space over there," Dean said. The turn was perfect and her parking was a little crooked but other than that, it was good.

Anna was right. Maybe he was over reacting. When Dean had started driving, his dad was patient with him at every turn and that's how he needed to be with Anna.

"Why'd you have me park here?"

Dean sighed; he hated admitting he was wrong. "To tell you that I'm sorry. Yes, I'm scared of crashing into the car in front of us… or flipping over… or rolling off a hill- that wouldn't be good either. Or could you imagine side swiping this huge truck and-"

"Dean, get to the point already!"

Dean mumbled an apology before he continued. "The truth is that maybe… just maybe I'm more scared of you growing up. You're almost sixteen now. I know that may not seem like a big deal but I remember when you came home from the hospital. It's probably the only memory I have before the age of five… I guess I'm just starting to realize that you're growing up." Dean looked up at her. "And you're doing a great job at it."

"Thanks," Anna felt the knot in her throat tighten and her eyes start to water. "Dean, you can't say things like that! You're going to make my makeup run."

"That's why little sisters don't wear makeup," he scolded.

Anna laughed at his statement. "That's what you think." Anna paused and stared at the steering wheel. "Were you happy when I came home from the hospital?"

Dean laughed. "Hell no!" he admitted. "I was so jealous. It took me a while to start actually liking you but after that, I never stopped."

Anna rubbed her stinging eyes and smiled. "Love you too, big brother."

"Okay, enough with this love fest, let's do some real driving. Let's have some fun," Dean said with a smile.

Anna crossed her fingers. "Does that mean I get to go over 35?"

"Uh… not that much fun."

***************End FLASHBACK***************

Dean handed the paper back to Anna. "You got that bossy attitude from mom. You definitely didn't get that from me," he muttered.

Anna smirked. "Thank you."

Dean glared at her. "That wasn't supposed to be a compliment," he said trying to adjust himself in his bed. "When does this piece of paper turn into plastic?"

"I'm getting it in the mail in about a week."

"So does a car come with it?" Dean asked.

Anna gave him an eye roll. "You're funny."

"Why? I got a car when I got my license!"

"The only reason you got one was because it was dad's car… and it was old."

"Hey, hey, hey. Don't hate my baby. I bet you could totally sweet talk mom into it."

Anna grinned and shook her head. "No, I think that's you're level of expertise, mama's boy."

Dean crossed his arms over her chest and tried not to scowl. "I am not!"

"Just face it, it's always been your destiny to be a mama's boy," she said with a shrug.

"Shut up."

*S*P*N*

Andrew sat at one of the two chairs closest to Dean's bed, looking at his sleeping best friend. This was the first time Andrew had visited him since he was put in the hospital, four days ago. He felt ashamed that it had taken him that long to visit him. But If Andrew was honest, he didn't even want to be in the same room as Dean. Seeing Dean in a hospital bed was sickening and he felt wrong having to see Dean with all these tubes in his chest. Andrew felt powerless. He was losing his best friend and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Soon, Dean would be gone and so would their friendship.

"I can't watch you go like this, man." Andrew let out a sigh and looked at his tangled fingers with guilt. "I almost didn't come today but because you've were always there for me, I'm gonna be there for you."

***************FLASHBACK***************

Eight-year- old Andrew Gallagher sighed in frustration. He was trying to balance on the sandbox rim but he kept falling. At the corner of his eyes, he could see a blond haired boy dressed in a red plaid shirt approach him.

"Hey, I like your Star Wars shirt, can I play too?" the boy asked. "Trying not to fall in lava is always-"

"No," Andrew responded without a second thought. He was in no mood to talk to anyone; he had felt weird the whole morning. The last place he wanted to be at was at a park but he was determined to stick it out until his mom and little brother wanted to leave.

"Well, I'm going to anyway," the boy said as he walked in front of Andrew, trying to balance as well.

"I want to be by myself. Why don't you just leave me alone?"

"You talk funny. Hi, name's Dean," the boy said looking back, and totally ignoring Andrew's question. Andrew only nodded, uninterested. Did this kid not understand that he didn't want to talk to him?

"My name's Andrew."

"Well nice to meet you, Andrew. I haven't seen you around here, you been here long?" Dean asked. All of a sudden Dean turned around and started giving Andrew a confused look. "Andrew, hello? Have you been here long?"

Andrew narrowed his eyes. "Why'd ya ask me that question twice? I heard ya the first time around," Andrew said annoyed. "You didn't even give me a chance to respond."

"Dude, you just spaced out, you okay?" Dean asked, concerned.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Andrew asked with a shrug. He really wished this kid would leave him alone.

"You went all K.O on me," Dean said getting defensive. Andrew went quiet after that. "So are you going to answer my question?"

"Uh yeah... My dad, mom and little brother Aiden… …just moved here from Texas a few days ago."

"Lucky you… you got here right in time for school to start. I have a little sister named Anna who's five. She's little but a big pain. How old's Aiden? Are you in 3rd grade too?" Dean quickly asked. Andrew looked at him and was about to answer his questions but he couldn't form anything that was coherent. Without warning, he felt himself fall backwards. The last thing he heard was his name being called then everything went black.

When Andrew opened his eyes, he was on the ground and there were kids and adults surrounding him. He wanted to ask what was going on but right then, he was more worried about the fact that his whole body seemed to hurt.

Suddenly, his mom came into view. It took his eyes a while to adjust to her. He had never been so excited to see her short curly maroon hair in his life. She took her shaky hands and held his face. "Baby, you alright?"

"Ya… wha-"

"Baby, you had a seizure okay? You're going to be fine Andy. We're going to the hospital okay? Just rest."

"What a…what's seis're?"

"We'll talk more when we get to the hospital, just rest." It was then that he noticed that his mom had been crying.

When Andrew opened his eyes for the second time, he couldn't tell where he was. The place had light brown walls and a small TV. Whatever this place was, it was boring. He turned his head and saw his mom, Andréa, standing by his bed.

"Andy! You're awake!" his mom said with relief as she kissed his forehead. Andrew quickly wiped the wet kiss from his forehead.

"Mama, where are we?"

His mom smoothed his brown hair down. "Baby, we're in the hospital."

Suddenly this place rang a bell. "Is this place like that TV show you and daddy watch called ER?"

Andréa smiled. "It's just like that."

"Isn't this the place you said you picked up Aiden from?"

His mom nodded. "You're exactly right."

"Why does… everything hurt? I feel like I've just been riding at a rodeo."

"Because you just had a seizure.

"A sesure?"

"No baby, seizure, with a Z. It's when something happens in your brain that causes your body to shake. I was pushing Aiden on the swings when I saw you fall. Luckily your little friend, Dean told me what to do. I'm so glad you're making friends so-"

Andrew wriggled in his bed, uncomfortable. "Mama, he's not my friend, and how'd he know what to do?"

"His mom's a nurse."

Andrew cleared his throat. "Where's Aid?" he asked trying to change the subject."

"With daddy, at home," she said wryly. "Wait, what do you mean he's not your friend? If he wasn't there I wouldn't have known what to do. He helped you today and I think you owe him some gratitude."

Andrew picked at his fingers. "I know mama. Next time I see him, I'll say sorry."

Andrew watched as his mother's eyebrows went up. He wasn't off the hook yet. "And?"

"And a thank you too." Andrew sunk deeper into his bed. "Heck, I didn't even want to talk to him…" Andrew said, ashamed. If Dean hadn't been there, who knows what would've happened to him?

"I hope we get a chance to meet him again. I need to give his plaid shirt back to him."

"He's running around shirtless? Why do you have his shirt?"

"No, he had a shirt underneath. Well he gave you his shirt because uh… when someone has a seizure and everything has a mind of its own… that sometimes means the bladder too. You wet your pants during the seizure and Dean covered you up. You were out for a few hours so I washed his shirt."

Andrew couldn't help the embarrassment that washed over him. He was mortified. "Did anyone see?"

"Only Dean and I," his mom assured him. Don't worry, he knew what to do, like I said, his mom is a nurse."

"Whatever," Andrew said with his head in his hand.

Knock

Knock

Knock.

Both Andrew and his mom looked over at the door to see a blonde haired boy and woman.

"Hi, I'm Mary," the woman said. "I'm sorry to bother you guys, Dean just wanted to see how Andrew was doing,"

Andréa turned around to greet them. "Dean, thank you so much for helping Andrew. We'll leave you guys alone if you wanted to talk." Both her and Mary stepped outside the room.

Dean went over to Andrews's bed. "You alright?"

"Yeah, I'm doing fine. Thanks for being there for me today even though I was pretty mean to you. And I'm sorry for your shirt."

"…What are you talking about? My shirt's right here," Dean said with a wink. Andrew smiled back at him.

**************END FLASHBACK****************

"I remember that story," Dean said, his voice scratchy from lack of use

Andrew jumped at the voice; he hadn't known that Dean was awake. "Hey man, I was just talking… I guess just to talk."

"No worries," Dean dismissed. "It's nice to have company. Sorry I was sleeping for half of it," Dean said still looking tired. "Seizure free since… '03." That was their motto ever since Andrew's last seizure.

"That's right," Andrew agreed, grinning from ear to ear. "And don't you ever forget it." Andrew sighed. "Hey, I just wanted to thank you again for that day."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Quit thanking me, would you?" he joked. Andrew had been thanking him for the last ten years.

"Told coach I was gonna see you today."

"Oh yeah?" Dean chuckled. "What did he say?"

Andrew grinned. "He told me to tell you that you better get your head in the game for college," Andrew said, his Texan accent thick. The comment felt like a kick in his stomach but he knew it would make Dean feel better.

"Well, tell him that I'm trying and I'm gonna kick his ass when I'm better."

Andrew snickered and playfully slapped Dean on the arm. "You know he'll kick your ass before you kick his. Don't let that old face fool ya."

They talked like that for the rest of the afternoon until visiting hours were over and a nurse yelled at him. Andrew left the hospital feeling happier than he had felt in a long time.

*S*P*N*

On her way to Dean's room, the feeling of déjà vu hit Mary in the gut. It wasn't too long ago that she had had to say goodbye to her husband- the love of her life. When Mary walked in, she couldn't help look at the canal resting under Dean's nose or how miserable Dean looked.

He was awake but looked lethargic, like he needed more sleep than he'd gotten. Dean hardly wanted to sleep now. It was like he was afraid to. Like if he'd give into sleep, he'd slip away.

She had to hold back a sob at the thought. "Oh Dean…" Mary whispered, her voice trailing off. She wiped a tear from her eyes. Dean reached up and tried as best he could to wipe them away. It was hard with all the IVs in his arms but he managed. "Dean-o, you're one of the greatest things that have ever happened to me." Mary cupped his hand and looked into his light green eyes.

"Is this the part where you tell me that it's okay to 'let go'? Because everything and everyone will be fine? Because I'll be fine?" Dean asked, each question becoming a decimal quieter than the last.

She felt numb, and like the air had been knocked out of her lungs. Dean had taken the words out from under her. "I just don't want you to…"

"No," Dean said quietly, anger lacing his voice. "No. I'm not going to let go." Mary flinched at how sharp his words sounded.

"I'm saying it'll be okay if you do," she reassured him. "If you don't want to hold on any more than you want to for us-"

"No, it's not okay!" he said louder and with more strength. "I made a promise to dad before he died." His voice hitched a little. "I promised him that I would take care of you and Anna. I made a promise and I'm going to keeping it for as long as I can. I'm not going to just give up like that." Dean finished as he tried to calm his breathing. This was more than he had said in a few weeks.

Mary stroked the side of Dean's face; it felt warm to the touch, almost feverishly hot. Dean leaned into her hand a little and began again. "And who said that I'm staying here anymore than I want to?" This time his voice was quieter. "Any second that I spend with you guys, even if it's at the hospital, is 100% better than letting go."

"Okay, Dean-o," Mary said with a sad smile. She couldn't have asked for a better son. He showed courage and motivation and bravery and integrity - all qualities of a man. She could almost hear her heart break at that thought of Dean being a man. He wasn't her little boy anymore. She wiped the warm tears from her cheek. "You're just like your dad."

Dean grinned. "I know." Suddenly, Dean winced as he breathed in weakly.

"Are you okay?"

Dean rubbed circles his chest. "My chest hurts. I think I just need to rest."

"Okay, honey, get some rest," Mary said. "I'll be here when you wake up 'kay?" Mary watched as Dean's eyes disappeared under his eyelids and he fell into a slumber.

*S*P*N*

Mary ignored the pain in the back of her eyes. She didn't know how long she had been watching Dean sleep. She felt as though she could stare at him for a century.

If this was the end, Dean wouldn't have to suffer anymore. If this was the end, she had had the privilege of meeting this wonderful person. If this was the end, she was glad she had been given the chance to love such an amazing son. If this was the end, she was happy.

Mary gently kissed his cheek. "I love you, Dean."

She was just starting to doze when-

Beeeeeeeeeeep!

"Dean? Dean? Can I get help in here?!" In a flash, several nurses were gathering around Dean.

A young nurse turned Mary away and started to lead her out of the room. "Mary, we need you to step outside."

"Uhh…okay," she said. "I can…. I can do that."

"Clear!" one of the nurses said. She watched as his body violently rose. She bit back a sob.

"Please, tell me he's going to be alright?" The nurse let out a short sigh. "My baby's going to be alright, isn't he?"

"We'll do everything we can." The nurse left in a hurry, leaving Mary scared, shocked and her hope diminished.

*S*P*N*

What do you think?

O.o

I know…. I just had to.

Next CHAP IS COMING SOON… well hopefully ;D

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"Remember when we first met? I accidentally bumped into you on your first day and made you fall into mud. You hated my guts. It was an accident I swear. I had a feeling that if a train were to be coming at me, you probably wouldn't tell me. Hell, you would probably be driving it."


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

The warm atmosphere felt good on his skin. Dean took a deep breath of the euphoric air, noticing that it didn't hurt to breathe anymore. The air made him feel dizzy, yet he felt as though he couldn't get enough. He didn't know where he was but it was peaceful, and quiet, and quite frankly, he didn't care.

"Dean…" Dean's eyes flew open at the sound. Everything was so blurry and bright, and it took his eyes a while to adjust. The sky was light blue, tinged slightly grey but not cloudy. He sat up to a sitting position. Dean jumped when his eyes caught the dark, broad-shouldered figure standing in front of him. From Dean's angle, the figure looked very tall. The figure slowly moved his hand towards him. Dean took the outreached hand, noticing for the first time that he wasn't wearing his hospital clothes anymore but a red and blue plaid shirt and dark blue jeans. The hand was larger than his and felt rough but warm. He knew he shouldn't have taken it but he felt safe for some reason.

"Dean," the voice said again. This time he noticed the voice was deep.

The man had no problem pulling him to his feet. The movement jolted his body forward; Dean was certain that the pain in his joints would come next but was surprised when it didn't. This had to be a dream, he thought.

The man wasn't much taller than Dean was, maybe by five inches. He stared at the face that was mostly covered by the dark course beard. The man had short dark brown hair. The man's eyes were a deep blue and when he smiled, Dean noticed the way his eyes crinkled at the corners. All those things- he could've sworn he'd seen before.

Dean gasped. He suddenly knew why he recognized them.

"Dad?" he asked timidly. Dean wanted the man to give him a confused look and decline, but he didn't. Instead, the man's smile stretched wider and he opened his arms wide.

"Hello, Dean," the man greeted. Dean just stood there in silence, staring at the man's outstretched arms. He then watched as the man put his arms back to his side awkwardly. This can't be real, he thought. His dad was dead and had been for a long time now.

"No… you can't be my dad. I mean… you look like him you sound like him but you can't be him."

The man furrowed his brow. "And why can I be Trevor Campbell who's 33 and married to Mary Singer, sister of Bobby Singer… why can't I be the father to Dean and Anna Campbell? Why can't I be him-"

"Because you're dead!" Dean yelled. "That… that's why. This is all a dream. I'm going to wake up and be at the hospital again. Or unless… I'm dead aren't I?" Dean panicked. His body suddenly felt paralyzed and he felt like he couldn't breathe.

The man shrugged. "I've been here so long that, I honestly couldn't tell you. How old are you anyways?"

"Eighteen," Dean supplied quickly.

"Damn… so I've been gone for nine years?" the man asked. Dean didn't respond. "Okay, I know this may seem weird to you. It is for me too because you're the first living person I've seen for apparently nine years but you've gotta put your walls down. Like you said, this could be a dream so what do you have to lose?" he asked with a shrug. "I won't hurt you. Why don't we start again?" The man offered his hand. "Hi, my name is Trevor. You?"

"Dean," he answered as he shook Trevor's hand with his own shaky one. "If this isn't a dream, then where are we?"

"Someplace…somewhere…anywhere…" Trevor said, voice trailing off. "Haven't quite figured that out yet. It's not heaven, this place, but I'm not entirely certain that this place it's not hell either." Trevor went silent after that, staring up at the sky, searching for something that was no longer there. He suddenly looked at Dean, almost as if he had forgotten where he was. Trevor began taking a few steps. "Let's take a walk."

Dean frowned at Trevor's request, it came so suddenly. Dean rolled his eyes. "Finally, we're getting somewhere," Dean muttered. "Maybe now I'll get some answers."

"Or maybe you can shut your cakehole and follow me," Trevor chimed, his steps gaining speed. Dean folded his arms over his chest and stood there, annoyed. His pity party was short lived when Trevor walked further and Dean realized that he wasn't bluffing. "You and Anna were always so stubborn… I think you were the most stubborn."

Dean couldn't help the smirk that crept to his face. He looked around at the open space in front of them. He took in the long, grassy field and the way the slight breeze touched his skin. He squinted at how bright the sun was, despite the grayish blue sky. If this was a dream, it had the most vivid colors and images that his dreams had ever had. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Well, do you at least know why I'm here?"

Trevor looked back at him. "You ask too many questions," he said. Dean scowled back at him and Trevor laughed. "You just appeared here. There was this sort of lightning strike and BAM… I found you just lying in the grass."

Dean tilted his head back then groaned in frustration. So far, he hadn't been getting any answers. Both he and his questions were going nowhere. "I don't get how can you know so little about this place when, you've been here for 9 years. I'm sick of all these blank answered and I just want to get out-oof!" With all the complaining, Dean hadn't noticed that Trevor had stopped and had bumped into him.

"We're here." Dean followed Trevor's gaze to the biggest tree he had ever seen. Dean followed its dark thick branches as they curled wildly left and right and up and even down. Dean's eyes chased the branches until they disappeared into the grayish-blue sky.

"Wow," Dean said, his mouth falling agape.

"Look, I may not have all the answers you're looking for but what I do know is that this tree is the only thing that grows here." Dean's eyes went to the base of the tree. What used to be lush, thick, green grass was now replaced with brown cracked soil that now surrounded the tree and what Dean was now stepping on. He kicked at the dead soil with his foot. It was as if this giant tree was sucking the life out of this place. Everything that had given the tree life in the beginning was now slowly dying. "But this might be the key we're looking for."

"So what happens when this tree sucks up everything in this place?"

Trevor shrugged. "Only time will tell."

Dean slowly nodded his head and crossed his arms over his chest. "So how do I get out of here?"

Trevor looked at him sadly. "You don't."

BEEEEEEEEEEEP!

"We're losing him!"

"Ready?"

"Clear!"

"Again!"

Trevor waved his hand in front of his face. "Dean, are you okay? You blanked out."

Dean slapped his hand away as he fought the fog in his brain, trying to remember the last thing Trevor had said. "Yeah I'm fine…Wait, what do you mean I don't?"

"You don't get out of here," Trevor said sadly, again. "I've been trying for- well, apparently 9 years."

"Then what the hell was this mumbo-jumbo about this tree then?"

"Ah ah ah…not mumbo jumbo, but a thought. And a damn good one at that."

Dean threw his head back and ran his hands through his hair roughly.

"Wait a minute… what's that on the inside of your left arm?" Trevor said. Dean took his hands out of his hair and looked down at his arm. "God… I swear if your momma let you get a tattoo..." Trevor grabbed Dean's wrist and Dean flinched at the movement. Trevor pressed on the image on his skin before Dean could snatch his arm away. Trevor's eyebrows slowly knitted together. "What the…" He looked at Dean with a confused gaze. "It's a key…"

Dean stared at the dark image that now covered a third of his forearm. It had a light pink rim around the different angles of the key. He could see his irritated skin peeking through from the tiny holes in the design. The more detail he took in, the more it began to creep him out. It looked far from a regular key. Something about it was different, foreign, before his time. Had that been there when he'd first woken up in this place? No, of course not or else he would've remembered. It was hard to overlook something that noticeable. "The hell…" Dean tried to rub the skin but it pinched with every movement and it only turned redder.

Trevor pushed his hand back. "Stop, you're making it more irritated." He gently touched it again. "It's raised... well we have good news."

Dean narrowed his eyes. "Oh yeah, what is it?"

"Good news is that it's not a tattoo which means that I won't have to kill you."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Now is not the time for joking. What is going on here? Why the hell is this piece of metal growing out of my skin?"

Trevor thought for a moment. "The tree!" Trevor said, pointing. "There's got to be something that we can work with here. This key may be the only way you and I have a chance of getting out of here, getting to heaven maybe."

"No…" Dean whispered. "I can't stay here. I need to get back."

"Well that's not going to happen," Trevor mumbled.

"I can't leave mom and Anna. You made me promise," Dean said in a panic remembering his promise. He had been doing so well with keeping it. He wasn't just going to throw away nine years of success. Dean's motto had always been "Never give up."

Then what was he doing now?

Trevor looked at him with a sad expression. It wasn't like the pity looks that Dean would usually get from people, just sadness. "You can and you will. I'm afraid it's not an option. I think, in a way, you already have."

"No! I don't believe that just because I have a tattoo of a key that I'm going to be stuck here." Trevor touched Dean's neck for comfort. "I just… I just…" Dean closed his eyes and suddenly he felt lightheaded and like he was floating.

When he woke up again, he was outside of his own body. In the hospital again. He was horrified as he watched the nurses frantically trying to save his pallid, limp body. His chest had red marks from where they'd been trying to shock his heart back into motion. With each shock, his body violently rose up but came back down exactly as it was before: Lifeless. He couldn't move, couldn't breathe and he couldn't fight it.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

"Call it. Time of death, 8:48 pm."

When he opened his eyes, he was staring at Trevor's face again. As much as he didn't want to leave his family, he had to. It was time. Just like the grass was sacrificing its self for the tree, Dean had to sacrifice for his family. "I'll go with you."

*S*P*N*

"I'm truly sorry but we did everything we could," Dr. Jimmy Novak told Mary and Anna with grief. This had to be the worst part of his job: telling families that their loved ones had passed away. He had to tie up his emotions on a tight leash before he was ready to tell them the awful news because he had to be strong for his patients. Doctors were supposed to save lives, be heroes. But was he really? He had been a part of saving countless number of lives but what was a thousand lives gained if he couldn't save a life - a friend, a brother, a son- that hadn't truly lived yet?

He watched as Mary held her stomach and tried to breathe. He watched as John had to help her mom sit down. Had Anna always been standing there? He watched as Mary's face turned red and there was suddenly tears running down her flushed cheeks. "No, no, no not again!" she sobbed, through her short breaths, "Not my baby!"

Jimmy wished that he could do more but all he could say- like a broken record- was, "I'm truly sorry."

A thousand lives gained was nothing compared to the one life that he had let slip through his fingers.

*S*P*N*

It had been a few days after Sam's transplant. Sam's overwhelming energy was making John antsy. "I don't think so, Sam. You may feel ready to conquer the world but your body isn't ready to take a walk just yet." John said as he kept Sam from moving.

"But I just want to get out of this bed!" Sam said, still wrapped up in his blankets. "I want to go see Dean and tell him that the transplant went well and I can't do that if I'm still in this bed."

John inwardly sighed and started biting the bottom of his lip. He cleared his throat before he began. "Hey, Sammy, there's something I have to tell you."

"Can't it wait?" Sam looked up at John with tired eyes. "I'm betting Deans not going to be up for long. I mean, it's already 8 o'clock at night." Sam gave him a smirk. "You know how he loves his naps.

John had no choice but to tell him. He was suddenly glad that they were in the hospital because he felt like his heart was about to pop right out of his chest. "He… something happened..."

"To Dean? What is it?" Sam asked more alert, pulling the blankets off a little. "Hope he's okay."

John couldn't do it now! This was worse than telling a three-year-old Sam why he didn't have a mommy like all the rest of the kids. Seeing Sam's wide, worried eyes wasn't making the situation any easier. "Dean… he uh… he...um… Dean died two days ago."

Sam frowned and looked panicked. The lines in his face were more visible and suddenly he looked pale and sicker that he had looked before the transplant. As soon as John saw Sam's expression, all the air was knocked out of his lungs. He guessed he deserved it for lying to Sam for all these months. "No… he said that- he said… that he would be fine! He just said that he was sick… I swear if you're joking…"

John shook his head sadly. "I would never lie about something like that. He found out that he was terminal about four months ago. He didn't want to tell you because you were getting worse."

Sam put his hands on his face. "God…I knew I should have never had the transplant! If I hadn't then… then I would have been there for him! I could've helped him! How could I have been so selfish? He needed me!" Sam yelled.

John caught a glimpse of Sam's red eyes; when he tried to touch Sam's shoulder, Sam roughly pulled away. "There was nothing the doctors could do."

"What happened?" Sam asked weakly. "How could everything go so wrong for him?"

"Sometimes good things…"

Sam pulled his face away from his hands and lashed out at John. "I don't want to hear one of your stupid sayings that drove mom away!" As soon as Sam said that, he covered his mouth and John's heart felt like it skipped several beats. "I'm sorry, dad, I didn't mean to say that! I- I swear I-"

John hushed him. "I know you didn't Sam." He knew Sam didn't mean it. Sam was just venting his anger and John happened to be right in the middle. But it didn't mean that it hurt any less. "His heart stopped," John started. "The fluid that was in his lungs…overworked his heart and was pressing on it, his heart couldn't take it. Mary said they worked on him for more than a half an hour before they thought about letting him go."

"It's not fair," Sam said as tears started clouding his vision again. "It's… it's not fair!" John took him in his arms and let him cry.

S*P*N

The end… just kidding more to come soon. Cause we've been working ahead. And this chapter has been split. So Review!

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Dean's hair was parted to the side and looked tamed for once. He was dressed in a black suit and a stripped blue and white tie. Lisa smiled when she noticed that he was wearing his favorite Led zeppelin Tee-shirt under the suit. She slowly touched his cheek.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

The day of the funeral came a week later, heavy with tears. Everyone going had trouble getting out of bed that morning, especially Lisa. This would be the last time she got to see him. She didn't want to say the last goodbye.

It was only a small funeral with just Dean's family, Andrew, Garth, Lisa and John even came. Although Sam had begged to come, he wasn't able to because he was still recovering and it wasn't good for him to be in a crowd so soon after his transplant.

She felt like she had her own personal dark grey cloud above her head only there to make her day worse. She was pretty sure that everyone else had one hanging above their heads too, she could almost see it.

The ironic part of this whole day was that it was sunny. It had been the first sunny day in May, today of all the days. The week after Dean's death had been nothing but rain and suddenly, the sun decided to pop its happy-go-lucky head out thinking it could solve everyone's problems with its sheer warmth.

It was funny, the birds were chirping like they didn't have a care in the world. Like nothing had even happened. How could this world just go on like nothing had ever happened, like Dean wasn't dead?

One by one, Lisa watched as everyone went to say their goodbyes and to see Dean for the last time. She watched as everyone came to the platform with hunched shoulders, but when they left, the cloud above their head was gone and their shoulders and heads held high. Lisa figured it would be the other way around but it never was. Even though they couldn't really talk to him, they left just as content.

Lisa was the last one to go.

With each step to Dean's dark brown casket, her legs became more and more shaky. She had never been more scared in her life. What if goodbye wasn't enough?

Seeing Dean again felt bittersweet.

Dean's hair was parted to the side and looked tamed for once. He was dressed in a black suit and a striped blue and white tie. She smiled when she noticed that he was wearing his favorite Led zeppelin Tee-shirt under the suit. She slowly touched his cheek. The feeling was unexpected; It didn't feel warm or soft but cold and waxy, and his skin pale. The bruises around his sunken eyes were gone, hidden with makeup. Lisa smiled, knowing Dean would have a conniption fit about having makeup on his face. She stared at his defined cheekbones and jaw line. He was so skinny, skinnier than she remembered. Actually, his hair was probably the only thing of his that looked healthy. Despite it all, Dean looked peaceful and if he was peaceful, then Lisa was happy for him.

"Hi Dean, um…I-I just," she stuttered, moving a lock of her hair behind her ears. "I don't really know what to say. I… I wish I could have stopped your death. I feel greedy for saying that because I know that you were in a lot of pain but it's just how I feel. I understand that you were tired." She paused. Why was it so hard to talk to him? "Um…In the fall, school should uh… be starting. Guess what?" Lisa mentally slapped herself. "Well… I guess you can't, like, guess or anything but um… I was accepted to the University of Washington but... I'm not going. It just wouldn't feel right going without you," Lisa said quietly with a smile. "Yes, you. It's funny; I wasn't aware that you ever applied there." She lightly rubbed his overlapped hands with the soft pads of her fingers. "I love you… I wish you were able to say it back. I miss you already," Lisa gently pressed her lips to his lifeless ones. Their last kiss.

"Hi Lisa," Someone said behind her. Lisa was so caught up with Dean that she jumped at the voice. It was Mary. She looked a bit pale and she looked like she hadn't slept in years. She had a smile on her face but it did nothing to make her look happy. "How are you holding up?"

"Um… I'm not sure. I feel kind of numb, kind of angry. Well mostly because I couldn't help him more." Lisa blinked a few times to try to stop the tears but to no avail. "I can't believe he's really gone… I just - all I want to do is hold him in my arms and tell him how much I love him and... I … I wish I could turn back time so I could have more moments with him; create more memories maybe." She took a deep breath. "I loved him… I still do."

"I know you did and I know for a fact that he loved you too." Mary handed her a light grey envelope. "Dean asked me to give you this letter. God, it seems like just yesterday… you should open it at home." Lisa looked at the envelope and smiled bitterly.

"Thank you for the letter." Mary smiled at her sadly.

"Are you going to be okay?" Mary asked.

"I should be asking you that question."

"Um…I will someday," Mary responded with a sad smile. "I still have one more teen at home that needs taking care of."

Stay strong, Lisa wanted to say but instead settled for, "Well, good luck. I'll be seeing you."

"Thank you. You too. You can visit anytime you want, you know that. I bet Anna would love to spend time with you," Mary said, giving her a hug before they parted.

After that, Lisa walked as fast as she could out of the church. She didn't look back, and didn't want to.

Because if she did look back, there was no doubt that she would've broken down.

*S*P*N*

After Lisa got home, she took a shower and got ready for bed. It was four o'clock in the afternoon, early, but she was feeling sick to her stomach and completely drained from the funeral. Dean's letter sat on her night stand. Lisa still hadn't mustered enough energy to open it yet. She looked at it again and decided to pick it up. The card was small and slender. Running her fingers over the dry paper, she was surprised how smooth it was. She wondered where Dean had kept this card. It was so perfect- so perfect that she couldn't imagine that Dean had ever laid a finger on this envelope, so perfect that she didn't want to ruin its perfection by ripping it.

When she finally decided to open it, it was 6 o'clock. She had spent the last hour and a half just staring at the envelope scared, wondering what was inside. If she opened the envelope, then that would be the last of Dean forever. She was also scared that once she read the letter, it wouldn't be special anymore.

She wanted to hear Dean one last time. With trembling hand's she finally decided to open the envelope. Her hands tore into the grey paper. She could hear the crinkling of the paper under her hands. When she finally got to the letter, she held it for a little while. She could see Dean's chicken scratch through the thin white paper. She smiled as she unfolded it. Lisa took a deep breath and bracing herself, she started to read.

Dear Lisa,

I've never really written a letter to you before so here goes nothing… I'm writing in pen so if I mess up, I'm pretty much screwed. If you're reading this, I'm probably dead already, I know that sounds cliché but unless I handed it to you myself, there's no way you would've gotten your hands on this letter. Well, unless if you were snooping 'cause I know you would NEVER do that… well, anyways, I know you got accepted to the University of Washington and I want you to go. It's not far from home; it's like what… 5 states away? I don't care if you don't want to go or not. You're going. I know you want to be a teacher and I know for a fact that you can do it… without me. Besides, I would've probably dragged you down anyways.  
I don't want you to be sad about my death. I promise you I held on as long as I could. I want you to know that I'm not in pain anymore and I'd be willing to bet that I'm probably in a better place. Make sure my mom and Anna are okay. I'll see you again someday. I know this letter isn't enough but if you look on your computer, there's something more. There's always something more… that is if you look. Damn… that sounded really corny, see I messed up… now I'm screwed.

The password is Deanisawesome

P.S. Don't let my mom put me in a tie.

P.P.S. If you do, I'll haunt you.

P.P.P.S. I'll even wear that mustered yellow shirt you like.

P.P.P.P.S. Don't think I won't…

Love, Your Handsome.

After Lisa read Dean's letter, she read it again and again, so many times that she had lost count. She couldn't believe that Dean had thought through this far. She was instantly excited, anxious. Letter in hand, she quickly ran to her desk to grab her laptop, almost tripping a few times on her way. She frantically searched her desktop, trying to find something that her eyes didn't recognize. It took her a while but she finally found it.

There on her home screen was a folder.

For My Beautiful.

She almost cried at the name. Even when Dean was dead, he was still thinking about her. She opened the folder to find 9 files. A compilation of videos and letters.

Day 1. This was the day that Dean was admitted to the hospital. Before she clicked play, she stared at the image of Dean. He looked sick but not as bad as he did in that cold wooden casket. She cringed at the memory.

"I'm sorry for stealing your video camera… and your laptop later. Don't get mad at Daniel for bringing this, I asked him to do it. Remember today when you came in and you thought that I was hiding something? Yeah, I really was. You can either watch these all at once or you can spread them out the whole month…" Dean smirked and looked down and back up again. "Yeah… you're probably going to watch them all in one day. These videos are just a collection of stories and jokes I guess. Whatever came to my mind… this means they might be very random so don't be alarmed. I'm going to make a video every day that I'm in the hospital, which I hope won't be long. Today is May 10th. The day after graduation."

Lisa smiled at how well he knew her and started looking through the folder.

She laughed some.

Day 3- May 13th

"Graduation was so fun. Thank you for everything, I really appreciated it. I love you so much. I really hope you know that." Dean looked thoughtful. "I have a very important question to ask you." Dean's eyes narrowed. "Why is it that…" Suddenly, his gaze left the camera. Lisa could hear someone in the background but it was muffled. "Could you come back in ten minutes?" he tapped his chest a few times and smirked. "I don't think this junk is going anywhere." The stranger said something else and Dean gave them his best grin. "No, don't worry about it. Thank you." Dean focused on Lisa again and cleared his throat. "Sorry about that. It was one of the nurses she wanted to know… uh never mind it's not important. When I have the chance, I'll definitely edit that out. Anyways as I was saying, why is it that whenever I go to Andrew's house or I'm near Andrew's cat, I always sneeze? You don't have to answer that because I…I think I know why." His voice then changed to a whisper and he zoomed the camera in on his face. "Don't tell Andrew this, but I think I'm allergic to him… I swear," he suggested with a smile.

Day 5- May 15th

"Remember when we first met? I accidentally bumped into you on your first day and made you fall into mud. You hated my guts. It was an accident I swear, but you gave me this look..." Dean shivered. "I had this theory that if a train were coming at me… you probably wouldn't tell me. Hell, you probably would've been the one driving it.

And she cried some.

Day 6- May 16thwas a letter.

Hey Lisa, I look and feel crappy today so I wanted to write to you instead of making a video. Don't worry; it's probably just for today.

I noticed that I haven't talked about you being a kindergarten teacher. I just want to say that I'm very… VERY impressed. I could never really understand your love for little kids… oh wait, I know why! You've never had a younger sibling! : P Kids under the age of well… Sam… annoys me. I could never be a kindergarten teacher- hell, maybe a coach so I can yell at them but that's pretty much it. I think you'll be a great one. I mean, you really bond with Anna and she basically acts like a kindergartener so… yeah. I'm going to have the fluid in my lungs sucked out today (yuck) and I know it sounds gross (which it is) and painful (which it also is) but it's gotta be done so I'll write or video chat soon.

Day 8- May 18th was a video, just like Dean had said.

"I've been thinking… and don't even say or think 'well nothing good ever came out of that'." Dean changed his tone to a more somber one. "Here goes something or nothing… however the hell that phrase goes"

"Well… uh… sometimes I can feel myself drifting. Like, drifting away somehow… I don't know, I just feel weird. It's not because of the fluid in my lungs - it's just that I personally feel weird. I've been trying to shake the feeling all day but it won't go away. Whatever it is, know that I'm not leaving you until death breaks both my legs and drags me away. I would still be able to kick his ass. Well… hypothetically speaking, that is."

Lisa wiped away stray tears. The "weird" feeling that he was experiencing was a subtle sign of dying and that his body was failing him.

By the end, she loved him 100% more. When she got to the 9th day, she realized it was another video. She hesitated for a moment before she opened it.

Dean looked like he had just woken up and he had a tubes in his nostril that she had never seen before.

Day 9 May 19th

"Hey Beautiful, sorry you have to see my… gorgeous face right now but I'm not writing today." Dean pointed to the tube in his right nostril. "Don't worry about this old thing. They just put this stupid tube in my nose today because apparently I'm not getting enough food or nutrition. Wow, the day I would say that…" he mumbled bitterly. "It's hard typing these letters- it hurts everywhere. God, it's never ending. I'm not going to lie; it feels like I've been hit by a train every morning… I'm getting my lungs pumped today...again," Dean breathed an exasperated sigh. "The docs said there's a lot of junk in my lungs and my when they pump it… it just keeps filling up again. But I'm still going to try to hold on. You're supposed to be coming later tonight, so that's ONE good thing that I'm looking forward to for today."

Dean looked up at the ceiling as he spoke, his face not visible. "I'm sorry you have to see me like this." He looked back at the camera again. "If I had it my way- which I never do- you wouldn't have to. But I guess that would be selfish, huh?" Sighed Dean. "I'm going to go take a nap, I don't know, I just feel kind of weird again today. A little more than usual. Well, anyways, I love you and can't wait to see you tonight."

The 9th video was dated May 19th, the day he died. She didn't even get to see him for the last time.

Lisa was left with the image of Dean smiling, frozen in time.

*S*P*N*

The end… just kidding more to come soon hopefully. Review!

 

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"I wish people didn't treat me like I was some walking disease."

"You know no one here tonight's going to treat you like that right?"

"Yeah but, I look so different then when I last saw them," Sam said absently rubbing the rough patchy skin around his mouth. "They may not treat me like those kids did but their gunna act differently."

"How do you know that?" John asked.

"Because everybody always does."


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 19

How could something so small cause so much pain? The key was painfully rising through Dean's skin every minute, he could feel it. Now, it was lying barely attached to his skin. He honestly couldn't remember how long he had been trapped in this place. He didn't even know what to call his destination. It wasn't Hell but there was no way it was Heaven. Time, days, nights, seasons- none of them mattered in this place and it was starting to drive him crazy. He could never understand how his dad could live here.

Dean looked up at the sky. Its once grayish blue hue was now a sickly dark grey covered with broken clouds. He looked across the field; the grass looked wilted and dry, nothing like it had when he first arrived. Despite the fact that this place looked so dull, the tree that he was sitting under looked to be the only healthy plant here. The circle under the tree made of cracked and dry dirt, had gotten wider and the tree had gotten bigger.

Something was wrong; Dean could feel it. The pain was starting to seep into his joints again. On some level, he had always known the pain would come back- nothing good lasted forever. Especially not for him. He grimaced as pain shot up his arm. He suddenly felt cold.

His dad walked towards him. "I'm telling you Dean, next time you should take a walk with me. God knows that's the only things that keep me sane- um, Dean-o, you don't look so hot." Kneeling in front of him, Trevor tried to put his hand on Dean's forehead but Dean turned his head away and leaned into the tree more. "You okay?"

"Yes… no…well…" Dean took a breath in. "Dad, there's something I need to tell you."

"I'm sure it can't be that bad. It's not like you're dying or anything."

Dean looked down at his cracked hands. "That's the thing, Dad. I think I am."

*S*P*N*

Mary took several deep breaths and looked at the few t-shirts draped over her arm and the few pairs of socks in her hands.

"Okay Mary, you can do it," she encouraged. "There's nothing to be afraid of. You've done this thousands of times before. Well, maybe not a thousand but…ugh…the point is that you're going to be okay." Mary turned the knob and pushed the door open. Her knees suddenly felt weak and her eyes started to sting: she hadn't been in Dean's room since she'd picked out his outfit for the funeral. Mary took a step inside her son's room and flicked the light on. "See, I told you. You're okay." She put his clothes back in draws and then smoothed Dean's wrinkled sheets, sitting down at the bottom of his bed with an exasperated sigh. It was a weird feeling seeing Dean's room so spotless.

She leaned back on the bed with a yelp; she rapidly sat back up again when she felt something hard against the back of her head. She peeled back Dean's sheets to find a small, slightly crooked wooden box partially hidden under his pillows. She picked it up and placed it on her lap. She touched the pale, rough surface. She remembered when Dean had made the box in shop class. It wasn't his best work; he received a C for it. It had been right after Trevor had passed. Dean had blamed the teacher but she knew he hadn't even tried. Dean had helped his father several times with projects around the house before Trevor had passed away.

The box squeaked when she opened it. In the box were pictures and on the pictures: different colored sticky notes with names written with Dean's messy handwriting. She took the picture that had 'mom' on it and peeled the green note away.

The picture was of Dean covered with green goo, oobleck to be exact. He was holding his face and sticking his tongue out, his hair and his fingers were covered with the green goo.

She had almost forgotten about this picture.

Her attention was interrupted when there was a knock on the door.

"Mom?" Anna asked timidly, tiptoeing towards Mary. "What are you doing in Dean's room? I heard you crying, what's going on?"

Mary was so caught up in the nostalgia that she hadn't noticed the few tears that slipped from her eyes. She cleared her throat. "Yeah… um, I was just putting some of his shirts and some of his socks away." Mary let out a laugh. "None of the socks have matches though. It always amazes me how socks always get lost between his room and the laundry room." She cleared her throat. "Anyway, I'm getting way off topic; um, I found this box with five pictures in them." Mary flipped through the pictures. "There's one for you, me, Andrew, Sam and Garth." Mary held up the picture with her name on it. "This is the one Dean gave me."

***************FLASHBACK***************

Mary watched as 5-year-old Dean hopped off the school bus. As soon as he saw her, his face brightened and he started running towards her. His huge backpack moved side to side as he did so. It was November and chilly outside, and this was Dean's first year in kindergarten.

"Where's dad?" Dean asks grabbing her hand.

"He's taking Anna to the doctor's," she answered. "Her ear is still bothering her. Remember?"

"Oh yeah. I actually knew that. I was just seeing if you knew." Dean smiled so big that his eyes squinted.

Mary couldn't help but laugh. "I bet you did."

"Hey, guess what my class did today?" he asked, excited.

"Um-"

"I'll give you a hint. It has green eggs and also- and also ham. Green ham, but not moldy ham. Cause- cause that would be yucky and not taste good," he explained as they started making their way back home.

Mary had a pretty good idea of what he had done that day but she pretended not to know. "I think I'm stumped."

"Okay well, I'll just tell you." Dean let go of her hand. "Can you hold my backpack for me? It's a little heavy," he said. Mary grabbed his backpack and he went back to holding her hand. "So today it was green- green eggs and ham day. I know because the- the teacher told us." Mary smiled as Dean stuttered a bit over his words. He only did this when he was excited about something. "She also told us that Dr. Seuss wrote a book called Green Eggs and Ham. It's the one that daddy reads to me sometimes. When we were cracking the eggs, Lydia and Oliver dropped their eggs. I almost did but I didn't."

"Yeah? Was it good?"

Dean shrugged. "They put this green stuff in it but I guess it was still good."

"Well I'm glad you had a great day and-"

"Mom…" Dean dragged. "I wasn't finished." Mary smiled then quickly apologized. "So after we made the eggs we ate them, then we made this other stuff too. It was called… oobleck. It was green too. Our teacher put this white stuff in some water then added the green stuff again to make it and- and I could punch it then when I stuck my hand in it, it was like water."

"Well, that sounds so cool! Maybe you can make it for me sometime."

"Yeah! You'd like it."

************END FLASHBACK************

Mary laughed. "I woke up the next day with flour all in the kitchen. Turned out he took my advice when I told him that he could make it for me. It was a mess. We had flour in our kitchen for days."

"Typical Dean," Anna said with a laugh and a shake of her head.

Mary opened the box and took out the picture with Anna's name on it. It was a pink sticky note. "Go ahead. I promise I haven't looked at anyone else's, but mine."

Anna took the thin, rectangular object and sat next to her mom before peeling back the pink paper. The picture was of a dark blond haired boy and a newborn. "Is- is that Dean and I?"

"Yeah. I remember that day. It was the day we took you home from the hospital. I'm actually surprised Dean wanted to hold you so bad."

"Why's that?"

"Because he wanted a brother. We didn't find out your gender till you were born so in his mind he had pictured a brother," Mary rolled her eyes. "It was your dad's idea. When you were born, he didn't even want to hold you when you were born. He didn't hold you till the third day," Mary laughed.

Anna smiled and rolled her eyes. "That sounds like something Dean would do." with a knot in her throat, she looked down at the picture again, wishing Dean was still there.

*S*P*N*

Dean watched as Trevor ran his hands through his hair slowly. So that's who I got that from, he thought. "Damn, I mean, I knew you were lying about something but I didn't know it would be this bad."

"Yeah…" Dean's eyes narrowed. "Wait, you knew I was lying about the whole meningitis thing?"

"Dean, I may have been gone for a while, but you're still just as easy to read." Trevor winked. "Besides, you do the same thing I do when I lie."

Dean smirked. "Oh yeah, and what's that?"

Trevor took his fingers and moved it across the dry patch of dirt. "Your mouth twitches."

Dean sat up more against the tree with a wince. "Excuse me?"

His dad laughed. "The right side of your mouth twitches." Trevor held his hand up and put his thumb and pointed finger close together, indicating an amount. "It's very slight, but just enough."

"So what, all those times I lied, mom knew because my mouth had a freakin' spasm?"

Trevor scoffed. "You're funny. No, your mom can tell that you're lying without even looking at you; it's a gift." Dean rolled his eyes but he couldn't deny his mom's special power. "Speaking of your mom, how… how was she… you know?"

"Well, um… after you died, she was depressed. It took her a while to get back on her feet and to start going to work again but she eventually did. I guess the thought of being back in a hospital scared her."

His dad looked at the ground. "I never meant to hurt her," he said quietly. Dean reached over and put his hand on Trevor's shoulder.

"Does anybody ever mean to hurt the people they love?" he asked gently, patting his dad's shoulder before removing his hand.

Trevor took a deep breath. "Yeah. I guess not… I never got a chance to say how sorry I was for leaving the three of you like that. I just-"

"It wasn't your fault, dad. Besides, Bobby helped us all as much as he could." Dean shrugged. "Especially when mom couldn't. It wasn't so bad, we survived... I mean Bobby's not that bad of a cook." Dean smirked. "Heck, I think he may be been better than you were."

Trevor gave Dean a nudge. "Hey! So um, how did you and Anna do after?"

"I survived," Dean shrugged, choosing not to go deeper. Choosing to not tell his dad how angry he felt, or how he started to isolate himself from the people around him: the people that were trying to help him. And he sure as Hell didn't go into the hour long therapy sessions he had to go through for a year when people started noticing the change in his demeanor. "I don't think Anna really knew what had happened. I mean, she knew that mom was different and that someone was missing but I don't think she grasped the idea that, you know…"

Trevor frowned. "That she didn't have a dad?" Trevor finished with a sigh. "Do you know when exactly that was?"

"Uh… yeah it was a couple of years after and during this event at the elementary school called 'Donuts with Daddy'. It was right in the middle of her first grade year. I mean Bobby and I usually just went with her but you could tell that something was different about her that time."

"What's she like?"

"Who, Anna?" Dean asked. Trevor nodded. "Dad, you wouldn't believe how much she's changed. If you saw her today, there'd be no way that you'd be able to recognize her even if you tried. She's grown up so much. She looks just like you, except for the red hair and all, but her eyes and face are all you. She's smart but not very athletic, funny and at times, she can be very annoying."

"If she looks like me, I bet all the boys are lining up... wait that came out wrong. I meant-"

Dean scoffed. "I get what you mean and don't worry; I scare most of them away."

"That's my boy," said Trevor as he clapped Dean on the shoulder. It felt like old times again. "If this key works, I want you to know that whatever happens to us, seeing you again has been the best thing that's happened to me."

"Thanks, dad." Dean let out a sharp wince and put his hand to his ribs. Trevor quickly rushed to his side. "I got to get out of here."

Trevor reached over and squeezed Dean's left shoulder. "I'll get you out of here, I promise."

*S*P*N*

The sound was unbearable, and it made Anna feel like ripping her ears out. She spun around in her desk chair and looked over at the figure sitting on her bed, her homework neglected. "Dean, do you have to crunch so loudly?" Anna asked.

Dean shrugged and looked at his half eaten, green apple. "I thought you and mom wanted me to start eating healthy," he explained.

"But not practically in my ear!" Anna yelled tossing her pencil at him. It went right through him but she still received the satisfaction.

Dean raised his hands up in surrender. "Geez. Calm down. It's only an apple. And you can't throw a pencil at something that's not really there." Anna rolled her eyes at him. "So let me get this straight… when I don't eat healthy, I get yelled at but when I do eat healthy, I get yelled at too? So, how does that work?"

His statement was met with another eye roll. "God, even when you're dead, you're still annoying."

"I'm sorry that I just can't do anything right!" he yelled back, matching her pitch and annoyance.

Anna frowned and her mouth formed into a tough line but she couldn't seem to get mad at him. She sighed. "Mom misses you, you know."

Dean took another bite. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, she doesn't know it, but sometimes I can hear her crying when she thinks she's by herself."

"Is it as bad as when dad died? Does she ever mention me?"

"It's pretty close but not that bad. Not so much talking about you yet. Sometimes, she'll go through her day like nothing ever happened. I mean, don't get me wrong, I would rather her like this then acting hysterical but it's just weird being around her."

Dean just stared, chewing his stupid apple with this look on his face. She knew that look. Her family had gotten it numerous amounts of time before. It was the expression Dean resented the most: pity.

"Why are you still chewing that stupid apple?"

Dean took another bite of his apple. Every crunch was taunting and she just wanted it to stop. "I think you may be having a mental breakdown," he said calmly. Too calmly.

Anna narrowed her eyes. She just wanted to scream. How could Dean be so calm about all this? He was acting like everything was fine but it wasn't. "You're acting like mom… do you not have anything to say to what I just told you?"

Dean stood up from his sitting position and shrugged, casually sliding his hands in his pockets, tossing the apple in the trash. "It depends what you want me to say."

"I… I…"

"Cat got your tongue?" Dean asked with a smirk. "Ah… the day I would say that."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Dean crossed his arms over his chest in a challenging way. "It means exactly how it sounded. You know what I am right?" Dean asked. Instantly realization flooded his face.

"Not real. This is a dream."

"Oh…You don't get it, do you?" Anna just stared at him, mouth agape. He had never talked so down to her like that before. "I'm just a figment of your imagination."

Dean moved so he was face to face with her. "You know you're actually awake right now. Right? This isn't a dream. You've been seeing things for weeks now, haven't you?" Dean paused and looked at Anna sadly. Anna suddenly felt the tight lump forming in her throat and she looked down at the ground. "How about you? Do you miss me?" Dean taunted. "I know you do. That's why I'm here right now. You're just as bad as mom, maybe even worse. You're afraid to admit it. WAKE UP and face reality. I'm not real and you know it. It's time to move on."

"I did move on!" Anna whipped her head up but Dean was gone. Gone, like he had been for the last six months. Gone, like he was never coming back. The only thing that remained was the smooth, uneaten granny smith apple. Maybe Anna was going crazy. Maybe Anna was worse off than her mom was.

*S*P*N*

Review! I write back ASAP.

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I miss hugging you, kissing you and exchanging 'I love yous'. But mostly I miss how I felt when I was around you, how you made me feel when you looked at me. When I was with you I felt… excited, nervous but on top of the world because I knew that you loved me and I knew you felt that way too. I remember your laugh, what made you tick and how to push your buttons and I loved how you could always make me laugh.


	19. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

It was November now. It had been six months since Sam had had the transplant, four months since he had been released from the hospital and a month since he had been back to school. The school set him up with a personal tutor so he wouldn't be so behind. Sam had been so excited to go back to school but he found himself getting more tired throughout the day. The first couple weeks, he would come home and take a nap because he was so exhausted.

The two months that Sam spent in the hospital were very unpleasant. He had no privacy, he was weak all the time, his bed was uncomfortable and he was always being poked and prodded with by needles and nurses. When he was first released, the first thing he did was take a long nap in his own bed. He missed how the cool sheets felt on his skin and the fact that he was comfortable in any position he laid in. The first month back home consisted of Sam feeling like crap, several hours of sleeping and only enough energy to shower but even then his dad had to help him get dressed sometimes. It was the most mortifying month.

The second month was a little better. It included a little more energy, a little less sleep and Graft Versus Host Disease, which was the worst part. GHVD was an embarrassing condition that made the new cells attack his body. It was something that Sam was still dealing with, months later. It caused stomach problems and a rash on his skin. The rash first started on his abdomen and on his back. Sam didn't really mind because his shirts covered it but then it spread to his arms, legs and even around his mouth. When that happened, Sam felt gross. The rash was so itchy that Sam got blisters on his skin for scratching it. It got so bad that his dad made him wear gloves everywhere he went. The rash was so mortifying that he didn't go out in public for a few weeks fear that people would make fun of him. The doctor told him that it was nothing to be worried about since his GVHD was mild and that it was a sign of the cells doing their job. He then gave Sam some ointment and added more pills to Sam's ever growing medication list.

About four months after his procedure, things were starting to look up. His energy was still increasing and his hair was even starting to grow back in the same sandy brown color as before. It didn't look half bad, it was better than having no hair, now he could style it to the side. Unlike Dean's hair, that had come in darker, his looked the same.

After he heard the news of Dean's death, he became depressed. The fact that Sam couldn't call him, talk to him or ever hear him again made Sam feel down. He truly felt like he had lost a brother. He felt hopeless and doubtful of his survival. Dean was strong and Sam well, wasn't. If Dean hadn't made it, who was to say that Sam was going to?

His family and friends had truly been his rock; they encouraged him to fight for what he wanted: a life. Better yet, a life without cancer. The people in his life made him realize that everything was going to be okay. He had a father that loved him and needed him and friends that cared about him and would stick by him and that's all that mattered.

Sam couldn't understand how someone like Dean could just be telling joke and lightening people's moods one day, and be gone the next. At first, Sam had been angry at Dean from keeping something so big from Sam, but then he realized that Dean was only looking out for him. He was even more furious with his dad… ah, his dad… Sam was set on being angry with him forever, but it was hard to be mad at someone who was with you and helped you 24 hours a day and couldn't stay mad at him for more than a few days. And besides, his dad had thrown him a party for being cancer free for 100 days, he definitely couldn't be mad about that. Sam just wished Dean and his father would've handle it better because Sam wasn't some helpless toddler that needed someone to protect him from the big, bad boogie man anymore. He was a almost an adult.

On the sixth month, he had begged his dad to join the swim team but his dad had point blank declined saying that it would be "dangerous" and that "maybe" he could join next year, preferably in the summer. Sam was frustrated at first. When would he get to start his life back? But then he thought about it. Even though he felt healthy, Sam knew his body wasn't quite where it needed to be. Plus, his schedule was compromised by frequent check up, not to mention that he was on a boatload of medications still, some of which made him drowsy. He decided that it wasn't a good idea either and that his father was right, for once.

Sam decided it was to for him to stop daydreaming and finish his math homework when he noticed that had been "working" the same problem for the last ten minutes. Just as he picked up his pencil from his desk, his phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Sam, is that you?" Sam's lips quirked up into a smile; he recognized the voice. "You sound so different from the last time I spoke with you."

"Hi, Grandma Caroline," he greeted. Caroline was Imogen's mom. Sam and his dad still kept in contact with them. "Yeah it's me, Sam."

"You sound so good! So healthy," his grandma commented, enthused. Sam grinned and rolled his eyes, wondering how it was possible to determine someone else's health status through the sound of their voice. "How have you been feeling lately? Your dad told us that you had been sleeping a lot."

Who is us? Sam thought. He rolled his eyes at the fact his dad had told his family that, and was curious what else his dad let slip. The last thing he wanted was for everyone knowing about his health issues. "Well, I feel better than I did a few months ago. Blame school for making me tired all the time!"

"I'm so glad to hear you're better and that you're back in school now. I bet you were starting to get restless, I know how much you like school." Sam almost started to nod at how accurate she was. "So what are you doing for thanksgiving?" she asked.

"Dad and I are going to Mary's house to eat with them," Sam told her.

"Wish you guys were visiting us… this will be the first year without you two. Oh, did you hear that Uncle Tommy and Aunt Layla are planning to adopt a baby boy?"

"No I didn't," Sam said with a sad smile, an image of Dean suddenly popped in his head. "Marin is gonna be a big sister. Big brothers and sisters are great."

"I know she will be but, she's been the only child for 5 years. I don't think she'll like having a newborn in the house. Anyways, grandpa wanted me to ask you if you got the package we sent you."

"Yeah I did. Thank you for the book, I love it." Sam looked at the book, The Great Gatsby, on his desk. He didn't have the heart to tell her that he already had two copies.

"I thought you might like it. Did you get the other package?"

Sam thought for a moment. "Other package?"

"Yeah, I think it's supposed to arrive today."

"Let me ask my dad." Sam went downstairs to where John was reading the paper at the kitchen table. "Dad, do you know if a package arrived for me?"

His dad didn't take his eyes off the news paper. "By the front door, I was gonna give it to you, then I got caught up in the newspaper. Sorry about that," John said, his voice anything but sorry.

"Thanks," Sam said. He grabbed a pair of scissor before making his way towards the package. It was a medium sized box. "Hey, I'm gonna put you on speaker, okay?"

"Alright." Sam put the phone on the floor and opening the rectangle box.

"Grandma, thank you," Sam said as he read the box. It was a slender black computer. "You didn't have to get me this."

"Grandpa and I should've given this to you a while back. Think of it as congratulations for beating your leukemia and an apology for missing your 100 Days Party back in August."

"Thanks grandma but I didn't do anything. I'm just glad that I don't have to do chemo anymore. If anything, this should be given to Adam. He saved my life."

"Speaking of Adam, how's he doing?"

"Last time I talked to him, he was doing well. Sophomore year is treating him well too. I haven't seen him since the party though," Sam explained.

"We're sorry again for missing that party. I know what a milestone it was for you," Caroline apologized.

Sam rolled his eyes. "You don't have to apologize; it wasn't grandpa's fault that he needed surgery for his broken ankle. As far as I know, the party was fun."

"Wait… as far as you know?"

***************FLASHBACK***************

"Rise and shine Sammy, it's exercise time," John started to pull the blanket off of Sam and Sam immediately pulled them right back.

Sam groaned. "Dad, do I have to? It's seven in the morning and Friday. I thought we were going later," Sam protested. "I will do anything, if you just leave me alone and get out of my room."

John chuckled. "No can do, Sam. I figured since you're not scheduled to go to school today… or the day after that… or the day after that, we might as well start early. We have a busy day today and you know what the doctors said-"

Sam immediately put his face in the pillow, annoyed. "I know. Exercise will help with the 'healing' process and blah blah blah. I get it."

"Then get your ass up out of bed. Come on, it's the middle of August; the sun will be out soon. Plus, after our walk, we have to be back for your appointment."

Oh the infamous checkups, how could Sam possible forget? They were scheduled almost daily. "I don't want to go," Sam grumbled, pulling the blankets over his head. If his dad would let him, Sam would have been just as content waking up in the afternoon - he despised mornings. "We went on a walk yesterday."

John rolled his eyes. "Four times a week Sam, you know the drill. Come on." John pulled Sam's comforter off. "I'll even help you out of bed," John offered.

Sam sat up slowly and put his head in his hand. He let out an exasperated sigh. "There's no need. I got it," he said bitterly.

"Alright." John handed him a pair of sweat pants and put his hands up in defense. Sam muttered meek thanks. "Do you need help?"

"No, I got it," Sam said again. This is not going to be a good day, he thought.

"Okay, when you're done, come downstairs," John told him. "If you're not there in five -" John pointed his finger at him "You better believe I'm coming for you."

"Just like old times…" Sam mumbled. After his dad left, he rolled his eyes and looked at the sweatpants with disgust. He wore them constantly because of the rash that consumed his legs from the GVHD. This would be his second month home. It was always the same schedule: his dad would wake him up in the morning, no later than 9, sometimes he would choke down a health shake and then they would take a walk. Sometimes they'd go around the block if Sam wasn't feeling well, other times on a small trail not far from their house. From time to time, Ruby would tag along with them. It had been that way for a month now.

When Sam went downstairs, his dad automatically handed him his health shake. Sam looked at the white shiny liquid and had to keep himself from making a face. He was hoping he wouldn't have to drink one today.

To get his energy and weight up to where it needed to be, his doctor had recommended the drink from hell or otherwise known as nutrition supplement drinks. His weight had gone up a little but he was still very much underweight. Sam was supposed to be drinking them three times a week and they were supposedly supposed to magically make him stronger. He hated them… with a passion.

"Vanilla today, huh?" Sam asked, disappointed. It wouldn't have mattered if it was chocolate or strawberry, they were still gross. At least the drink actually smelled like vanilla.

"Sorry Sam… it was the only flavor left today. A few more months of this and you'll be as good as new. Make sure you drink as much as you can."

Sam sighed. "Here goes nothing." After he took a drink, his dad handed him his pills, like he did every day. Sam sighed again. Along with antibiotics for the GVHD, he was temporarily on multiple Immunosuppressive drugs. They were so his body wouldn't reject Adam's bone marrow and so his new bone marrow could secure itself in his body. It would be a while before he would be able to be weaned off of his meds. After Sam had drunk enough of his health shake for his dad's approval, he went to put his shoes on.

"You want to walk the around the block or the trail?"

"Trail," Sam answered. He felt pretty good today.

John stood up and waited as Sam slowly put his shoes on. Everything was slower with Sam these days. "So… it the 100th day, crazy huh?"

Sam double tied his last shoe before standing. "100 days, whoop-de-do. It's not that big of a deal," Sam said unenthusiastically with an eye roll.

"You know, if you keep doing that, pretty soon your eyes are gonna get stuck," John said. "And what are you talking about? Sam, you survived the first 100 days. This is a huge milestone; a huge celebration is well in order for tonight."

Sam shrugged limply. He didn't even want the party anyways. He would've been just as happy watching a movie and going to bed. "I guess. Who all did you invite?"

John thought for a moment and counted his fingers. "Uh… Mary, Anna, Ruby… my parents, Bobby, Uncle Tommy and Aunt Layla with Marin. Oh and I think Adam and Imogen said that they were coming. So about eleven people."

"That's a lot of people…"

"Oh don't tell me you don't want to have this party. I have spent weeks preparing for this!"

Sam scoffed. "You mean week, singular. We both know you started Monday. I mean since you invited everyone already… it starts at 8 o'clock tonight right?"

"7 o'clock," John corrected. "How do you feel knowing you're past the first 99 days?"

Sam shrugged. He didn't really feel any different.

When they got home, it was 8 o'clock and the sun's heat was just starting to make itself known. Sam was halfway up the stairs when his father stopped him.

"Take a shower then make sure to put ointment on your body and face," John ordered.

"Yeah, I know," Sam said walking the rest of the way up in a hurry. Sam knew his dad was trying to help but lately, he had been overbearing, always reminding Sam what he already knew. Sam was 16 for pete's sake, perfectly capable of remembering to take his pills, making sure to drink most of his health shake and even putting on his ointment. It was irritating that his dad couldn't see that, but Sam couldn't be completely angry though. His dad had been there for Sam and been through almost as much as Sam had.

After Sam finished his shower, he gently dried himself and started putting ointment on. The rash was clearing up a bit more but it was far from gone. The red patches were still there and sometimes it felt itchy. When he headed downstairs, his dad was already waiting for him.

"You ready?"

Sam only sighed.

"You can sit up now Sam. Everything is still clear. According to the tests, you're still doing great. How do you feel?" Dr. Novak asked. Sam sat up and shrugged. He wanted to be by himself for the checkup, his dad waiting in the waiting room. He didn't need his dad for something so simple. "Listen, I know it's an overrated question and you've probably heard it a lot lately but it'll really help if you answer this honestly."

Sam rubbed his sore lower back; he had been lying down for the last 15 minutes from the aspiration. "I've been feeling much better… I have more energy than I used to. Still tired though," Sam said as his shoulders slumped.

"The tiredness is to be expected. Your body is still recuperating; it's nothing to be ashamed of. It may take up to a year before you have all your energy back. You heard me saying that exercise helps right?"

"Yup, been walking 5 times a week for the last month," Sam said. "And I've been drinking those… wonderful shakes like you said," Sam shuddered. "When can I get off some of my meds?"

Dr. Novak looked down at Sam's charts for a moment. "Well… we can start in a few weeks if everything keeps going smoothly like it has been." Sam's mood perked up at this news and he smiled. "I know those energy drinks might not taste that great but keep drinking them. They'll really keep your energy and appetite up." Dr. Novak looked up from his clipboard and stood up. "You are free to go. I'll see you in a couple weeks."

"Thanks, Dr. Novak."

"Oh and Sam, congratulations on your 100 days," Dr Novak said with a thumbs up. Sam gave him a small smile. "Let's shoot for 100,000 more."

"Sam, get down there, the party's about to start," John said to Sam, who had his arms wrapped around his knees leaning against his headboard. "You can't be sitting here, cooped up, in your room all night."

"Yeah, I'll come down in a little bit," Sam said as he pulled his knees in closer. The loud chatter and the music playing downstairs didn't make him want to join the party. He felt a little guilty that people were waiting on him but he still didn't want to budge.

John took a seat at the edge of Sam's bed and sighed, cracking his knuckles. "Okay, what aren't you telling me?"

"Nothing," Sam mumbled. John wasn't buying it.

"Then get down there if it's nothing."

"It's just that…" Sam started.

"Just what?" John asked, beckoning him to continue.

Sam rubbed his arms. "Maybe I should've worn a long sleeved shirt," Sam finally said.

"You worried about you're rash huh?" Sam meekly shrugged. "Are those neighborhood kids bothering you about it again?" John asked. "If they are, I can go give them a firm talking to, if you'd like."

Sam declined. A 'firm talking to' would probably land his dad in jail. "No, they stepped back. It's weird, they always seem like they're in a hurry when they see me. Ruby probably did something to them. I guess it's good but now I wish people didn't treat me like I was some walking disease."

"You know no one down there's going to treat you like that, right?"

"Yeah but, I look so different than when they last saw me," Sam said, absently rubbing the rough patchy skin around his mouth. "They may not treat me like those kids did but they're still gonna act differently."

"How do you know that?" John asked immediately.

"Because everybody always does," Sam responded.

"That's not true. The people who are down there are your friends and family." Sam only responded with putting his head on his knees. "And besides, they came to see you so I guess they have to like you a little bit." John sat up from Sam's bed. "Well, that's all I got. I don't know what to tell you anymore," John shrugged. "Sometimes you just gotta tune everyone out. Now how about you and me ditch this pity party and go to a real one."

Sam smiled sadly. "That sounds like something Dean would've said."

The party was going great. Everyone was talking, the pizza was scrumptious and everyone seemed happy. John glanced around the room. He couldn't believe that this day had finally come.

A week prior to the transplant, Sam had spiked a high fever, making him delirious. There were moments when John didn't think Sam would last the night.

But Sam, being Sam, didn't let anything stop him from living and he had held on. Sam deserved this party and all the people that came here to celebrate it with him. He had come a long way from that weak boy and John was proud of him.

"Hey, John, the cake is done, now would be a great time to get Sam," Mary told him as she finished icing the yellow cake with chocolate frosting. John looked around the room for Sam but he wasn't there.

"Hey, have you seen Sam?" he asked his niece Marin. The little 5-year-old looked up at John.

"You're tall," she said, completely overriding his question.

John knelt down so he was at eyelevel with her. "Yes, thank you but do you know where Sam is?"

Marin nodded her head.

"Okay, that's a start. Can you tell me?"

She giggled. "Oh, why didn't you just ask that? He said he's going to the bathroom."

"Thank you, Marin." John walked to the bathroom but no one was there. He then tried Sam's room. "Sam you in-" John stopped. He had found Sam. He was sprawled on his bed lying on his back. His right arm was bent behind his head and his left, hung over the side of the bed, just like his feet. John chuckled. Sam had fallen asleep. Their busy day had overworked Sam. John watched Sam for a little bit, Sam had never been a snorer but, he was now. John walked over and lifted Sam's feet so they were fully on the bed and put the arm over the bed, on his chest, then covered Sam up with a small blanket. "Well so much for the party."

************END FLASHBACK************

"Yeah, I guess my dad found me asleep. So yes, as far as I know, the party went well."

His grandma started laughing. "You missed your own party! Well Grandpa's been calling me for the past 5 minutes, I should probably go but I love you Sam and enjoy your computer. I know you might need that for school."

"It was nice talking to you Grandma, bye."

John silently shook his head.

"What?" Sam dragged. "It's not like I asked her to buy me one." Sam started getting his computer out then stopped. "Hey dad, would you mind going on a walk with me?"

John folded his newspaper and put it on the table. "No, I wouldn't mind at all. I'd love to. Are you sure you don't want to set up your computer first?"

"Nah, it'll be here when we get back," Sam looked out at the sunset through his window. "But the sun won't be up for much longer."

John stood and put his hands in his pocket. "Maybe you can see if Ruby would like to come."

"Yeah, I'd like that."

***Next chapter Preview:

Mary took several deep breaths and looked at the few t-shirts and pairs of missed matched socks in her arm.

"Okay Mary, you can do it. There's nothing to be afraid of. You've done this thousands of times before. You're going to be okay."


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Andrew twirled a set of keys on his pointer finger as he watched the trees thrash from side to side. It had been a windy day and it looked like the harsh weather would continue through the night. He reckoned it would start storming soon by how heavily the dark clouds had carried themselves earlier.

He wasn't too fond of storms in general. They were unnecessary and loud and most of the time, wreaked havoc on everything and everyone. He sat down at his desk and sighed. It didn't help that he could almost practically feel the electricity in the brisk air when he was outside a moment ago.

Today was his turn to do the nightshift until 8 AM and his relief, Gabriel, usually didn't come until well after 8:30. It was about 5:40 AM now, which meant he had a little over three more glorious hours left. He had been there since midnight.

He looked outside again, over the multitude of headstones. There were some white headstones, some gray, others fancy and others simple but they all had one thing in common: each headstone always told a unique story.

What an eerie place, he thought. Especially at night…. The only thing separating the light from the darkness were a few dim, flickering lights. Andrew made a mental note to fix the flickering ones later in the week.

It was Thanksgiving and his boss couldn't have picked a more perfect night for him to work. It was Dean's favorite Holiday- he liked it better than his own birthday, Dean had told him once. Thanksgiving meant that Dean could have all the pie he wanted.

After Dean had passed, the thought of college was pushed out of his mind. Losing someone so close took more of a toll on him than he ever imagined it would.

At one point, he had even started drinking. Alcohol drowned out the pain and for a second, he forgot why he was grieving in the first place but that was only for a second. The sadness in the pit of his stomach always came back a few hours later, and with a vengeance.

It had first started with a few drinks here and there or on the weekend, but then it had escalated to drinking daily, multiple times. The alcohol put a strain on his other relationships too. He even started make up excuses as to why he couldn't hang out with his friends anymore.

When his parents found out, they had been angry at first but then concerned. They had never experienced Andrew that way and they didn't know how to handle him.

Andrew himself was in denial, even though he was waking up every day with a hangover and was tired all the time. The last straw was when he woke up one morning in the hospital. His dad had found him that morning nearly choking on his own vomit. It was then that Andrew started feeling ashamed of himself. What would Dean do if he heard that his best friend had almost offed himself? Wasted his life? Literally.

That was three months ago. Since then, his parents had started making him attend support groups. At first he was distant and angry towards them but then he thought of Dean and decided to go. Even if he didn't want to admit it, the therapy had helped immensely. That and the fact his parents took all the alcohol out of the house. On his parent's request, he had even gotten a job working at the graveyard.

He mostly did maintenance work and things like cleaning off the graffiti that the pesky teenagers left. Sometimes he would even have the responsibility of overnight watch, making sure that nobody damaged the graves or vandalized them.

No, it wasn't his dream job but it was ideal for now. It kept him busy and out of trouble. It also gave him some extra money to start college the next year. Plus, after mowing at the graveyard, on a particular hot day, the fresh cut grass reminded him of all the times Dean and him would play a game of lacrosse together. In his head, Andrew had always been the hero of the matches but in reality, it was always Dean who always scored the most goals.

He arched his back, stretching it as best he could against the office chair. A picture of Dean and him caught his eye.

He straightened his posture and reached for the framed picture.

***************FLASHBACK***************

Andrew watched as Dean removed his helmet and ran his hand through his sweat-drenched hair as they walked along the row of dark green lockers. The locker room was dim and bit musky.

Andrew groaned in disgust. "And that is why I keep my hair short…"

Dean glared at him and put his helmet on top of one of the benches. "My hair's not much longer than yours!" Dean smirked. "And I don't think my hair kept us from creaming those bastards. I swear, they didn't even see us coming!" Dean said, sitting on one of the benches to tie his shoe. Andrew didn't miss the wince of pain brought on by the action. Dean had been doing that a lot lately. "There was red, blue and green everywhere! They never saw it coming either."

"Don't forget the yellow too." Andrew too took off his helmet and put it on the ground. "Hey, what's been going on with you man?" Andrew asked. Dean looked up at him, surprised, then went back to tying his right shoe. Andrew had been surprised too: he hadn't expected to ask the question as quickly as he did. "I mean, ever since that trip to the emergency room, you've been different. Something's up. I know it."

Dean sat up straight and looked at him with a brow raised. "I don't know what you're talking about." He shrugged. "I'm the same old Dean."

"Now, don't you lie to me. You collapsed last week at tryouts."

"Dude, I'm okay. It was just a little fall."

Andrew crossed his arms over his chest and scoffed. "Little, huh? We had to call 911, man! What's really going on?"

Andrew watched as Dean put his head in his hands, balancing his elbows on his legs. "Dude, can we not talk about this? You've been drilling me for the past couple days! Can't we just have fun like the good old days before…"

"Before…" Andrew egged. "Before what?"

"Before I had cancer!"

Silence.

Dean couldn't be serious. Only old people got cancer. He couldn't expect Andrew to believe this did he?

Suddenly Andrew started laughing. "Great joke, Dean. I mean, I thought you'd about used all them jokes on me before." Andrew wiped the tears from his eyes. "Cancer… that's a good one… well, not good but I think you get my point." Andrew stopped laughing for a moment and put his arms over his chest and in his best stern voice he said, "Now what's really going on with you?"

Dean scratched the back of his head and shrugged. "Uh…funky town?"

Andrew abruptly stood up straighter and stopped leaning on the lockers. He could feel the blood drain from his face. That was the last thing he ever expected Dean to reveal. "Ah… shit! I'm sorry man," Andrew said panicked, gripping his head. Without meaning to, he had just kicked his friend while he was down. "I thought you were joking and-"

"It's alright, man. Don't worry about it." Dean smiled and scratched his jaw. Then he chuckled. "I guess I do make some pretty inappropriate jokes sometimes..."

"Dean, I-I… if I would've known you were serious I would've never laughed." Andrew said, frantically. "What kind of cancer is it? You're not dying are you? Please don't tell me you're dying…"

"It's Ewing's Sarcoma it's like the second most common bone cancer or whatever. My doc said they caught it before it could really do any real damage. So no, I'm not dying. Well, at least I hope I don't…"

"Okay, well that's a good start. Is there anything you want me to do for you or anything I can get you? My mom makes these really great biscuits and she swears that they'll cure just about anything. I mean not anything I have a feeling they wouldn't cure something like a stomachache or even cancer but-"

"Andrew!"

"Yeah, Dean?"

"Just shut up for a second, okay?" Andrew nodded quickly. "Alls I need from you is for you to treat me normal. Treat me like I don't have cancer at all. When I start that chemo stuff, like my dad did, I'm gunna really need you as a friend more than anything else. That's all I want."

"Well, if that's what you want, I'll try my darndest." Andrew punched Dean in the arm then extended his hand, shrugging. Dean grabbed his hand with a sore arm and smiled. "Now how 'bout you and I go teach those bastards a lesson again?"

Dean grabbed Andrews's neck roughly. "You've got it."

***************END FLASHBACK***************

Suddenly, there was a surge of light. Andrew jumped, then jumped again when the earth rumbled seconds after. He had been so lost in thought that he hadn't even realized that it began to rain. He looked out the window just as a shadow of a figure was passing by. It was probably those dumb kids again or some family member trying to sneak in. Either way, he was going to have to go out in the rain no matter how much he detested storms. There was no way he was getting fired because of some stupid little teenagers who had nothing better to do with their lives.

Andrew snatched his dark blue and orange jacket as well as his flashlight- and a wooden bat just in case he ran into trouble. He took several deep breaths before he even touched the door leading outside.

As he stepped into the darkness, he braced himself against the wind and wrapped his coat around him tighter. It was brutal. The rain slapped his face so hard that he had to turn away from it. He shined the flashlight over the headstones that lined the cracked, light tan pathway in front of him but saw nothing but twigs along the path. He then started making his way to the gate to make sure he hadn't forgotten to lock it. On his way, he could've sworn he had seen someone moving in the bushes, but it turned out to be the wind playing tricks on him.

When he got to the black iron gates, he pulled on it a few times but it didn't budge.

Andrew stared at the entrance gate in confusion and sighed in relief. "Okay Andy, I think you're going crazy... I can't believe you came out here for-" He stopped suddenly when he heard a crack branch from behind him. He whipped his flashlight around. "Hey! I know you're there so just come on out!" he yelled out, hoping the intruder would come clean. He really wanted to get out of this storm.

Suddenly, there was another roar of thunder. Andrew almost crawled out of his skin. His heart felt like it had stopped beating and he felt numb. The figure walked out slowly. Andrew raised his bat ready to defend himself when he heard a familiar voice.

"Relax Andy! It's just me! Put the bat down." Andrew's flashlight quickly went to the intruder's face and the person raised his arm to shield his eyes from the sudden light.

"Gabriel?" Andrew asked, lowering the bat.

Gabriel raised his hands and bowed. "The one and only… and stop shaking would ya? You're giving the male race a bad name. It's just a little rain." Andrew didn't laugh. "Ooh tough crowd…"

"What the hell man! What are you even doing here? Your shift doesn't start for another 3 hours."

"I know, I know. I forgot my phone charger yesterday and I figured it was here." Gabriel put his hands in his pocket and rocked back and forth. He was soaked just like Andrew was. "I tried the back door but then I realized I forgot my key but then there was this little hole under the gate… and ta-da, here I am! You should really fix that by the way…"

"You could've just called. I would've let-" Out of the blue, there was a crack of the branch. Andrew raised his bat just as his flashlight flickered out. "Sonofa…"

"Hm…that's weird…"

Andrew hit the flashlight hoping it would start working again. "Oh yeah, and why's that?"

"I changed those batteries yesterday…"

*S*P*N*

Dear Handsome, November 22

Happy Thanksgiving!

It's been six months since you passed away. It's hard to believe you died in May and it's now November…  
It's been six months since I've heard your voice.  
Six months since I ran my fingers through your thick, dark brown hair.  
Six months since I told you 'I love you' in person. I'm glad you're not in pain anymore but I wish you didn't have to go, leave me.

I really miss hugging you, kissing you and exchanging 'I love yous'. But mostly I miss how I felt when I was around you and how you made me feel when you looked at me. When I was with you I felt… excited and nervous but on top of the world because I knew that you loved me.

But, I think what I miss the most is calling you handsome and hearing you call me beautiful... thinking about it, don't you think we should've picked out better nicknames? Those names are so generic. I can't even remember when we started calling each other that; I guess one day it just happened and it stuck.

I still remember your laugh, what made you tick and how to push your buttons and, you definitely knew how to push mine. I loved how you could always make me laugh.

I'm not going to lie, I felt depressed after you died. I felt like a part of me was missing but then I realized, in a way, that you were still here with me and that filled a lot of the emptiness.

Anyways, everyone's about to start celebrating your favorite day of the year at your mom's house. My mom and I came early to help her. Everyone should start arriving soon if they haven't already. Dean, I love you and I know that I WILL see you again someday... but you know, hopefully not like today or tomorrow or anything… cause that would be really bad… no hard feelings right? :)

Love, Beautiful… Your beautiful.

Lisa closed her laptop before looking around Dean's room. It was sometimes hard to believe he was really gone. She hadn't been here since before their graduation. She half expected him to suddenly pop out from under the bed. But he didn't.

With a sigh and one last glance around the empty room, she grabbed her laptop and carried it down downstairs. She had written a letter every month on her computer to Dean, it helped her remember the important memories.

Ah…Memories. The thing about memories was that they were stuck in the past, like adventures lost in the dust. Of course, memories appeared in dreams but they couldn't physically be relived again. They were just moments paralyzed by time.

When Lisa hit the last step, a wave of sadness washed through her. She took a deep breath to try to hopefully get rid of the feeling and she was immediately hit with the aroma of Thanksgiving. Before she could even recover, her mom was walking up to her with long strides.

"Oh good, you're here. Will you help set the table with Sam?" her mother asked, frantic. Big events always made her mother anxious.

Lisa nodded. "Yeah, sure." She then put her laptop on the coffee table nearby and her mother handed her the silverware. She looked over to Sam, who was placing the napkins to the left of the plates. "Hey Sam, how you been doing?" Lisa asked. It had been a few weeks since she had last seen Sam. He looked a lot better. Not as pale and his hair looked healthier.

"I'm feeling alright. Kinda tired though. Maybe cause I woke up at like 6 o'clock," Sam explained. "I guess I'm more excited for Thanksgiving than I thought…"

Suddenly, Lisa's mom's loud, excited voice made both Lisa and Sam jump. "Daniel! What a surprise! I thought you weren't going to make it. Oh and who's this?" Lisa rolled her eyes, hoping whoever it was, her mom wasn't scaring them. She put the remainder of the silverware on the napkins before her and Sam went to go see what all the commotion was about.

"Daniel, hi, how are you?" Lisa gave him a giant hug. She hadn't seen him since he started school, which was at the end of August.

"I'm doing alright. How are you guys?" he asked quietly in her ear.

"We're doing alright, sad that Dean is gone but were getting though."

"I knew you guys would be alright." He said with a winking. He linked his hand with a blond haired woman with a gray jacket. "Everyone I would like you to meet my girlfriend-"

"Jo?" Sam muttered, squinting his eyes. "Is that you?"

"Wait- you two know each other?" Daniel asked, confused.

Jo gave Daniel a thoughtful smile and turned to Sam. "Hey, Sam. Yeah, we're family friends, actually."

"Shouldn't you be home with your mom?" John asked, coming into the room upon hearing Jo's name. He had just finished carving the turkey. Mary was right behind him.

"Oh, we already had Thanksgiving with her. That's why we said we weren't sure if we were going to make it," Jo responded.

"Well, that was nice of you guys. "John said. "I hope you didn't eat too much."

*S*P*N*

In half an hour, almost every inch of the table had been covered with food and all ten people were sitting around it.

"I think we should all say what were thankful for," Sam chimed in, before everyone dug in. "I'll go first… um I'm thankful that I'm sitting here with all of you guys. This year has been hard for all of us but we pulled through so… it's a true honor to sit with people that are so strong," he finished with. After Sam, everyone went around the table saying what they were thankful for. Finally, it was Lisa's turn.

Lisa thought for a moment then adjusted herself in her seat. "I'm so thankful for getting to know Dean. He made me feel so loved." Lisa cleared her throat to get rid of the knot that was starting to form there. "Um… I'm thankful that I was given the chance to love such a funny and caring man. And I'm also thankful that everyone could make it tonight. Oh, and how could I forget this-"

DING DONG!

"Who is that?" Daniel asked.

"How would I know?" Lisa shrugged, getting up. "I'll get it."

She decided to open the door half way.

"Lisa?" the stranger asked. She couldn't decipher who it was and was a little disturbed that he knew her name. The person had dirt all over his face and clothes. Their hair was also covered with mud. She could tell that it was a guy by how deep the voice was. But that was all.

"Who are you and how do you know who I am?" Lisa asked, unconsciously closing the door more.

The stranger tried to rub some of the dirt from his face but instead just ended up smearing it and giving up. "Lisa, it's me, Andrew."

*S*P*N*

To be continued….

I'm going to go eat. Oh Food Network how I hate you…wow that message was written there along time ago.. currently I'm watching wild and out . ahahha…

***Next chapter Preview:

"Why me?" he whispered to himself.

A voice answered. "I couldn't tell you…" He felt a dip in his bed. "I brought you some food. You want to talk about anything?"

"Do you?" 

"No."

"Then, I don't want to either." He said.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Mary looked behind her towards the door and back to her guests around the table. Mary pushed her chair out from under the table. "I'm going to go see who that is, excuse me." As she got closer, the voice sounded familiar. The chilly wind slapped her as she looked over Lisa's shoulders "Andrew, Is that you?"

"He was just leaving," Lisa said. Mary could hear the bitterness radiating from her voice. Until then, Mary hadn't noticed the tension between the two.

"Hi, Mrs. Winchester. "Andrew nodded, tying to wipe away some dirt off his face.

"I… wow, why are you covered in dirt?" Mary asked, folding her arms over her chest. Of course there was going to be drama on one of her favorite days of the year. "It's Thanksgiving. I mean, you're always welcomed here but aren't you supposed to be eating with your family?"

"It's, uh…it's been a long morning..." Andrew ran a hand over his knuckles. Mary was shocked to see the slight bruising on each knuckle.

"Oh my God… your knuckles… what happened?"

"If I told you, you wouldn't believe me…"

All of a sudden, Lisa cut in, fuming. "She doesn't need to hear your lies."

"Um… why don't you come inside for a moment? You know, get cleaned up." Mary suggested.

Andrew frantically shook his head. "No. What I have to share with you is… is in my car."

Lisa backed away from the door. "I'm not going to stand here and listen to this again."

Both Andrew and Mary watched as she stormed upstairs.

"What was that all about?" Mary asked as she watched Andrew ran his shaky hands through his dirt-caked hair. "Are you alright?"

Andrew looked up at her with a frightened expression. "No…no, I'm not okay- I mean everything is not…okay. I think I just killed him…." Mary kept her mouth closed. Nothing was making sense but she didn't want to interrupt him. "…he's not waking up and I don't know if he's going to and- and I don't even know if I'm seeing things now… everything is so messed up! You need to fix this. Please, fix this," Andrew finished. By this point, tears were running down his face.

"Shhh- shhh-shh. Andrew, calm down," she said placing her hand on his cheek. Andrew leaned into her touch. Something must have really spooked him. "Now, what did you want to show me in your car?"

"I, uh… you'd have to see it for yourself."

"Okay, just let me slip on my shoes and I'll meet you out there."

Andrew only nodded before turning away.

After Mary put on her shoes, she walked into the dining room where the guests were still eating. The conversation was quieter than when she left but there was still conversation.

Everyone looked up at her as she started talking.

"Everything's okay." she said, then paused. She couldn't tell them that Andrew was at the door panicking and saying that he thought he killed someone. "A friend just popped by to give me something… in their car," she quickly filled in. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Anna smirking at her. Mary had always been able to tell when someone was lying even though she was a bad liar herself.

"Do I know this friend?" Anna asked.

"Oh, just someone from college. Uh… John, could you help me with whatever she has in the car? She said there were a few things in the car."

John nodded as he took one more bite of his mashed potatoes.

As John was tying his shoes, he looked up at her. "Are you sure everything alright?"

Mary leaned against the railing, rubbing the goose-bumps off her arm. She had known Andrew for a long time she knew he wouldn't hurt her. But she hadn't seen him in months and now he suddenly was knocking on her door. "I don't know… I just have this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. Andrew was at the door… and he was just saying some weird things."

"You want me to go have a look first?" John asked. He stood up and started to wrap his arms around Mary's waist but she slipped out of his grip with an apologetic look.

Mary smiled, but shook her head. "We'll do it together. I'm sure it's not too serious." Mary said, heading outside with John trailing behind her.

When they got outside, they found Andrew pacing and whispering to himself in front of his Jeep. Andrew was so out of it that he didn't even realize them watching him. By the look of it, he must've been pacing since he came outside.

"Something really did a number on this kid…" John muttered.

Mary glared at him. "John, be nice. He's a good kid."

"Yeah… sure he is." She just rolled her eyes at him.

Mary cleared her throat. Andrew briskly turned his head towards her, not paying any attention to John. "Hey, you said there was something in your car?"

"Uh… yeah- yeah of course." Andrew walked over to his car and slowly opened the passenger seat to reveal a man inside who had his head turned to the side. "He's not waking up… and… and everything's not right!" he said. "Everything's not aright… oh God… what if I put him in a coma, or killed him? Oh God… you need to fix him… just fix him."

John snickered. "Damn kid, calm down." He leaned into Mary's ear. "He looks like he's doing the potty dance..."

"What happened?" Mary asked.

"It was raining. And- and this guy… he was in the graveyard and I thought it was- one of those teenagers… and I just tackled him to the ground. And he started swinging then I swung a few times and then- then he just passed out!" As Andrew was talking, she stepped closer to the stranger. John stopped her.

"Whoa, you sure you don't want me to check it out first?"

"I'll be fine, if anything bad happens, I have the two of you."

Mary walked to the man in the car as John tried to put together Andrews babbling.

She wondered how badly the stranger was hurt for Andrew to think that he had killed the guy. From what Mary could see, there wasn't any blood anywhere. And even though the man was a bit dirty, he wore a black suit. Maybe to show his respects to a loved one.

The man didn't look like his chest was moving so she went to check his pulse. As soon as she touched the man's neck, there was a surge of lightning and the man suddenly jolted awake with a sharp breath. Mary flinched away and stepped back a little, startled, John suddenly at her side.

The man turned to look at her. Mary's heart stopped beating. "… Dean?"

*S*P*N*

Mary wrapped a green blanket around a shivering Dean. Because his clothes were wet, she had made him strip to his boxers. He still looked weak, just like the last time she had seen him. After she had told Andrew to get some rest, promising to come back later, she had managed to get him to the upstairs bathroom without the guests seeing. Mary didn't know what they would think if she told them now. Hell, she didn't even know what to think. Here, was her son who had died six months ago but was now standing in front of her, like nothing had ever happened.

"What's cooking…?" Dean said awkwardly, wrapping the blanket around himself tighter. "Something smells great…. why are all those people downstairs? And what happened to Andrew? He just left so suddenly and-."

"Are you really here?" Mary interrupted, touching his jaw.

"Yeah… I think so…" Dean looked a bit frightened.

Mary withdrew her hand. "Oh my god… I'm so sorry…"

"Are you okay, mom? Why are you looking at me like that?" Dean asked, his right hand crept up to his face. "I mean… is there- is there something on my face?"

"No, Dean-o and yes I'm okay… uh… why don't you go get something to wear?" Mary asked him. "I'll just be downstairs…" She quickly turned around to leave the bathroom when she heard a whisper. Dean had discarded the green blanket and was now staring at himself in the mirror, almost frightened.

"When… how did I get so… so skinny?" Dean asked, touching his ribs. He stuck his stomach out a little, as though he was trying to get rid of them but the movement didn't help. "I really hope this dream turns out good… no need to ruin the perfectly great day I had yesterday… you even made me chocolate chip pancakes…"

"I don't…" Mary whispered. Dean put his hands at either sides of the sink and looked at her through the mirror. "Dean… what happened yesterday?"

"What do you mean 'what happened yesterday?' It was my 18th birthday!" Dean said. "How could you forget? Is this some kind of joke?"

Mary laughed nervously.

Dean narrowed his eyes. "Why are you laughing?"

Mary crossed her arms over her chest, no longer laughing. "Because this isn't a joke. Yesterday wasn't your birthday. It was November 24th… and today is November 25th… Thanksgiving."

This time, Dean turned around to face her. "You know what," he said. "I'm just gunna go back to bed and see if I can't wake up from this terrible nightmare. Right. Now."

"Dean, wait!" Before she could say another word, he was ducking into his room.

*S*P*N*

Dean rested his forehead on his bedroom door. All he wanted to do was sleep.

This had to be the most bizarre, most vivid nightmare he had ever had.

His bones ached and he felt weird. His body, didn't feel good, didn't feel like his own. He felt weak. Almost as if was borrowing his own body. This body looked and felt like it had been pushed to its limits and he didn't like that. He felt sick in this body and he couldn't shake the feeling that this nightmare would only get worse.

"Oh my God… it's really you…" Someone quietly said from behind him.

"Lisa?" he asked, turning around. The only thing lighting the room was his dim lamp. He had expected her to have a disfigured face and bones that were too big for her body but when he saw that she wasn't, he let out a sigh of relief. Instead, she sat perfectly still with her feet crossed on his bed, hugging his pillow and leaning against his headboard. Maybe this wasn't a nightmare after all. As he walked closer to her, he realized that tears were streaking her cheeks. He quickly kneeled in front of her and put his hands on the sides of her neck. "It's okay, it's okay. I'm here. What's wrong? Why are you crying?" he asked, stroking his thumps along her jaw.

"Lisa, hey, what's wrong? Why are you up here while everyone's visiting downstairs?"

"Because. Dean I um- I have this crazy thing to tell you," she said slowly.

"I'm sure it's not as crazy as my night…"

"I'm not so sure…" Lisa said, griping her arms.

"Okay um… well, I woke up in Andrew's Jeep, in this suit that was soaking wet. And when I come into the house, all these people are here in my house eating- and then my mom tells me that it's Thanksgiving, which is crazy! Then she asks me if I'm really me and touches my cheek then I get this knot in my throat for some reason… and then here you are…upset. And I don't know why or even how to make you feel better and it's just," Dean took a breath. "Been a crazy hour. Now, what's wrong with you? Are you hurt? You know whatever it is, you can tell me."

"You don't remember?"

Dean cocked his head to the side. "Remember what?"

"Um… nothing, just what I'm about to tell you isn't going to make any sense uhh…Dean… I'm, uh…"

"You're what?" Dean coaxed.

Lisa moved the pillow she was hugging. "I'm… pregnant."

Dean could almost feel the color draining from his face. He looked at her protruding stomach and withdrew his hands from her neck before he stood up, backing away slowly. The two words kept echoing in his mind. "What… is this some kind of a joke?"

"It's yours, I promise. I'm six, almost seven months pregnant. I'm due in February. The tenth to be-"

"That's bullshit." Dean scoffed. Lisa flinches like he had yelled at her. "We've never had… you know..."

"Had sex?" Dean cringed at how blunt Lisa is. He suddenly noticed that he was still in his underwear. "We… actually did. It was on our anniversary. And a few other times after that…" Lisa scooted towards the edge of the bed and slowly stood up. She took a few steps towards him but Dean found himself taking steps back. "Are you okay?"

"I, uh… I don't know. The last time I saw you, you weren't pregnant and all of a sudden, you are. If what you said happened, then why can't I remember it?"

"I don't know. I don't even know how you're even here right now. You know, I found out that I was pregnant the week after your funeral."

Everything felt like it was in slow motion. Funeral? His funeral? It couldn't be. He was standing in front of Lisa right now. Alive. "My what?"

"Your funeral," Lisa repeated.

Dean looked straight into her eyes. "You would tell me if this was all some big joke, right?" Dean asked. He honestly wasn't sure he wanted to hear the truth. The truth meant that this- this nightmare was his reality. "Right?" When he tried to move away, his back hit the door. Lisa closed the gap in between them. He hadn't even realized how close she was to him. "How did you…?"

Before he could say another word, his face was suddenly inches away from hers. Dean could feel his heart pounding wildly against his chest. Lisa slowly, and gently kissed the side of his mouth. "I promise." she whispered, withdrawing from him.

"No…" All of a sudden, Dean felt cold. He needed her warmth and suddenly wished that he hadn't pushed her away just a second ago.

Lisa nodded, sadly. "Yes."

"But I was- I've been in remission for…" Dean started counting his fingers. "Seven… seven months now... I was doing so good…" Dean put his hands on his ears, hoping to block out everything he was hearing, everything that was happening "Seven…" He whispered, more to himself. "Is this how I got so skinny? I got sick again?"

Lisa silently nodded. "The doctor-"

He put his arms around Lisa and swallowed the heavy knot in his throat. This was just too much.  
"I don't want to hear anymore…" Dean said. He sluggishly went to his bed and lied down on his side, facing away from Lisa. He felt like all the energy had been sucked out of him.

How could something like this happen to him? Why him in the first place? How would people treat him now? These and a million other questions were filling his brain. Everything was all wrong. The cancer had come back, his body had failed him… he had lost his life. But, If everything that was said was true, then he had been given a second chance and cancer free. But how?

"Why me?" he whispered to himself.

A voice answered. "I couldn't tell you…" He felt a dip in his bed. "I brought you some food."

"Thanks mom…" he said, even though he wasn't hungry.

"Everyone left already." She told him. "You've been up here for a while now."

Dean signed. "I figured… did you tell them anything?"

"I had to," she said simply. "You want to talk about anything?"

"Do you?" Dean backfired.

"No," his mom breathed.

"Then, I don't want to either," he answered back.

His mom slowly started smoothing his hair down. It was still damp but he knew she didn't care. Dean wasn't sure he liked the sudden feeling but he didn't want her to stop because Dean knew he needed it as much as she did.

*S*P*N*

I'm honestly and truly sorry about the wait. Life happened so I hopped you enjoyed this chapter. It's a pretty big one. Who saw this coming? Loving all 109 reviews and I really appreciate them! all my mistakes are my own so if you see any. you know what to do.

*** Next chapter Preview:  
Andrew heard the bell ring, signaling someone had just walked in. He finished signing the piece of paper before he looked up. He almost let go of his pen. Andrew scoffed.

"So now you're stalking me at work, huh? I figured it was only a matter of time," Andrew said.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Dean tapped his foot rapidly, gripping his phone tightly.

"Hey, you've reached Andrew, sorry I'm not here to take you call but-"

"No, you're not. Damnit!" Dean groan and threw his phone at the wall. He immediately regretted it when the flip phone instantly split into two.

Dean flopped on his bed in defeat. This day couldn't have started any better. That would have been the 28th time he had tried to call Andrew in the last few days. He just wasn't picking up and it sucked. Dean had tried emailing him, calling him, and even stopping by his house, but Andrew always seemed to be busy with work.

Dean suddenly bolted upright. Work. That was it!

Dean hadn't really been out in public since he had "been back." Dean got up from his bed and started pacing. According to everyone, he was dead. But to him he had never been dead. He couldn't keep hiding in the shadows forever. He had been given a second chance at life and he wasn't going to waste it. It was time for him to get his life back. His best friend back.

Dean quickly grabbed his coat and ran downstairs. He was almost to the front door when his mom stopped him from the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" she asked, as she stirred her coffee, back still towards him. "I heard you screaming upstairs. What's going on?"

Dean had to reframe from rolling his eyes. Ever since he had been back, she had been constantly checking in on him. 'Out,' He wanted to say but instead said, "The cemetery. Andrew's working... I gotta go talk to him."

"But Dean-"

"Relax, mom, nobody's going to see me."

Mary slowly nodded. "Oh… well… okay. Call me when you uh, when you get back, okay?"

"Yup," Dean sighed, leaving.

Once he got outside, he stopped, suddenly feeling guilty. He knew his mom wasn't trying to annoy him or doing it out of spite. Even though Dean didn't feel any different, it didn't mean his mom felt the same way. She had lost him for half a year and then suddenly had him back, he couldn't even picture if something like that happened to someone he loved.

He turned around and opened the front door again. "Look, I'm sorry m-" he started to say. But his mom was no longer there. Dean made a mental note to apologize later.

*S*P*N*

Andrew heard the bell ring, signaling someone had just walked in. He finished reading the piece of paper before he looked up. He almost let go of his pen. He knew it was only a matter of time before Dean would find him.

Andrew scoffed. "So now you're stalking me at work, huh?" Andrew asked, as he moved onto the next document.

Andrew watched as Dean walked over to him. "No, man, I just wanted to know what was going on with you. You've barely spoken a single word to me since the night of the storm." Dean waited for Andrew's answer but never got one and his patience was all about dried up. "Are you okay dude, you look paler than me."

Andrew let out a sharp sigh. "Work. That's what's going on," Andrew snapped, resuming his paperwork. "Look, just because you're suddenly back, doesn't mean the rest of us have to stop our lives."

Andrew tried not to watch as Dean walked towards him.

"What the hell's your problem?" Dean snapped back. "And I never said anyone had to wait on me hand in foot! I never asked for this life! I never choose to come back here." Dean could practically feel his face turning shades of red. "Ever since I've been…been back… you've been avoiding me!"

"Oh so it's all my fault then? Piss off."

"No, I never said that! Listen, I've known you more than a decade now… this isn't you. Please tell me what it is 'cause I don't want to lose you. Things are weird right now… and you're my best friend. "

Andrew looked up at Dean for the first time. Dean was his best friend too.

Dean paused for a second. "Do you know how it feels to just be stuck? Everyone's just so used to living their lives without me and it sucks! Look, I don't know what I did but I'm willing to do whatever it takes for me to fix this. I didn't have a choice in coming back but, hell, now that I'm here, I think we should at least make the best of it."

The truth was, Andrew had missed his best friend. It hurt him that he was making Dean feel like this. It wasn't Dean's fault that Andrew was pushing him away. But Dean wasn't the only one that had been effected by all this. "I didn't go to college because of you." Andrew didn't mean for it to come out sharp but it did.

Dean narrowed his eyes. "How the hell could I have been the reason if I were... you know? Look, if you wanted to go to college then you would've gone. There was no way that I could've stopped you."

Andrew rubbed his face roughly. "Look, man, I was in a bad place when you died. I started… I started hanging out with the wrong kind of people, going to parties… drinking."

Dean's face hardened and he was no longer leaning on the desk. "Excuse me, what was that last part?"

"I started drinking… alcohol," Andrew said again. "Six months ago, I had just lost my best friend and I was just feeling… so small in a world that suddenly felt too big. Going to college meant that I would be leaving Kansas… leaving you behind, and I just couldn't do that… it didn't feel right." Andrew let out a sigh. "You don't know how bad it got Dean… I had to get my stomach pumped and go to rehab and everything. I was on the road to recovery and then you came along and- and I… suddenly felt like drinking again…"

"I had no clue that you had been through all that. Wish I could've been there for you then… But just know that I'm always going to be here for you now, man. I don't think I'm going anywhere anytime soon," Dean said with a smile.

"I think you've done all you can right now, thanks. I didn't drink, don't worry. Been clean for a little bit now." Andrew smirked. He pulled something out of his pocket. "AA chips...I don't think I'll be drinking anytime soon thanks to these, and you."

Dean gave him a questioning look. "Why me? I haven't really done anything yet…"

Andrew tightened his mouth and thought about Dean's question for a little bit. "Because when I wanted to push you away, you wouldn't let me. I believe I owe you an apology. I didn't mean to make you feel bad and I couldn't imagine going through what you did so, I'm sorry."

Dean smirked. "It's okay. Things have been weird around here lately so I understand."

Andrew could feel his chest constricting. Dean wasn't supposed to forgive him that quickly. "But Best friends don't do that to one another you didn't deserve what I did to you these past couple of weeks and that was wrong of me. I understand if you want to ignore me for a little while."

Dean shook his head. "Best friends don't do that to each other…"

Andrew stretched out his hand across the desk, "so, friends?"

Dean looked at his hand for a few seconds then smiled, taking it. He nodded then quickly pulled Andrews hand and engulfed him in a hug. "Don't be dumb, we never stopped being friends. I'm too invested in this friendship to ditch it now."

Andrew leaned on his forearms and smiled. "Man, I think we had the biggest chick moment in the history of… chick moments…"

Dean scratched the back of his head and laughed. "Yeah… that's why this will only be between you and me."

Andrew looked up and pointed somewhere over deans head. "Oh, and the security camera right there in the corner."

They both began to laugh.

*S*P*N*

"Man, it's so chilly outside." John closed the front door behind Mary. "Sorry I didn't clean up down here: I wasn't expecting you today. You should've called."

"Do I ever call before I come over?" Mary stomped her boots on the door mat to get the excess snow off. "It looks great in here, John. What are you talking about?"

"Uh nothing… So did you find any kind of information on Dean's condition? I've been looking online but you can't exactly look up 'how to get teenager memory back after coming back from the dead.' Bobby's got nothing either. There's a spell for getting back memory but we don't want to touch it. A lot of things go wrong in spells."

"John, I was thinking… maybe we should just leave it like that…"

"I thought this was your idea."

"It was but I don't know… the last months were really hard on him. I don't want him to remember… all the pain."

"I think that's fair. I would never want that for Sam and I understand. As long as he's doing okay with no other side effects I can tell Bobby to stop searching."

"That'll be great John, thanks. It really means a lot."

"Is that all you wanted to talk about?" Mary nodded her head slightly. "Sam's not back from school yet. Won't be home till 2 o'clock. So we have an hour if you wanna… you know…" John wiggled his eyebrows in a seductive way. Well tried to be seductive. "You do know, right?" Mary only sighed. "I mean I did the eyebrow thing and everything…"

Mary cut him off before he could go any further with a headshake. "John, I think we should stop seeing each other-"

"Wait, what?" John asked as he narrowed his eyes. He put his hands on his hips. "Where did that… is this about last night? I know I was early a few times but still…"

"No, no, baby!" She reached for his hands. "Last night was great! You're really getting good at dancing."

John blushed then looked confused again. "Oh, then what is it then?" John asked. Mary slowly began to sway back and forth. This only meant one thing: she was nervous. John took a deep breath that sounded more like a groan. "Ah hell… lay it on me."

"I just think…" Mary stopped swaying and put her hands in her pocket. "I uh, think it would freak Dean out if he knew we were dating."

John scratched the back of his head. "I thought he already told you this was okay…"

Mary sighed. "He did, but he doesn't remember that part! Look, he's only been home for a couple of weeks now. He came back from the dead then found out that he's going to be a dad. I just don't want to add more stress to his life. "

"Oh come on," John said, wrapping his arms around her waist. "Our relationship isn't that stressful. Just tell him…"

Mary looked up at him with a smirk. "John, I'm trying to break up with you."

"Like I believe you. Who'd in their right mind would want to leave all this… and before we go further, Imogen was not in her right mind."

Mary smiled but rolled her eyes. "That's horrible, John. I just think it would be better for Dean this way," she said. John wasn't having it. He kept inching closer to her. Mary rolled her eyes and smiled. "Okay fine, we'll just have to tone down on the… affection for now."

"We can't even-"

"Nope. Nothing until Dean gets back on his feet."

"Nothing?" he asked as he leaned even closer to her. "You mean… I can't even kiss you like-" Mary quickly blocked the kiss and John ended up kissing the back of her hand.

"I mean it, John. Nothing."

He pulled his face away from hers, surprised. "Well, if were doing this for Dean then, I'm in."

"Thank you. I know it's going to be difficult for you-"

John let go of Mary and crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against the wall. "Now wait a minute… I can control myself."

Mary, too, crossed her arms. She and John never really got into big arguments and this wasn't one of them. Sure, they had some differences about certain things; but what couple didn't? "Never said you couldn't."

John slowly nodded. "Good… then let's make a bet then."

Mary rolled her eyes at him. "John…"

"You scared then?" he teased, with a smirk.

"Of course not! I just don't want you to…"

"Lose?" John asked, with lifted brows. "Then let's make a bet. Five… no! Ten bucks that I have more self-control than you."

Mary narrowed her eyes. "You know what? Deal! I could use ten bucks anyway."

John only smirked and held his hand out. She took it and he suddenly pulled her closer. He leaned in to her ear. "Deal." Then he let her go. She all of a sudden felt warm despite the cold weather she just came in from.

"Well, I guess I should get going-"

"No, stay for a little while. You just got here."

John grabbed her hand. "I'll make some hot chocolate…"

Mary rolled her eyes and smiled. "Okay."

"You'll stay for a little bit?"

Mary started to peel her jacket off. "Yeah, I'll stay for a bit. 20 minutes."

"25 minutes?"

"22 take it, or leave it."

"Deal." John ran over to the kitchen to start the kettle.

Mary started to take her shoes off when she heard her phone buzzing in her pocket. She quickly took it out hoping that It would be Dean but was surprised to see Deans doctor on the screen instead.

Suddenly her hands started to shake slightly. There was no way anybody knew about Dean's return so why was his doctor calling? She slowly pushed the talk button and cleared her voice.

"H-hello?"

"Mary, hi, this is Dr. Novak. I just wanted to confirm Dean's checkup for tomorrow… uh at noon. I tried to call him but his phone kept going straight to voicemail."

"I…Uh… um," Mary stuttered. She just couldn't find the right words. Dr. Novak was talking like his patient didn't flat line in front of him. Like he hadn't attended Dean's funeral.

"Mary, you still there?"

"Um, yes sorry. We'll be there… thank you"

"Don't forget, noon," the Doctor reminded again.

"I will not forget. I'll see you tomorrow. Bye."

After hanging up, Mary just stared at her phone at confusion. She didn't know how long she had been standing there before she felt John's hands on her shoulders.

"You okay?"

"I… I don't know. That was Dr. Novak. Dean has an appointment tomorrow…"

"An appointment for what?"

"Like blood tests and things like that…"

"Do you think… he knows or something?"

Mary scoffed and put her hand on her forehead. "It sure didn't sound like he knew."

"Does Dean know?"

"I don't think so but I can assure you he's not going to be very happy about the appointment."

"Who's ever happy about an appointment? I know Sam never is. I have to basically drag that kid out by his feet," John said with a smile. Mary was immediately smiling too.

"I have a lot of finger nail scratches along my door."

"Oh that's nothing, I have pieces of my door missing from Sam's hands." Mary began to laugh.

"Now, how about that hot chocolate?"

"You got it, babe."

Mary rolled her eyes but smiled. "You're so full of it." John held out his hand and Mary took it. She was thankful that she had met John and that he could make her smile, even at the worst time

*S*P*N

Sorry for the wait. Life happened. I'll try to post the next chapter soon. Sorry again! Reviews make it easier to update you know… anyways…

***Next chapter Preview:

"I know that, I just… to be honest… it still kind of freaks me out." Dean cringed and rubbed his face. "Oh God, I'm sorry, that came out wrong. What I meant was, that when I saw you last, you weren't pregnant and BAM! Now you are. And it's just… a little weird."


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Dean gawked intently at Lisa's belly as the skin fluttered. Lisa leaned back on the headboard of her bed more and her stomach moved for the second time. He leaned in closer to get a better look. "That has got to be the weirdest thing I've ever seen."

"I was actually out with a few of my friends at the mall when I felt the baby move. I was about 5 months along and the feeling was so bazaar that I literally had to stop walking." Lisa began to laugh. "My friends were worried that I was found into labor or something. At first they were little flutters here and there but then they started picking up and turned into kicks. You should see the baby when I drink ice water. Don't you remember when Anna started kicking around?"

Dean smiled. "I mean, I remember my mom being pregnant and all with Anna but I can't remember her moving so much that I could actually see her… I still can't believe there's a little person in there… our baby…"

Lisa beamed at the way Dean said that. She loved how he had acknowledged the fact that it was their baby. Not that he had ever denied the baby, it just felt good hearing him say it in such an endearing way. "Do you wanna feel?" Lisa asked, starting to pull her light purple shirt up. She had been trying to get him to touch her belly ever since he come back.

Dean shook his head and swiftly put his hands behind his back. "Nope… I don't think…"

Lisa huffed a sigh of annoyance as she started to pull her shirt back down. "Dean, I promise you, you won't hurt the baby. The nurses press harder when I'm at checkups."

"I know that, I just… to be honest… it still kind of freaks me out." Dean cringed and rubbed his face. "Oh God, I'm sorry, that came out wrong. What I meant was, that when I saw you last, you weren't pregnant and BAM! Now you are. And it's just… a little weird."

Lisa rolled her eyes with a scoff. "And that came out so much better… So it's weird for you to touch my stomach, huh? Imagine how I feel! I have a baby moving… inside of me. Look, if you don't want to touch it, then that's fine." Lisa put her hands on both sides of her growing stomach protectively. She gave him a sad smiled. "Oh and... Just remember that you did this to me," Lisa smirked as Dean's face flushed. "It's weird, random people will touch my stomach at stores and places like that without even asking but I can't even get my own boyfriend- the father to this…. our child to do the same."

Lisa watched as Dean's face turned a shade whiter. "I know… I'll touch your stomach sometime soon."

"Do you promise?"

"Promise," Dean answered back. He leaned in to give her a kiss and Lisa wrapped her arms around his middle and buried her head in his chest, listening to his heart beat. She had missed everything about Dean when he was gone. The way he smelled, the little quirks he had and the way he made her feel were just a few things she had missed. She hadn't really been interested romantically in anyone else since he had passed. The first couple of month, her friends tried to set her up with a few of blind dates but Lisa always compared them to Dean. When she found out she was pregnant, it only made her long for Dean more.

Lisa squeezed him tighter and he complained that he couldn't breathe. "Speaking of promises, did you check out that article about Lamaze classes I sent you?"

"Umm… yes?"

"Oh yeah? And what did you think about it?" Lisa said testing him.

"Well… I mean they looked pretty good… it should be very educational… looks pretty exciting. The article was very informational too…"

She rolled her eyes at him. "You're so full of it... so I'm guessing you didn't read the articles did you?

Dean scratched the back of his head and nervously chuckled.

"That's okay, I'll just sign us up tomorrow." Lisa smirked. "Come on, Dean. It's the least you can do, I had morning sickness for months! You know, it was happening so close to the funeral that I thought it was just nerves…" Lisa stopped talking when she felt Dean squirming in her grip. "Sorry about that…I didn't mean to bring that up."

"It's okay…" Dean shrugged and started moving out of her hold.

Lisa dropped her arms and pouted. "You're upset…"

"No, I'm not upset," he said standing up and putting his hands loosely on his hips.

He was.

Lisa tried to take his hand but he moved out of her reach. "Babe, what's on your mind?"

"Nothing is wrong, or on my mind. Can we just stop talking about this?"

She pointed to her stomach. "This? You mean about our baby?"

"No… Lisa, that's not what I meant. I meant about stuff I couldn't remember…"

"Then that includes the baby. You're going to have to talk about this sooner or later Dean."

"Good, then I choose later," Dean snapped.

Lisa narrowed her eyes at him. "Why are you suddenly distant when I try to talk to you about our baby? Do you not think this baby is yours? That I'm lying or something?"

Dean rolled his neck. "No, of course not…"

"You won't even feel the baby kick!"

"It's not about the baby! It freaks me out when all of you guys talk about "my death" like it's no big deal! My mom, you, Booby! You guys talk about me like I'm not even there and it pisses me off." Dean was breathing hard now. "I just need some space."

"Space from us, you mean?" Lisa asked sadly. She'd like to blame Dean for keeping stuff in until he exploded but she knew her hormones were not on her side right now either.

"No… I just…" Dean put his hands on his shoulders to relieve tension. "Everything's so different than what I thought it was and I… I just need to slow down a bit. I need time to process everything that's happened." Dean sat on her bed and put his head in between his hands and slowly rocked back and forth. "Look, I think I need some air… I'll call you tonight, okay?"

Lisa didn't have time to respond before he kissed her on the cheek and quickly walked out of her room.

She rubbed her stomach as the baby continued to kick and smiles. "I'm sorry honey… your dad just needs time to process the thought of you. Don't worry, he still loves you."

*S*P*N*

Mary watched as Dean scurried to get his work boots on. It was weird having Dean around again. The fact that he was walking around again felt like he had never left.

"Sorry to wake you," Dean apologized as he tied his laces.

Mary took a sip of her warm coffee. "Oh, no problem. I was up already. Nursing has had my sleep schedule off for years. So why are you in a hurry?"

"Oh, uh Bobby asked me last night if I could help him with this car he's been working on." Dean quickly slipped on his jacket and put on his gloves. "I was supposed to be there at 7 o'clock… I'm a whole hour late."

"And what time will you be home?" Mary found it odd that Dean was running late. He had always been a morning person since he was little. The only times he wasn't was when he was on chemo and before he was first diagnosed. She was pretty sure the fatigue and soreness were nothing, and that the symptoms were just from his… transition but they could never be too careful. "Did you want me to reschedule that appointment you missed yesterday?" Mary glared. "Word travels fast at the hospital…"

Dean looked up at her as he finished lacing his last shoe, giving her a tight smile. "Oh I bet it does… I was busy yesterday." Dean said. But Mary knew something was up. Dean could never really lie to her.

"I know it might be scary-"

"Mom, please, not now…" Dean groaned with an eye roll. "I'll call on the way to Bobby's, how's that?"

"That's what I like to hear." Mary hugged her warm cup of coffee in her hands. "Did you even have any breakfast yet?"

Dean pulled his black AC/DC beanie out of his jacket pocket and it immediately brought back painful flashbacks for Mary. She leaned against the wall watching him scurry. It was one of his first hats he'd received when he started losing his hair from the chemo. He had been so angry that day that he had stayed in his room for two days straight until she gave him that hat. They never spoke about the hair loss from then on and a few days later she swept the little bits of hair off the bathroom floor that Dean had missed. "I'll be home at like noon… maybe later and I'll just get breakfast with Bobby, I'm not that hungry right now anyways. I have to go. See you later."

"I love you, drive safe," Mary managed before the door slammed. She sighed and locked the door before heading to the kitchen to make herself some breakfast. She decided bacon and eggs would be the perfect for this chilly Saturday morning.

She has just finished cracking the last egg in the skillet when she heard a knock on the door. She looked through the peep hole thinking she'd find Dean but instead found Lisa at the door. She quickly opened it.

"Lisa, hi, come on in. You just missed Dean."

Lisa stepped inside and stomped the snow off her feet. "Oh I know… Dean and I got into a little fight yesterday. I actually came to talk to you." Lisa slowly shrugged. "If that's okay with you?"

"Of course… might I ask, what were you guys fighting about?"

Lisa shrugged. "He just needed some time to think is all."

"Yeah, I wouldn't think anything of it, why don't we move the conversation to the kitchen? I've got some eggs cooking," Mary said leading her into the kitchen.

Lisa slipped off her jacket. "Yeah, sure."

"Would you like some eggs? The bacon is almost ready."

"That sounds great. A pregnant woman will always say yes to food," Lisa said with a laugh before she sat at the table facing Mary.

"So, what did you want to talk to me about?"

Lisa folded her arms so they were perched on her stomach. "It's stupid…"

Mary put a plate of eggs in front of Lisa. "I'm sure it's not. You came all the way over here in the cold. I'm sure it's very important."

Lisa took a bite of her eggs and looked up at Mary. "It's just… um… were you ever scared during you pregnancy?"

"Oh, of course I did." Mary reassured with a smile. "I was scared for a lot of reasons. Like what if something physically happened to them later in life… what they would be like when they were older… who'd they become. Is there something that's bothering you?"

"I mean don't get me wrong, I want this baby and all but this is both the best and the scariest thing that has ever happened to me. The best thing because I have this baby growing inside me that I've never met but I already love. And scary because… what if when the time comes, I'm not a good mom?"

Mary watched as Lisa's shoulders hunched. She shook her head "What? No, you're just nervous… that's all. You're going to be a great mom."

Mary watched as Lisa looked down at her stomach. "How do you know?"

"Because you're asking that question. I'm sure every parent worries about that, I know I did. There may be some bumps in the road but I think as long as you know what matters, then you guys will do just fine."

Lisa looked up from her plate. "You really think so?"

"Oh, I know so," Mary smiled remembering when she was in this position 18, almost 19 years ago. She had had the same worries as Lisa did now and for both Dean and Anna.

"Thanks Mary. With everything that's been going on lately I guess has me stressed. And that and the fact that I don't have any supplies for the baby either…"

"Baby supplies aren't the problem. As long as you have the crib and the car seat, you'll be fine. From experience, the other baby supplies will trickle in from other people. Don't worry." Mary clasped her own hands together. "I'll tell you what, after breakfast, how about you, Anna and I go to that new baby store on Massachusetts Street? Who knows, maybe it will calm your nerves?"

Lisa smiled and let out a sigh of relief. "That would actually… be really great…"

Mary gave Lisa's hands a squeeze before smiling at her.

*S*P*N*

Dean pushed himself from under the car he was fixing. The owner had really done a number on the old mustang when they crashed it into a tree.

Bobby came over with a cup of hot chocolate when Dean sat up. "How're you doing?" Bobby asked.

Dean took a sip and smiled. "The marshmallows are a nice touch. But anyways, I'm not too good… it still needs a lot of work under the hood." Dean set the cup down and rubbed his shoulder, making a mental note to take pain medicine later.

Bobby helped him to his feet. "You feeling okay? Don't think I missed you favoring that shoulder."

Dean smirked as he rolled his shoulders. "Yeah, I guess I need to hit the gym more now."

Bobby laughed. "No kidding. Can't have your noodle arms working on these cars. I'll tell you what, I know it's pretty early but how about you take a break and come back next Tuesday? I'll work underneath, see if I can't help a little and next time you can work under the hood. That way you can get some sleep in."

Dean thought about it for a minute. He was feeling a little tired. "Thanks, Bobby. Wish I could help more. I actually have an appointment on Tuesday."

"Oh? Your mom told me you were supposed to have that last Thursday."

"Yeah but I rescheduled it…" Dean wasn't telling Bobby the whole story. He had actually purposely missed it. Dean didn't want to admit it but he was scared to get the results. He hadn't been feeling as well lately. His body ached and he was still exhausted even when he had gotten enough sleep. In his mind he had never relapsed, nor did he want to think about his cancer. "I was too busy."

"Well okay…" Bobby shrugged. "Do you want to go get something to eat? I have a little time till I'm supposed to meet a… friend."

"Oh who's that? Anyone I know?" Dean wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at Bobby. "Is this a lady friend? You know, a lot can happen in six months."

Bobby only gave him a glare.

"So you're not denying it? Well I guess that's my cue to scoot on out of here. And to answer your question, I think I'll go see Sam. I haven't really talked to him much and I want to know how he's been lately. I'll see you Tuesday after my appointment." Dean gave him a wink. "So you have your lady friend time…"

Bobby only rolled his eyes and walked away towards his house.

Dean waved with a laugh. "Love you too! Thanks for the hot chocolate!"

*S*P*N*

Sam rolled his eyes and watched as Ruby make faces at him through his phone. Ruby won the title of being the most animated friend he had ever had.

"And I swear that's why I hate her."

"I'm pretty sure you hate everyone at our school."

Ruby furrowed her eyebrows in defense. "Not true!"

"Oh yeah," Sam said with an eye roll. "Everyone except for me."

"Well that's up for debate…" Ruby smirked. She ran her hand through her hair "Hey, what do you think about me getting highlights?"

Sam really wished Ruby had more friends that were girls. "I don't know... I guess it would depend on the color…"

Ruby put a finger on her chin thoughtfully for a second. "I was thinking of a fuchsia color…"

Sam cringed. It sounded like a disease. "What the hell kind of color is that? It sounds like a skin disease. Oh, I can't go out with you Sandy, I have fuchsia and it's very contagious. It's not you, it's me."

"Oh God…no Sam, it's not a skin disease. It's an actual color. It's like, you know, red… well it's kind of a dark pink I guess… I can't believe you don't know that color."

"I think you have the impression that I'm one of your "girl" friends. You have to understand that guys essentially see the most basic colors ROY-G-BIV, got it? If I looked at that, I would say red. Hm… fuchsia… I'll have to look that up sometime but anyway, it might be fun to do something spontaneous."

"No Sam, spontaneous would mean if I just got it done without telling you first."

"What about blue? Maybe you'll turn purple. Ha get it? Since your name is Ruby and all..." Sam started to laugh.

"Sam!" Ruby whined. "Why are we even friends?"

Sam was about to open his mouth when he heard the doorbell ring. "Hey, I'll call you back. Someone's at the door and my dad's not home yet. But, we'll talk later. Don't do the highlights yet."

Ruby rolled her eyes smirking. "Relax Samantha, my mom probably wouldn't let me get it anyways...or would she? I guess you'll have to wait and see," Ruby hummed as she hung up.

Sam scooched off his bed as quickly as he could and ran downstairs. He looked through the peep hole and was only able to see the letter AC/DC. There was no doubt it was Dean. Dean used to wear that hat all the time.

He hadn't really talked to Dean since he had been back.

There was another knock. "Come on dude. I know you're right there, I can hear you panting on the other side." Sam rolled his eyes and opened the door. Dean looked well… less sick than the last time he saw him but he still didn't look 100 percent either.

"By the looks of it, I bet if you ran downstairs you would be panting too, jerk!"

"By the looks of what, bitch?" Dean asked. Sam couldn't help but smile as he remembered the first time they had met. He had missed this banter with Dean. "Dude, I'm still better looking than you and I've been in the ground for six months!"

"Jerk," Sam smirked. "What do you want, Dean?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to catch a bite. Ya 'know, catch up a little bit. I feel like I have missed out on a lot of things. "

"Why didn't you call first?"

Dean put his hands in his pocket and rocked back and forth. "I kinda broke my phone recently…"

Sam squinted his eyes at Dean. "Ahhh…. there's the Dean we all know… and don't love. Figures, you had an old flip phone, those things are prone to break."

"Hey now, don't you dis the flip phones. Lasted me five years," Dean protested.

Sam rolled his eyes. "Until you broke it… anyways, I'm pretty sure I can go. Let me just call and ask my dad."

*S*P*N*

Dean sipped slowly at his hot chocolate as Sam did the same with his water. The warm feeling against his throat was perfect for the chilly weather they had recently been having. He couldn't deny that Bobby had the better hot chocolate. Dean tapped on his mug as he thought about how to start the conversation with Sam. A lot had obviously changed. What kind of person would he be if he didn't keep up with his friend's lives?

"Hey, you're not a bald cue ball anymore." Well, that wasn't how Dean wanted to start the conversation.

Dean watched as the water splashed out of Sam's mouth before he began to choke. "Wow, that's a pretty bold statement, don't you think?" Sam asked, coughing. He looked around at the other people in the restaurant, embarrassed.

"I'm pretty sure everyone saw the water practically coming out of your nose, man," Dean laughed and I mean look at you, you have hair now!" Dean said messing up Sam's hair. It wasn't the length it used to be but it was long enough to mess up.

Sam slapped Dean's hand away before grabbing a few paper towel. Dean leaned back in his seat "Come on dude, I've been gone for a while... So, how's life been?"

Sam shrugged, trying to absorb the water off his lap. "I mean it's been alright. Glad I'm going to school again and all but my life's been so busy. With school being on top of appointments it still gets pretty hectic."

"Yeah I get it. But still, I mean look at you man, you have some color on your face!"

"Unlike you…" Sam said light heartedly. Dean gave him a shrug and touched his face subconsciously. He didn't want to admit it but the comment felt like a stab in the heart.

"What can I say? I'm digging the porcelain doll look."

"It's definitely working for you dude," Sam smirked. "But… It looked better on me." Sam too leaned back in his chair. "You know, five or six months ago I never thought I would be here… like literally be alive. I don't know if you remember this but I got a bone marrow transplant from my brother, Adam. But back then, I didn't even want to do the transplant because I was scared of the surgery. How stupid was I? I was having chemo three times a week, feeling like crap all the time and I was freaking scared of an easy surgery…"

Dean huffed a sigh, relieved that the conversation had changed. "I remember Adam but not the surgery part. But think all you want, I've read about bone marrow transplants and that is not an easy surgery. It takes people months to recover and a few years till their fully back to normal. I don't know man, you were freaked out and that's not stupidity! I've been in that position before several times and I think everyone who has had surgery to fix something has at one point or another too. Hell, that was me before my first surgery to remove some of tumor in my hip."

"Well that's expected… that's real surgery, they cut you open. I just had to wait for the marrow to come through an IV while I was laying down and it was going to save my life."

"But you didn't know that at the time. I guess when you're in that kind of position, you don't see the possibilities and you just don't see the finish line."

Sam only shrugged. "I guess I just wasn't looking at the bigger picture. Here Adam was trying to save my life, and I was being rude to him… When he came to town, I was angry. Angry that my dad was forcing me to go through with it and that my younger brother, who I had never met before, was going to be the one who saved my life. I felt like I had no say in anything and I took it out on him. He didn't need that kind of crap but he put up with it anyways."

"Why do you think he did it?" Dean asked, taking another sip of his hot chocolate.

"You know, I have asked myself the same question ever since he agreed and I can't come up with one. I haven't had the chance to ask … and I'm not quite sure if I want to, if I'm being honesty. You know, there was no hesitation when he was asked about it. I mean, if I were put in that position, I think I would've hesitated and that's not something I'm real proud of… I owe Adam an apology." Sam leaned his head on the table still looking at Dean. "I bet it's too late."

Dean patted Sam's shoulder hoping to give him some reassurance. "Nah, it's never too late for an apology."

Sam adjusted himself in his seat a bit sitting up. "So, what's it like being back?"

Dean cracked his fingers and shrugged. "I mean I don't know…It's like I have a giant hole in my brain that is preventing me from remembering the last, don't know… half year of my life. It's just weird… okay bear with me for a second as I try to explain this. So it's kind of like when you're watching a lacrosse game and all of a sudden the nachos your friend was eating all of a sudden falls on your lap and you're just so mad and you look down to clean up the mess but then you hear the crowd roar and your team that you've been rooting for has just made the winning goal but you weren't there to see it and therefore you feel like the shot never happened. You know?" Dean finished, panting. He could've sworn Sam's eyes were twitching.

"Dude, did you even breathe when you were saying that huge run-on sentence?"

"Exactly…" Dean smiled as their waiter brought over there breakfast. He mumbled a thanks before she left as did Sam. He picking up his fork and stabbed a piece of his hash browns and stuffed it in his mouth. "Man these are so good… I feel like I haven't eaten these in like six months!" Dean smiled as he watched Sam cringe. "Too soon? Yeah I thought so too." Dean cleared his throat. "So I forgot to ask, how's Adam doing anyways?"

Sam took a bite of his fluffy chocolate pancakes. "He's doing well. My dad and I just found out like a week ago that he and Imogen are planning to move here the beginning of summer."

"Oh, yeah, you excited?"

"Yeah, I like Adam. I wished we actually grew up together, you know?"

"Aren't you worried that Imogen and you're dad may… you know, get back together?"

"She got back together with her husband." Sam let out a scoff. "But like my dad would ever do that to Mary."

Dean cocked his head. "Why would my mom care?"

Sam looked at Dean as if he had bright lime green hair. "Cause, dude, they've been dating for the past- shoot…" Sam sucked in a sharp breath. "I don't think I was supposed to tell you that… don't look at me, you were the one that told your mom that they should date. You don't remember do you?"

Dean was glad that he didn't have any food in his mouth or they'd be all over Sam right now. "Afraid not…" Dean put his fork down and leaned back in his seat and slowly began to tap on the table as he tried to control his anger. After a few minutes of silence, he looked at Sam and said, "Well, then..."Dean grabbed his fork again and twisted it around his syrup, watching the sickly sweet liquid swirl back and forth. Everyone seemed like they were keeping secrets from him and he didn't like that. He wasn't fragile, sure he hadn't handled the Lisa situation in strides but he could handle news like this… He made a mental note to talk to her later about John.

"Sorry man, you feeling okay? You don't look like you've eaten anything. Guess that wasn't my secret to share."

Dean looked down at his plate and slightly pushed it away. The food was good but he already felt full. "No, Sam. You're good, thanks for telling me. And I guess I'm not 100% yet," he shrugged. "I'm getting a checkup in a few days, Tuesday actually, so don't worry, I'm sure it's nothing serious."

"Well, good thing you ate most of your potatoes. Starch is pretty filling you know. Doctors love when people like us gain as much weight as possible," Sam said with a wink.

Dean shrugged again and started to pick at his nails. His hands even looked boney. Maybe that was why people were treating him so differently, he himself was different. He suddenly felt like a bug under a microscope and like everyone in the restaurant was looking at him. "Yeah, I guess."

*S*P*N*

Doctor appointments sucked. They poked and prodded you and thought it was okay.

Dean hung his keys up as he flopped on his couch. He immediately winced when he did that. He had been poked all day and was just tired. He put his eyes over his head and sighed. He wasn't going to be able to help Bobby now.

It felt like he had been asleep for two sec before someone was attempting to move his arm.

Dean caught a glimpse of Anna swaying red hair. Had it always been that long? "Anna, what are you doing?"

Anna tapped her chin deliberately and hummed. "Bugging you. Don't you know it's my job?" Anna asked as she patted the sides of his face. Dean groaned and didn't move when she then felt her poking his cheek. "Hello? Is anyone home?"

"We'll find a new one." Dean put his arm back and he felt a dip in the couch right by his side.

He could feel her face suddenly close to his. "So how did the appointment go?"

Dean peaked from under his arm and pushed her away a little. "You actually want to know?" Anna quickly nodded. "Well too bad."

"Dean!" Anna whined leaning in towards him more. "I'm serious." Her brother was always such a drag.

"Uh well not much to say. They did some blood tests… took me weight… took some of my bones. Nothing special."

"Did it hurt?"

Dean paused for a second and had to reframe from groaning again. "Well let's see… imagine if I stuck a huge needle in your hip JUST so I could take some of your bone to see if your cancer had spread to anything important. Do you think it would hurt?"

Dean watched as Anna began to turn green and he smiled. "Bet it would… hey, are you feeling okay? Do you have a headache?"

"A bit… you know, I think it began right when you started talking," he smirked. Anna poked his side and told him he wasn't funny. He just laughed. Technically he wasn't lying but the headaches had been more frequent since the night he had come back but never this prominent. Usually, it was a dull pain in the back of his eyes but today it was a hot pain. This one had started as he was driving home and had made his eyes watery, leaving his head feeling heavy as rock. "I think I may go to bed."

"Okay. I'll tell mom when she gets back." Anna got up and offered him a hand which he graciously took. He was feeling a bit dizzy all of a sudden and he didn't want to worry her.

"Thanks, I appreciate it." Dean started his trek up the stairs to his room with Anna a few steps behind. When he asked her about it, she simple put that she didn't want him to fall.

"Is this normal for you to have headaches like that?" she asked as he sat on his bed taking his shoes off.

"I mean every once in a while… not often though."

"Well, get some sleep. I'll be doing some homework."

Dean swung his legs on top of his bed and pulled the covers up. "Yeah, okay…"

"Let me know if you need anything. I'll wake you up tomorrow for you to take me to school okay?"

Dean responded with only a grunt. He shut his eyes tight hoping to alleviate the pain. He was asleep as soon as she turned the light was off.

*S*P*N*

***Next chapter Preview: (from last chapter but I changed it up a bit)

Tears were starting to run down his cheeks.

"I can't stay with you guys," Suddenly there was a surge of light all around them, Dean felt a rush of pain throughout his body.

"I love you guys so much.

*******Ooh scaryyyyy


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Anna ran frantically down the hallway and into her mom's room. Her feet were probably going to have rug marks at how fast she was going. She couldn't believe this was happening again. She frantically shook her mom awake by her shoulders, "Mom, Dean's gone!"

"What…. What do you mean he's gone?" Mary shot upright, hair out of place but sounding more alert than she looked.

Anna started pacing, trying to remember what all had happened that morning. "He promised me a few day ago that he would take me to school today, because you know, Wednesdays are weird days. Last night he went to bed early because of this headache he got after his appointment and I didn't really get to ask again... I mean I said I would wake him up but he only responded with a grunt. Well, this morning, when I went to wake him up, he wasn't there! Like, his bed was completely empty!"

Mary got up out of bed and reached for her phone. "Did you check all around the house?"

"Yes, I checked his room, obviously… um, the kitchen, living room, and the bathrooms, and even outside. It's snowing outside, but his car's still here. I even called Lisa, and she hadn't seen him either. He's just gone! And he doesn't even have a phone on him. Dean didn't even take his snow boots!" Anna started rubbing the side of her neck.

Mary took Anna's hands in her own. "You're going to rub your neck raw. I know you're nervous, but everything is going to be okay. I'll call both Bobby and John and see if they can help. We lost him once; we'll find him again." Mary words were reassuring, but Anna could tell she was anything but reassured. She was practically squeezing the life out of Anna's fingers.

*S*P*N*

Dean didn't know where he was or how long he had been walking for. All he knew was that it was cloudy and cold, and he was walking up a hill that he couldn't stop himself from climbing. It was like he was being possessed, but he was still himself and he could see everything that was going on around him- definitely his most vivid dream he had had in a while.

When he got to the end of the hill, he just stood there. Snow danced all around him, but the cold air that was supposed to nip at him didn't feel cold at all, and neither did he.

He stopped at the top of the hill standing in front of a tall tree. Dean examined it for a moment and saw gold flecks in the cracks. He hadn't been having many dreams lately but he didn't know what this tree was supposed to mean, he had never seen a tree like it before. He went to touch the tree but a voice caught him off guard.

"I've been waiting for you for a long time." Slowly turned around, he was suddenly face to face with his father.

"Dad?" Dean asked, he hadn't had a dream about his father in years.

Trevor was wearing a black and blue flannel shirt and dark jeans. Eerie attire for the eerie situation. He didn't look even the slightest bit cold either. For a moment both parties didn't say anything besides stare at one another.

His dad finally smiled at him. Dean couldn't pinpoint if the gesture was out of grief or bliss. "I'm so glad you're here." His father gave Dean a tight smile and folded his hands across his chest. "Do you remember what I told you?"

Dean slowly shook his head and shrugged. "I don't remember much of anything these days…"

"Here, let me help you remember." Trevor reached out to grab Dean's left wrist and Dean suddenly felt a wave of fatigue run through him.

****FLASHBACK****

Dean opened his eyes to find himself staring at the cloudy sky. Both the weather and his health had been getting worse. His father came into view and asked if he was okay. Dean wordlessly nodded and grabbed his father's hand and was pulled into a standing position. His dad stared long and hard at Dean. "You sure you're ready to walk? I was just talking to you and you were on the floor a second later."

"Yes, I'm not an invalid. I just felt a little light headed, that's all."

Trevor examined his head and Dean couldn't help but roll his eyes and immediately regretted the movement when it caused pain behind his eyes. He rubbed his eyes, hoping to alleviate the pain. "God, I just need to get out of this place. You know, before it kills me."

"Couldn't agree more, but you rubbing those eyes won't help that bruising around your eyes." Dean rubbed his eyes once more. He was just bone deep tired. More tired than he had ever been, even more than when he had been on chemo. He almost wished that he had slept more when he faint- passed out… or whatever. "Now, where's that key?"

"Right here." Dean held up the black key. Looking closely at the symbols on the key, they were unlike anything he had ever seen. "What do all these symbols mean?"

Trevor grabbed it and looked for himself. "Follow me," Trevor said as he led Dean to a large boulder hidden a bit by bushes ahead of them. Even from where he was standing, Dean noticed the same intricate symbols that were on the keys. "I haven't seen that kind of writing since I got here, and I've never seen anything like it before." Trevor and he walked closer to the boulder. "Here's where I woke up at when I first came here." Dean touched the markings in astonishment. The symbols looked like they had been carved by hand one by one. "This key may-AAH!" Trevor hissed sharply, dropping the key.

Dean turned his head towards the cry of pain to see his dad holding his hand to his chest. "Dad?" as his dad looked at his hand, Dean got a glimpse too. The skin was raw and angry. "What happened?"

Trevor pointed to something behind Dean. "That happened…"

Dean turned his head to see what his father was pointing at. The symbols between the boulder exterior were starting to glow with this gold color and there was suddenly a dull chime. "Here's our chance to get out of here, Dean. I need you to pick up that key."

Dean folded his arms over his chest. His hands suddenly hurt upon hearing his dad's request. "I ain't picking that thing up. Did you not just see what that thing did to your hand?"

Trevor stood up and tried to bandage his hand with some leaves. "Yes, I did. But Dean, you have to listen to me when I tell you that picking up that damn key, will be the most important thing you will ever do. It's yours now and you need to get back home." Trevor finally looked Dean straight in the eyes and brought his good hand to Dean's shoulder. "You deserve a life."

"Like you did?" Dean shot back. They both deserved a life.

Trevor gave him a nod without a smile. "Exactly."

Dan was quiet for a moment. "Okay, fine." He touched it with one finger and when it didn't burn, he picked up the whole thing. "So what do I do now?"

Trevor stood up, still holding his injured head. "Let's unlock this bad boy and get the hell out of here. I can't tell you what'll happen, but know that there might have consequences."

Dean shrugged. "Whatever gets us out of here, right?"

"Whatever gets up out of here," Trevor agreed. He pushed Dean a bit toward the glowing rock. "Walk closer to it."

"Yeah, because that's what you want to do," Dean muttered. He took a few steps towards it and the key was suddenly stripped from his grasps- and it stuck to the boulder like a magnet. The symbols' gold hue then slowly started turning black. "That doesn't look good to me…is this what's supposed to happen?"

Trevor rolled his eyes and scoffed. "You think I know? I've been here for-" Suddenly a blinding portal began to open up within the boulder. White nose began to fill their ears. "You ready to do this?" Trevor yelled.

"I don't know." Dean yelled back. The noise had gotten sharper and his ears were beginning to hurt. He put his hands on his ears to shield them a bit. He had kind of grown to like the place and he loved spending time with his dad. But then Dean remembered how bad he had been feeling and thought better on not staying. This place was starting to suck the life out of him, literally.

"You will be, trust me. Do you trust me?" Dean quickly nodded without hesitation. There was never any doubt with his father. Trevor put his hand on his shoulder and Dean did the same thing to Trevor. "Then, we'll go in together."

They then let the portal consume them.

*****END FLASHBACK*****

Trevor let go of Dean's wrist and the fatigue disappeared. "I remember everything now. But, what happened to you?" Dean asked.

Trevor stuck his hands in his pocket. "I'm not entirely sure..."

"Well whatever happened doesn't matter, you're here now! Mom will be so excited to see you again and Anna-"

Trevor put his hand on Dean's shoulder. "I'm sorry."

Dean didn't understand. "You're sorry about what? It wasn't you're fault that you weren't there. They won't care that you were a few weeks… or years late; they'll understand. We can be a family again."

"We never stopped being a family." Trevor gave Dean the same smile that he had given him before. Dean understood which "smile" it was now. "I can't stay."

Dean suddenly felt anger build up at those words. "Can't or won't? You said I deserved a life! Hell, don't you think you deserve one too?" Dean's heart ached as he thought about what would be coming next.

Trevor signed and rocked back and forth for a moment. "Because Dean, It was never truly about setting me free- it was about freeing yourself. To do this, you had to let me go."

Dean narrowed his eyes at his father. "And how do you know I haven't already?"

"Because you're my son." Trevor didn't even hesitate. "The hurt is radiating off of you."

Dean could feel his face getting hot despite the bitterness outside. The truth was he hadn't let his father go. How could he? He felt like he had never gotten the chance to fully say goodbye to him before he had died, and that had stung for all these years. "Okay, how do I let you go without forgetting? 'cause, I don't… I don't want to forget about you."

Trevor gave him a small smile and Dean could've sworn his eyes were watering and red. "Letting me go doesn't mean forgetting about me. It means letting the good memories live and the bad ones die." Trevor pointed to himself with both hands. "I want you to remember me like this. Healthy and full of life."

Dean rubbed the back of his head. "So what, now you're going to disappear again?"

"Afraid so."

Dean rubbed his face a few times. His eyes stung and everything just ached. "Dad, you can't just leave! I won't let you do that. Stay and be here, with us." Dean then whispered, "We need you." Tears were starting to run down his cheeks. "I need you!"

"I can't stay with you guys," Trevor said taking Dean's hand and giving him a long needed embrace. "And it's not because I don't want to. It's time for me to leave for good this time." Suddenly there was a surge of light all around them. Dean felt a rush of pain throughout his body. Dean could feel Trevor trembling against him. "I love you guys so much. What you possess is your freedom. Whenever you need me, just know that I'll always be there."

That was the last thing his father ever told him before everything went black.

*S*P*N*

The smell was what woke Dean up from his deep slumber.

He knew exactly where he was. The place had been his second home for a while now but he would never get used to the overly clean, pungent smell.

He shifted in his bed and his mom came into view. "What am I doing here?" he asked.

His mom's hand was immediately on his forehead. "Good, you're warm. Someone found you passed out in the snow while they were walking their dog. Thank God they called the paramedics. You had us all worried. We didn't know where you had gone to. They said you had a concussion…" Mary trailed taking a seat on the edge of his bed. "You're lucky that's all you had. Dean, you could've got frostbite or been seriously injured or-"His mom stopped and lifted his left arm. "And what is that on your wrist Dean? I swear to God, if you got a tattoo… I will be furious." Mary looked him straight in the eyes like he remembered his dad doing. "What's been going on with you lately?"

Dean ran his hand through his hair and took a deep breath, at lost for word. He looked at the key raised mark on his arm and smiled. It was subtly like it had once been a scar and had faded with years of adventure and memories. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try me," Mary challenged. Dean looked at her for a moment, deciding whether to tell her the whole story.

"I saw dad," he started- reluctantly, but when his mom showed no interest in making fun of him, he continued.

He described the field-like place where he had stayed, and that how time had seemed to stop He said how the tree had sucked the life out of him and how sick he really felt there. He went on to tell her about the key that grew out of his skin, unknown writing on it and what had happened after. He explained the portal and how he didn't remember how he got to the house. He told her about meet his father on a hill and how the snow was blowing around them, but how he didn't feel cold. Dean told her that he had gotten his memory back when there was a surge of energy and how his father disappeared after that.

Dean sighed as he finished up his story. And the room was silent as Dean processed all that had happened recently. His dad and he had been through this unforgettable experience and it was suddenly just over with a flick of the wrist. Dean wouldn't have traded this journey for the world. Suddenly, the reality of the situation then hit him: his dad was really gone.

"I let him go."

Mary only nodded. "What do you mean by you 'let him go'?"

Dean drew his mouth into a thin line and shrugged. "I guess all these years, I had been holding him in, I guess… resenting him for dying in a way. Also being mad at myself for never really getting to say goodbye but this time… I let him go."

Mary didn't miss a beat. "You did the right thing," was all his mom told him, and for that he was grateful. She didn't try to tell him how he should feel or how she knew what he was going through. She didn't pretend to comfort him right now because she knew he didn't want that at the moment.

Dean rubbed both of his arms as they began to feel cold. "Then why does it feel so wrong?"

Mary shifted in her seat. "Sometimes, when we let people go, we feel like we're forgetting about them and that can feel wrong. It doesn't mean that you've forgotten him. By letting him go, you were able to free yourself."

Dean smiled to himself. "That's exactly what he told me." Dean hugged himself tight. "Did you feel like that when you let him go?"

"Yeah, and I also felt empty inside. But I also realized that I didn't have to feel that way because I had you guys, parts of him. Everything was going to be okay and maybe not at that moment but eventually."

"Alright," Dean agreed. He had never thought of it that way. It was true: his dad would always be a part of him. "Thanks, mom."

"Anytime." Mary leaned onto Dean's bed and kissed the top of his head. "So in terms of memory, what do you actually remember?"

"I only remember me being in limbo and thanksgiving and onwards. Before that, it's a blur. From all the talk of before, I think that's a good thing."

"The fact that you remember anything is amazing. Dr. Novak should be coming in soon."

"Are you sure we can be here?" Mary looked at him confused. "You know with all the… rising up from the dead ordeal and all," Dean explained.

"Actually, nobody seems to remember anything about the relapse, so about January. One of the nurses, Rowena actually just asked me if you were still in remission."

"Who?"

"You know, the nurse with the red hair, Dr. Crowley's mother."

"Wait… is that the one dude you went on a date with but said was too quote 'emotional'? What a pansy."

Mary hushed Dean. "Not too loud, Dean! And be nice!"

"But very nice mother, she even brought me gummy bears a few times… they were so good, she had to have done something to them. So, what did you tell her?"

"I told her that you were still in good health." Mary shrugged. "I didn't know what else to say."

"So it was like some of their lives were erased?" Dean asked. Mary shook her head.

"Just the part with you in it," his mom said. "I don't know how this happened…" Mary squeezed Dean's shoulder. "But what I do know is that this is a second chance- and you're going to be okay."

*S*P*N*

***Reviews are very welcomed. Give me ideas! ANYTHING. GETTING TO THE END***

*** Next Chapter Preview:

"Wake up Anna, it's Christmas!" Dean yelled as he shook Anna. "Revenge is sweet huh?"

"Dean, what the hell?! It's 4 o'clock in the Morning!"

"But, it's Christmas," Dean said. Anna had always said that. "Make sure the video camera is charged for later today! You know how mom likes to video tape Christmas morning."

"Get out!"

"Okay fine… I guess I'll go back to bed," Dean sulked.

"I hate you!"

"Love you too!" he yelled from the hallway.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

When Dean arrived home from the hospital a few days after, Lisa was waiting for him on his bed crisscross applesauce. It was like living the night he got back all over again and Dean felt like a deer caught in the headlights. Dean placed his jacket on his desk and looked at her but didn't say anything. Neither did she. She didn't visit him in the hospital because he texted her not to and they hadn't spoken face-to-face since they had their argument, five days earlier. He hadn't called her back the night he said he would nor had he picked up her calls while he was in the hospital. It had been chaotic few days.

He sucked in a sharp breath, cutting through the thick silence but it was Lisa who spoke first but in a somber tone.

"I'm glad you're okay," Lisa told him. She arched her back forward a bit more and it made her stomach look bigger.

Dean nodded. "Me too."

The next moments were spent quietly. Dean didn't know what to say. He couldn't explain himself. He had hurt her, he knew that. Lately, that was all he'd been doing. "So, what happens from here?"

Dean leaned against his door, wishing that there was even more distance between them. "What do you mean?"

Lisa looked down and began to run her hands through his navy blue stripped comforter, not meeting his gaze. "I mean, what happens with us now?"

Dean felt like he had been punched in the gut. He had really hurt her. "Lisa, Listen I-"

She looked back up at him with glossy eyes and Dean felt all the air escape from his body. "No, Dean, you listen. We haven't said a word to each other in almost a week. Do you want to take a break? Is that what this is? I'll give you your space if that's what you want… if it's what you need. This baby doesn't have to be your responsibility, and I'll understand if it's too much for you."

Dean suddenly felt his limbs begin to move, closer to her. "No, that's not at all what I want. I shouldn't have run away like that, even if I still can't remember certain things. That was selfish of me. I know that now. I don't ever want space from you again." Dean was now facing her on the bed sitting just as she was. Tears had now escaped from Lisa's eyes and she furiously wiped them away before Dean could get to them.

Dean found his hands inching up towards her stomach and all the fear that he had been having vanished when he felt the smallest flutter of the baby. Dean smiled, despite the knot forming in his throat and looked right in her eyes, "I want the responsibility of both you and this baby, and I will love him or her just like I've loved you."

Lisa let out a sigh and nodded. "You don't know how good that made me feel. I love you too," Lisa told him. Dean then began to feel the slight movements of Lisa's stomach as she began to giggle despite the tears still running down her face. Dean wondered if tears could instantly change from gloomy to joyful. Dean wrapping his arms further around her and straightened himself up more on his bed so that his head was now resting on her stomach. He felt so tired.

They stayed like that for a while- even when the baby protest by kicking Dean. They didn't speak again till Lisa's tears were dry streaks.

Dean was rubbing circles into Lisa's back when she began to speak. "Do you think Arthur's going to have green eyes, like you?"

"No, I think Olivia's going to have brown eyes," he countered looking up at her. Dean didn't really know what gender he wanted the baby to be but since Lisa had hinted boy in her previous sentence, it was only fair that he would choose the opposite.

Lisa twisted her mouth to the side. "But brown eyes aren't as cute."

"Yours are," Dean quipped before he could stop himself.

"You're so cheesy…"

"I'm not cheesy. It's the truth! With your genes, this baby is set. You're gorgeous," Dean said quietly, leaning in closer.

"You're gorgeous too." Lisa smiled down at him for a moment. "Especially with those green eyes."

"I want to marry you," Dean blurted out. It was then understood that he had lost his filter for the night. He didn't care. He was just excited that they were speaking again.

Lisa stretched her neck to look over at him. "Except we have that small detail of me being pregnant."

"And what if that small detail doesn't bother me?"

Lisa rolled her eyes. "Yeah, right… well since you've only been back for a bit, I'll let you in on a little secret. Dean, I'm 34 weeks pregnant. That's almost full term. I feel like tying my shoes is considered exercising for me. Hell, I can't see my feet most days. And on top of all that, I can't fit into cute clothes anymore."

"That doesn't mean you're not sexy. I'm loving the belly too it's a nice pillow... even if the pillow keeps kicking me in the face."

Dean could feel the slouch that Lisa gave him because her stomach shifted. "And you just ruined it…" She deadpanned.

"What?" Dean dragged as a he sat up with a laugh. "All I'm saying is that you are beautiful when you're pregnant." He looked down towards her stomach. "I love your stomach," then up towards her face. "I love your beautiful face; I love your brown eyes." Dean leaned in for a kiss. "And I love how soft your lips are because I love everything about you."

Lisa kissed him back and Dean felt the furious hot blush spread across his face.

*S*P*N*

Dean's fingers had never sweat so much in their entire life than they were now. One step… two… three and he was standing in front of the door of no return. Dean wiped his hands on his dark jeans and placed his hand on the thick wooden dark green door. He took a deep breath and gave the door a few knocks. If he were lucky, the person on the other side wasn't home and he could just go now. Wait a minute… Dean was never lucky…

He smiled to himself but it faded as quickly as it had popped up when he heard steps.

But these weren't just any regular steps. They were heavy steps. Steps that sounded like they had an agenda and by Dean knocking, the agenda was now ruined. Dean jumped as he felt a sharp puff of air as the door was opened a sliver.

Dean watches as a man with thick glasses-like his own- popped his head out from the heavy wooden door. Sharp eyes looked him up and down for a moment. For a split second, Dean felt like his legs were going to bolt, wished that they would. Just then, the man cleared his throat and with a smile, opened the door wider. Dean sighed in relief. There would be no running today.

"It's good to see you, Dean! I almost didn't recognize you there for a second. Sorry if I scared you. I thought you were telemarketers trying to sell me something." Lisa's father, Max, greeted. Dean breathed out a sigh and hoped it didn't sound shaky. The 6 "4" Ex-marine, who had a beer in his hands with tattoos lacing every arm- was in a good mood. "If you're looking for Lisa, she's not here right now. I'm not sure when she'll be back but you're welcome to come in," Max said opening the door wider and stepping aside. Dean took the offer.

Dean liked Max. He was outgoing and funny but he was also very intimidating at times, and even more so since Dean had gotten Lisa pregnant.

"I actually wanted to talk to you and Amelia," Dean said, taking his jacket off.

Max nodded as he closed the door and lead Dean to the kitchen. "Amelia just made some lemonade. Heads up, it's very sour. Drink at your own risk." Max pointed to the pitcher and called for Amelia. "I had to wash it down with some beer to get the taste out of my mouth. So if you want a bit, don't hesitate to ask."

Dean declined and explained how he was still on pain meds. Max offered him some other juice instead.

Dean took a glass and put his jacket down on the counter. Lemonade had been one of his favorite drinks when he was growing up but he hadn't had lemonade since he had started his treatments, nearly two years ago. Eating anything acidic back then would cause mouth sores for days so Dean had been stuck eating things like pudding, yogurt and oatmeal. Dean cringed at the thought of the mushy foods and took a sip of his lemonade. He shuddered as the drink pinched just under his jaw and his eyes began to water.

Max began to laugh and gripped the back of Dean's neck. Max had done this gesture several times over the last couple of years even when he was still sick. That was the thing, Max didn't treat him like he was fragile and for that, Dean was grateful "I warned you!" Dean began to laugh along with him. "Quick, pour it out before she comes."

Dean went to their sink when he heard Amelia's voice. He stopped and turned around. Max smirked at him. "Dean, it's nice to see you! How have you been? Can I make you anything to eat? You're as skinny as a stick." Dean looked down at his tee- shirt then belt keeping his pant' from falling down and wondered if his clothes hung on him too much. He then pulled up his shirt so his collar bone was hidden a bit more. Dean watched as Amelia's eyes widened "Oh, I'm so sorry. I did not mean for it to come out like that… I truly didn't mean to say that. I'm just so used to saying that to Lisa."

"Don't worry about it. My mom says the same thing," Dean said with a shrug. "I actually just ate."

"Good." Amelia clasped her hands together. "Well, let's go sit in the living room," Amelia said walking away from the kitchen. Both he and Max followed. "So, how have you been?" Amelia asked as Dean took his seat across from them on their cracked black leather coach. The bright pale blue walls did nothing to calm him. "Lisa mentioned that you were in the hospital a few days ago. I hope everything's alright. Are you alright? And is the the cancer at bay?"

Dean took a breath and nodded. No matter how many times people had asked him that over the years, he was never ready. "I've been doing pretty well. Everything's alright and yes, the cancer is at bay. I just hit my head and I had a concussion. I'm fine now though. I actually came here to talk about your daughter."

Amelia nodded. "Okay then."

Dean felt like he suddenly didn't have any control of his body because his legs began to bounce up and down and his fingers were getting clammy again. Dean counted to ten as his heart felt like it was gunna pop out of his chest. "As you know, Lisa and I have been dating for 3 years, almost 4 now. During these years, I have gotten to know the most unique, outgoing and smart woman." Dean leaned forward in his chair and felt like he was going to throw up.

Here goes nothing, he thought. He then went on to tell them about his father and how Lisa had brought him out of depression. He also told them how Lisa had lifted him up when he was going through his treatments. And how she was there for him now when his life seemed so unfamiliar to him. "I know that she is a very important part of your guy's lives and I hope to make her a permanent part of mine…" Dean wiped his hands on his pants again and was suddenly grateful that they were dark. "So… that's why I'm asking to marry your daughter."

Max looked up at him with an expression that Dean couldn't read. Max looked over at Amelia, whose eyes were glassy and then back at Dean. Suddenly Max's eyes crinkled and a smile came next. "Well, it's about damn time." Max stood up and he reached for Dean's hand in one quick stride. Dean let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding. He then reached for Max's hand, suddenly feeling his whole body being lifted up and a pair of strong hands holding him up. He wasn't even sure his feet were touching the ground anymore. "As long as you love our daughter, I don't see any reason why we shouldn't say yes. I would say welcome to the family but, I think you've always been a part of our family for a while now."

Amelia joined them right then.

Dean changed his mind right then and there.

He was the luckiest guy in the world.

*S*P*N*

Sam could practically hear the click of the hand cuffs and he rubbed at his wrist absently. This couldn't be happening. His favorite character shouldn't be going to jail, when the real culprit was still out there. He put the book down on the couch and closed his eyes, spent.

Sam suddenly felt something tickle his face. It felt like hair. Sam knew it wasn't his because his hair wasn't even past his ears yet. Sam opened one eye to see two eyes staring back at him. He pushed the intruder away with both his arms. "Dean, what are you doing and how did you get into my house?"

Dean went over to Sam's socked feet and lifted them up and onto his lap before sitting down himself. "Watcha reading?" Dean asked, completely dodging his question.

Sam held up the book. "Graceland."

Dean's brows inched together. "Graceland… wait- as in my book Graceland?"

Sam shrugged. "Yeah, I hope you don't mind. I borrowed it."

Dean shook his head. "Dude… so not cool."

Sam rolled his eyes and pointed to Dean. "Come on! You weren't even here!"

"Whatever… just take my books why don't you? Oh and you should really lock the door if you're going to be zoned out like that. If it weren't for the fact that your eyes were moving along with the book, I would've thought you were dead. I've been here for a few minutes."

Sam blinked at Dean. "Wow… I had no Idea… so what are you doing here?"

"I just did the craziest thing ever…"

"That doesn't surprise me. What was it?"

"I kind of just asked Lisa's parents if I could marry her."

Sam put his book back down, intrigued. "Holy…"

Dean nodded his head slowly. "Oh, don't I know it."

"Wow… and her dad was okay with it? I met him over Thanksgiving. He seems intimidating…"

"I like him but he can be very intimidating. My hands were completely covered in sweat the whole time. But when it was over, he told me that I had been a part of the family for a while and he had no reason to say no."

"Dude, that sucks. So when's the big date?"

Dean cocked his head. "I haven't decided yet. I do know that I want to propose to her before he baby is due at the beginning of February."

"Well, congratulations man."

"Thanks. So, how are you and that Ruby girl?"

Sam looked at Dean confused and Dean mirrored his expression. "What about her?"

"Come on, you're not dating yet?"

Sam shuttered and stuck his tongue out. "God no! She's my best friend. I would never! I don't like her like that." Dean's eyes moved to something behind Sam's head.

"I remember when I said that about Lisa… well she didn't start off being my best friend but..."

"Dude… just no. And besides, she's into someone else right now."

Dean patted Sam's legs. "Well, you'll find your lucky someone someday."

Sam shrugged with a smirk. "Yeah, I know."

"Oh, that confidence…" Dean raised his eyebrows and Sam smiled again. "Hey, so… it's almost Christmas soon." Dean leaned in so he was closer to Sam. "What're you getting me?"

Sam went back to his book with a smile. "Absolutely nothing."

Dean scoffed and sat back up. "What? Come on man! It's been a tough year; it's the least you can do."

Sam pointed to himself. "What about me? It's been a tough year for me too. I got a freaking bone marrow transplant from a brother that I never even knew existed."

"Oh yeah, speaking of which, how is that going? That stupid cancer isn't giving you trouble is it?"

"Uh well, the docs still say there's nothing there for right now and they're optimistic. And since it was from my brother, there's a lower chance that I'll relapse because we're blood related. But I'm beginning to feel good. I'm starting to eat more things now that I couldn't before. So in turn, I have more energy. I mean, I'm still drinking those disgusting protein shakes but that's an every other day kind of thing now. As opposed to everyday, multiple times a say. And my hairs growing back so that's cool. I wont have to wear hats to stay warm anymore."

"That's what I like to hear!" Sam ignored Dean's attempt for a high five only to be hit in the forehead.

"Very funny," Sam deadpanned, rubbing his forehead. "Why are you even here?"

"Oh come on Sammy, can't a friend bug another friend?" Dean gave him his best puppy dog eyes and ruffled his hair. And Sam let him.

*S*P*N*

Dean felt like he was in a spy movie from the careful way he was walking. He shuffled on the carpet as quietly as he could. He knelt down as close as he could to his victim and moved the mass of red hair from their ear.

He took a deep breath and yelled as loud as he could, feeling his throat burn. "Wake up Anna, it's Christmas!" Dean saw the mess of hair and suddenly Anna's arms were flailing. He felt the burning sting after one of her hands hit him in the nose. He held his nose and felt the drip of liquid. "I guess I deserved that one."

Anna was now sitting up, eyes unfocused but face just as red as her hair. "Dean, what the hell?! Its 4 o'clock in the morning!"

"But it's Christmas," Dean said again with his face down and holding his nose tight. "You used to wake me up like this all the time! Paybacks a bitch now, isn't it?"

Anna pulled the sheets over her head and told him off, hoping his nose was broken. Dean only laughed as he sat up and walked toward the door, wiping the tears from his eyes, wounded but not defeated. "Make sure the video camera is charged for later today! You know how mom likes to video tape Christmas morning."

He had no warning when Anna's pillow hit the back of his head.

"Hey, at least I can use the pillow to mope up this blood. Sweet dreams princess! I think I got a little blood on your carpet. You're welcome."

Anna told him she hated him and he told her he loved her too.

He had a bruised nose that Christmas.

Anna did not apologize.

Christmas morning had been spent at the Braeden's house along with Dean's family and the Winchester's. Even Bobby was invited. It was just like Thanksgiving.

After a huge breakfast of casseroles, they had also opened present.

After presents, Mary spoke.

"I'm glad everyone came. It's been a weird year and to have everyone together like this is just what we all needed." Mary said. "A tradition of our family is to watch a holiday movie after opening presents. We have either A Christmas Story, Miracle on 34th street or Christmas Vacation to choose from."

Dean spoke up just then. "Uh, before we start the movie, I have one other gift for Lisa," he reached under the couch to pull out a wrapped box.

Lisa took the messily wrapped gift and for the first time she didn't shake the box. "What is it?"

"Please Lisa, for once humor me," Dean told her. Lisa ripped the snowman wrapping paper away to reveal a book. She looked at the cover. The letters were gold and the brown leather book was outlined with the same gold flecked paint as the letters.

"Gathering Stories," She read then she touched the cover's letters one by one before opening it. She flipped through the pictures slowly with a look of excitement for each picture, cherishing every detail and it reminded Dean why he loved her. "There's pictures of us on our first date here. I had forgotten that you had pictures. Did you make this?"

Dean nodded. "Sure did. And I'm just putting it out there, I will never do this again."

She rolled her eyes as she flipping through some more pictures.

The room was completely silent as everyone stretched their neck to see each picture.

There were ones of them during Halloween dressed up as pirates. There were pictures of them at school games and Christmas time. There were also pictures of them together as he was receiving chemo, some where he was seeping and one where he was grimacing in pain after a bad case of mouth sores. She looked at those pictures the longest.

"I almost didn't add those in…" Dean added. "But it's part of our story."

Lisa smiled up at him and grabbed his hand. "I'm glad you added them."

Lisa flipped through the album until she got to a blank page. He told her to continue.

She flipped to the end to reveal a square cut out of the pages. She looked at him questioningly and there were whispers in the room.

Dean smiled. "I just want to say that I'm privilege to have you in my life. Uh, when my dad died, my heart had hardened and I had built a shield around it so nothing could infiltrate it, including love. When I met you, you were the first person to bring my guards down, in a good way. You taught me how to love again and showed me that I was capable of being loved after losing someone that had been very close to me."

Dean watched as Lisa's skin paled and he touched her cheek. She was warm despite her pale complexion. "Are you okay?"

Lisa only nodded.

Dean began again. "When I was diagnosed with the same disease that took my father, I was terrified. I just kept thinking, 'why me?' and 'why now,' you know? I was a kid in the beginning of high school, beginning sports and just beginning to get used to the fact that my dad wasn't there. You again dug me out of the hole by loving me. You showed me that I mattered. I don't know what I would have done without you in my life. I made you this book to show you that I love these stories that we made so far and that… I want to make more stories… with you."

Dean pulled out the little dark blue felt box. He kneeled down beside her.

"No way…no way…no. You're not serious…" tears began running down her face. "Oh my God."

Dean opened the small box to reveal a sparkling diamond ring. "Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" he asked.

"Oh my God… you're not joking…" The room was filed with light laughter. "Yes, yes, yes, of course I will marry you!" Dean slipped the ring on the forth finger and pulled Lisa to a standing position.

She placed her hands on his neck and pulled him in for a kiss.

"I love you so much," she told him.

"I love you too," he responded. He looked at her for a moment. Her skin was glowing, her smile was bright and her eyes were mesmerizing. He wanted to remember this moment. Because, this moment was worth remembering forever.

She was worth remembering forever.

*S*P*N*

***Next Chapter preview***

Epilogue

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	26. Chapter 26

**I'm sorry for any mistakes I didn't catch now. I will eventually get them later. **

5 years later

Sam rubbed his nose as he curled further into his pillow. When his nose began to itch more, he finally opened his eyes. It took his eyes a while to adjust, but there, standing in front of him were Dean and his carbon copy son, Ben, both grinning down at him. Sam groaned and shut his eyes again.

"Uncle Sam?" a small voice said. He felt tiny hands trying to shake him awake but he felt the tiredness more.

"Come on Sammy, wake up!" Sam heard Dean say. "Well, I guess it's time for plan B."

Sam only pulls the covers up above his head in response.

"You've given us no choice Sam…"

Sam wished he had been a bit more curious of what plan B was when he felt an ice cold liquid seeping through his sheets and onto his skin. He quickly moved to the other side of the bed to get away from the cold only to fall off the edge.

"WHAT THE HELL, DEAN?!" Sam yelled as he sat up, dripping wet on the floor with his sheets all tangled between his legs. Dean covered Ben's ears and Ben giggled.

"Hey, watch your mouth. If you hadn't noticed, Ben's in here. If he starts repeating those words I swear…" Sam looked over at them confused. "Come on man, there is no way you're wasted. You had like two drinks last night." Sam still looked around the room. He couldn't figure out for the life of him why they were waking him up. Dean raised his eyebrows at him and crossed his arms over his chest.

"What is that look for?"

"Okay, let me re-phrase this. Your name is Sam Winchester. You are 21 years old and you my friend, are definitely not a morning person. By the way, your fiancé is getting here at 10 o'clock and the family reunion starts at 11. Don't forget. Andrew just texted me, some friends want to go out for breakfast soon and wanted to see if you'd like to come. Apparently they didn't get enough partying in last night." Dean shook his head and scoffed. "Wow, people with no kids… and no wife… gotta love them." Dean looked down at Ben and Ben looked up at Dean and Sam watched as Ben playfully slapped his own forehead and laughed. The whole sight would've made Sam laugh if he wasn't already grumpy from being soaked.

"Yeah, I'll go. What time is it?"

Dean looked down at his watch and grinned back up at Sam. "It's 8:37. The ungodly hour." Dean wacked Sam in the arm when Sam began to doze. "Hey, no going back to sleep. You're not supposed to be tired. Get your a- you know what up."

"I'm up," Sam said gingerly, rubbing his arm. "Alright?" He stood up and loosely shrugged. "Happy?"

"Whatever bitch." Dean smirked.

"Bitch!" Ben yelled out. Dean immediately put his hand over Ben's mouth.

"Hey, Slugger, if you never repeat that word again, Daddy will let you have ice-cream today okay?"

Ben looked up at him mischievously. "Ice-cream for… breakfast?" Sam had to hand it to Ben, he was a smart kid.

Dean looked over at Sam who shrugged. "That's what you get for being a jerk." Dean rubbed his face and sighed, defeated.

"Okay, if that's what you want, Daddy will get that for you." Dean began directing Ben and himself out of Sam's room.

Sam ran a hand through his long hair. Watching Ben and Dean leave and wondered how his nephew had gotten so old. One day he was a newborn, then the next, a walking talking five-year-old.

Sam stared at the door out to the hallway as he thought about the many things that had happened over the years.

He had gone into remission after the transplant. A few months later, he had been allowed to reduce his check ups to twice a year.

That was also the year that he had gotten his drivers license.

That's when things began to turn around for Sam. He had felt stuck for so long and was excited to continue his life.

The year prior, when he was 17, his Dad and Mary had finally decided to tie the knot, after three years of dating. It was about time. The wedding had been a small but beautiful event. Only family attended. His dad was the most nervous Sam had ever seen him. Sam guessed it was due to the fact that it was his first marriage.

Mary had been the closest mother figure to him and for that, he was grateful. And having Dean and Anna as step siblings was great. Since Adam had moved down to Kansas with his mom before the wedding, he would hang out with them on a regular basis. They were all one big family and Sam had never been happier.

Sam was chosen to be the best man. That was when Sam had gotten his first haircut since his hair began to grow again. He ran a hand through his long hair. It had grown in a bit curlier at the ends than it had been before he had lost all of it. Sam hadn't minded, at least it grew back. His hair was almost past his shoulders now. He had been too scared to cut it more than a couple of inches at a time still.

After senior year, Sam went to Stanford on a full ride. The only reason he had applied was because they had given him an application waiver. Sam had been ecstatic. His life had been so far off track since the diagnosis that it was nice getting back some sense of normalcy. His dad on the other hand was unconvinced. He understood his father's skepticism. At the time, Sam had only been in remission for a short while and California was a long way away from home. But, getting away from everything that had happened was what Sam wanted. In the end, Sam won the argument with the help of Mary.

Things were finally starting to turn up for Sam and that summer, him and his whole family took a road trip to Stanford. Everyone fell in love with it. That fall, Sam was packing up to go to school in Sunny California. It had been a transition being that far away from home but Sam had slowly adjusted and every year he was there; it had gotten a bit easier. Now he was almost to his senior year.

Sam was shaken out of his trace when his stomach began to growl. Sam rolled his eyes and got ready to take a shower.

*S*P*N*

Sam looked around at the table. His dad, Dean, Ben and Ruby were sitting across from him and Garth and Andrew were sitting next to him in the booth. They were just about finished with their food and were talking.

"Daddy, I want another ice cream," Ben demanded.

"Yeah Daddy, he wants more ice cream." Andrew snickered. Dean glared at him.

"Slugger, you sure?" Dean asked looking at Ben. "You don't want to get sick do you?"

Ben lowered his head in defeat and crossed his arms, pouting. "Yeah I guess not. I'm gunna go to the bathroom."

Since John was the closest to the end of the booth, he took Ben to the restroom. Dean sighed in relief, the whole table laugh.

"Dude, you're a master of child psychology. I bet if you talked to my kids, they suddenly turn into angels." Garth spoke up.

"Ben an angel? Please. You know why Dean calls him slugger right?" Sam asked. The other guy looked confused. "Go ahead. Tell them Dean."

"Oh, great… so when Ben was four, he kept coming home crying and Lisa and I had no clue why. Finally, he told us that a kid kept picking on him. So I told Ben to give the bully a little tap. One day, I went with Ben to the play ground and I saw that he was talking to this blond hair kid on top of the jungle gym. This kid looked like he was about five or six 'cause he was much taller than ben was. So I watch them talk for a bit and then nothing happens so I decide to look at my phone When I look back up, I see the kid fall, hit the slide and landed on his arm. So I run over and this kid is whaling for his dad and Ben goes 'he's always mean to me'."

"Wuss…" Ruby supplied.

"Exactly what I thought. So this kid's dad comes over and we were both like 'what the hell happened!?' and the kid said that Ben had punched him in the face and caused him to fall down. The dad looks at Ben- this dad's like this big biker dude with tattoos on his head- and the dad was like 'you let this little guy beat you?' and the dad apologized and took the kid away. Apparently the fall had broken his arm. I asked Ben later what really happened and he said 'Daddy, I only gave him a little tap…' so that's why we call him slugger. Lisa hates when I call him but oh well."

The table busted out laughing.

Andrew wiped the tears from his eyes before he looked at Sam seriously. "So, Sam, I heard through the grapevine that you're bringing your fiancé to the family reunion."

Sam could feel his face getting hot. "Uh… yeah. We've been dating for two years and are engaged now, I just thought it was time to introduce her to the whole family. She's already met my immediate family."

"And me," Ruby said.

Sam grinned. "Yeah, you count as immediate family."

"That's what I like to hear," Ruby smiled.

Garth laughed. "That should be fun. Watch out for Dean, he's gunna try to embarrass you."

Before Dean could respond, John cut in. "Oh, I think the whole family's gunna pipe in."

Ruby gave John a high five. "Definitely count me in. Sarah's cool. How did you guys meet again?"

Sam grinned and rolled his eyes. "I don't think I have time for that story.

"Oh, come on Sam!" Ruby said giving him the puppy dog eyes. He had almost forgotten that she was the one who taught him that look.

Sam held his hands up in surrender. "Well we met at school. It was my first year and it was her second. So I was a freshman and she was a sophomore."

Dean elbowed him playfully. "Ooo Sammy, have you always liked older ladies?"

***************FLASHBACK***************

Sam pulled some books off the shelf and examined them. The choice was between the books A Guide to Being a Great Lawyer or How to be a Great Lawyer.

Sam looked over at his roommate Kevin and other friend Dorothy, who were sitting at the table nearest him. "Hey, you two planning on hanging out with me today? Busters makes the best coffee."

Kevin cleared his throat. "Look, I know this is your first semester here but its my third so let me be the first to tell you a little secret. Jamie's makes the best coffee here because Busters sucks ass," Kevin said with a smirk. "And sorry, no, remember? Dorothy and I were planning to go donate blood with a group of friends. You sure you don't wanna come hang with us?"

"Was that thing today? I totally forgot." Sam walked over to to them and sat down. He hadn't forgotten and had actually hoped they had forgotten. Previous Leukemia patients could never donate blood. None of his friends even know about his previous health issues.

It had been difficult to keep that big of a secret, but Sam had still managed.

Every so often, the tiredness would catch up with him and he'd be in bed for half the day. When people would ask what was up, he would have to lie and blame it on him being a night owl. He'd sometimes get nose bleeds but the doctors had told him he was okay. He had also had to cancel pans in order to go to a doctor's appointment a few times. "Is this what you Stanford kids like to do on your Saturdays?"

Kevin looked over at Dorothy and he laughed. "Yeah, pretty much. This is what happens when everyone's done with homework, we get bored," Kevin joked. "And come with us! We won't get to see you much before you leave for Winter break."

Dorothy folded her arms across her chest. She was a psych major; she knew when someone was trying to dodge a question. "So are you in?"

Sam immediately declined. "I don't think so."

"Come on! It'll be fun!" Dorothy said. Sam still wasn't giving in. He knew that if he would go, he'd have to fill out all these papers and then get rejected and make up a lie of why he got rejected. He just didn't think it was a good idea.

Kevin shook Sam's shoulder. "Hey, I heard Kate's coming. You know, that blond chick that you liked."

"Peer pressure at its finest," Sam said. "And I never liked Kate. I'm pretty sure she was trying to flirt with you."

Dorothy gave Sam a smirk. "But you know Charlie has my heart." Dorothy smiled warmly. "She always has and she always will."

Kevin piped in. "Well can you at least tell us why?"

"I hate needles, alright?"

Kevin scoffed. "You're such a wimp. So you can get a tattoo but you can't donate blood?"

Sam rubbed the right side of his chest where he had gotten a tattoo the year before when he was 17. The tattoo was of a clock. It was a reminder that he was free of the cancer that had taken up all his time. "Kevin, shut up. I'm not going."

Kevin put his hands up in surrender and Dorothy cleared her voice as she got up. "Well uh… Kevin and I will see you later. And if you do decide to come, were at memorial clinic down on Sunshine lane… what's it called?"

Sam immediately responded. "Waterloo clinic."

"Yeah, that one. How'd you know?"

Sam scratched the back of his neck. It was the clinic he got his regular check ups at. "I did some volunteer work there a few times."

Dorothy nodded her head. "Well the offer's open all day."

Sam waved to them and shook his head. "I doubt it but have fun."

Sam let out a sigh of relief as his friends walked out of the library. They hadn't found out this time.

He hated lying to them but it was just easier that his friends didn't know about his medical history. This was his first year away from home and he was determined to keep his past leukemia experiences from them. It didn't define who he was and he didn't want it rearing its ugly head back in his life. He had left all the illness behind in Kansas. Stanford, California and Law were his life now.

"Why didn't you want to go with them? Donating blood isn't so bad," a girl from behind him said. He didn't even have to turn around to know whose voice it belonged to.

Sam sank down in his chair, hoping she hadn't seen him. Sam had been trying to avoid her since he had met her. Not that she was rude to him or anything but she had a way of subtly getting into Sam's head. He felt like he could tell her everything just for the simple fact that it would just slip out. She was studying to be a Doctor and was going for a psychology minor. Sam started to get up and gather his library books but she stopped him by placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Hi, Sam. Long time no see," the girl put her stuff down and sat by him. "It's almost like you're always avoiding me."

Sam cringed. "Sarah… to what do I owe this pleasure?"

Sarah rolled her eyes but smiled. "You're funny… so were you going to answer my question or…"

"Uh… I don't… I don't like blood," Sam answered.

"Then why did you just tell your friends you hated needles?" She asked.

"I hate both…"

Sarah looked at him for a moment almost as if she was contemplating on pushing for an answer or letting it go. "Kevin said you had a tattoo? What's it of?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all"

"You know that getting blood drawn would hurt less, right?"

Sam gulped. He knew more than anyone else. "I doubt it," he mumbled.

"No, it's actually worse. I would know, I have four tattoos."

"Of what?"

"Apparently nothing." Sam stared at Sarah long and hard and she stared right back.

Sam sat up straighter. "Maybe I have a reason for not donating blood."

"Maybe you have a less lame excuse."

"Whatever." Sam rolled his eyes and began to walk away, library books forgotten. Sarah walked along side of him.

"Is that how you talk to all the girls?"

"No, just you."

"I'd be offended if that was a good comeback."

"Just leave me alone, okay?"

"Not until you tell me."

Sam was beginning to get mad now. Who did this Sarah girl think she was? "I don't owe you anything." Sam gritted.

"So you were lying to your friends then?"

"Look, it doesn't matter."

Sarah still kept up with him, all the way outside. The cool air took the edge off of Sam a bit more. "Well have you traveled in the last 6 months?"

Sam paused before remembering it had been a question on the list for blood donations. "… Yeah I did."

"Oh, where?"

"Africa."

"Where in Africa? I went to Africa last summer too. I just helped out at one of the hospitals there."

Sam was silent for a moment. Of course she had. "We went to a lot of places so…"

"I see… well maybe we went to the same places. Mind telling me a few?" Sarah asked with a smile. She genuinely seemed interested in him. Sam wanted to puke.

"Mind leaving me alone?"

"You didn't really go to Africa did you?"

"I did too! That's why I can't donate blood."

"Do you have some disease that prevents you from donating?" Sam could feel the blood drain from his face at the word disease. "You do, don't you? I'm sorry I had no idea."

"I don't have a disease," Sam snapped.

"You just got really pale, Sam. Like it hit a nerve. Does someone in your family have anything or your friends?"

"No. I… I have to go."

Sarah suddenly slapped her forehead and began talking under her breath. "Oh Sarah… why'd you have to ask? I know what you have."

Sam raised his eye brows and looked over at her. "I don't have anything."

"Yeah, of course." Sarah gently grasped his hand and Sam noticed that her hands were incredibly warm. "Everything makes sense now."

Sam cleared his throat and yanked his hands back. How could she have found out? He had been so careful. There was no way. "It… it does?"

"Yeah, why you don't want to go donate blood and why I always see you at Waterloo clinic. I'm not stalking you, I'm volunteering there."

Sam paled. "Whatever you think you saw; you have to understand that I can't tell my friends about it."

Sarah placed her hand on Sam's back and Sam shrugged away. "If they were really your friends, they would accept you just the way you are."

"I've known them for so long… I can't tell them now, and this late."

"Were you born with it?"

"No, I got it when I was a freshman in high school. It was pretty devastating hearing the word Leukemia."

Now it was Sarah's turn to have the blood rush from her face. "Wait, you're talking about cancer?"

Sam stopped walking. "Yeah… what were you talking about? I thought you knew!" Sam accused.

"You're going to be mad at me but… I… kind of thought you had the HIV. You know, the Human immunodeficiency virus-."

"I know what it means!" Sam's eyes narrowed and he was quiet for a moment. "What?! You thought I had HIV?"

Sarah blushed and shrugged. "Well it made sense but… I guess not?"

Sam felt flush too. "Oh God…"

"I'm so sorry."

"I can't believe that's what you thought I had! Is that what everyone thinks?"

"No, it was an honest mistake on my part. Leukemia makes much better sense. It explains why you look so tired all the time…and the… the clinic visits. Wow..."

"Yeah." Sam put his head in his hands. "Oh God."

"Why would you lie to Kevin and Dorothy in the first place?"

"My past is my past. Why does anyone need to know about it?"

"But they're your friends. So, they won't care."

"Its easy for you or anyone else who hasn't gone through health problems to say that. I've already tried being honest to people before and they freaked out. Disease scares people who think they're invincible." Sam spat. "The point is I was sick for a longtime and to be honest, I just want to live my life now."

"Well, these aren't some high schooner who don't have a clue about anything. These are educated adults."

"Just drop it, okay? I'll tell them when I'm ready."

Sarah shoulders slumped. "What's it been like 5 years- 10?"

Sam looked down at his shoes then back at her. "Uh… more like under two years…"

"Oh…"

"Yeah oh…"

"Well that's not so bad but if you happen to relapse," Sarah started. Sam's mouth automatically turned into a frown. "Which I'm not saying you will or anything. Just know that I'll be there for you. If you want. I'm so sorry. I'm really… bad at inspirational things."

Sam let out a laugh for the first time since they started talking. "You're just like my dad. He's not good at inspirational words either."

"Thanks for that…"

Sam rubbed the back of his neck. "Hey, thanks for the talk and now I think there's something I need to go do."

Sarah grinned. "I hope it all goes well."

"Right." Sam waved and began to leave with a smile on his face.

***************END FLASHBACK***************

Sam took a drink of his water and leaned back in his seat. "I asked her out right after break that year and the rest is history."

"She sounds feisty. I knew there was a reason I liked her," Ruby said.

"Yeah it's really bad. She gives me a good kick if I'm not on track but sometimes I need it."

Sam sat up and stretched. "Well, I've had a great time catching up with you guys. I have to pick up Sarah."

Everyone at the table wished him luck and hugged him before he left.

*S*P*N*

Sam and Sarah sat on the dock facing the lake outside Sam's parent's house, away from the crowd of people that were mingling inside. Sam slapped at a mosquito on his arm and cringed when there was a smear of his own blood on his arm. Sarah had told him once that he had sweet blood. He had began wondering if that statement held some truth to it.

Sam looked up at the star filled sky. This was what he had always liked about Kansas. Where he lived in California, the stars were never as prominent. Sam suddenly wondered where Sarah and he would live one day. He hoped wherever it was, the nights would be just as beautiful as this one.

Sam found Sarah's hand, and Sarah nuzzled into his neck with her head. Sam smiled down at her. "I'm glad you came. I think my family likes you more than they do me."

Sarah let out a laugh. "Oh, you know it's true. I'm glad I came too. You have a great family."

"Thank you. I'm just sorry everyone's so loud."

"I grew up with 6 other siblings. This is no where near as loud as my whole family can get."

"Oh, wow. I bet."

They were both quiet for a moment. Sarah sighed then told Sam she wanted the wedding to be in Kansas and in May.

Sam laughed and told her that could be arranged.

Sarah kissed right under his jaw and Sam felt like all his bones had disappeared as he let out a shutter. "Have I told you I love you today?"

Sam grinned from ear to ear. "I think you might have mentioned it a few times here and there. I love you too, in case I didn't tell you that enough."

Sarah wrapped her arms around his torso and squeezed. "Well, you better love me." Sarah then let go and went back inside to help with dinner and told him not to stay out long before she gave him a peck on the lips.

Sam leaned back on his arms and couldn't help think about all the events that had brought him to this point.

His life had been a journey.

A journey that came with a bumps and scary situations, none the less, but in the end, a great outcome. It had been a long road but in the end, he had survived. His life had been changed for the better. Sam had no idea how it was possible but cancer had been one of the best thing that had happened to him.

Sam was grateful for all the people he had meet over the years that had made him smile. Because of the cancer, he had met Dean and Anna, the mother he never had the chance to know and had discovered his younger brother.

Looking back, he realized that the cancer had made him stronger. It had made him a better person because it taught him that life was a gift. He wasn't allowed to take it for granted because life wasn't given to people by accident. It was given to people that were brave enough to make something out of it.

Cancer had been like a fleck in the sun. Small and unappreciated, but ultimately part of something greater.

Sam let out a sigh and noticed the hand on his shoulder.

Sam cleared his through. "Hey."

"What's up little brother?"

Sam rolled his eyes but laugh. "We aren't even related."

Sam turned around to find Dean smiling. "Brothers don't always have to be blood."

Sam slowly nodded. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

Dean sat down next to him and dangled his legs off the dock too. "So… what are you thinking about?"

"Life," Sam simply said, looking back at the sunset.

"Yeah… life. Can you believe we both made it to this point in our lives? I'm married, with a kid. Married! AND WITH A KID, SAMMY! Like WHAT?"

"Yeah, congratulations Dean. You're domesticated," Sam said.

"Wow so many things have changed. I'm a different person."

"Anna, owes her own business and lives in New York City," Sam piped in.

"Adam joined the military…" Dean rubbed his neck. "Where did the time go?"

Sam smiled. "I have no Idea."

"Come on, Sammy. I thought you were supposed to be smart."

"I am smart."

Dean let out a laugh and stood up, wiping his hands off on his jeans. "You keep telling yourself that. Now how about you come in, dinner's almost ready."

"I would be delighted to, jerk."

"That's the spirit, Bitch." Dean helped Sam up and threw his arm over Sam's shoulders as they began making their way back inside. Back inside where his family was. The people that mattered most in this world.

*S*P*N*

AND WE ARE FINISHED!

26 chapters.

100,000 words.

3 Years.

We see the conclusion of this story.

My reader and reviewers are so nice! I love you guys so much. I couldn't have gotten through this story if it weren't for your encouragements. I know it got very ruff at the end but thanks for sticking and making sure there wasn't a single day I had 0 reads on this story. It just made me feel so loved. And when I had bad days, your guy's reviews were the best. So I absolutely love you guys!

Last, I would LOVE to thank my Beta Readers. All 4 of them! Without them, this story would've never been finished. Everyone go check them out! They are truly amazing people!

So Thank you AGoodOmen, for editing the first part of my story! It was a lot of work and you did a great job.

Zylstra, you are an amazing beta and you taught me how to better edit stories too! I hope you're doing okay!

OfFriendsandFoes and Merthallum the last chapter got finished because of you two so thanks for pushing me to finish.

THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH!

Happy readings! Be on the lookout for the AU to this AU as per requested by SHADOWINTHEKNIGHT.

***AU PREVIEW***

Sam stood up and looked at himself in the mirror. He knew he should've looked away but his eyes had a mind of their own. He needed to do this for himself. He didn't know if he could ever be able to look at himself again. Pretty soon, he wasn't sure if he'd be physically able to.

He didn't miss the sharpness of his shoulders or the fact that he could see almost all of his bottom ribs. He touched his shoulders and winced as he felt the bruises lining his skin.

Sam had lost himself and this was the person who had taken its place.


End file.
